EPISODE 311: ENCORE It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:27:14
Lisa
Welcome to the Full Frontal Living Podcast. I'm Lisa Carpenter, master life Coach, two driven, ambitious humans who want more out of life without having to sacrifice themselves to achieve it. I'll share how it's possible to slow down, take better care of yourself, find more peace and ease, pressure to sustainable energy, stop procrastination and overwhelm and fall in love with your life, your business, and your body.

00:00:27:16 - 00:00:44:15
Lisa
This podcast is for you. If you're ready to learn what it takes to thrive as a high performer, do less but achieve more. Make you and your well-being a top priority and create your extraordinaire free life. I'm so glad you're here.

00:00:44:15 - 00:01:03:22
Lisa
Well, hey, thanks for tuning into another episode of the Living Podcast. Been a while since I've recorded an episode from my car since returning from Vegas. And yes, I will be doing a full show recap.

00:01:03:24 - 00:01:32:08
Lisa
But since returning from Vegas, I've had a lot to say and at the same time, nothing to say. And the title of this podcast is It's Okay to Not Be Okay. And at the same time, we're all going to be okay. So what do I mean by this? Regardless of where you are in the world, there's been a lot happening.

00:01:32:11 - 00:02:03:01
Lisa
I don't care what side of the aisle you're on and care what choices you're making. Your choices are your own. Each of us are sovereign being. What this episode is about, though, is how much we have all been navigating and how long we've been navigating it for. As you may or may not even realize the impact that this is having on you at a much deeper level.

00:02:03:03 - 00:02:31:18
Lisa
Because I know that all of the men and women that I work with have something in common. They are masked or at just putting their heads down and getting it done, because there's really no point in sitting around having a temper tantrum. We're drowning in our tears. We just have to do what we have to do to get through another day, right?

00:02:31:19 - 00:03:13:06
Lisa
To accomplish the things we want to accomplish. And listen, I am a big believer in doing. I love school. I love ambition. I love drive. I love all of those things. I celebrate those qualities and the people that I work with. But one of the things that I've learned over the years and why I'm so passionate about this work is finding that place, that intersection between acknowledging what we're feeling, We can actually getting real with ourselves about what we're feeling and understanding that we can't just drown in it.

00:03:13:09 - 00:03:52:06
Lisa
But here's where it gets a little bit complicated is so many of you think you're dealing, you know, air quotes, dealing with your emotion when in fact you're totally stuck in them because you're telling yourself you're fine, but you're not fine. You're not okay. And I know that because I've also fallen into that. I've had to take some really big steps back, get radically self-reflective and radically honest with myself about what is going on for me.

00:03:52:08 - 00:04:22:07
Lisa
So am I okay? Absolutely. Will I be okay? Yes. Am I not okay at the same time? 100%. So how do you know when you're trapped in your emotions? You find yourself in behaviors that don't serve you. Like you're spinning in fear and worry. Or you're constantly putting yourself wait for it in a state of gratitude. Now, don't get me wrong.

00:04:22:12 - 00:05:13:06
Lisa
I'm all for gratitude. It's a great place to live. But gratitude can also be a very, very powerful way to step over the sadness, the grief, the frustration, the anger, the exhaustion that you're feeling as a way to help yourself feel better. But the problem with that is, if you don't actually acknowledge all of those feelings, no amount of gratitude in the long run is going to make you feel better because all those things under the surface that are making you not really feel okay, or if you're trying to pretend that you're okay, not acknowledging those emotions are going to continue to keep you trapped and you're going to start to see that come out

00:05:13:06 - 00:05:41:27
Lisa
in your physical health, your emotional health. You might find yourself all of a sudden reacting to other people, getting into arguments, snapping right. That like quick, quick snap at people feeling frustrated with other people instead of actually turning the finger around and pointing it back at yourself and saying, wait a minute, now, what about the other people? What is going on for me?

00:05:42:00 - 00:06:06:20
Lisa
You might also be finding yourself caught in overdoing. So putting your head down and just getting stuffed up. And again, like one of the things that I've really realized for myself is my work is very nurturing and very healing. I truly, truly love what I do, but I have a tagline that is, I love what you do but love yourself more.

00:06:06:22 - 00:06:45:13
Lisa
If I'm overworking, I am in avoidance of what I'm feeling. So again, it's that line of when it no longer is nurturing and now it becomes nothing. We see this with exercise. So many people use exercise as a way to manage their stress, but exercise is stressful on the body. So there again, it's a fine line between where you've gotten into nourishing your body versus now you're into actually, you know, creating harm for your body.

00:06:45:16 - 00:07:09:25
Lisa
That's not the right word. That's not the word I want to use. But again, it's like that nurturing. Is this nurturing or has this now become numbing? Right. Which is it? Only you can take a step back and look at whether or not you are in a place of numbing out what you're feeling or in a place of nurturing yourself.

00:07:09:27 - 00:07:39:08
Lisa
And this is why, you know, and I don't want to get into the whole, you know, what's your take on this? But when we hear stories of healthy people who are getting really, really sick, we have no context around what is going on in that individual person's life. Because I can tell you that as a really healthy person, then I've always lived my life with this, you know, health and wellness kind of lifestyle.

00:07:39:10 - 00:08:07:10
Lisa
There was a period of time in my life where, although I looked healthy, I was doing all the healthy things. I was so in this state of overdoing, overdoing in my work, constantly being busy, juggling all the balls, I was so trapped in my emotions without realizing it. I ended up in a place of adrenal fatigue. So even though everybody looked at me like I was a super healthy person, I in fact was not emotionally well.

00:08:07:10 - 00:08:36:17
Lisa
And I didn't even recognize I didn't recognize that I was trapped in all these numbing behaviors. So when we hear about a healthy person getting really sick again, there are so many healthy people that aren't actually healthy because so many of you are walking around telling yourself you're okay when you're not okay. So here I have gratitude, but we have to look at.

00:08:36:19 - 00:09:06:12
Lisa
Right? Like, what I'm challenging you to do is look at your life. What isn't working? Are you constantly in a state of overwhelm? Are you constantly in a state of overdoing? Do you find yourself spending hours scrolling social media, reading all the things, watching all the things over, exercising, overeating? There are a million ways we numb out. Are you getting into passive aggressive behaviors?

00:09:06:14 - 00:09:31:08
Lisa
Are you finding yourself saying yes when you really want to say no? Are you not speaking your truth? Are you not saying what's on your heart because you're afraid somebody is going to get angry with you or they're not going to like you? Or are you going to be tossed out of the tribe? Are you spending your money like you have money?

00:09:31:08 - 00:10:02:21
Lisa
And maybe you don't. Right. But what are you what are your spending habits? Are you ordering a bunch of shit off of Amazon that you don't need? Are you getting enough rest? Are you finding that you are burning the candle at both ends? What are you doing to support your emotional well being right now? Because emotional resiliency isn't about just putting your head down and pushing through.

00:10:02:28 - 00:10:37:17
Lisa
And let me tell you, I had to really get honest with myself last week because I was really in that energy of like, screw all of you. I'm just going to go and do X, Y, and Z and you know that real like, I'll show you energy, which wasn't coming from a healthy place, right? That I show. I'll show you energy shows up for me when I'm really sad, when I'm really sad and when I feel this loss of control.

00:10:37:20 - 00:11:02:24
Lisa
Right? When there's fear. When I'm experiencing fear that I'll show you energy rises up for me because it allows me to push down the sadness and the frustration and the grief and all the things that I have been experiencing. It's not healthy. I need to pause and I needed to look at myself. What are you actually experiencing? What emotions do you need to get present to you?

00:11:02:26 - 00:11:34:28
Lisa
What do you need to have? Sit down and have conversations about so that you can let this go through you. And this is what I want you to know. Like grief and gratitude can show up at the same time. I mean, have you ever celebrated a person that you've lost somebody that you dearly loved and you've been able to laugh and think about them with so much joy and at the same time feel so much pain that they're gone?

00:11:35:00 - 00:12:09:13
Lisa
This is what I want you to understand. The world has really changed and there is no going back that way of life. Pre 2020 no longer exist. It doesn't exist. There is no going back. And what so many of you are doing is you are skipping over the grief of what we have to let go up so that we can step into what is possible for us.

00:12:09:15 - 00:12:51:22
Lisa
So many of you are living with such profound levels of fear. And how do we know when fear shows up? We start fighting for things. We start seeing control as a way to try and mitigate our fear. Control is is a very powerful way we use to try and avoid feeling what we're feeling. So consider That's right. If we use parenting as an example, there was a period of time in my life where I believe that, you know, if my kids would just do what I say, follow the rules, then I would feel better than I would be.

00:12:51:22 - 00:13:15:18
Lisa
Okay. Never realizing it wasn't about their behavior. It was about the choices that I was making. I am response the battle for my internal state of peace and well-being. It's not up to the people around me, whether it's my, my kids, my colleagues. Shit I see on social media. It's not up to any of that stuff to make me feel okay.

00:13:15:18 - 00:14:04:19
Lisa
It's up to me to feel okay, but we can't feel okay until we first acknowledge that we're not okay. So sometimes it's really challenging for me to talk about this because of the work that I do. I have all the tools in my toolbox, you know, this is what I teach emotional fluency, emotional resiliency. And sometimes I can get in my head of thinking, well, if I let people know that I've been struggling, will they think that I'm not a good coach or that I can't help them or that I'm a fraud, but I'm so tired of this light and love and this toxic positivity that we are seeing.

00:14:04:25 - 00:14:29:01
Lisa
And I'm not against seeing the positive and seeing the bright side, but we have to allow ourselves as individuals to experience the entire range of what's going on for us, because otherwise we're just putting lipstick on a pig right there with pink, right? It's like spraying perfume on a pile of shit. It's still a pile of shit. Okay.

00:14:29:04 - 00:14:55:27
Lisa
It's okay for you to fully express what is going on for you. Even if that's just in the privacy of your journal or with your best buddy who, you know, has the emotional capacity to just sit and listen, Right? We don't need to be fixed. This is and this is a thing. So often I think we're afraid to express our emotions because we don't want somebody to try and fix us.

00:14:55:27 - 00:15:19:06
Lisa
We just need to express and feel what we're feeling. Because remember, emotion is just energy, emotion. And when you allow yourself to express what you're feeling, it no longer stays trapped in your body. And again, you know, when we don't express our emotions, it will manifest as illness in our body aches and pains. You suppress your immune system, all these things.

00:15:19:06 - 00:15:48:20
Lisa
And today, more than ever before, it's not just about creating amazing physical wellness for ourselves, by the way, you know, health, hygiene that we have sleep, water, the type of food you eat, making sure you get movement, making sure you get outside. All of those things are important. But what's even more important these days, what we're being called into even more, is looking at are we managing our emotional well-being?

00:15:48:22 - 00:16:22:09
Lisa
Are we having the conversations that we need to have so that we can release this fear, so that we can find this place of peace? And most of you are not recognizing the impact of not feeling your feelings. You're not recognizing the impact that that is having on your body. So, you know, if you've been following me for a while, you know that I'm you know, over the years, I've really learned to appreciate in value data because I'm a very kinesthetic person.

00:16:22:11 - 00:16:43:01
Lisa
I experience the world through my emotions. Not all of you do. Some of you are more visual, some of you are more auditory. But I'm very kinesthetic person. Many of my clients are actually very kinesthetic, but they're like me, where once upon a time they just disconnected from their body. They disconnected from their emotions. I didn't know how to feel my feelings.

00:16:43:01 - 00:17:03:11
Lisa
I literally was the queen of like, don't hug me, because it would bring up emotions for me. Because when I was young, at some point in time, I learned that it wasn't okay for me to feel what I was feeling or my emotions were. I was basically told that they were wrong, like what I was feeling wasn't okay.

00:17:03:13 - 00:17:31:02
Lisa
Very confusing when you're feeling things and then somebody else is telling you, well, you know, turn it down or don't be so drama or whatever it may be. So it is so important for you to look at your own emotional well-being and what you need to do to support that. And as I'm talking, I'm like, I was going somewhere with this and now I don't know where I'm going.

00:17:31:04 - 00:17:52:18
Lisa
The blessings of being in your late forties, sometimes the direction that you're going, it just kind of, you know, I lose my train of thought. This is a real thing that happens. Anyways, at the end of the day, it is more important than ever before. Oh, I knew where I was going. I knew it would come back to me.

00:17:52:18 - 00:18:16:13
Lisa
So the data, the data, right. Since coming back from my show, I have rested a lot and I'm not like, I'm getting like my sleep scores are off the chart. I'm getting a lot of amazing rest. My body physically rested, but I have struggle to get my body into the green or the go zone according to the data that I'm using.

00:18:16:15 - 00:18:47:16
Lisa
I've been in the red and I've been in the yellow. And what it's measuring is my resting heart rate and my hrb, which is basically a measurement of your sympathetic versus your parasympathetic nervous system, like your nervous system, right to your rest and digest versus your fight and flight. We need both to get through the world. I haven't been able to fully recover, and it's because since coming back from Vegas and being in Vegas really fired up my nervous system.

00:18:47:16 - 00:19:12:17
Lisa
I mean, Vegas is just not the place for me. There's a lot of energy in Vegas and then reentering back into Canada. There's a lot of things changing here. There's a lot of different mandates. And just the thermostat of the world is just all over the place right now. Collectively, as a kinesthetic person, I am feeling a lot of different energy and I'm having to kind of distinguish like what is mine and what is not mine?

00:19:12:19 - 00:19:37:22
Lisa
What do I need to let go of here? Because this actually is in mine. Where am I getting into energy that I need to remove myself from because it's not healthy for me? So I'm watching. I feel okay, but the data is showing me I'm not okay. My body's like, You're not okay. We need to regulate that. So as a person who's really on top of this stuff, I'm paying closer attention.

00:19:37:22 - 00:20:02:27
Lisa
I'm looking and saying, okay, I'm okay, but I'm not okay. What do I need to feel here? What do I need to release? What do I need to give myself right now to really nurture my nervous system? More meditation, Doing a lot of yoga, Nedra Hypnosis, you know, getting out for more walks, listening to music, disconnecting from social media and things that are firing up my nervous system.

00:20:03:00 - 00:20:27:00
Lisa
And I think about the global community. And most of you don't have the amount of tools in your toolbox that I have. Most of you don't have the individual awareness of what's going on for you that I have. Most of you haven't done the depth of work on yourself around your emotional state and what's actually happening for you that I have.

00:20:27:03 - 00:20:51:08
Lisa
So it's not a surprise to me. Why? Why? More and more people are getting ill and it's not just about, Oh God, we're going to see adrenal issues, we're going to see hormonal issues, We're going to see so many different things happening. Why do you think suicide rates are going up? Why do you think addiction rates are going up?

00:20:51:15 - 00:21:24:09
Lisa
Why do you think our kids are struggling so much? Because our kids don't even have the language right now. Young kids don't know how to name their feelings, and they're being guided by parents who, quite frankly, more often than not, don't know how to name their feelings or even acknowledge what they're feeling. So now more than ever before, this work around emotional fluency and really understanding what it takes to be resilient is more important than ever before.

00:21:24:11 - 00:22:03:21
Lisa
So in this episode, I just want you to know that it's okay for you to not be okay. It's okay for you to not always hold it together. And in fact, by letting all of it out, by having that powerful cry, by maybe screaming into a pillow or throwing things against the wall, letting yourself rage, that energy is going to move through your body and out of you, which is going to open you up to looking at, okay, what behaviors do I need to be on guard for that show me that I'm not expressing what I'm feeling.

00:22:03:23 - 00:22:26:23
Lisa
You're going to be able to start to look at what you need to give yourself in order to feel healthy and well, physically and emotionally. It has been a long haul and it is becoming more and more clear every single day that we are nowhere near the other side of this and we don't know what the other side is going to look like.

00:22:26:26 - 00:23:05:03
Lisa
So what is it costing you to continue to tell yourself that you're okay when you're not okay? Because if you continue to go through your life holding your breath, trapped in your emotions, trapped in all of these different behaviors and ways of being that don't serve you, what is the impact of that? In another six months or a year from now, your body will support you until it can't, and how you support your emotional well-being is going to determine your physical health and well-being.

00:23:05:05 - 00:23:39:25
Lisa
We can look at both pieces. So if you're feeling like you're not okay, I encourage you reach out. Drop me a DM in Instagram book on my calendar and book a coaching session. And let's talk about strategy of how you can move through that. Let's give you a container where you can express what is actually going on for you in a space where there's going to be no judgment, where you can fully explore what is here and what you're experiencing now more than ever before.

00:23:39:25 - 00:24:06:00
Lisa
I'm so passionate about this work because I said I'm seeing the impact that this is having on me and I know how to navigate all of it. And I'm not doing a great job on some days, but most of you don't have these tools. You don't even have the awareness yet of how much you are holding onto and what it's costing you.

00:24:06:02 - 00:24:25:13
Lisa
So I promise not all of these episodes are going to be heavy. This feels a little too heavy for me, but it's important. It's important that we talk about this. It's important that I continue to show up and let you guys see me, not just when things are all shiny and roses. I always want to have a message for you.

00:24:25:13 - 00:24:51:04
Lisa
I always want to have a lesson that you can take away with. I always want to be able to share through stories and experiences, and I just want you to know that sometimes it's not even easy for me to show up because I have to work against some of these gremlins that rise up for me as well. And that's what makes me amazing at what I do with my clients.

00:24:51:07 - 00:25:43:18
Lisa
So if that's you reach out, you can book your call at Lisa Carpenter dot CAA forward slash WW and if you are interested in being on my mailing list so that you are first to know when I'm launching mini courses or have openings on my schedule, you can do that. At least a carpenter dossier forge slash sign up because I'm going to be spending more time on my email and even less time over on social media because I'm really taking a very powerful stance around what I need to release right now in order to keep myself incredibly physically and emotionally well purge going on in my life right now.

00:25:43:21 - 00:26:12:03
Lisa
So I'm saying this with much love. You are responsible for your emotional and physical well-being. Nobody is coming to save you. It is up to you to make yourself a priority, regardless of the circumstances that you are navigating in your life. Kids, pandemic jobs, whatever, you have to be worth it. You have to decide that you are worth it.

00:26:12:05 - 00:26:36:20
Lisa
You are worth taking care of yourself. And don't leave it to the point that you're forced to do it. So with much love. Thank you for listening. If this resonated with you, please share it. I would be so grateful if you did, because I think more and more men and women need to hear this message. I love you.

00:26:36:23 - 00:27:09:19
Lisa
I'm sending you so much grace and compassion today because we are all doing our best. And please remember that we are all doing our best. So how can you show up today with more compassion for yourself, more compassion for others, and a bigger commitment to love yourself more than you ever have before? Cry your tears, laugh your life, experience the entire range and you'll become a healthier human for it.

00:27:09:21 - 00:27:11:13
Lisa
I'll see you on the next episode.

00:27:11:13 - 00:27:32:24
Lisa
Hey. Hey. Before you go, I'd like to ask you something. How much longer are you willing to put yourself last to keep pushing through, hoping things will magically change while feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and disconnected from the life you truly want. Tell me if this sounds like you. From the outside. Most people think you have it all figured out.

00:27:32:29 - 00:27:53:22
Lisa
But the truth is that on most days you feel like you're barely holding it together. Your life is full of responsibilities and there's a high demand on your time and energy. You know you can't drop the ball yet. You're terrified it's going to happen. And worst of all, you're already taking the hit because you often end up at the bottom of your to do list.

00:27:53:24 - 00:28:26:29
Lisa
You've achieved so much, yet deep down, what you want most is more ease, more fulfillment, more joy, more you. And that is exactly what reclamation is all about. This isn't just another program. It's your opportunity to finally break free from the patterns that are keeping you stuck and step into a life that feels aligned, intentional and fulfilling. It's a safe space to have conversations that matter with women who get you and share your complicated relationship with vulnerability.

00:28:27:01 - 00:28:53:18
Lisa
Imagine having the support, the tools and the accountability to create real, lasting change where you're no longer just surviving, but thriving. So if you're done with feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and constantly running on empty, it's time to take that first step. Head to Lisa Carpenter, dot K forward slash reclamation and say yes to yourself, yes to the life you know you're meant for.

00:28:53:18 - 00:29:01:08
Lisa
Because if nothing changes, nothing changes. As I'll see you on the inside.