EPISODE 318: The Hidden Codependency Keeping High-Functioning Women & Men Stuck

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:27:14
Lisa
Welcome to the Full Frontal Living Podcast. I'm Lisa Carpenter, master life Coach, two driven, ambitious humans who want more out of life without having to sacrifice themselves to achieve it. I'll share how it's possible to slow down, take better care of yourself, find more peace and ease, pressure to sustainable energy, stop procrastination and overwhelm and fall in love with your life, your business, and your body.

00:00:27:16 - 00:00:45:24
Lisa
This podcast is for you. If you're ready to learn what it takes to thrive as a high performer, do less but achieve more. Make you and your well-being a top priority and create your extraordinaire free life. I'm so glad you're here.

00:00:45:24 - 00:01:07:24
Lisa
Well, hey, hey. And thanks for joining me for another episode of the Full Frontal Living podcast. I'm your host, Lisa Carpenter, and today is a solo episode and I'm talking about a topic that I'm very passionate about because I see it over and over and again in the type of men and women I work with. And this is the hidden codependency that keeps high functioning men and women stuck.

00:01:07:26 - 00:01:30:08
Lisa
So today I'm going to break down the real psychology behind codependency, why it keeps high functioning men and women emotionally trapped and what it actually takes to reclaim yourself. Now, if you're listening and thinking, This isn't me, I'm not needy. Lisa, I guess you're done. I take care of everyone. I want you to lean in because codependency has a high functioning disguise.

00:01:30:11 - 00:02:00:05
Lisa
It looks like excellence. It looks like leadership. But underneath it's the chronic fear of letting anyone else support you or that you will lose control and this doesn't just play out in romantic relationships. That's often where we hear about codependency. But you'll see it in your work, in your parenting, in your friendships. Basically, anywhere your identity is being tied to useful or being needed or being in control.

00:02:00:05 - 00:02:23:15
Lisa
So I wanted to to start with a few quotes on codependency for you to look at it through a different lens. And then we're going to dive into the traits of high functioning codependency that don't look codependent. So codependency is about normal behaviors taken too far. It's about crossing lines. This is what how Melanie Beattie describes it. Codependency is not about weak people.

00:02:23:17 - 00:02:47:03
Lisa
It's about people who have been conditioned to believe their worth depends on being needed, accepted or approved by others. It's by Ross Rosenberg. Co-dependence is a disease of immaturity. It is a common condition born out of a person's inability to esteem themselves, set functional boundaries, to own and express their reality and take care of their needs and wants.

00:02:47:04 - 00:03:30:27
Lisa
This is by Pia Melodie. Now, there's a lot of different definitions of codependency out there, but all of them are born from coping mechanisms that we develop from a very young age as ways of protecting ourselves, of ways of making ourselves feel better and feel worthy. I have yet to meet a person on this planet who isn't running a story or some sort of story around their worth, around their they're that good enough story that so many of us have, and some of the most high functioning, successful people out there have built empires based on this, not good enough because they're constantly chasing.

00:03:30:29 - 00:03:56:06
Lisa
So in today's episode, I wanted to break this down so you can see how it's playing out in your world and maybe how this relates to you. So a different perspective on on codependency. So stay with me here. So let's talk about the traits of high functioning codependency that doesn't look codependent. So you anticipate others needs before being asked.

00:03:56:08 - 00:04:20:29
Lisa
You're the go to fixer. Crisis hits. Everybody turns to you. You feel guilty about resting or saying no. So you've tied your productivity to your own personal worth. You intellectualize feelings, but avoid truly feeling them. This is something I see over and over again. My clients typically want to get into trying to think their way through instead of allowing themselves to be with what they're feeling.

00:04:21:00 - 00:04:46:22
Lisa
This is something I'm actually seeing in my eldest son right now. They fear or you fear being seen as too much and not enough all at the same time. I know I've experienced that. You see your value in what you do and not who you are. I know that I have also walked through this. So as I'm reading these out, I'm also appreciating my own journey through healing, my own codependency.

00:04:46:22 - 00:05:11:19
Lisa
And I would have never called myself the codependent. It actually when I learned that these were the patterns that I was working from. I was devastated because I didn't want to be that person. I'd always I've always really prided myself on being self-sufficient and being the strong one. So it was so disruptive for my nervous system to recognize, Oh my gosh, these patterns aren't healthy for me.

00:05:11:26 - 00:05:38:15
Lisa
They're actually not of service to who I truly am. They were like masks that I was wearing to help myself feel good enough. So you probably don't ask for help ever. A lot of my clients really struggle with allowing themselves to receive help. So even when they've hired me to work with me, I have to encourage them to use all the the tools and access that they have to be supported because they are so used to going it alone.

00:05:38:17 - 00:05:57:00
Lisa
But the irony is they often resent other people who are so willing to ask for help. And I've watched this come up in myself where I see, you know, friends and colleagues really being able to go out and ask for what it is they need. And I find myself often holding back because I don't want to bother somebody.

00:05:57:02 - 00:06:19:28
Lisa
Yet at the same time, I'm the first person who would lend a helping hand to anybody who needed it. You under express your needs, but then overreact out when they're not. Matt So tell me if you've been in a situation where you're just assuming that somebody else should know what it is. You need and then you're upset that they don't.

00:06:20:05 - 00:06:52:25
Lisa
But the last time I checked, nobody is a mind reader, so there's a responsibility there around really being able to express your needs. You silently resent the people who depend on you. And the truth is, you can't stop being needed and this was a big one for me, especially when, you know, my hubby first went off to rehab more than a decade ago, and I remember arguing with my therapist that there were so many things I needed to do before I left so that my family would be okay with me being gone.

00:06:52:27 - 00:07:14:23
Lisa
And it was in that moment that I realized, Wait a minute, they'll be fine if I just go. But I also recognized that I had tied up so much of my worth in being needed by them. And if I didn't have to do all that stuff, then what would make me important? And I realized that just being their mom made me important.

00:07:15:00 - 00:07:36:15
Lisa
I didn't have to do anything to earn their love. But the story I was telling myself in all the things that I was constantly doing for my family was that I did need to be needed by them in order to feel good enough. So I'm glad I cleared that story up because now I'm able to just, you know, hop on a plane and I don't have to take care of anything before I leave because I know my family will handle things when I'm gone.

00:07:36:15 - 00:08:05:26
Lisa
I do not need to be responsible for everything that's going on in everybody's life in my family. So this brings me to my last point around you. You see emotional labor as your responsibility always. So you're doing the emotional labor for everybody and you're not allowing them to be in their own process. So what this looks like is over functioning for everybody else, which then actually causes them to under function, which is really doing them a disservice.

00:08:05:26 - 00:08:27:07
Lisa
Because if you're over functioning constantly for everybody, you're teaching them how to be helpless. And I've talked about this on previous podcasts, so it makes you feel important and needed, but you're actually doing harm to the other person because they don't learn then that they can trust themselves, that they can trust their own emotions, that they can figure them, that they can figure things out on their own.

00:08:27:09 - 00:08:54:19
Lisa
So coded codependency isn't the damsel in distress. It's the strong one who doesn't trust anybody else to carry the weight. So it's not just needing people, it's then it's needing to be needed so badly that you abandon yourself in the process. And this was how most of my life was. I spent most of my life abandoning myself without even having the conscious awareness around it.

00:08:54:22 - 00:09:17:01
Lisa
So that's why I wanted to do this episode. I wanted to dive deep into these patterns so that you could start to identify in yourself where these may be keeping you stuck in your life, where these are causing you to actually be disconnected from who you truly are. Like, Who are you without all these coping mechanisms? Who are you if you're not needed by everybody all the time, who are you?

00:09:17:01 - 00:09:44:28
Lisa
If you're not the go to girl or guy to fix things? So we've made all of these high functioning codependent traits, okay? Because often we're celebrated for them and we're proud to not be the needy one or the victim. Right? Nobody. None of my clients want to be the victim. But the irony is, if you are in these patterns, you are stuck in a hidden victim pattern.

00:09:45:00 - 00:10:09:15
Lisa
You're constantly being a victim. Which is so funny, right? Because we see victims as like the needy ones, the helpless ones, which again, you've probably perpetuated that in them while never seeing ourselves as the victims that we are, because we're running these high functioning patterns that are celebrated. So I'm going to go into how these show up in different environments from our work environments to our parenting environments.

00:10:09:15 - 00:10:43:15
Lisa
And of course, you know, in our love environments and nobody is immune to this. I said, I consider myself someone who is, you know, smart at the top of my game, definitely still learning every day, definitely staying humble. I've created an amazing life and a great, amazing career for myself. I love what I do. I work with phenomenal humans all around the globe and nobody is immune to this so that the highest functioning people out there, like I said, the most successful people that you know, can succumb to these patterns.

00:10:43:17 - 00:11:04:29
Lisa
So there's no shame in recognizing these patterns in yourself. This podcast episode is an opportunity for you to look at those patterns in a little bit of a different light and say, Wow, again, what might be available for me on the other side of this? So let's go into how these patterns show up in work environments. So some examples for you.

00:11:05:01 - 00:11:35:11
Lisa
You take on way more than your share because you don't trust other people to do it right. You probably manage your bosses or your clients moods like an emotional air traffic controller. So a long time ago, I mean, a long, long time ago, I used to take on all my clients problems as my own. I would think about them day and night and carry it like they were my own problems until I realized it's not my job to carry my clients problems.

00:11:35:11 - 00:12:02:00
Lisa
It's my job to stand shoulder to shoulder with them and offer up perspectives and powerful questions for them to support themselves. But it's not up to me to save them. That's not my job. It's not my job to do the emotional labor for somebody else. So when we are constantly looking at other people's moods and making their moods, our responsibility, what we're doing is we're denying ourself our own experience.

00:12:02:00 - 00:12:26:05
Lisa
What are you feeling? What is happening for you? And who made you who made you responsible for everybody else's feelings and everybody else's moods? I'm sure in your work you are not hired to manage everybody's moods, so consider that you avoid delegation because it's faster to do it yourself and it often causes you to burn out because you take on more and more and more.

00:12:26:05 - 00:12:42:12
Lisa
And I know that this is something that I've really had to get over and I had a coach say to me once, you know, Lisa, the CEO of a company, isn't writing, you know, the newsletters. So although I do have still a lot of hands on in my business, I have learned to let go of so many things.

00:12:42:12 - 00:13:03:26
Lisa
Because you know what? I've also learned that other people can do certain jobs way better than I ever could. And my right hand Bridget can attest to that. My team keeps me out of my email because I'd probably screw up their their system in there. So another one is you tie your value to your output. So again, productivity equals your worth.

00:13:03:28 - 00:13:24:06
Lisa
You're constantly chasing approval and feeling good enough through your performance. And I've talked about this many times on the podcast, how it didn't matter how many certifications, how many clients, how much it didn't matter what I did. It was always but I could do more. And then, you know, I'd reach the bar I'd set for myself, and then I would raise the bar.

00:13:24:09 - 00:13:49:19
Lisa
So it was constantly chasing this performance, but it was like a marathon with no end because it didn't matter what I accomplished, it was never good enough. You probably also coach your coworkers. You're the one that everybody comes to for support. You're the go to man or woman that people want to talk to when life is laughing. But the irony is you don't allow yourself to be supported by other people.

00:13:49:19 - 00:14:19:17
Lisa
You're the one that keeps everything on the inside. You don't want to burden anybody else with what's going on. So and then you also believe that being liked and indispensable is really, really important. In fact, it's more important than your own self-respect. So I'm going to say that again. Being liked and feeling indispensable often feels better than being respected by that self-respect piece.

00:14:19:20 - 00:14:44:26
Lisa
So this is really important because these coping mechanisms, these high functioning codependent behaviors constantly are asking you to abandon yourself for other people. And when we can clear those, so much will change in your life. You will have so much more time, energy, freedom. You are going to feel better. So you know at work you're going to be praised as being a massive team player.

00:14:44:28 - 00:15:10:19
Lisa
But what you're probably recognizing is that underneath you're drowning in unspoken resentment and chronic over giving. I know many of my clients are chronic over givers and learning how to set boundaries from a place that feels aligned with who they are. And even learning what boundaries are in a healthy way is usually one of the first places we start so that they can gain their sovereignty back.

00:15:10:21 - 00:15:41:15
Lisa
So now let's talk about how it shows up in parenting and with kids. So for any moms and dads in the audience, you are going to resonate with this. You're probably going to just feel it like deep in your bones so you over accommodate your kids emotional storms, but neglect your own nervous systems, meaning you're always there for your kids, supporting them, making sure they feel better, giving them the tools to, you know, settle themselves down to come back to center.

00:15:41:18 - 00:16:07:12
Lisa
Yet you're trying to co regulate your kids. You're trying to regulate your kids story from a disregulated place. And the irony is we cannot give to somebody else what we are not practicing within ourselves. If you're not modeling this within yourself, how are you supposed to model it for your children? So we bend over backwards to make sure our kids are okay, but we're not bending over backwards to make sure you are okay.

00:16:07:15 - 00:16:30:13
Lisa
You also probably over identify with your kids successes, failures, or behaviors. So you know, my kids are their own people. They are not an extension of me. They came from me. But the choices they make in their life really have nothing to do with me good, bad or ugly. So I don't always like some of the choices they make.

00:16:30:16 - 00:16:51:03
Lisa
But it's not a direct reflection on me as a human or as a parent. Yet so many of you do over identify like your your kids are like a representation of you instead of seeing them as a sovereign being. Same thing with their successes and failures. So I love celebrating my kids successes and I'm there for them when they fail.

00:16:51:03 - 00:17:30:10
Lisa
But whether they succeed or fail is really none of my business, right? It doesn't mean anything about me. But these patterns, these high functioning patterns, this is how they show up in your parenting. So you feel guilt if you're not doing enough as a parent, even when you're doing everything. So I can't even tell you how many years I spent in parental hell believing that I was never doing enough only to be at this place now with my kids where I recognize, okay, I might not have been a cookie baking mom, but all of my kids feel safe enough to come to me with, you know, the big emotional problems.

00:17:30:12 - 00:17:57:04
Lisa
They feel safe to connect with me. They know that I will be able to sit with them and whatever. And to me, it doesn't matter. All the other things I did as a parent really are irrelevant. It's how am I able to shop for my kids now, With our kids, we over we often overcompensate for our partner shortcomings and carry that emotion of labor load as well.

00:17:57:04 - 00:18:20:23
Lisa
So many high, especially women, many high functioning women, will end up with under functioning men and this often happens from an unconscious place. So you've probably heard me talk about we we are always a match, right? We're matches for things. We're like magnets. So whatever wounds I have in me is going to be a match for somebody else's.

00:18:20:23 - 00:18:37:15
Lisa
So if I'm working from this place of I don't believe that people can support me, I've got to do it all myself. I am the strong one. I have to have it all together. You are not going to attract a partner if you are a woman. You are not going to attract a partner standing in there, strong, masculine.

00:18:37:17 - 00:18:59:19
Lisa
That's going to repel a man in a strong masculine. But what you will attract is an under functioning man because then it fuels your story of needing to be needed, needing to be the strong one. See, I have evidence that he can't really pull his weight, so I have to pull more weight. So then what happens is we start to overcompensate for our partners with our children.

00:18:59:22 - 00:19:26:03
Lisa
So now we're doing the job of two people instead of just standing in our role and letting our partner stand in theirs. So hopefully that makes sense for you. You fear damaging relationships if you hold boundaries. So you know what? If your kids don't like or what if your kids are mad at you, or instead of recognizing like your job isn't to be liked by your children, especially when they're young and even as they get older?

00:19:26:03 - 00:19:48:08
Lisa
My job isn't to be liked by my kids. My job is to stay. How do I want to say this? My job is to stay true to myself and hold boundaries that support me showing up as the best version of me that I possibly can. Now, if that means my kids don't like me because I set a certain boundary, we can have a conversation about that.

00:19:48:08 - 00:20:14:08
Lisa
I'm not some evil person that won't open up. A conversation like a boundary is not a brick wall to me, but it is really about recognizing like this is a boundary for me. And if if you don't agree with that, that's totally fine. And I still have to hold the boundary. So that is, that is just so I cannot reinstate that enough around how this shows up.

00:20:14:08 - 00:20:32:02
Lisa
Right. It's like it's not wanting to speak your truth. See, the thing that really matters to you because you're afraid of hurting somebody's feelings or that they might not like you, that your kids might not like you. And then the one of the things that also shows up as well is you often use parenting performance as proof of your worth.

00:20:32:02 - 00:21:00:15
Lisa
So if you are the the perfect mom, the perfect dad, then you know you feel good enough. So no wonder I never felt good enough because I never felt like I could be that perfect parent. But what I've come to understand over the years is the parents that are showing up with that perfectionism mask on. Perfectionism is just another high functioning codependent behavior that we get into that really shows us that we don't feel good enough.

00:21:00:20 - 00:21:34:19
Lisa
So if I can just look perfect enough and do all the things, then I'll feel good enough. And we often leverage our children to support our self-worth. So even in parenting, codependency can still look like doing everything right and still feeling like it's not enough. So in an unconscious attempt to feel needed and valued, you abandon yourself over and over and over again in order to meet other people's needs.

00:21:34:20 - 00:22:04:03
Lisa
Now, of course, minor children, we are responsible for taking care of them and there does come a line where, you know, my 14 year old, he can get his own lunch, he can get himself to soccer. There's so many things that he can take care of that that I don't have to be responsible for now. So it's it's looking at where in parenting you're being overly responsible while robbing the other person of developing that muscle around being responsible.

00:22:04:05 - 00:22:34:12
Lisa
So you're not parenting from a place of sovereignty. You're constantly parenting from a place of abandoning yourself. Okay. Let's talk about how high functioning codependency shows up in romantic relationships, especially when you don't think you're codependent because you are strong, independent and not needy. Air quotes. These are the men and women who say, I don't depend on anything or anyone.

00:22:34:14 - 00:23:10:06
Lisa
But beneath the surface there is a very deep emotional outsourcing, self abandonment and control masked as caretaking. So like I said, I've watched men and women who run major companies spiral in relationships that they can't leave. And the shame is brutal because nobody sees it from the outside. And having been this and having just walked through another season of going deeper into these behaviors for myself within my own relationship, it was very hard for me because I had done so much work around this.

00:23:10:06 - 00:23:30:03
Lisa
So to see myself getting caught in patterns, it was like having an out-of-body experience and going, okay, wait a minute, what's happening here for me? What deeper part of me do I get to look at now and heal So that regardless of if I stay in this relationship or if I go into another one in the future, that I'm not taking this wounded part of me.

00:23:30:09 - 00:23:51:03
Lisa
And that's what this entire episode is about, is, again, it's an opportunity for you to look at the wounded parts of you. These are these parts that were created in your childhood. They're like so innocent and so young and have an opportunity to go. What do I need to no longer feel this way about myself? What needs to be healed in me?

00:23:51:05 - 00:24:12:25
Lisa
So let's talk about how it shows up in relationships. And I'm going to I'm going to be sharing a lot of of my own insights along the way, as I always do. So you choose potential over reality, and that means you see who they could be if only they just do the work about how many years I stayed in this place.

00:24:12:25 - 00:24:35:13
Lisa
My my partner was in recovery and but I could see that he just wasn't happy. And I had set some very strong boundaries around what I was and wasn't available for. I certainly wasn't caretaking him in the classic sense of caretaking. I was letting him do his thing. But the truth is I was staying in the relationship because I loved him.

00:24:35:13 - 00:24:59:17
Lisa
I didn't want to kick him when he was down, and I knew that if he just did the work and I had the saying of, If your partner never changed today, would you still choose to be with them? Like, is the problem so big that you're willing to walk out the door? And it's like that 8020 rule. And I looked at I looked at him and I thought, you know what?

00:24:59:24 - 00:25:27:05
Lisa
This is not a deal breaker for me. If you want to be miserable, then be miserable. And I knew eventually I would make the decision that I would need to have to make. But I was at this point of just I still was really living in this potential and part of living in that potential over reality. Truth be told, is it's it's a way of us avoiding the grief and the feelings we'd have to feel if we faced reality today.

00:25:27:06 - 00:25:48:11
Lisa
Like if we stopped living in that place of hope, if we really said, if they never change, is this enough for me? And it was getting to the point in my relationship where it was not, where it was not, if this never change, would it be enough for me? And that means facing that grief and that is hard because most of the people I work with want to do everything in their power to avoid their feelings.

00:25:48:11 - 00:26:13:16
Lisa
They didn't grow up learning emotional fluency. We grew up learning how to have emotions but cope with them by doing other things so we don't have to feel them. So in this dynamic of choosing potential over reality, you typically fall for emotionally unavailable or wounded partners because the truth is fixing them gives you purpose. Now, a really, really old version of me believe that.

00:26:13:16 - 00:26:33:24
Lisa
I really believe. Like if I could just make them feel better, then, you know, they'd meet their potential when the truth was, you know, back in the day when I was in my twenties, I couldn't see that I needed to look at my own potential. The love and attention that I was giving them was really what I needed to give myself.

00:26:33:27 - 00:26:54:23
Lisa
And it just repeats over and over again. It's that need to be needed. If if I can just fix them, then I'll feel good enough. Then I'll feel needed. Then I'll feel worthy. And we stay loyal to their behavior or sorry, we stay loyal to their potential and not looking at their behavior. So I'm going to say that again.

00:26:54:23 - 00:27:18:08
Lisa
We stay loyal to their potential and not their behavior. And we really need to be looking at do their words matched their actions and their energy. And now I'm so proud of the relationship that I'm in now. I have done so much deep work over the past two years. My partner has done so much deep work. We are two completely different people and now everything is congruent.

00:27:18:10 - 00:27:39:00
Lisa
But what's hard about that is I've had to look back and really see the things that I did not want to see that the lack of congruence between the words and the actions in the energy, the other thing we do is we take their growth, meaning our partner's growth personally. If they improve, like I said, then, you know, we get to feel better.

00:27:39:01 - 00:28:00:29
Lisa
We feel like we've done a good job. Or for many of us it's like if they improve, then we feel worthy and deserving of love. And many of us are in relationships that give us evidence that, see, we don't feel good enough. I'm not deserving of love, and all of this is unconscious. So I just want to say that so many of us are operating from this place and we're not even conscious to it.

00:28:00:29 - 00:28:32:05
Lisa
It's such a deep down, subconscious program that's running and it's often things happening in your life that will wake you up to this programing. Okay, so moving on. We feel responsible for their emotions. So if they're upset, it must be your fault. You must have done something wrong and it's your job to make them feel better. Often you'll be you'll find yourself walking on eggshells because you don't want to trigger your partner and you explain away red flags with empathy and and compassion.

00:28:32:05 - 00:28:54:16
Lisa
Oh, my God, this was so me. It's like the red flags were right there. But I would keep going back to this empathetic and compassionate place because that that is at the core of who I am. But I've also had to look at why is that a default setting for me? Is it okay to allow myself to be angry and don't explain away red flags when something doesn't feel good?

00:28:54:16 - 00:29:17:23
Lisa
Allow it to not feel good. But again, it's like we do this because and I did this because I was avoiding having to feel my own feelings of of grief and letting go. And what also happens is you end up self-regulating for both. So their stress becomes your to do list, which their stresses has nothing to do with you.

00:29:17:25 - 00:29:37:01
Lisa
Their stress is their stress. But this is again, in over functioning people. We take on their stress as our own and make it our job to fix it. You give more than you receive and call it love. So I've talked about this with kids and in the work environment, you want to make everybody's life easier, smoother and more manageable.

00:29:37:03 - 00:29:58:17
Lisa
But when I ask my clients, Well, what do you need and what do you want? Most of the women that come into my practice don't know how to name that. So this may be you where you're really just you're receiving or sorry you're giving all the time, but you're unwilling to receive. And if you're unwilling to receive, what does that say about how you feel about yourself?

00:29:58:19 - 00:30:21:24
Lisa
Why is it that everybody else needs to receive love? Because they're worthy and deserving of receiving? But then when you deny somebody giving you something, what you're basically doing is you're denying somebody else and giving you love. You're saying I don't get I don't get the same treatment as somebody else. So typically you'll find that you overextend yourself emotionally, physically and financially.

00:30:21:26 - 00:30:49:14
Lisa
You'll rarely express your own needs because you don't want to be a burden. This has definitely come up for me, and then you double down on it because you want to pride yourself on being strong and independent and not being needed. I know that this has been a huge thing in my own life, so you want to be like you literally pride yourself on being low maintenance, but then you resent the fact that your emotional needs aren't being met.

00:30:49:16 - 00:31:21:12
Lisa
Does this sound familiar? If you're nodding along, I feel you. So then we move on to minimizing your needs and over intellectualizing your feelings. So because you don't want to be too much, what we see happen is you numb out, you suppress, or you reframe everything logically. So instead of allowing yourself to really be in the emotion of it, you find a way to logically move yourself out of it and this for me, has been something I've been working on for years because I've had to learn emotional fluency.

00:31:21:18 - 00:31:41:02
Lisa
If you go back to previous episodes, I talk about how I learned how to feel, which sounds so silly, but everything was about how do I suppress this? So when things happen in my life, my brain wants to go into, how can I think, how can I find my way out of this through thinking it? And you can't outthink your emotions.

00:31:41:02 - 00:32:11:18
Lisa
So even though feelings aren't facts, we can't always come at them with rational logic, especially when something big has happened in your life. So what comes what ends up happening is you start telling yourself you're fine when you're when you're not, when you're not fine, when you are deeply hurt or disappointed. And you start to convince yourself that you're being unreasonable for wanting what you want or needing what you need.

00:32:11:18 - 00:32:43:06
Lisa
And again, you don't want to be that needy person and see. So you you deny yourself the connection and the presence and the care that you want and need from others. So you're the first to give it to everybody else, but God forbid you should ask for it for yourself. And typically what I see is we turn to self-help tools instead of asking and having the other person in the relationship be part of the repair process, we go to work and take it on is like, I'm going to be responsible for this.

00:32:43:08 - 00:33:02:24
Lisa
And it's my job to fix it and I'm going to fix myself. And you can get into that pattern of believing that you're broken and that you need fixing. And I can tell you, having weathered some massive storms with my partner now, both people need to be willing to come to the table. One person can't do the work thinking that that's going to like solve the problems in the relationship.

00:33:02:27 - 00:33:35:27
Lisa
A relationship is a interdependent and interdependent connection where both people are responsible for playing their part. So you have to allow the other person to do their their work. You perform stability to keep the relationship intact. So it's the I'll just stay calm and grounded and then everything will be okay, which also means you avoid hard conversations and you don't set boundaries because you're just interested in preserving the peace.

00:33:35:29 - 00:33:59:28
Lisa
So again, self abandonment because you're not giving yourself what you actually need. You downplay your emotional needs to avoid conflict and any distance you don't want to create any distance again, you don't want to not be liked. You don't want anybody mad at you. You don't like confrontation. This is how it this is how it comes out. And you become the emotional container for the entire relationship while your partner does nothing.

00:33:59:28 - 00:34:17:13
Lisa
And I know for me, for many years that's what it was like. I was holding everything. I was doing all the work and my partner wasn't. And I can look back on that now and definitely see like, Wow, I got into that pattern again, so no shame on myself. Things need to happen in our life to wake us up to these patterns and then we get to go deeper.

00:34:17:19 - 00:34:43:22
Lisa
So then what comes on? So I know this is like, this is a lot. Hopefully you're still really with me on this. This is a big one, though you may mistake intensity for intimacy. So if it feels calm, if it's calm, it feels boring. And I've talked about this in a previous episode that calm almost feels chaotic. And if it's chaos, everything feels alive.

00:34:43:22 - 00:35:06:29
Lisa
And these relationships can get into this pattern. And in your life, in your work life, the same is true. So many people come to me. They want more peace and ease and joy and fulfillment. But the truth is they don't have capacity for a calm, calm, grounded energy because they've grown up and they've learned that chaos, chaos is normal and natural.

00:35:07:02 - 00:35:30:20
Lisa
So helping people slow down is a big part of the work that I do so that they can be like, Oh, this is what life feels like in a regulated body. I don't have to work 24 seven. I don't have to be in a relationship with extreme highs and low lows and whenever we get into this, it produces a hormonal response and I'll talk about that a little bit later on.

00:35:30:20 - 00:35:55:22
Lisa
So you actually get addicted to the push and the pull dynamic of this, and then we call it chemistry, whereas I refer to it as the codependent crazies, right? The high highs and the low lows, the fights that I love Jews all over the place. And again, you take on everything is your responsibility to fix. So you get addicted to that cycle of hurt, apology and reconnection.

00:35:55:25 - 00:36:34:12
Lisa
And my guess is if you look in other areas of your life, it's the same pattern playing out. It might be the same even at work and with your kids. So you end up bonding over and over again, over pain and potential instead, instead of shared growth and safety. So then let's talk about enmeshment versus closeness. So there's a difference between being codependent where it's this enmeshment versus independent, where now you don't need anybody at all versus an interdependent interdependent with other people.

00:36:34:12 - 00:36:49:10
Lisa
And we need to be interdependent with other people. So you think you're deeply connected to this person. But the truth is, if you're being honest, you've lost yourself, you lose yourself and you can lose yourself in your work. You can lose yourself as a parent. You can lose yourself in your love relationship. It shows up in many different places.

00:36:49:13 - 00:37:06:12
Lisa
And what it looks like is as you drop your own preferences, bars and routines and goals because you're trying to stay in sync with your partner. And this has been a big part for me over the past year, is traveling without my partner doing all these things, without my partner, so that I can come back to being a completely sovereign being.

00:37:06:12 - 00:37:25:16
Lisa
Because what I hadn't realized is that I was making so many decisions based on whether or not he could or couldn't join me based on where he was in his life, instead of just saying, you know what, I can just do this on my own and I'm going to. And the truth is, I had a belief that you're not supposed to do those things without your partner that was born from my parents relationships.

00:37:25:16 - 00:37:44:08
Lisa
And in fact, I thought it was really funny. My dad one night said to me, he's like, Why are you doing all this travel without partner? You're supposed to travel with them. They were all there. It is like that belief was given to me by my parents, and that doesn't make it true. It might be true for them, but that doesn't mean it's true for me.

00:37:44:08 - 00:38:09:07
Lisa
So this is why I'm always looking at how we can question our stories and our beliefs and our frame of reality because is that true for everybody? No. I know a lot of people that don't travel with their partners. So again, this enmeshment and co-dependence also looks like you're constantly over identifying with their emotions, their moods and their struggles, and you forget where you start and stop, right?

00:38:09:07 - 00:38:39:27
Lisa
So it's like you're just all tangled up together. Who are you without them becomes the big question. So what ends up happening is it is it's not a dependance on them because you are very if you're listening to this podcast, I know you're a high functioning person, so you don't depend on them. But what you don't realize is that much of your self-worth does and you're not needy, but you need to feel needed in order to feel safe and loved.

00:38:40:00 - 00:39:11:29
Lisa
So that is not intimacy, that is emotional entanglement. So this is where we're starting to like pull this apart. So let's go into the high functioning codependency. Look, I feel like this podcast episode is an absolute masterclass in the high functioning codependency. So I really hope it's it's hitting where it needs to hit for you. So the high functioning codependency loop is obsession control, resentment, collapse, hope, and then repeat.

00:39:12:06 - 00:39:36:16
Lisa
So let me break this down for you. So obsession because you probably think ungodly. So I'm not like that makes me sound like a crazy person. Obsession is really hyper vigilance disguised as leadership. So you're not obsessed, but you're just very aware of needs, moods and energy, am I right? So what it looks like is that you are constantly scanning for emotional shifts in others.

00:39:36:16 - 00:40:00:27
Lisa
You're calling yourself an empath. But the truth is that is just a form of hypervigilance so that you can feel safe. You start reading between the lines of texts, the tone and the voice. You're constantly making interpretations that are nothing more than that. They're just interpretations. You start fixing problems before their voice. This is like a massive form of caretaking, so, you know, and kind of catastrophizing.

00:40:00:27 - 00:40:23:22
Lisa
Like I got to have everything figured out again so that you can feel okay. And then it's over analyzing what you said and did and how it was received. So this constant like in your head over thinking loop where you just can't win because the truth is you're never going to know what other people are thinking. So it looks like being super responsible, this obsessive piece of this cycle, it looks like being responsible.

00:40:24:00 - 00:40:49:12
Lisa
But really what it is, is your nervous system is just fired up from being on high alert. 24 seven. So the next part of this codependency loop is control. And what you do is call it being proactive. And everyone else just calls it, you know, you're the one who handles everything. So what it looks like is you're taking on tasks that no one asks you to do.

00:40:49:15 - 00:41:21:07
Lisa
You're emotionally managing other people's discomfort or reactions you believe. If you don't do it, it won't get done right. We talked about that earlier and you are literally coaching people when they have not asked to be coached. Right? You're giving help where and you're putting your hands on things that are really none of your business. So as a coach, I could I listen, I could go into a coffee shop and sit down and solve people's problems for them, but I will not coach someone unless I am invited to coach or if I at first have to ask permission.

00:41:21:09 - 00:41:45:03
Lisa
Are you interested in hearing my take as a coach, or would you just like my friend response? So because I don't need to be needed, I get paid very well to do what I do. I don't need to go out and just start coaching people for the sake of coaching people so I can feel good about myself. So in the moment it feels it helps you feel needed, it helps you feel secure.

00:41:45:05 - 00:42:10:29
Lisa
But what ends up happening is it is exhausting and you'll start to wonder why nobody ever reciprocate. So here again, it's like giving cycle, right? Give, give, give, give. And then feeling resentment that nobody is really taking care of you on on the back end. So control really looks like being proactive and managing everything around you so that you can feel safe, secure.

00:42:11:01 - 00:42:34:04
Lisa
Yeah, that's really what it comes down to. So that number three is resentment, which is a quiet bitterness disguised as martyrdom. I know. You know what I'm talking about. So you don't ask for help, but you notice that nobody else is offering help as well. And so many of my clients live in this martyrdom stage space and don't even recognize that that is what they are doing.

00:42:34:04 - 00:42:59:03
Lisa
So it looks like feeling unseen, underappreciated or emotionally invisible. Again, it's like nobody's meeting your needs yet. You're not willing to actually share with people what your needs are. You want to help everybody, but you're not willing to ask for help yourself. And then you feel resentful that nobody is helping you. You get into passive aggressive thoughts and behaviors, right?

00:42:59:03 - 00:43:22:03
Lisa
Must be nice. Must be nice. Relax. Must be nice to go on vacation. Must be nice to have all that money to do whatever you want with so passive aggressive behavior and resentment. Let me be clear here. That is not a them problem. It is always a you problem. Oftentimes you might find yourself seething under a calm exterior and like, you know, it's like smiling through gritted teeth.

00:43:22:03 - 00:43:50:29
Lisa
That's how it shows up and you end up being, like, furious. So beyond resentment, but furious at people who depend on you while simultaneously being super nice to them and never actually expressing how you're really feeling. So what this looks like is it's being loyal to everybody else and being disloyal to yourself or self abandonment. So then we get to number four, which is the collapse, and this is burnout, but disguised as well.

00:43:50:29 - 00:44:16:17
Lisa
I just have so much on my plate. You're not falling apart because we would never say we're falling apart, but we're just tired. All the time. Am I right? So what this looks like is you shut down emotionally and you are irritable and you, you know, you wrap that with menopause around it. And this is why so many people are leaving their relationships now because they've just had enough.

00:44:16:19 - 00:44:38:28
Lisa
You start to feel numb and disconnected from your body. And listen, for most of you, you are disconnected from your body. You might think you're connected with your body, but you literally most of you live from the neck up. You start to question everything about your job, your relationships, your purpose, and you start to lose interest in things that once energized you.

00:44:38:28 - 00:44:56:02
Lisa
This is the collapse. This is what happens when you start to collapse. You start to recognize like, none of this, none of this shit is working in my life anymore. So I talk about this a lot. Your life looks great on the outside, but on the inside you're like, Wait a minute, why don't I feel like success looks this way?

00:44:56:02 - 00:45:17:08
Lisa
But I don't feel that way on the inside. I don't feel successful, I don't feel fulfilled, I don't feel connected. I don't feel alive or energized. This is why this is the place where people start to come to me because it's that stuck feeling. It's that unfulfilled feeling. And they want success to to feel as good as it as good as it looks.

00:45:17:08 - 00:45:45:17
Lisa
And it's 100% possible. So then we go, If you don't get help at that point, then we go into hope, which is fantasy loyalty, disguised as optimism. So in a relationship, this looks like they'll change or work will get easier. Or I'm just in a rough season, so you literally logic yourself out of getting support when you are in that collapse phase because you're like, You know what?

00:45:45:17 - 00:46:05:07
Lisa
It's really not that bad. It's not that bad. He'll change or, you know, like work will lighten up. Maybe I'll like it better if I just try harder or switch jobs. So you start to justify poor behavior because you're trying like, Right. You just want to. If I just try harder, that's what we do as high functionaries. We just.

00:46:05:07 - 00:46:27:07
Lisa
We double down on trying harder. You hold out on things like you hold out for things to change without any evidence that they will. So if this has been a pattern in your life for the past six months, a year or two years, and you're still in this place of, well, maybe someday it'll change. I'm here to tell you that someday is not coming.

00:46:27:10 - 00:46:52:04
Lisa
Things will change when you decide to change. Living in this place of hope will keep you trapped perpetually in this cycle. Nothing changes. If nothing changes and you are the change that needs to happen. Because these things that are causing you to feel the way you feel. They are not about external circumstances. So I'm telling you the symptoms of what you're going to experience.

00:46:52:06 - 00:47:18:08
Lisa
But it's not because of the circumstances, it's because of the deeply held beliefs you have in your identity that is creating these patterns of behavior. And they don't need to be there. You live off these micro moments of emotional validation or praise, so like something good will happen and then you justify, well, see, it was good. So in my case, like in my relationship, my partner would go for therapy and I was like, See, there we go.

00:47:18:14 - 00:47:40:22
Lisa
We're we're on our way. We're on our way. Whereas what I really needed to be looking for was like congruence all the way through. Not just like, here's a breadcrumb and now I should feel better. And this comes back to the waiting for the one day when things will get better. So this is living in that perpetual state of hope that will keep you trapped instead of looking at, Wait a minute, what are the behaviors that I'm working from?

00:47:40:22 - 00:48:01:24
Lisa
If it's not about them, if it's not about work, if it's not about the kids, what's going on? For me that needs to change within me. So how this feels, how this place of hope feels, it's exhausting. It's exhausting. But because you are a high functioning person, you call it being patient, or better yet, you're like super committed.

00:48:01:26 - 00:48:17:15
Lisa
And if you're anything like me, when you're committed to something, you are committed. You do not want to be a quitter, you do not want to fail. But it also means that you don't always look at like, At what point do you say is not okay anymore? This is not okay for me and I need to make a change.

00:48:17:17 - 00:48:39:02
Lisa
And then you repeat this whole cycle again of obsession, control, resentment, collapse, hope, repeat, and around and around we go. So until the collapse becomes a breaking point or something happens in my life, you know, I have had a few hand grenades go off or until the resentment completely consumes your joy and you literally feel numb in your life.

00:48:39:05 - 00:49:02:01
Lisa
And the worst part is your body. Finally, I'm done. I'm out. If you're not going to take care of me because your physical and your emotional well-being are linked, your body will literally stop you. And as someone who has gone through massive adrenal fatigue and my health, like kind of flatlined on me, that's not a fun place to be.

00:49:02:04 - 00:49:27:10
Lisa
And it's not just about resting more and doing more self-care because a lot of people go through burnout and then they go right back into the cycle because they haven't actually fixed the thing at the root, right? We're not look, you're treating the symptoms, but you're not treating the root problem. So why do we stay? Why do we stay in these relationships and why do we stay in these unhealthy environments?

00:49:27:13 - 00:49:47:05
Lisa
So the first thing I want you to understand is there's there's a term called trauma bonding. And this is what I was referring to at the beginning of this episode. It's like my unhealed parts. Meet your unhealed parts. And now we're a perfect match. Click, click, click. And the emotional highs and lows that we get from these patterns that we run, they are addictive.

00:49:47:07 - 00:50:13:13
Lisa
They are they are literally addictive, just like drugs and alcohol. We get into these fantasy bonds again, we were just talking about this like we get loyal to their potential versus the reality. And I want you to look at this in all different areas of your life. We have this little tiny inner child. So again, most of these coping behaviors came from this very, very young version of ourselves.

00:50:13:15 - 00:50:41:26
Lisa
And sometimes leaving actually feels like we're like abandoning ourselves, right. Because the little one who wants these coping behaviors is like, wait a minute, you can't do that thing that's not safe. If you leave or if you do a different behavior, I'm not going to be okay. So learning how to parent that part of yourself as you change these behaviors is going to allow you to get away from these behaviors, to heal these behaviors in yourself and.

00:50:41:29 - 00:51:11:13
Lisa
Listen, shame. Shame keeps us stuck in situations that are unhealthy for us because we start to feel guilt about wanting and needing more when then we feel shameful that we want and need more. So it's this it's this very toxic loop that we get stuck in. So it's really not a matter of your intelligence. It's like I said, smart, educated people get stuck in these all the time because it's about your nervous system wiring and childhood conditioning, right?

00:51:11:13 - 00:51:35:03
Lisa
So again, you wouldn't get mad at a five year old because of something that they learned. But what most of us don't recognize is the things that we learned when we were three, four or five, six. We're still operating from that unfiltered lesson that we learned without ever questioning it. So I like to say that we're all wounded children walking around in adult bodies because that is absolutely the truth.

00:51:35:07 - 00:51:56:26
Lisa
So how do we get out of this loop? Like, okay, Lisa, you've talked for how long now help me solve this problem. It first starts with becoming aware. It's it's noticing these obsessive and control patterns and coming to a place of like, I see this in myself, and even though I don't like it, I'm willing to accept it.

00:51:56:29 - 00:52:19:06
Lisa
Now, accepting doesn't mean that you just go on with your life. Acceptance actually is the gateway to transformation because we first have to be willing to accept like these things are happening in order to change it. That reduces the friction. It it minimizes the shame is just saying, okay, like I don't like this and I'm aware of it and I know it needs to change.

00:52:19:06 - 00:52:38:16
Lisa
So how do I change it? So then you get into this place of action. So we've got awareness and acceptance and then we want to move into this place of action. So action is doing things that are different from what you're currently doing. So this can look like a detachment. So what is detachment? It's recognizing you're not responsible for anybody else's feelings.

00:52:38:19 - 00:53:01:08
Lisa
Your children, your partner, your boss is the guy down the street. It doesn't matter. You're not responsible for anybody's feelings. So if you draw a circle around the outside of your feet, everything on the inside of the circle you can be responsible for. If you have minor children, they go on the inside of the circle, too. But other than that, everything outside of the circle is not your responsibility.

00:53:01:11 - 00:53:29:17
Lisa
You are responsible for the energy that you come with. You are responsible for your own emotions, your own habits, your own behaviors, all of that stuff, yours, everything else. Not so different. Action is detaching from other people's emotions, setting. They're necessary to create safety for yourself. They're not about rejecting somebody else. They're claiming what it is you you need in your life to feel good, to feel safe.

00:53:29:23 - 00:53:47:00
Lisa
They are not brick walls, they are not ultimatums. They are not threats. They are ways of you saying, I matter in this and this is what I need. So I have boundaries around my work. I have to parent myself with those boundaries like that. My day is done. My day is done. I don't come back in my office.

00:53:47:02 - 00:54:07:09
Lisa
I have boundaries around social media, have boundaries with my kids. It's just their ways of saying, again, I matter, these things matter. And in order for me to to show up as the best version of myself, this is what I need in my life. This is what is okay for me and this is what is not. This is what I'm willing to tolerate and this is what I'm not willing to tolerate.

00:54:07:16 - 00:54:27:02
Lisa
So if you want to have your tantrum, have your tantrum, by all means, your emotions go do that. But if you have your tantrum, I'm going to give you a hug and then I am going to excuse myself another boundary. I've had a client that is, she no longer wanted any comments made about her body growing up with her mom.

00:54:27:02 - 00:54:52:03
Lisa
Her mom made a lot of comments around her, her, you know, physical body, and she wasn't okay with that anymore. So she simply said to her mom, listen, if you bring up or comment on my body in any way, I'm going to politely excuse myself from the table or wherever we are, and I'm going to leave. So, you know, a couple of times her mom made a comment and she said, Mom, I've expressed that I am not okay with you talking about my body, so I'm going to leave after a couple of times of doing that.

00:54:52:03 - 00:55:13:08
Lisa
Guess what? Her mom no longer made mention of her body because her mom knew if she said the word that her daughter would get up and leave. So that's what a boundary looks like. It's not about changing somebody else's behavior. It's about saying what it is you need to feel okay. Re parenting, right? So looking at what what do those hurt parts?

00:55:13:08 - 00:55:33:28
Lisa
And you need? Where are you looking for other people to make you feel better when really it's your responsibility to make yourself feel better? Those flowers you want someone to buy for you, what's causing you to not go buy them for yourself that need to be needed by others? What part of you like? Where can you give yourself what you want and what you need?

00:55:34:00 - 00:55:57:09
Lisa
Who are you? If nobody needs you, what part of you need your love and your care and your attention? And then the last one around, you know, how do you get out of these loops is starting to let go of the the parallel reality that you've created that is just this fantasy land. It's looking at what is here today.

00:55:57:12 - 00:56:17:00
Lisa
Is this okay for me? And if it's not, what needs to change? I need to set boundaries. Do I need to leave my job? Do I need to have a conversation with my children? And it's it's a grief process of letting go of what isn't. It's letting go of the fantasy. And this is the piece that so many of us are trying to avoid is we don't want to feel the grief.

00:56:17:00 - 00:56:34:28
Lisa
We don't want to have to go through the emotions of letting go or leaving or doing something different. I mean, the first time I set a boundary with somebody, I cried for like an hour afterwards because I felt like such a horrible person, because I, I was just learning about boundaries and I felt I was like, afraid she wasn't going to like me.

00:56:34:28 - 00:57:05:01
Lisa
There's a whole story behind that. So it's it's being willing to be in the grief as you let go of these patterns and parts of you that have been operating as a way to protect you and saying like, I love you and this is an effective strategy for me anymore. It was working and now it's not so healing from codependency isn't about how do I want to phrase this?

00:57:05:02 - 00:57:29:19
Lisa
Healing from codependency is about coming home to yourself. And I know that's kind of sounds like a very cocky way of saying things. It really is about becoming sovereign. It's knowing who you are, who are you without all these coping patterns, who are you without all these behaviors? And, you know, the metaphor that I use is that, you know, we start out as these innocent children, and then we start looking to our left and our right, and we're like, Oh, I think I need to do that.

00:57:29:19 - 00:57:58:27
Lisa
Oh, I, I like what you're doing there. And we start layering up. So it's kind of like Joey Tribbiani on Friends when he was wearing all of Chandler's clothes. This podcast episode is an opportunity for you to start taking off those clothes and going like, Who am I without all these layers? Because who you think you are and who you actually are are different when you're not the person that's constantly over giving, constantly caretaking, constantly taking on responsibilities that aren't yours.

00:57:58:29 - 00:58:27:15
Lisa
All the things that we talked about today. So it's moving from a place of codependency to really embodying this self-love and acceptance and compassion for yourself. And again, it's it's it's moving even away from being like so hyper independent to being an interdependent relationships where you can feel safe that other people have your back, that they can do things just as good as you in a different way.

00:58:27:15 - 00:58:46:13
Lisa
It's allowing yourself to feel safe and supported within your relationships so that you're not constantly hypervigilant about everything. So there was a lot in this episode. This is an episode that you may want to go back and listen to a couple of times to really pull out the meat and potatoes. We're going to put everything in the show notes.

00:58:46:16 - 00:59:23:06
Lisa
If this is you, if you've gone through this episode and you're like, Holy shit, there's so much here for me. I encourage you and I'm going to challenge you, right? Because you are at that stage of collapse like you're here for a reason. Something isn't working in your life. How much longer are you going to stay in this high functioning codependency loop and patting yourself on the back and giving yourself high fives because you think you're so awesome while at the same time you're drowning in resentment and your joy is slipping through your fingers every single day?

00:59:23:08 - 00:59:52:02
Lisa
This is that moment where you can decide to make a change. So not everybody is ready to work with me. Not everybody is ready to go deep into this work because a lot of you is required in order to change. It is changing patterns and behaviors and doing things that are going to make you wildly uncomfortable. In fact, the thing that I see most about this work is you must be willing to expand your capacity for discomfort.

00:59:52:04 - 01:00:10:00
Lisa
And I know that you know how to do that because I know you've muscled your way through life and I know you've accomplished big things. So what is causing you to be afraid of confronting yourself? What are you afraid you're going to find? What are you afraid you're going to have to grieve and give up? So if that's you if you're ready for this, we have multiple ways.

01:00:10:06 - 01:00:36:26
Lisa
I have multiple ways right now that we could work together. So what I want you to do before you do anything else is go to Lisa Carpenter, dot C, a forward slash WWE, fill out the application and I will in contact with you to set up a conversation so we can talk about where you are, where you want to go, what's working, what's not working, so that you can start to create the life that you want for yourself.

01:00:36:28 - 01:00:57:29
Lisa
Because look at what it's going to cost you if you do nothing right. What is the cost to you if you stay in these patterns for another six months or a year, sit your emotional well-being? Is that your health? So your relationship? How about their relationship with your kids? You get to decide how you want to show up for yourself in this moment.

01:00:58:01 - 01:01:21:17
Lisa
So. Lisa Carpenter, Dossier WW. I look forward to seeing your application. If this podcast resonated with you, you're just like, Wow, my mind is blown. There was so much here. What I would kindly request that you do is share it with somebody Share with somebody who you believe needs to know to share this with a high functioning man or woman that you know who needs this information?

01:01:21:20 - 01:01:42:26
Lisa
That would be the biggest gift for me, because that's the only way that I'm going to continue to have an impact in the world is by recording episodes like this and then asking for what it is I need in order to get my work out and have a bigger impact. So thank you so much for tuning into today's episode if you stayed with me through the whole thing.

01:01:42:26 - 01:01:51:01
Lisa
I appreciate you so much. Thank you for being here every week and I look forward to catching you on the next episode. Take good care.

01:01:51:01 - 01:02:12:12
Lisa
Hey. Hey. Before you go, I'd like to ask you something. How much longer are you willing to put yourself last to keep pushing through, hoping things will magically change while feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and disconnected from the life you truly want. Tell me if this sounds like you. From the outside. Most people think you have it all figured out.

01:02:12:17 - 01:02:33:10
Lisa
But the truth is that on most days you feel like you're barely holding it together. Your life is full of responsibilities and there's a high demand on your time and energy. You know you can't drop the ball yet. You're terrified it's going to happen. And worst of all, you're already taking the hit because you often end up at the bottom of your to do list.

01:02:33:12 - 01:03:06:17
Lisa
You've achieved so much, yet deep down, what you want most is more ease, more fulfillment, more joy, more you. And that is exactly what reclamation is all about. This isn't just another program. It's your opportunity to finally break free from the patterns that are keeping you stuck and step into a life that feels aligned, intentional and fulfilling. It's a safe space to have conversations that matter with women who get you and share your complicated relationship with vulnerability.

01:03:06:19 - 01:03:33:06
Lisa
Imagine having the support, the tools and the accountability to create real, lasting change where you're no longer just surviving, but thriving. So if you're done with feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and constantly running on empty, it's time to take that first step. Head to Lisa Carpenter, dot K forward slash reclamation and say yes to yourself, yes to the life you know you're meant for.

01:03:33:06 - 01:03:40:26
Lisa
Because if nothing changes, nothing changes. As I'll see you on the inside.