EPISODE 283: Defining Leadership: What Makes A Great Leader?

Lisa [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the full frontal Living podcast. I'm Lisa Carpenter, master life coach to driven, ambitious humans who want more out of life without having to sacrifice themselves to achieve it. I'll share how it's possible to slow down, take better care of yourself, find more peace and ease, create sustainable energy, stop procrastination and overwhelm and fall in love with your life, your business, and your body. This podcast is for you. If you're ready to learn what it takes to thrive as a high performer, do less but achieve more, make you and your well being a top priority, and create your extraordinary life. I'm so glad you're here. Well, hey, hey. And thanks for joining me for another episode of the full frontal Living podcast.

Lisa [00:00:50]:
Now, the episode you're about to hear is not actually a repurposed episode that I recorded previously. It was an episode that I started recording for a private podcast that I have for a program called reclamation. This is a year long container, and it's currently not open for registration. We are making some tweaks and changes, but inside that program, my clients can submit weekly check in forms where they can ask questions, and then I record it for a private podcast for them. And as I dove into this topic, I realized that this was probably a really great episode that should be out on the full frontal living podcast as well. So instead of just sharing it with my reclamation clients this month, I am sharing this episode that I recorded for them with you. And it's all about leadership and the characteristics that I see in great leaders, things that are important to me within my own leadership, and the things that I help guide my clients in regards to leadership. So I hope you enjoy this episode.

Lisa [00:01:59]:
And so if it starts off and I'm talking about reclamation, you'll know why. If you are interested in learning more about reclamation, what I'll do is have my team put a link to a waitlist in the show notes. I don't have the link, otherwise I'd be telling it to you. So if that's something you're interested in, make sure you check out the show notes for the link and you can get on the waitlist. And when we open it up in the fall, you will be the first to know, because that's what we're doing inside this group is really helping people step into powerful self leadership so that they can really be, you know, the more powerfully you can lead yourself and the more congruence you have between what's going on for you inside versus what's going on outside. Like this is how we need to look at leadership differently. It's not about what's happening out there. It's about what's going on in here.

Lisa [00:02:49]:
And the more you clean up what's going on inside you, the better you're going to show up in your leadership in those external situations. So take a listen. Enjoy. If you're interested in joining us in reclamation, make sure you check the waitlist out, and I will catch you when I'm back from my adventures in Tanzania and Zanzibar and Amsterdam. So if you're not following along on Instagram, make sure you do, and I will catch you on the next episode. I had a question come in today, and I wanted to make sure that I answered it and put it here on the podcast for you because I thought it was a really interesting question. So this question was about the characteristics of leaders, and they wanted my perspective on the characteristics of leaders. And I've been thinking a lot about this topic lately as I'm really redefining my own leadership, redefining the work that I am here to do.

Lisa [00:03:50]:
Because so many of the women and the men that I work with are leaders, whether they are leaders in their own home, whether they are CEO's, whether they are entrepreneurs, CFO's, coos, all the CS, all the c suite people I am working with a lot of leaders. And leadership for so many years has been defined as, you know, leading others. We always think about leaders as leading others. And I'm really talking about how to redefine leadership as the ability to lead ourselves. Because how can we be powerful leaders to others if we are unwilling to really be responsible for leading ourselves? So where this starts is, you know, I look at leaders as people who are going to be responsible for really taking care of themselves. So exercising, eating right, like putting their physical well being at the top of the pile, because if your body is broken, you're not going to have the energy or the vitality or the resilience to play the long game. And, you know, as leaders, we do need to make sure that we are taking care of ourselves. You know, it's kind of like the metaphor that's overused around when the oxygen mass drops down.

Lisa [00:05:11]:
We have to put it on ourselves first before we even put it on anybody else. So leaders need to be able to lead themselves, and they need to be responsible for that. It needs to be a priority. So, and then we need to look at the emotional well being of leadership as well. So really making sure you're taking time for mindfulness, silence, uh, meditation, whatever it looks like for you. I often sit and listen to bilateral beats. I give myself a lot more silent time and journaling, sometimes even for my emotional well being. Sending voxer messages back and forth between some of my best friends is very healing.

Lisa [00:05:55]:
And that's part of my leadership as well, is making sure that I've surrounded myself with other highly aware and conscious women who are committed to doing their work on themselves so that they can support me the way that I support other people. And I think that that's a really big part of the community that I'm growing here is I want you guys to be surrounded by other women that can really support you and hear you and not go into trying to fix you or feeling sorry for you or any of that stuff, like just being able to listen, hold space, acknowledge what you're feeling so that you can talk about the things that are bothering you. So I think that that is a big part of leadership, is making sure that you are surrounded by people who also can support you, who aren't just like yes men. And this is a problem for a lot of leaders because the people that they typically are leading are going to be more yes people. So making sure that you are committed to staying in rooms where you are not always the top dog, that's really important for me in my own personal leadership. If I want to grow as a leader, then it's making sure that I'm also around other people who are playing a bigger game than me. I also think that a really big part of the characteristic of a leader is they really have agency over their own lives. So when I looked at the definition of agency, it's the capacity to influence your own thoughts and behaviors, and I would also say beliefs into that and the faith to handle a wide range of tasks and situations.

Lisa [00:07:36]:
And I think that's a big part of leadership. Again, it goes kind of back to the emotional well being. Like, are you willing to be in relationship with yourself, to ask yourself the hard questions, to have this awareness of how you're moving about the world? And one of the things I've had to watch in my own leadership is, as much as I'm incredibly internally referenced, like, when I want to do something, I'm going to do the thing. One of the things I've also had to become aware of is I'm quite aware of the fact that I also can be very externally referenced, and that can be problematic when I'm moving through things in my life to put other people's voices or opinions above my own. So over this past year and a half, while I've really been navigating a lot of personal things, I drew my circle in really, really tight because I did not want to have that external influence on me. I needed to be able to manage myself. So that's what agency is about, is being able to listen and understand who you are. And I think also being really committed to being in that relationship with yourself so that you are constantly kind of just being curious about what makes you tick.

Lisa [00:08:50]:
That's how I look at it. You know, obviously, responsibility and commitment are massive values of mine. So, you know, I'm always looking at leadership through the lens of responsibility. What can I be responsible for here? And I've had to learn that I don't have to be responsible for everything. And that's also part of great leadership, is putting down the belief that you're responsible for everything. So what are the things that I can be responsible for that I get to look at, but letting go of so many of the things that I just. I shouldn't be responsible for? Because so many of the people that I work with, they really believe that they know better for everybody else. And this year, after.

Lisa [00:09:31]:
After everything I've gone through, I can honestly tell you nobody knows what's best for you, including me. I can ask you questions, we can have deep conversations, we can get super curious about what's going on in your world, but ultimately, only you can make the decisions that you need to make in your life. And it's coming to a place of making that decision because it feels right and true for you. And what is right and true for you today not be what's right and true for you in, um, you know, a year from now or six months from now, it might not even be true for you next week, but it's always coming back to that place of, like, knowing that you have agency over your life. The other thing that is really important to me about leadership is this congruency. So how you're presenting on the outside is who you are on the inside. And this is where my work really comes into play, because so often leaders are presenting one way on the outside, and they're falling apart on the inside. You know, they're not taking care of themselves.

Lisa [00:10:34]:
They're, you know, they're being kind and compassionate to other people, and then they're being so hard on themselves. So there's no perfect way to do this. But, you know, the characteristic for me around good leadership is, is you are that congruent person inside. And out, you're in integrity with how you're living your life versus how you are forward facing. And one of the biggest compliments I get from my clients when I meet them in person is that I am the same person. And if you talk to my team, I am the same person behind the scenes as I am forward facing. I'm not putting on a show in one place and then being something else somewhere else. So obviously, the people close to me and my team are going to be privy to more things that are going on.

Lisa [00:11:18]:
But I strive to be as open and honest about things as I can, sometimes to my detriment, because not everybody deserves or is in a position to for me to share that with. So I've had to learn some discernment around that. And that's also another great characteristic of leadership, is that level of discernment. But that, again, comes back to that agency over your life and knowing yourself. So it's leadership is just, there's so many different layers to it. So then if we go into more kind of characteristics, I would also say compassion. But not just compassion for others, but compassion for self. So if we go back to that place of how can you be a powerfully self led person so that you can be, if you're a better leader to yourself, you're going to be a better leader to others, showing up for yourself with a lot of kindness and compassion.

Lisa [00:12:14]:
So I used to really be hard on myself. That's how I navigated through life. Everything was hard, and I would beat myself up and I would push myself because that's what I learned that I needed in order to get ahead. But ultimately, those are the things that kept me from getting ahead. It was like, with sheer force and determination, I moved through life and was constantly beating myself up. And that's just no way to live, and it's certainly no way to thrive. So if you consider, if you were wanting to lead your children or lead your team, and every single day you're like, you're doing a horrible job and you are a piece of crap, and why can't you get it together? And where did you learn this? And this is horrible. You would destroy your kids, you would destroy your team, nobody would want to work for you, and it would have an incredibly negative impact on your mental well being.

Lisa [00:13:10]:
But so often we don't consider what it is costing us to our own mental well being when we are showing up and being so hard on ourselves. So I think that that is a big part of becoming a great leader, is being able to work from a place of compassion. So knowing when you need to push. So, you know, the way I look at it for myself is knowing when I need to parent myself and say, lisa, like, you need to sit down, and you need to do the thing. I get, you don't really want to do this, and we need to get this done. And knowing when I really need to just say, you know what, Lisa? Like, that is enough. You've done a great job, and it's okay. We can come back to this instead of showing up like the worst boss ever to myself.

Lisa [00:14:01]:
So, nowadays, I've really learned to bring a lot more ease into my life. And, of course, over the past year, because I've had so much going on, I've really allowed my team to steer the ship, and now I'm trying to get back into the driver's seat, and it's taking a lot of effort on my part because that unhealthy drive and ambition. So I still am driven and ambitious, but a lot of my drive and ambition came from a very unhealthy place. It was actually more trauma based than it was like, let's be proud of me and high five me. So now I'm trying to work and move the ship forward from a healthy place, not an unhealthy striving. And I've really had to parent myself. I've really had to say, like, you need to sit down and get this done, Lisa, because I've gotten so used to doing so much less and just really being in the pocket of loving and caring for myself, but also coming to realize that when I show up and do my work and have things that I feel proud of, that is also a way of showing love and respect to myself. So kind, compassionate, courageous leaders ask for help.

Lisa [00:15:13]:
They also go first. I mean, that is really what leaders do. They go first. And I believe that everything I've been given in my life, all the stories I've been given, the experiences, the, you know, the moments that I'm like, wait a minute. Did I really sign up for this? Like, I joke that when I signed my earth contract, I was in the lineup for the, you know, high achievers and overdoers, and I was like, what is the hardest earth assignment you have? Like, bring it to me. Like. Like, I really want the toughest assignment. Let's go do this.

Lisa [00:15:46]:
I swear to God, I got in that line. I should have just stayed in the line where it was like, okay, who wants to be a sheep herder for this lifetime? And, uh, yeah, that's not the line I got in. I got in the line of, like, extreme things. So because of that, the way I've made peace with these things unfolding in my life, the things that I haven't wanted to have happen, that, you know, I really question, you know, if I really did sign up for this, I have to trust and believe that those were given to me because I am here to share what I learn and how I grow and how I move through these things. Because other people don't necessarily have the same personal power that I do. They're not working from the same circumstances that I have or the same situation. So leaders go first. So part of my responsibility around healing myself and taking care of myself is that I'm willing to put myself out there and share my stories and let people see what it really looks like behind the scenes.

Lisa [00:16:51]:
So there's no smoke and mirrors. So that's what I mean about leaders go first. They lead. They show people the way. And that's not always an easy task. And it's not from a place of arrogance or bragalicious. It's not even a word. It's early.

Lisa [00:17:14]:
I've only had one cup of coffee. It's from a place of like, I've done this, and I know that it's possible for you, too. And hopefully seeing what I'm doing in the world and being inspired by it, it's not. None of us are better than the other. And I think that that's also a characteristic of great leaders is they don't put themselves on a pedestal. So, you know, when people meet me, sometimes they're, like, nervous to meet me or they're excited to meet me, and I really quickly, like, get them back in the pocket of like, hey, I'm just a normal person like you. I may have done different things. I may have walked a different path.

Lisa [00:17:49]:
I may be more forward facing on social media, but I'm not going to let you put me on that pedestal, because when we put other people on pedestals, what we're really saying to ourselves is that you're better than me and I'm not good enough or I'm not as good as you. That's what we're unconsciously telling ourselves when we put people on pedestals. And nobody belongs on a pedestal. I don't care who they are. It doesn't matter. And so often when we see people, whether they're movie stars or Instagram famous, it doesn't matter. We come to believe certain things about them, and that's not necessarily going to be the truth. So as much as I try and be transparent, forward facing versus behind the scenes, that congruency is really, really important to me.

Lisa [00:18:36]:
There's even some things that I'm sure that people have been disappointed about me. I don't know what they are, but I'm just guessing that there's got to be some things. So, I mean, I hope that I can be that person that if somebody meets me, they're like, wow, you really, like, live up to the image I had in my head about you, while at the same time recognizing like, oh, you're just like, you're just like me. That's it. So those are what I would consider some characteristics of what I would call good or great leaders. You know, they really, they really put themselves out there. They work from their values. They know what their values are.

Lisa [00:19:21]:
They stay in integrity with those values. They take responsibilities when things go sideways, they admit their shortcomings. I mean, there's just a whole bunch of things they do the hard things that a lot of people aren't willing to do. That's. That's just the truth of it. And that could be having the hard conversations. You know, there's a whole host of things, but that's what I would say is my characteristics or my take on leaders. So I hope that is helpful for you.

Lisa [00:19:59]:
I didn't expect this episode to be so long, but once I started talking, I had a lot to say about this. And I think the truth is we've got a lot of real false leaders out there. I think we've got a lot of people following people that they shouldn't be following or that they haven't really done their due diligence. You know, it's easy to go out there and look like you got your shit together. But true leadership, I believe, is allowing people to see that you don't. But you're willing to go first anyways, because leading yourself and being true to yourself is more important than how other people are going to think and feel about you if they choose to follow along. So there is my take on leadership. So I hope that is helpful for you.

Lisa [00:20:49]:
And as I'm recording this, I was realizing, you know, I was going to put this in my reclamation program, which is a twelve month program that we'll probably start talking about again in the fall of 2024. And inside that program, I have a private podcast that only goes to my one to one clients and my clients who are in the reclamation program. But as I'm recording this, I'm realizing that this is probably a really important conversation to just have forward facing. So I'm making an executive decision in this moment that we're going to put this not only inside the reclamation portal, but we are also going to post it on the full frontal living podcast for August. Because I think many people will benefit from hearing my perspective on leadership and how I work with my clients, because that's really what it comes down to, is creating that congruency so that you are living a life that feels true on the outside and on the inside, so that you know how to make powerful decisions that feel, like I said, the right and the best thing for you, and that you're surrounded by the support to get to a place where you come to know yourself, where, you know, I have clients reach out to me and they say, you know, Lisa, I know what you're going to say, but I'm really interested in hearing your perspective anyways. And this is what I'm thinking, and this is kind of what I'm deciding to do. I mean, I had a client share with me a really massive decision that she had made when I was in Australia, and I was able to just sit there, listen, reflect some things back to her so that she knew that that decision she was making was really the right and best decision from her. It wasn't about me telling her what to do or her getting my permission, what powerful self leadership is, and leadership, it's knowing you can trust and listen to your own voice.

Lisa [00:22:48]:
So leaders learn how to trust themselves. And even when I was recently in Australia and I did this speaking engagement, and I wasn't really sure what I was going to share, and I'm not going to get into that here, but what I said to the ladies in the afternoon when I met them, I'm like, I'm not sure what I'm going to share or how I'm going to share it, but what I do know is that I trust myself with whatever comes out of my mouth. And I knew that I could share in a way that would feel good for me, that would be from a place of being empowered versus being a victim of. And, you know, so that's another kind of characteristic of what happens when you do this work, that deep self trust on a whole new level, where you start to feel, I don't want to say bulletproof, because I don't believe we're ever bulletproof, but with everything that happens in our lives, the more that we can trust ourselves, the easier life gets because we don't second guess ourselves anymore. So if you're someone who can make big decisions in your company or in your role outside or even your role in your home with your kids as a leader, but then when it comes to making decisions for you, you really struggle with that and you struggle with following through. That's where that incongruency lies, and that's where you're not really stepping into having agency of your life. So you're willing to deal with external circumstances and lead there, but you're not being responsible for the internal environment that you are living in. And this is where we have to shift things for leadership, I believe.

Lisa [00:24:27]:
And this is what's going to ultimately change the world when we look at leadership more from an internal state and an internal definition versus being external, external thing we do, it's an internal way we live in our own personal, empowered leadership. So I will leave it at that, because this is, like I said, this was supposed to be a short answer to a question for my ladies inside reclamation. If you are interested in reclamation, we will put, we'll put a link in the show notes where you can get on a waitlist for when we open registration for that program. We're just kind of cleaning some things up right now, and hopefully it will be ready in the fall. We just want to make sure that we're making it a really great experience. So right now, the women that are in it, it's closed container and we will open it up again in the fall. So I'll put a link for, in the show notes for the waitlist for that. If you're interested in learning more details, I am off on a flight now.

Lisa [00:25:31]:
Tomorrow for my next adventure, I am going to Amsterdam, Tanzania for safari and then Zanzibar to park my butt on a beautiful white, sandy beach with aqua blue water, which, if you know anything about me, is like my most favorite, favorite thing to do in the world. So if you are wanting to follow along, make sure you're on Instagram. I'm going to be sharing everything there. And thank you for being here. So I will catch you all on the other side. So if you were confused with how this podcast started and where we ended, this is why. All right, have a great day, and I will catch you on the next episode.