I broke my own promises and this isn’t the first time.
I love my work and am deeply passionate about spreading my idea’s and making a difference in the lives of the women I touch.
Not all love affairs are healthy though.
A few weeks ago I decided I need a week off. Kids were off to Mexico and I like to take time off between E.A.T! classes to recharge my spirit and do the things I love.
Great idea right?
Great idea gone horribly wrong.
In my wisdom I thought that it would be great to have some down time but not focused on relaxing, playing and recharging.
I decided it would be GREAT to take a week off of working with my clients so I could work on all the things I have brewing to benefit my community of followers.
I have so many idea’s, products and classes that I want to launch that a week to be fully focused to marinate in my creative juices sounded like absolute BLISS.
Imagine what I could accomplish with a full 5 days of uninterrupted work.!
This is where my trail of broken promises began.
I KNOW what I need to stay grounded in my life and to feel like my cup is full.
I need to put quality food in my body.
I need to get out and move.
I need to connect and have meaningful conversations.
I need the healing benefits of music and how happy it makes me feel.
I need fresh air on my skin and sunshine on my face.
I also need to get a solid 8 hours of sleep so I can wake up feeling refreshed.
Sounds like a straight forward and easy plan right?
I knew in my gut that I needed real time off.
I love what I do but it is still work and NOT play.
An old gremlin from past life came to visit.
This gremlin lived a life that was fully immersed in work and thrived on doing MORE MORE MORE. I thought I had ditched this unhealthy little gremlin but it was back and more powerfully addictive than ever.
Yes, it is an addiction and as soon as I got a taste for uninterrupted, focused and DRIVEN work I wanted MORE.
Oh yeah baby, I was back and I was IN IT. Totally obsessed and totally manic and NO time distractions and ooooooooh it felt good…
Didn’t matter it was sunny out…
Just 5 more minutes and then I will get outside I said to myself.
3 hours later I watched the darkness fall.
Didn’t matter that I had an endless stream of people I adore wanting to connect with me.
Nope, that would be self indulgent I said to myself, you sit here until you complete what you started and get shit done!
Didn’t matter that I could feel the anxiety buzzing through me and that the more I did, the more I wanted to do.
Just ignore that feeling, I said to myself. It will go away when you are done.
But it didn’t because my to do list just kept getting longer and the feeling of anxiety and buzzing grew bigger.
Didn’t matter that 10 PM rolled around and other than stopping to eat I still had just 5 more minutes and one more thing left to do.
I can sleep in tomorrow, I told myself, since I don’t need to be anywhere at any time.
Didn’t matter that I was waking up at 2am, 3am and 4 am.
I may as well read or check social media and take advantage of being awake I told myself.
HOLY SHIT. For real people. As I am typing this I can’t even believe this was me.
Promises I had made to myself that honour my self care went out the fricken window.
More more more… just 5 more minutes, just one more task.
Suddenly what felt so ooooooh so good now felt OH SO BAD!!!
I am sure you understand what I am talking about. I know you have made promises to yourself that you have broken.
“Tomorrow I promise I will make time for myself”
“Tomorrow I will do something that makes me feel good about myself”
“Tomorrow I will not eat junk food and will treat my body with love and respect”
“Tomorrow I will stop worrying about everyone else and worry about myself”
“Tomorrow I will say NO to other people so I can say YES to me!”
“Tomorrow I will start making real changes to my lifestyle”
It SUCKS when we break promises to ourselves. We feel shameful, discouraged, angry, frustrated, exhausted and defeated.
If we can’t honour, respect and trust ourselves to keep our promises NO ONE else is going to do it for us.
Patterns of behaviour that have been locked down for years DON’T just disappear.
Even with all the work I have done to slow my life down, listen to my body, KNOW what I need and HONOUR this knowing, I still got caught in the loop.
So what is the win?
By day 3 I knew I was in it and I KNEW I was in an unhealthy place. I didn’t like how I felt and I needed to shut that gremlin DOWN!
Day 4 I forced myself to keep a date I had set with a good friend, made it to my workout and to see my Osteopath. I even took myself out for lunch.
Day 5 I stayed in bed. ALL DAY. In part because I was so burnt out my body forced me to stay horizontal and sent me a very clear warning shot. I did manage to clean myself up for a date night and delicious meal out.
Hello body I hear you and have duly noted this kind of B.S. can’t go down in my life or business any more.
The promises we make and break can truly break us. They chip away at who we are, strip our emotions to the bone, create stress and disease inside our bodies and rob us of the most important thing we were put on this earth to do.
Today I challenge all of you to sit down and get honest with yourself. How many lies have you told and do you keep telling yourself?
What can you take action on to start breaking this pattern?
If you have been telling yourself for years that when the time is right you will take care of yourself I am here to tell you that time is NOW.
If you don’t start honouring what you need for YOU no one else will.
The lies won’t stop. The body you are living in is never going to start feeling better and with each additional promise you make and then break you will feel your self esteem and worth slowly being chipped away….. and all at your own hand.
The promises you make to yourself and then keep are the biggest gifts you will ever receive.
You are worth making them and you are worth keeping them.
The last E.A.T! session before summer starts on Wednesday April 9th (yep, that’s tomorrow!!)
I only have 3 spots left AND
If you have been promising yourself to join a class and change your relationship with food and your body perhaps its time to make good on that promise….
Yesterday I kept my promises.
I listened to music on the way to work instead of business / nutrition lectures.
I moved my clients around so I could sneak in my own 30 min workout with a community I love with people I love to connect with.
I had a great nights sleep and was in bed by 10 pm.
I pushed away from my desk and spent some time enjoying the view of the river with the sun on my face EVEN when my gremlin showed back up and kept saying just 5 more minutes and just one more task.
The promise I always keep and never compromise on is my nutrition. This is my cornerstone of self care and regardless of what gremlins resurface NOTHING can chip away at this.
Big wins for me yesterday and I am basking in the victory of each of them.
Promises kept fricken ROCK!
I love learning that I CAN trust myself to keep them, that I CAN have my own back and I can honour the importance of making them in the first place!
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