EPISODE 292: REVISIT How To Create Your Alter Ego And Become The Woman You’ve Dreamed About

Lisa Carpenter [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the Full Frontal Living podcast. I'm Lisa Carpenter, master life coach to driven, ambitious humans who want more out of life without having to sacrifice themselves to achieve it. I'll share how it's possible to slow down, take better care of yourself, find more peace and ease, create sustainable energy, stop procrastination and overwhelm and fall in love with your life, your business and your body. This podcast is for you. If you're ready to learn what it takes to thrive as a high performer. Do less, but achieve more. Make you and your well being a top priority and create your extraordinary life. I'm so glad you're here.

Lisa Carpenter [00:00:46]:
Welcome to today's episode of the Full Frontal Living podcast. I am so grateful you are here on today's episode. What I want to dive into is an idea around an alter ego. Because I talk a lot about becoming that person that you want to be and it can be confusing for people. Like, what do you mean, Lisa? Do I have to be something that I'm not? And how do you even go about that? And I, I wanted to talk about this because I had resistance around this as well. Right. If you want to be a wealthier person, then what does a wealthier person look like? How do they show up in the world? If you want to be a healthier person? Well, how would a healthier person show up? Because so often what we do is we try and work to our goal, when in fact we should be working from our goal or from our vision. So if you want to be the healthiest version of yourself, if you want to slow down, you want more peace and ease and joy and fulfillment in your life, are you being that person today or are you playing the when then game? So an alter ego became a really powerful tool for me.

Lisa Carpenter [00:01:54]:
So there is a book out that Todd Herman. I don't know if you're familiar with Todd Herman. He's a fellow Canadian, so love that. And he's an amazing man. I've had the pleasure, pleasure and privilege of meeting him. And he wrote a book called the Alter Ego Effect. I believe I will post that in the link. I have not read the book, but I am familiar with Todd's work.

Lisa Carpenter [00:02:15]:
But this, all this idea of an alter ego came into my world long before I'd ever heard about Todd Herman. And it was given to me by a coach. And she had requested that I create an alter ego about who I needed to be to create the success that I wanted to have in my life. And I really was like, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this exercise. I don't want to be something that I'm not. All this resistance came up for me until one day I just sat down and said to myself, like, Lisa, why are you making this such a big deal? Like, why are you creating a story around it? Just simply sit down and think about who you need to be, like, what character traits you need to turn up the volume on. Okay, so creating an alter ego isn't about becoming something that you're not.

Lisa Carpenter [00:03:05]:
It's about looking at the things that you know are available to you and turning up the volume on them. So I've talked very openly and honestly about how I've struggled with my self worth and insecurities. This is why perfectionism showed up in my life and people pleasing and approval seeking and all that kind of nasty process addiction stuff that we want to peel back the layers on. So I started thinking, well, I know I'm an introvert. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. An introvert just means that I need time on my own to refill my energetic bucket, so to speak. Whereas an extrovert gets energy from being around people. But what I was doing was I was using my introvert status to not show up when I went out in public.

Lisa Carpenter [00:03:55]:
In fact, going to a networking meeting, my gosh, you would have thought that I, you know, I was going to be drawn and quartered. I really, really struggled with this. I had all these stories about, you know, I was awkward meeting people and, you know, what was I going to say? And what if somebody didn't like me? So I was, I used my introversion as like a mask. Well, I can't go do that. I'm an introvert. Oh, I don't like those things. I'm an introvert. When really it was just about me and my insecurities.

Lisa Carpenter [00:04:29]:
So how does this, like, why does this even matter to you? Why should you care about having an alter ego? If we work from where we are right now, we will never really grow. And one of the biggest parts of transformation is shedding your current identity, the beliefs that you have. Right? Because your beliefs drive your behaviors. Shedding the beliefs that you have and adopting new beliefs. So in my case, I had to honor the fact that I was still an introvert, but no longer indulge my insecurities. So my alter ego became a place where I could create almost like my version of a superhero. She's not a superhero. I'm going to introduce you to her.

Lisa Carpenter [00:05:21]:
But Where I turned up the volume on the traits that I needed to have, right? Like, how would an extrovert show up in the room? How would an introverted extrovert show up in the room? Would they stand at the back of the room, or would they, you know, put their hand out and go introduce themselves to people? So if you're listening, you might be thinking, well, how does somebody who really loves their body show up for themselves? How does somebody who takes really amazing care of themselves and puts themselves first show up? What kind of things would they be doing? What would they be thinking? What would they be wearing, Right? Would they be trying on 50 different outfits every morning and yelling at themselves in the mirror? Or would they go to their closet and the only thing that existed in their closet were clothes that they loved, clothes that they love to have on their body? Would they look at themselves in the mirror and nitpick? Or would they look at themselves in the mirror and really admire and appreciate their amazing body? Right? Would they be able to accept the things that they don't like and really celebrate the things they do? Right? Would they lie in bed for 20 minutes arguing with themselves about whether or not they should go exercise? Or would they just get up and go? And I say this because this morning I started to have that argument with myself, and I thought, God, Lisa, you're going to spend more time in your head arguing about whether or not you should go. Then you're going to spend, you know, on that. You're going to spend more time in your head than you would have spent on the machine. Like, just go. Just go. So this is why an alter ego is important. And she can be whoever you want to be. She's the person that is going to stand up to the negative voices in your head and say, not today.

Lisa Carpenter [00:07:09]:
This is the person that you are going to carry with you through your transformation. So I thought it would be fun, kind of, to share some excerpts from my alter ego that I wrote. Oh, my goodness. Probably about. Oh, I wrote it in 2016. I've got it up on my screen right now. I wrote it July 4th of 2016. And what I love about this is there's still pieces that I'm working on.

Lisa Carpenter [00:07:39]:
There's still nuances that I'm like, I haven't become this part of me yet. I haven't gotten to this place yet. But there is so much of this that I have become. So my alter ego's name is Tyler, spelled T, Y, L, E, R, E. Because I think that that is a Very cool and badass name. And I'm going to share her with you. I'm going to share her with you in the hopes that I'm going to inspire you to step into your own alter ego. And I'm not the only person out there with an alter ego.

Lisa Carpenter [00:08:13]:
If you are familiar with Beyonce, she would channel Sasha Fierce before she went up on stage. Why? Because she was raised in a very proper Christian home, and going out on stage wearing short shorts with tassels and fringe and glitter and all the stuff, being the sexy div was not second nature to her. So her alter ego was the character that she stepped into so she could go out and perform her ass off and own it. And now she actually doesn't use Sasha Fierce anymore because her alter ego has become her. So she gets both sides of herself. And I often joke that even with me, I used to, you know, get all dressed up and look all proper because I wanted to look perfect and flawless and, you know, all those. All those things. And I still love all that.

Lisa Carpenter [00:09:06]:
But I don't get dressed up like that anymore to hide. And I'm just as comfortable in my jeans and T shirt. Right. So I now can take both parts of me and integrate both of them, and I get to be all the parts at any particular time. Right. So it's checking in with our intent. So I'm going to read a little bit of this to you, and what I would love for you to do when this episode is over is sit down and look at some of the people around you. Look at the traits that, you know, maybe a friend that you really admire, you know, how she takes care of herself or somebody else, how they just seem to be able to have such fluid conversation.

Lisa Carpenter [00:09:47]:
I even approached a local friend here who is an extreme extrovert, and she just radiates, like, when she's doing her thing, whether it's hosting a party or running big events for the. For the company that she works for, she just. She. She just owns her energy and owns the room. She'll talk to anybody. And she just. She's just so warm. And I actually had the opportunity to share with her how she had impacted my alter ego because I channeled a little bit of her.

Lisa Carpenter [00:10:18]:
So take a look around you, because the things that you value and appreciate in other people are usually the things that are available to you. You just have to have the courage to tap into them. And when you tap into them, anything is possible. So feel free if you need to channel me for part of your alter ego. Go for it. I would be so honored. And you wouldn't be the first person to tell me that. Lisa.

Lisa Carpenter [00:10:45]:
I could hear your voice. I could hear your voice when I didn't want to do this thing or I was having this hard conversation. So do not be afraid to channel me if you're like, I don't even know where to start. Okay. But look at the people you admire. Look at the things that you really appreciate about them, and pull those into your alter ego. And then keep that alter ego up as a reminder of, this is how you want to show up, and this is what you're working. This is what you're working towards.

Lisa Carpenter [00:11:11]:
This is your vision. This is your highest and greatest vision of yourself. So on that note, I. Because I'm stalling here. I'm. I'm recognizing my resistance, and I'm stalling because I'm like, lisa, you're going to do this, and then you're going to hit publish on this, and people are going to know and what are they going to think? And you know what? I don't care. Think what you want, because I know that somebody who is listening and maybe it's you, needs permission to do this exercise. And if it's possible for me, it's possible for you.

Lisa Carpenter [00:11:42]:
I've created an amazing life, an amazing business, an amazing relationship, and it all started with little exercises like this that were so transformative. So, without further ado, here's Tyler. Here's my alter ego, Tyler. She's wildly confident, so much so that when she walks into the room, people are captivated by her energy and drawn to her. She has a welcoming energy, but you can feel her fierce passion just by standing close to her. She's never boastful, but is proud of all she's accomplished, the hurdles she's overcome, and is unwavering in who she is and what she believes in. So that's paragraph number one. So you have to understand, when I wrote this, I was not wildly confident, and I was nervous to go up and talk to people.

Lisa Carpenter [00:12:33]:
So I knew that if I could get into an intimate conversation, I would be totally fine. But I really struggled to be in a group of people. I struggled to be in the spotlight. I struggled to stand out. I used to say that I would hide in plain sight. I had to learn also how to be proud of everything I've accomplished. And this might be something that you're struggling with as a high achiever. We do all these amazing things, but then we just, you know, we kind of like, yeah, yeah, I did it.

Lisa Carpenter [00:13:05]:
Whatever. Don't make it a big deal. But we don't acknowledge it in ourselves. We don't allow ourselves to ever feel proud of what she's accomplished. So it doesn't mean we're boasting or bragging. We're acknowledging the things that we've done. Just like if you have children, right, when they do something cool, or your friend, you're like, oh my God, that was amazing. Right? We have to learn how to self acknowledge and be and feel proud of ourselves.

Lisa Carpenter [00:13:31]:
Because if we're constantly looking for other people to validate us and say we're awesome, we're never going to feel happy or fulfilled. We're always going to be chasing. Okay, so that's where that paragraph came from. From second paragraph. She is unapologetic for what she wants in her life, in her business, and doesn't doubt for a moment she's capable of making her dreams come true. She's both a giver and a receiver and can move between the two energies flawlessly. She's generous, kind, and empathetic, but has no problem being the CEO in her business and drawing a firm line in the sand when it comes to her boundaries. That doesn't make her a bitch.

Lisa Carpenter [00:14:13]:
And this is part of the thread that strengthens her self worth. I had a really hard time saying out loud what I wanted. Because who was I to ask for more? Who was I to create an amazing life for myself? Who was I to have an awesome relationship and money in the bank and a business that I love and beautiful children and a beautiful home? Who was I to ask for all that? Who did I think I was? But the truth is, until we become unapologetic for what we want, because it doesn't matter. Just because I want it all doesn't mean I'm taking it from you. You can have it all, too. Like Oprah. You get one and you get one and you get one. We all get a car.

Lisa Carpenter [00:14:57]:
You can have whatever you want and you can want whatever you want. Okay, When I talk about being both a giver and a receiver, I was a huge giver. I was a huge giver, right? Give, give, give, give, give, give, give. To the point I was empty. And I had to learn that the energies of giving and receiving, they need to balance. It's a flow. So I needed to learn to receive. This week I've been challenged again to receive because I'm getting so many messages and comments about my engagement.

Lisa Carpenter [00:15:29]:
So many people are happy and I'm having to sit Back thinking like, wow, these are all people that are in my life that actually care. These are people that are following along and know my journey and they're reaching out to say, I'm happy for you. Congratulations. It's forcing me to receive. When I published my book and people were sharing it and posting on social media and helping me get the word out about it, I had to sit back and learn to receive and just say thank you. And maybe you are having a hard time receiving. Maybe when somebody gives you a compliment, you like bat it back to them. Like they say, oh my God, I love your shoes.

Lisa Carpenter [00:16:07]:
And you're like, I love your shoes too. You're so amazing. You're so pretty. Oh, you're so pretty too. Right? We have to stop that. We have to stop that. When somebody pays you a compliment this week, I want you to just receive it with a thank you. Hard stop.

Lisa Carpenter [00:16:21]:
Okay? You still get to give. You still get to give. But we must learn how to receive. And especially as women, we believe so much of our self worth and our, our value is what we're able to give. But we're not allowing ourselves to receive. And quite often we're not giving freely from the heart because there's expectations attached to our giving. We're looking for someone to tell us we're awesome or we're looking for our self worth or to be validated in the doing that we're doing or the things that we're giving to other people. So really check your energy around that and ask yourself, what can I do to receive this today? It might be somebody buying you a coffee or maybe your husband offers to do something instead of jumping in there and saying, no, no, I got it.

Lisa Carpenter [00:17:05]:
Let them do it. Receive, okay? Being generous and kind and empathetic obviously is always going to be important to me. But being a CEO in my business meant that I needed to know how I could be powerful as well. So again, to be able to give to everybody. But what do I need to do inside my business to take care of my. How could I set better boundaries around my work hours? And I give so much to my clients. But what was the boundary I was going to put around it? Was I going to work 247 and be available all the time? No. Boundaries do not make us bitchy, okay? Boundaries are the line in the sand that we draw that says, like, that's not okay.

Lisa Carpenter [00:17:50]:
This is what I need for me. So boundaries are not about the other person. Boundaries are for us, to keep us our healthiest, most grounded versions of Ourselves. Okay, paragraph number three. At her core, she knows she's here as a powerful leader and healer, and she doesn't take this responsibility lightly. She's got high levels of integrity, but first and foremost stays true to herself and her values. Connection, community, integrity, family, generosity are the foundation of everything she does. So it was really important for me to get clear on the things that were important for me, because when we lead from our values, we can never make a mistake.

Lisa Carpenter [00:18:33]:
We can never make a mistake when we know our values. And stepping into this, that I'm here for a purpose, that I'm here to lead. And then I'm here to help women heal, right? I'm here to help you heal your relationship with your body and your self worth. I'm here to help you be the best version of yourself so that we can all go out and change the world. Because as long as we are sitting here playing small, we're not out there making the change that we can make in this world. And that matters to me. We're so caught up in the garbage in our head. But let me tell you, I had such a hard time owning my capabilities and owning my gifts.

Lisa Carpenter [00:19:21]:
I didn't want to be a leader. Who was I to lead? I'm just some. Some girl, right? Just some woman. And look at all the stuff. Like, look at all the stuff I've had to work through. Like, why were these gifts given to me? If you've ever had a conversation with me, I just know things. I can see things. I can see people's blind spots.

Lisa Carpenter [00:19:43]:
I. I can't even explain how my magic works. I just know I have magic, and I don't try and pretend it's not there. I would have people say to me, lisa, not every coach is like you. And I'd be like, yeah, they are. Everybody does this. And I've come to realize, no, not everybody does. And it's okay for me to own my gifts.

Lisa Carpenter [00:20:05]:
My alter ego challenged me to step into my leadership and own my gifts. All right, paragraph four. She's the friend you want to have in your corner, who will always be there to listen, hold space, and help you see and feel what you're unwilling to so you can grow and expand. She's relaxed in this role, yet never leads from a place of ego. She's a leader because she's committed to being in the trenches with the women she serves and is not afraid of sharing the most vulnerable parts of herself. So if you've been listening and you're listening to me right now, this is vulnerable for me, but this is what I committed to when I wrote this alter ego. This alter ego is what allowed me to eventually hit record on this podcast. And I know this podcast is making an impact because I hear from you every single week.

Lisa Carpenter [00:21:00]:
Somebody reaches out and lets me know that this impacted them, this work, this message impacted them. But I had to own that first. She's deeply connected to her intuition and never questions her decisions, but simply moves through each one, knowing that what is meant to unfold will do so perfectly. She embraces her feminine energy as her greatest strength and no longer doubts the role it must play in her life. She's able to do this while still embracing her masculine drive and ambition, while no longer being afraid that its power will seduce reduce her into the place of becoming disconnected. She no longer fears losing herself or her way. That was such a powerful paragraph for me because for most of my life, I had overruled my intuition because I was working from flawed beliefs and behaviors. I didn't listen to my gut right when it was telling me, this isn't okay, right? It's like that whisper of this isn't okay.

Lisa Carpenter [00:22:05]:
And I would push it down and I would just keep going. Whether it was in unhealthy relationships or in my business or somebody would say something to me. And because I'm more externally referenced, I was like, oh, okay, you must know the way I'm going to go do that. So I would override what my gut and what my heart was telling me, and I would take other people's opinions as the truth. So to step into that, that intuition, that saying, I'm going to do it my way. Thank you for your suggestion. Thank you for your feedback. Let me put that through the filter of my intuition, and then I'm going to move forward so I'm not closed off to taking other people's input.

Lisa Carpenter [00:22:45]:
I have a lot of people around me that I trust to give me great feedback. But at the end of the day, I get to say no and I get to choose based on what my intuition is telling me. In regards to embracing my feminine energy when I was so in the doing and the achievement and the chasing and the striving and the proving and the pushing, I was in my masculine energy and masculine energy, we all have yin and yang energy. Masculine energy is all about the getting it done, right? The hunters, the gatherers, they get out there, they go do the things. It's seductive. As women, we are told that this is the energy we need to lead from if we're going to get ahead. It made me feel powerful. It made me feel in control.

Lisa Carpenter [00:23:34]:
But that masculine energy, if left to its own devices, will rob you of your health, right? Because masculine energy just wants to go, right? It's like the sled dog. It just wants to race. And I had to learn that I could appreciate and value my masculine energy. It's very important to me, right? Nothing would get done in my business if I didn't know how to tap into it. But I had to refine my masculine energy so it wasn't controlling me. I had to learn that my power actually came from my feminine energy. That was where my strength was. My feminine energy is nurturing.

Lisa Carpenter [00:24:15]:
It's my intuition. It knows that I need to rest and play and relax and connect. And when I do that, I'm so much more effective in my business, right? This is the do less better that I talk about all the time, right? If we want to go forward, we need to slow down, right? Slow down so we can do less better. So I really had to make peace with how my masculine was going to show up in my life and how my feminine was going to show up because my masculine led me to burnout and adrenal fatigue and flip my life upside down again. So for the longest time, I didn't trust my drive. I didn't trust that masculine energy. And after now, all years of work of that kind of push and pull and leaning in and leaning back and more discipline, less discipline, more commitment, less commitment, I've come to a place where I can trust both. I can really tune in and say, what is it that I really need in this moment? And where am I lying to myself, right? So sometimes I need to pull out my masculine energy and say, we got to do this stuff, Lisa.

Lisa Carpenter [00:25:25]:
Right? Because if we're constantly not doing things because we don't feel like it, we're not going to feel like doing anything. So we really do need that masculine energy. But it's balancing it out with the taking care of yourself, the powerful feminine energy, right? Feminine energy calls the masculine energy home. Right? We're. We're the. We're. We're the. The nurturing part of our being.

Lisa Carpenter [00:25:52]:
So that is a taste of what is in this. And, you know, I go, I go on to talk about my superpowers, are asking for and receiving help along with sharing her stories unedited and speaking off the cuff. She never questions or doubts the words that leave her mouth and always trusts that something greater than her is speaking through her. She will say the Tough things that need to be said, but always from a place of love. No one ever feels judged by her, but only feels supported, heard and understood. She has the power to see into the dark corners of people and bring them into the light to be healed. She evokes deep emotions in others. She has no idea how she can do this so easily and effortlessly, but she no longer questions it or downplays how magical it is.

Lisa Carpenter [00:26:40]:
Right? So I talked about that being able to ask and receive help, knowing what my superpowers are and owning that unapologetically and not questioning it anymore. And then I went on to say, is my alter ego. She has no fear of adventure and will hop on a plane anytime she has the chance to see the world and experience all that life has to offer. She doesn't let the rules of the world dictate how she lives. She knows that life is meant to be lived fully and that success and fulfillment will never be found behind the computer screen, right? I had to learn how to rest and play because I was like, no, we got to work hard, we got to get there, right? And you may be thinking you got to do all the things to whether it's lose weight or create your health, but what if it's just learning how to be kind to yourself? What if your alter ego knows how to be kind and compassionate, knows how to nurture herself and take divine care of herself and put her needs first? And what do those needs look like? You get to create this. I went on to talk about the relationship that I wanted to have with money, right? This was at a time when I was just growing my business. So here's the paragraph I wrote about that. She's confident and secure in her ability to make and manage money and never worries about where her next client will come from because she's always in high demand, her reputation is spotless, and she's always spoken of highly by her peers, clients and friends.

Lisa Carpenter [00:28:13]:
She's well respected and loved by anyone who's had the opportunity to work with her or be part of her inner circle. She honors all the things she loves and no longer says yes to anything that doesn't fill her soul with joy. She has no problem investing in all the activities she wants to participate in, like Latin dancing and play just as much as she likes to work. So this has come full circle because I'm just now looking into bachata lessons with my hubby because now I'm exploring my sexuality and the edge that that kind of brings me into. So, you know, I'm not going to keep going because I don't want this podcast episode to go super, super long. I try and keep them to about 30 minutes for you guys. But this document literally helped me to rewrite who I needed to be. It helped me take responsibility for my money.

Lisa Carpenter [00:29:07]:
It helped me take responsibility for my gifts and what I wanted in my life. It helped me take responsibility for my need for quiet time and non negotiable self care. It helped me take responsibility for how I was going to show up in the gym and how I wanted to be a boss in my business and how I wanted to be in the bedroom, right? Like I went into every single corner of this alter ego document. And what I love about this, right, I wrote this July 4, 2016, is that so much of this is who I am now, right? It's not who I aspire to be. I have become this person. So there are pieces in here that I'm like, ooh, I still need to lean into that. But we literally create our lives with the words we speak, with the thoughts we think. And we have so much power.

Lisa Carpenter [00:30:06]:
And if I could give you, you know, one takeaway from this, I want you to understand that everything you need to create the life that you want is already in you. You just have to have the courage and curiosity to tap into it and lean into your edges and let go of anything that isn't serving you. So what I'm going to do, I am going to post the link to this Google Doc in the show notes. If you want to read the entire document, have at her, go in there, read it, let it inspire you to create your own alter ego, that vision that you have for yourself and for your life, and then go back and read it in a year and pull from it and. And when you show up, be that alter ego until she becomes you. Because anything is possible. When I left my marriage over, gosh, I guess it was over 11 or 12 years ago now. I knew that life had more for me.

Lisa Carpenter [00:31:18]:
I didn't know what. I didn't know what it was going to look like, but I started creating in my mind and in my journal all the things I wanted. Now I have the relationship that I've always wanted, like to the T on paper. Granted, I would have skipped over the addiction and recovery part, but you know what? That needed to happen. That was a gift. I live in the house that I said I was going to live in. I have a beautiful family, my business is thriving, and I feel more peaceful and at ease than I ever have in my life. And I created this.

Lisa Carpenter [00:31:58]:
And you can create it too. It's possible. It's 100% possible for you. So make sure on this episode in particular, you check out the show notes. I'm going to put the link to Todd Herman's the Alter Ego Effect book. I am going to put the link to my Alter ego document for you to take a look at. Until next time. I hope this episode served you well.

Lisa Carpenter [00:32:24]:
Please, please remember that you have to matter most in your life and that you are 100% worth it. So take good care of you and I will see you on the next episode.