What does it actually mean to let go, and why does it feel so impossible for high achievers?
If you’ve spent years doing the work, reading the books, building the practices, and you’re still exhausted, still gripping, still feeling like you’re one step behind yourself no matter how much you accomplish, this episode is going to give you a completely different framework for understanding why. And more importantly, what to do instead.
Who is Danielle LaPorte?
Danielle LaPorte is a bestselling author, top podcaster, and member of Oprah’s Super Soul 100 whose spiritual direction has reached over 40 million people worldwide. She is the Founder and CEO of Centering, the first multimedia, multifaith app of its kind for spiritual wellness, and the author of The Fire Starter Sessions, The Desire Map, White Hot Truth, How to Be Loving, and her newest book, Bless and Release: The Physics of Letting Go and Wanting What’s Meant for You.
Danielle’s Story: Always Doing, Even in Devotion
Danielle LaPorte built a career that most people would consider extraordinary. Thought leader, bestselling author, speaker, founder, her work has shaped the personal growth conversation for decades. But underneath the visibility and the impact was a pattern she describes with striking honesty: being built like a Clydesdale, always doing, even in her devotion, always doing.
For the year and a half leading up to this conversation, Danielle had been running nonstop, finishing a book, launching a venture capital round for Centering, navigating team changes, going through a divorce, all while trying to maintain the pace she had built her identity around. She describes eating steak and sauerkraut for a year and a half just to get through it, a far cry from the woman who had been vegetarian most of her life. Not because anything was wrong, but because the hustle had taken over and she had let it.
What she’s putting down now isn’t the ambition. She still wants success in all forms, and she doesn’t think wanting visibility or impact was ever the problem. What she’s releasing is the belief that she has to always be doing, that perpetual motion is what makes her worthy of what she’s built. And that shift, from wanting more to finally wanting what’s meant for you, from striving to being more at peace with whatever happens, is exactly what this conversation is about.
What we talk about in this episode:
- How Danielle defines success now versus how she once defined it. She doesn’t think her earlier definition was wrong, but something has fundamentally shifted. She still wants it all, but she’s more at peace with whatever happens. If you’ve ever achieved what you set out to achieve and still felt like the bar just moved again, her reframe on what success actually means now is one you’ll want to sit with.
- Why you can’t actually let anything go, and what to do instead. Danielle introduces the physics of bless and release: energy can’t be destroyed, only transformed. The ceremonies, the cord cutting, the sending things off, none of it works if it’s really just dressed-up anger. Real release is about integration, not annihilation, and the how matters more than most of us have been taught.
- The fear driving the hustle that never lets you rest. Danielle’s theory is that every fear, whether it’s fear of failure, rejection, or humiliation, is ultimately a micro-fear of annihilation, of being as if you never existed. When you can finally see that fear not as something to overcome but as something to carry with compassion, everything shifts. She also shares her own daily inner child practice, placing one hand on her belly and one on her heart each morning and asking what that part of her needs to be in balance that day, and how it has changed her relationship with the fear she once denied entirely.
- Why we reject ourselves in the very pursuit of not being rejected. One of the most powerful moments in this conversation: Danielle breaks down how the fear of rejection becomes magnetic, how staying up late, working harder, withholding your truth, and shrinking in relationships is all just one long strategy to avoid being rejected, and how that strategy quietly creates more of exactly what you fear.
- The grief inside letting go that nobody talks about. Lisa shares her own experience of carrying a rock through the entire Camino de Santiago, intending to put it down at the end as a symbol of releasing her pain, and discovering that she couldn’t let it go. What she found was that there are actually two layers of grief: the grief of what happened, and then the grief of releasing the pain itself, because the pain had become part of her identity. If you’ve ever held onto something long past when you knew you should let it go, this part of the conversation will name something you may not have had words for yet.
- Why spiritual perfectionism is just another form of bypassing. If you’ve ever used gratitude, meditation, or any spiritual practice to skip over something uncomfortable, Danielle names that pattern clearly and without judgment. She also talks openly about her own season of a more relaxed practice, and why trusting that there’s enough light in escrow is sometimes the most honest and courageous thing you can do.
- What self-compassion actually requires from high achievers, and why it feels so dangerous. It’s not a concept or a strategy. Slowing down looks like death when your entire identity is built on motion, and self-compassion requires stillness. Danielle and Lisa go deep on why rest isn’t rewarded, why most of us were never modeled it, and what it’s actually costing you to keep running without it.
- Why high achievers are addicted to intensity, and what’s really driving it. If you’re someone who thrives on being busy and struggles to slow down without guilt or anxiety, this will reframe everything. Danielle explains that adrenaline is essentially jacked life force, a taste of aliveness that high achievers chase because they’re running low on the real thing.
- The power of receptivity as the real success strategy. Danielle talks about what it means to be truly aligned, not as a concept but as a practice of creating space for life force to drop in. Forcefulness depletes you. Receptivity empowers you. And what becomes possible when you stop hunting long enough to receive is something most high achievers have never actually experienced.
- How to know when you’re out of alignment. Danielle’s answer is one of the most honest things in this episode: she loses her sense of humor. A simple, real metric most of us never talk about, and one that will make you rethink how you take the temperature of your own congruence.
- What a deeply fulfilling life actually looks and feels like. Not the version you’ve been chasing, but the one that’s been waiting for you. Danielle’s answer is grounding, specific, and deeply human: emotional intimacy, real conversations, snort laughs, genuine partnership, serving with joy, and getting off her own case. If you’ve been running so hard that you’ve forgotten what you’re actually running toward, this part of the conversation will bring you back.
This episode is for you if you’ve ever:
- Felt successful on the outside while quietly carrying something heavy on the inside that you couldn’t quite name
- Wondered why you can do all the inner work and still find yourself back in the same pattern six months later
- Used gratitude, positive thinking, or spiritual practice to skip over something you weren’t ready to feel
- Snapped at someone you love after a long day and immediately felt guilty for not being more present
- Collapsed into bed exhausted but found your mind too loud to actually rest
- Said yes to something you didn’t want to do because disappointing someone felt worse than disappointing yourself
- Looked at your life and thought “I know better, so why can’t I do better?”
- Felt afraid that if you let the pain go, you’d lose the part of yourself it was protecting
- Wondered “how much longer can I keep this up?” and kept going anyway
- Built a life other people admire and still felt, in the quietest moments, like something was off
How to actually stop carrying what’s weighing you down
What Danielle offers in this conversation isn’t another technique for pushing your pain away faster. It’s something more radical and more honest than that: the invitation to stop trying to overcome your exhaustion, your fear, your grief, and start bringing it closer instead. To bless it. To get curious about it. To pour love on it, because what happens when you pour love on anything is that it starts to relax, to transform, to get lighter in ways that forcing it away never could.
The reason so many high achievers stay stuck in the same loops isn’t because they aren’t trying hard enough. It’s because they’ve been given the wrong instructions. You’ve been taught to cut cords, to push through, to let go and move on, and none of it has produced the peace you were promised, because energy can’t be destroyed. It can only be transformed. And transformation requires integration, not annihilation.
You’re right. The episode and Danielle’s work are much more about the gap between outer success and inner experience, the patterns you can no longer see, and wanting what’s actually meant for you. Let me rewrite:
Ready to see the pattern that’s been driving your experience?
Danielle talks in this episode about how the most powerful patterns are the ones you can no longer see, the ones you stopped calling patterns and started calling personality. That’s not a flaw. That’s what happens when a strategy runs long enough to become an identity. You don’t need to work harder on yourself. You need deeper awareness of what’s actually been running the show.
If this conversation resonated, if you recognized yourself in the always doing, the fear underneath the hustle, the gap between how your life looks and how it actually feels, the Success Paradox Quiz is where you start. In less than ten minutes you’ll identify the dominant pattern shaping the way you work, lead, achieve, and measure your worth. You’ll understand the hidden cost of that pattern, why success keeps falling short of what you expected it to feel like, and what needs to shift for that to change.
Take the Success Paradox Quiz at lisacarpenter.ca/quiz.
And if you’re already clear on the pattern and you’re ready to do something about it, you can apply to work with me directly at lisacarpenter.ca/wwm.
Connect with Danielle LaPorte:
Website: daniellelaporte.com
Instagram: @daniellelaporte
Bless and Release is available now in audio and digital through the Centering app, with print dropping June 2026. Get it at daniellelaporte.com/bless.
00:00:06:21 - 00:00:36:13
Lisa
The very patterns that create success can quietly undermine your ability to experience it. Welcome to Congruent. I'm Lisa Carpenter. Because at some point, success becomes about more than what you've built. It becomes about whether your life feels the way you thought it would. Each week I sit down with founders, executives, entrepreneurs, thought leaders and high-capacity professionals to explore success, leadership, fulfillment and the experiences that shape them.
00:00:36:16 - 00:01:05:05
Lisa
Together, we examine how our definitions of success evolve. Why accomplishment doesn't always create the life we expected. And what happens when we stop assuming our ways of thinking, leading and achieving are simply part of who we are. Because the question isn't whether you've achieved success, it's whether your success feels the way you thought it would.
00:01:05:07 - 00:01:30:28
Lisa
If you don't know Danielle Laporte yet, I'm excited to introduce you to this amazing powerhouse of a woman. I've been following Danielle's work for years, back when she was a thought leader, before we even had a word for that. Her work opened doors for me personally, and I have been waiting for this conversation for a long time. So Danielle's spiritual collection has reached over 40 million people, and if you spend five minutes in her world, you'll understand why.
00:01:31:01 - 00:02:00:22
Lisa
She's a member of Oprah's Super Soul 100. A former publicist and director of a Washington, D.C. think tank where she managed futurists, creating scenario plans for the Pentagon and the world Bank. And she's the author of some of the most honest, grounding books in the personal growth space, including The Firestarter Sessions, The Desire Map, White Hot Truth, How to Be Loving, and her newest Bliss, and release The Physics of Letting Go and Wanting What's Meant for You.
00:02:00:25 - 00:02:31:03
Lisa
Her centered membership and leadership curriculum have supported facilitators in over 30 countries with her podcast With Love. Danielle ranked in the top point 5% of shows worldwide. Not only that, she is the founder and CEO of centering, the first multi-media, multi-faith app of its kind for spiritual wellness. Now, in this conversation, we go deep on why letting go is actually impossible and what to do instead.
00:02:31:06 - 00:03:01:00
Lisa
Why high achievers are so addicted to intensity and what it's really costing them, the fear that drives the hustle and why trying to overcome it only makes it louder, and why self-compassion can feel like such a threat when your whole identity has been built on doing and achieving. If you've ever kept running at full speed and still felt like something was was quietly off underneath all of it, you're going to want to stay with us for every minute of this conversation.
00:03:01:02 - 00:03:02:18
Lisa
So let's dive in.
00:03:02:20 - 00:03:28:08
Lisa
Danielle. Before we started recording, I was reflecting on the fact that you were actually one of my first gateways into personal growth. I followed your work for years now through all different evolutions, reinventions, seasons and identities. And what I've always respected isn't just what you've built, but your willingness to keep becoming more and more honest. You just share so, so openly.
00:03:28:11 - 00:03:52:13
Lisa
And I think so many people know you through desire, manifestation, heart centered, living and leadership. But what I feel underneath this new body of work is something much deeper around grief, surrender, nervous system, healing, identity, and letting go of the parts of ourselves that were built from pressure, performance, and proving you know a lot about these things.
00:03:52:16 - 00:04:14:18
Lisa
Because one distinction in my work that I've been really interested in is the difference between high achievement, which is all about chasing, and high performance, which is all about being grounded in your center and being intentional. So success becomes less of a destination and more of an expression of who you already are and how you experience your life.
00:04:14:20 - 00:04:34:05
Lisa
So when I was reading parts of your newest book, I kept thinking about that shift from striving and force into something much more coherent, gentle, and deeply embodied. So this is where I want to start. How do you define success now versus how you once defined it?
00:04:34:08 - 00:05:03:14
Danielle
Well, that's such a beautiful description of before and after already and the deepening of I mean when we all hope it's we're getting deeper. I think that's really the point you just hear to get deeper really. Well you know the subtitle of Firestarter sessions was define success on your own terms. And that was cool. I mean that was very kind of Bob Dylan but but like what is success.
00:05:03:14 - 00:05:33:29
Danielle
I would have said back then successes, visibility and making an impact. And they built the both of those desires came from healthy and unhealthy places you know. Right. You can twist either one of those. I always wanted to be of service for sure, for sure. And I would say now success is I want it all, I want it all.
00:05:33:29 - 00:06:07:29
Danielle
I want success in all forms. It's one of my personal mantras that I'm grateful for success in all forms. So I still want all that I haven't. Like I don't find that I don't think I was uncool to want visibility and to have an impact. It's just I'm now more at peace with whatever happens. And you know, this is really like this through line, a pillar, if you will, of blessing release which is wanting what's meant for you.
00:06:08:02 - 00:06:32:27
Danielle
And I think it takes a lot of courage to do that. And sometimes I'm there and sometimes I'm not. I mean I really just want what I want. Yeah. And not even interested in the Divine's plan some, some days you know. But I think now I am more able to.
00:06:33:00 - 00:06:58:11
Danielle
What? I have these moments. I think this is a regular thing that's been going on for years. Where should I shave my head and walk away from it? I talk about this often. And it's just been recently where I think. Well, what if what's meant for me is a simpler life and no visibility. And I can really, honestly, like, in earnest go there.
00:06:58:13 - 00:07:14:14
Danielle
And I don't think that's what's meant for me. I don't think that's my dharma. I don't think that's how I'm built. It's not what I've seen. And we're going to find out. I mean, every week we find out a little more about what is meant for ourselves. Yeah, right.
00:07:14:18 - 00:07:34:06
Lisa
And what's beautiful. And you've been in this work for so long is, you know, you always have choice and you can change your mind. We can change our mind at any point in time. If we decide that something is it for us, right? We will be redirected. We just let it go. Maybe it's just part of getting older as well is there's less attachment to things have to be a certain way.
00:07:34:08 - 00:07:54:16
Lisa
And there's more. For me at least, there's more trust in the the unfolding, because most of the things in my life that have happened were not on my bingo card, but they completely directed me into where I needed to go. So, you know, less gripping. I wanted to talk a little bit about some of the identities that built you.
00:07:54:19 - 00:08:15:28
Lisa
So in the book, you said I let go of a lifestyle that I had over worked to build. What did that realization feel like to you emotionally when you when you really grounded yourself into that? Because this is something a lot of the people that follow me and listen to me, come to realize.
00:08:16:00 - 00:08:19:27
Danielle
That's been a few years. In The Undoing.
00:08:19:28 - 00:08:22:29
Lisa
Yes it is. This is a big one to undo.
00:08:23:01 - 00:09:00:12
Danielle
Yeah. So it's in my, it is in my DNA. It's in my site, my psychology. It's, it's in my chart. Like it's just like I am built like a Clydesdale and I am always doing. I'm always doing even in my devotion. I'm always doing. And that's what I'm putting down that I'm. I don't have to always be doing, that I do have an ego and I have to learn to love my ego.
00:09:00:12 - 00:09:23:19
Danielle
I think even the trip of like, there is no such thing as ego death. I hear people online talking about, you know, death. And I'm just like, no, the ego never dies. The ego comes from the mind. The ego saying it died is just really the ego tricking you because it's always going to be there. So why don't you just, like, let it have a seat at your table and just be more aware?
00:09:23:22 - 00:09:27:18
Danielle
I forget the question. What was the question? Oh, about all this stuff. The letting go?
00:09:27:18 - 00:09:30:09
Lisa
Yeah. The realization underneath.
00:09:30:11 - 00:09:58:21
Danielle
Yes. Okay. I was just having this conversation yesterday with my son, and I said, I call him PwC, and I said, PwC. Do you feel excited about loving yourself? Like, do you feel excited about doing loving things for yourself? Because I'm out of place and I don't think I've been here for very long, actually, where I'm really enjoying taking care of my life.
00:09:58:24 - 00:10:24:08
Danielle
But it is not easy. Because there is risk involved. There is trust involved. There is, there's the like so much in business we talk about the power of focus, but we don't talk enough about the pain of focus that you're going to say no to. Things that could bring, could make your payroll that month. Yeah. You're going to say no to things and you're going to disappoint people.
00:10:24:08 - 00:10:54:09
Danielle
And you have reputation management things, all the things to varying degrees. Whether you're you're paranoid about what people think of you or you just want to be in integrity and a reliable person, right. So I'm like, I just realized, like for the last year and a half, I've been working so hard on, my gosh, you know, we finish the book, and then I got seduced into doing this round of venture capital for this app that we're building, centering.
00:10:54:11 - 00:11:06:14
Danielle
And it really has been nonstop. And then there's team changes. And then there was a divorce. I mean, it's just like there's been a lot going on, and I've been basically eating steak and sauerkraut for a.
00:11:06:14 - 00:11:07:10
Lisa
Year and a half.
00:11:07:13 - 00:11:31:24
Danielle
I think, because I just like and that this is coming from someone who was vegan, I was ready for most of my life and then vegan and I and I just like, I'm just going to get it done. I just got to get done what I got to get done. And I was like, I want to take delight in broccoli again and making some sweet things for myself.
00:11:31:24 - 00:11:49:07
Danielle
Because, you know, we all know how mothers, especially now, how fun it is to like love on our people. And I'm and I'm really moving into the season of like, oh, it's fine to love on me. Like joy creates more joy. Yeah.
00:11:49:10 - 00:11:52:16
Lisa
I love that. I'm a big believer and learning how to love on ourselves.
00:11:52:16 - 00:11:53:27
Danielle
And it's.
00:11:53:29 - 00:12:09:24
Lisa
For most of the men and women I work with and even for my own journey, learning to love on myself was a hard thing because I had to step into kind of, well, what does that even look like? Because I believed I already was a person that took care of myself. Yes, through my definition of what that was.
00:12:09:27 - 00:12:30:22
Lisa
And I didn't view taking care of myself as softening, meeting myself with more compassion, giving myself a little grace. I can be a very intense person, and I love that about myself. I like my friends that you have such high standards. I kind of love that about myself, and I've had to learn to. Also, like Lisa, you can still lower your standards and it's okay.
00:12:30:24 - 00:12:33:11
Lisa
You can eat the right center.
00:12:33:11 - 00:12:35:09
Danielle
Yeah, yeah.
00:12:35:11 - 00:12:54:22
Lisa
I will never be a lover of broccoli, so I'll leave you with that one. Broccoli is my least favorite vegetable. I know it's really good for you, but I don't eat stuff that I don't like. But I will join you on the steak. So there was another quote in the book that said I connected with the fear driving the hustle that never let me rest.
00:12:54:24 - 00:13:14:08
Lisa
And this is another thing that comes up for so many of us. I mean, when I first went through a period of really severe burnout way back in the day, and I've told this story many times, I was seeing my osteopath and I had already slowed down so much, right? Like I'd already I was up here, I'd already slowed down to here.
00:13:14:10 - 00:13:38:15
Lisa
And she said to me, you know, Lisa, I think you I think you need to slow down more. I think maybe you should give up weight training and maybe start swimming. And I burst into tears on the table. I'm like, do you know who I am? Like, that's not exercise, that's swimming. And rest felt like an absolute threat to my identity, right?
00:13:38:15 - 00:13:58:19
Lisa
I didn't realize how much I was wrapped up in the doing, how much I had, really, you know, for a while, use Bernie Brown's words like, used it as like a badge of honor. Look how much I can do while looking good doing it. And it really, it really took me out for a long time, so I would love to hear.
00:13:58:21 - 00:14:02:27
Lisa
What was the fear driving your hustle?
00:14:02:29 - 00:14:29:13
Danielle
I think it's fear in general that we just deny that. I just denied it like fear. This is my philosophy. Everybody is conducting fear. As long as you have a mind, you will have fear. The ego generates fear, the ultimate fear. Again, that's just my theory. I think the ultimate fear for most humans is annihilation. So you could say like, oh, it's the fear of death.
00:14:29:16 - 00:14:52:24
Danielle
Okay, really, just dig a little deeper. It's being annihilated. It's as if you never existed and you will never exist again. I can't think of anything more terrifying, like I wasn't here. And so you get fear of death. You get fear of humiliation. You get fear of rejection. It's just all micro fears of annihilation. And with all the inner child work I've done.
00:14:52:26 - 00:15:25:20
Danielle
So I always like to preface anything around inner child by saying, my theory is that your inner child is not you, it's not Lisa when you were ten. Inner child is just a really powerful, effective name for your unconscious self, for your unhealed, your as yet unhealed stuff. And I realized through my inner child work, which you do every day, and I put my right hand on my belly and my left hand on my heart before I get out of bed and I say, baby or shadow me or whatever is up that day, what do you need to be in balance today?
00:15:25:21 - 00:15:52:27
Danielle
How can I support you? And she's almost always afraid. Always everything. Every every complaint, every requirement, every rage, every. It's just all fear. And I have finally had to just, well, like admit or see, there's actually a part of me that I carry with me everywhere, all the time that's terrified.
00:15:53:00 - 00:16:09:05
Danielle
And I would never. Are you kidding? I would never have said that. Seen that, promoted that years ago. I just be like, there are parts of me that are afraid time.
00:16:09:07 - 00:16:37:19
Danielle
Or this one aspect, and I'm working on it and I'm going to have the fearful part of me become courageous. No. Probably for the rest of this lifetime, I will carry around a part of me that's always afraid, and that's actually made it so much easier to be with. I feel so powerful. Yeah. Carrying that. No.
00:16:37:21 - 00:16:58:27
Lisa
I often say to clients, you know, you can't wait for fear and doubt to go away like they're not. They're your wingman. They're literally like link arms with them. You don't have to like them to accept that they are there. But when you can make friends with them and recognize the role that they're playing, then they just they come along for the journey.
00:16:58:27 - 00:17:19:04
Lisa
I've never not had fear. And the way that I look at fear is it's, this fear of losing love, safety or belonging. Those are kind of the three core ones. Right? And that's what's driven a lot of the things in my life, from proving to perfectionism to the, you know, endless hours of productivity, like being a machine.
00:17:19:06 - 00:17:34:08
Lisa
It was always trying to get somewhere so I could feel like I wouldn't be abandoned, that I would be safe, that I would be loved. And I don't know why. Parts of me thought that those were ever on the table.
00:17:34:10 - 00:17:35:11
Danielle
But they did.
00:17:35:14 - 00:17:42:28
Lisa
And that's okay. And I've learned to work with them. I think it's part of, you know.
00:17:43:00 - 00:18:03:19
Lisa
I can never not be human. So I'm not trying to transcend the human parts of me. I'm in. I signed up to be human, so I love working on my spirituality and talking about all these things. And for me, it's it's been it's been so powerful to just partner with all of these parts and say, like, they're here, let's be real, let's be human.
00:18:03:19 - 00:18:20:03
Lisa
Let's go out, let's talk about this and let's see how we can support other people moving through this. That's why I love having these conversations. Do you think that many people are unknowingly abandoning themselves.
00:18:20:05 - 00:18:20:13
Danielle
In.
00:18:20:13 - 00:18:21:22
Lisa
Pursuit?
00:18:21:24 - 00:18:24:02
Danielle
Yeah. Of being better. Yeah.
00:18:24:05 - 00:18:31:27
Lisa
Can you talk more about that? Because I believe the same. And I'd love to hear your perspective.
00:18:31:29 - 00:18:38:18
Danielle
And we will harm ourselves in order to not be rejected.
00:18:38:20 - 00:18:45:23
Lisa
Right. It's so fascinating because I believe we all have that fear of rejection, yet we're constantly rejecting ourselves.
00:18:45:25 - 00:18:56:09
Danielle
I think we're constantly rejecting ourselves in pursuit of trying to not be rejected. Yes.
00:18:56:11 - 00:18:57:17
Lisa
Right. It's like being stuck in the right.
00:18:57:17 - 00:19:21:03
Danielle
I want to be rejected. I don't want to be rejected. Don't reject me. Don't reject me. So I'll stay up too late. I will work harder. Longer. I will withhold my truth. I won't say the thing. I won't really show up with my opinion. I'll start changing once we get into relations so we don't get rejected. Yeah, and then we do get rejected.
00:19:21:06 - 00:19:46:03
Danielle
Because really, what's happening in our energy field is this don't get rejected. And that's grow and grow and grow and grow and growing. It's a really just as big topic of rejection. And it becomes magnetic to more rejection. So then the soul says, okay, your rejection cloud's big enough. Now let's, let's, let's create an impactful event. You're going to get dumped.
00:19:46:03 - 00:20:08:11
Danielle
You're going to get betrayed. You're going to get uninvited. You're not even going to know. You get uninvited, you're just going to get not invited, and you're going to find out about it, and you're going to feel rejection, you know? And then you really have to dig and like, not overcome the rejection. Please, everybody stop trying to overcome the pain.
00:20:08:13 - 00:20:35:10
Danielle
You have to really be with you have to soften to rejection is hard. I feel like a loser. I feel like I'm behind. And you love the part of yourself that feels those really awful, uncomfortable things. And what is that? That's acceptance. That's acceptance. You accept the part of you that's just, like, so hurt. Oh, my gosh, no judgment.
00:20:35:12 - 00:20:52:03
Danielle
You don't need another self-help class to help you unpack being hurt. Just love your hurt. And girlfriend. You get so powerful loving the worst, most wounded parts of yourself. You become indestructible. Almost pink.
00:20:52:06 - 00:21:23:20
Lisa
What you just said there are so powerful. Because one of the things I talk about, and that I think a lot of people aren't talking about in the self-help industry, is the power of grief and what it initiates us into. And, you know, when I had to meet the part of myself that felt deeply rejected and abandoned from events that happened in my own life, there were like, the only way out was through was to really meet that pain in myself and and then start to ask, like, how long do you want to carry this for?
00:21:23:22 - 00:21:38:19
Lisa
How much do you want to attach to this? Because what I found, the longer that I stayed with that pain, I started to realize that I was actually, How's the best way for me to describe this?
00:21:38:22 - 00:22:06:00
Lisa
It was like I was afraid to let the pain go. So I walked into the grief, and then I attached to the grief. And then I was afraid to let the pain go. Because what was going to protect me if I didn't hold on to the pain? So then there was the next layer of grief, of actually saying for the life that I want to step into, for what I want to bring into my world, for the future that I want to create, this pain actually can't come with me.
00:22:06:03 - 00:22:24:19
Lisa
So I have to grieve also releasing that. So it's not saying it didn't happen in my life, or I didn't feel it or I didn't experience it. But I was so surprised at the grief that came from letting go of the pain that I initially like. That was the first gateway into grief. Does that make sense?
00:22:24:21 - 00:22:36:00
Danielle
The pain? Yes. The pain becomes part of our identity. Yes. And that's the part of us that's getting love like harm was done.
00:22:36:02 - 00:22:36:15
Lisa
Yes.
00:22:36:19 - 00:22:59:00
Danielle
Whatever form. Do you see me now? Do you love me now I am injured. Who will love me? Who will love me because of this injury? Who will give me sympathy? Validate me. We should be validated. We should get sympathy. We should have people come to sit on our sofa and hold us all of that and keep moving.
00:22:59:02 - 00:23:15:23
Danielle
Keep circulating the energy, keep expanding your new identity. Tomorrow you process it. You're more expanded. You're not victim. There are times this is another. This is the thing I have with self-help stuff. There are times when we're victimized.
00:23:15:26 - 00:23:17:03
Lisa
100%.
00:23:17:05 - 00:23:40:06
Danielle
And it's not just about like we attracted it and it's, it's a reflection of our shadow self. Yes, it sure, sure. It's a it's a bit of a reflection. You can trace it all back down to your own self-loathing, of course. And, all of these things are initiations to.
00:23:40:09 - 00:23:43:01
Danielle
Move into our power. Yeah, but it's true.
00:23:43:02 - 00:24:02:10
Lisa
We sometimes we are victims. And sitting with that, taking the responsibility for. Oh, it's so it's so nuanced. Right. It's not. There's just so many layers. There's so many layers to it. So I wanted to ask you about, spiritual perfectionism.
00:24:02:12 - 00:24:02:23
Danielle
Oh yeah.
00:24:02:29 - 00:24:26:05
Lisa
Because I love I love this term. And I see a lot of people using, because I even talked about it. I love gratitude, but I hate it when people use gratitude to skip over their pain. Like, I think gratitude can be a powerful tool, but it can often be used to bypass. And I think that spiritual perfectionism is also a tool that we use to to bypass the real human things that are going on.
00:24:26:05 - 00:24:31:17
Lisa
So I'd love for you to talk about what that look like in your life.
00:24:31:19 - 00:24:38:25
Danielle
Well, I give you this isn't in my life, but this is a current observation.
00:24:38:28 - 00:24:56:20
Danielle
Okay. I just saw someone teaching about the Dalai Lama saying that he doesn't want Westerners to become Buddhist because Westerners want to use meditation to get out of pain.
00:24:56:22 - 00:24:59:04
Lisa
Oh, interesting.
00:24:59:07 - 00:25:25:04
Danielle
And I thought that, too, is spiritual perfectionism not necessarily coming from the Dalai Lama. But if we want to use that theory, is the only purpose of meditation and spiritual practice to get out of pain. No, but it is a purpose. The Dalai Lama's perspective is that, you know, with a pure mood as heart, you are meditating so that others aren't in pain.
00:25:25:07 - 00:25:49:00
Danielle
But sometimes I'm in pain and I am part of the collective. I mean, it took me years to really get. When I pray for others, I'm praying for myself. I'm in that bucket of may my thoughts, words, and actions today contribute to the happiness and freedom for all. So, you name practice and I can tell you how I've used it to be a spiritual perfectionist.
00:25:49:00 - 00:26:16:19
Danielle
Like I am going to meditate at the same time every day. I will do my mantras. I will get the chant perfectly perfect. I will question why I want to have sex. I will think about leaving society on a regular basis. I will not leave relationships because it could cause pain. And I should eat that pain and mitigate karma like it's just.
00:26:16:21 - 00:26:40:09
Danielle
And now I've been really busy and my practice is a little bit it's a little bit lax right now. I would not have said that a few years ago. I would not have admitted to. Right now it's going to sound my it sounds so backwards in this context. Right now, I'm in a season where my business is my spiritual practice.
00:26:40:11 - 00:27:05:25
Danielle
I have some things to rebuild. We're in a, we're in a, we're in an era, and I don't always do my mantra every morning. Sometimes I get out, I've slept too late, I get up, I get on the slack and we go. And I have to trust that. And this isn't coming from a neurotic place. I have to trust that I've done enough work.
00:27:06:03 - 00:27:23:16
Danielle
There's enough light in escrow that I will think clearly and be kind that day. Yeah, because this is the best I got today. And there I am, actually being more spiritual than ever to just say, this is my best today.
00:27:23:19 - 00:27:44:21
Lisa
I appreciate that so much because I have many spiritual practices myself, and they are usually the first things that drop off when other things come up. And I've had I really like, you know, I've had a little I've had some wrestling matches with myself over that. And I had a good friend say to me, you know, you get to go through different seasons in your life, Lisa, and in the different seasons you're going to use the different tools.
00:27:44:24 - 00:28:06:19
Lisa
And, you know, my workouts or my spiritual practice. That is like the hour where I'm just in my body and and grounded might not be spiritual for some people, but for me it is. And then I have my, you know, I met all of these things, the journaling, the things, the stuff, the mantras. And I could spend all day, all day, every day self helping myself.
00:28:06:21 - 00:28:26:16
Lisa
There's so many tools and practices, and I've just had to learn to meet myself with compassion and trust that those tools are always there. And then I'm living an inherently spiritual life because I am in a spiritual being. So you can be you can be spiritual and never go to church. That doesn't mean you're not a spiritual person.
00:28:26:18 - 00:28:49:12
Lisa
So I'm kind of in the season of redefining what that looks like for me. And I'm very much in a season of a lot more grace and compassion, because the other way, again, I love having high standards, but I've had to soften. I've had to soften around everything because I was acting like a chokehold in my own life, which then doesn't feel good.
00:28:49:13 - 00:29:10:15
Lisa
That doesn't make success feel good for me. So I really love that you shared that, because I think often we can put people that we see as like really spiritual on these pedestals, that they do their practices all the time. And the more I have these conversations with people, everybody is just doing their best.
00:29:10:18 - 00:29:32:06
Danielle
Right. That's it. And I do my practices I also want to say that like both are true which you do. So and I'm not saying that from like magic. It's like I have to do what works. I have to do it like they are my secret sauce. Yeah. I have to live a devotional life.
00:29:32:06 - 00:29:41:12
Danielle
I can't not, I can't not. And that also is baked in. It's just, Yeah.
00:29:41:15 - 00:29:43:04
Lisa
It's part of your identity.
00:29:43:06 - 00:29:45:24
Danielle
It's,
00:29:45:26 - 00:30:00:24
Lisa
Identity is part. It's part of your value. It's part of your value set. Maybe that's a better way to for that part of your value set. Right. And we if you want to know what you value in your life, all you have to do is look at how you show up on a daily basis, what shows up in your life that shows you what you've, what you value.
00:30:00:24 - 00:30:11:20
Lisa
So I really love that. What do you think people are really searching for under self-improvement?
00:30:11:22 - 00:30:26:06
Danielle
Well, love is the obvious simple answer, but no. We could unpack that a bit. To not suffer and to go home.
00:30:26:08 - 00:30:30:14
Lisa
Yeah, I hear a lot of I want more peace.
00:30:30:16 - 00:30:54:24
Lisa
While constantly doing the things that aren't going to give them peace. And also getting so caught up often in, in personal development that it's not bringing them peace. It's it's putting more pressure on them. It's really fascinating, the knots that we can get ourselves in. Do you think that some people feel pressure to transcend their humanity instead of honoring it?
00:30:54:26 - 00:31:26:14
Danielle
Well, I have, and that's not everybody. I mean, maybe it's 5050, but not everybody is wired that way. But that's my disposition is to use that. It's like I feel some people are fear is their thing. Or worry is they're like, we all have our disposition. I want to be connected. So.
00:31:26:16 - 00:31:56:03
Danielle
Disconnection would be my thing. I'm always trying to get away from being disconnected by trying to connect. But also also also I mean, this is the way, this is the way. There is a way like you want to feel lighter, move lighter, think lighter, move, be, consume light. Like there's that there are reasons. There are these tools that have been around forever.
00:31:56:06 - 00:32:20:22
Danielle
We are all here to like wake up, like to be energy workers. You've got to work the light just fine, the way that you work the light. But there's really no conversation to be had if you're not doing something right. So it's like, everybody's got their path and we all have to go through dark tunnels for certain periods of time.
00:32:20:24 - 00:32:27:22
Danielle
But, you got to have a practice, man. You got to have a practice.
00:32:27:24 - 00:32:46:29
Lisa
Yeah. It's foundational. All those bits are foundational there. I look at it as like, spiritual hygiene, metaphysical hygiene and spiritual hygiene. Like, it's just part of becoming a good human and living a more peaceful life where you can allow more live in a loving.
00:32:47:02 - 00:32:48:02
Danielle
Yeah. Live loving.
00:32:48:02 - 00:32:49:04
Lisa
You know what I'm saying?
00:32:49:11 - 00:32:50:14
Danielle
Yeah. Live in.
00:32:50:14 - 00:32:57:27
Lisa
Love. So you said in the book, you're not where I want to talk about letting go, because this is.
00:32:57:29 - 00:32:58:29
Danielle
Yeah, this is.
00:32:59:02 - 00:33:23:08
Lisa
This is something that, you know, letting go. Sounds like it. Just so you just let it go, and it's never been just. You just let it go. I like, cling to it. My fingers bleed because I'm holding on so tightly. You know, when I was talking about letting go of my pain, it was literally a rock, Danielle that I carried through the entire Camino when I went to Spain in 2024, and when I got to the end of the Camino, I was going to.
00:33:23:08 - 00:33:24:03
Danielle
Put.
00:33:24:05 - 00:33:41:06
Lisa
Right. It was going to be this hero's journey story. I was going to put the rock down. I was going to free myself of the pain, and I was going to live a glorious life. I got to the end of the Camino. There was no way I was letting go of that rock. It lived in my fanny pack while I traveled all around Spain and to Africa.
00:33:41:09 - 00:34:02:29
Lisa
And I would panic if I couldn't find the rock because it represented my pain. And I sat on the beach in San Sebastian the day before I was leaving to come home, and I said, Lisa, you have a decision to make here. Like this rock represents your pain. Are you really going to put this fucking thing in your fanny pack and take it back to Canada with you?
00:34:03:02 - 00:34:23:00
Lisa
And I sat on that beach for the entire day until I was ready to release that pain and what I had made it mean, and I'm blah, blah, blah, and and I just remember thinking like, oh God, people don't understand. It's not just about the process of letting go, but it's also about the commitment that you make to yourself on the other side of letting things go.
00:34:23:02 - 00:34:33:28
Lisa
So I love how you said you're not letting go to become better. You're letting go to become lighter.
00:34:34:01 - 00:34:42:24
Lisa
What in your life have you like what is your process around letting go.
00:34:42:27 - 00:34:54:04
Danielle
The centering practice blessing and releasing. Yeah that. So the physics is you actually can't let anything go.
00:34:54:07 - 00:35:14:21
Danielle
You can't, you have to raise the vibration of it and keep going. You have to integrate it and take the next step. Nothing can be annihilated. Nothing can be banished. It all comes back wanting your attention. We, you know, like you with the Rock, you know, so many of us, like we're shaking. We're we're holding on what we want to let go of.
00:35:14:21 - 00:35:17:19
Danielle
Just the grip. Right. The irony.
00:35:17:22 - 00:35:18:22
Lisa
Very much.
00:35:18:24 - 00:35:49:25
Danielle
It's there. I mean, obviously it's there to teach you something. But energy, the physics, energy cannot be destroyed. It can only be transformed. The hurt, whatever happened that caused hurt happened. There is the past, the present and the future and the power of now. You're having feelings about it. Those feelings are hanging out in your mind, your body and your energy field, and you can keep feeding them, energizing them.
00:35:49:25 - 00:36:14:25
Danielle
We might call out, holding on to them. They're these little rocks, lots of rocks, and they're spinning around and they're and there they start to cluster and they become themes. They become pain themes, and they become very, very magnetic. And they bring things into your life that reflect that rejection, that reflect that pain. Just one more incident to get you to are you going to look at this differently now?
00:36:14:27 - 00:36:44:29
Danielle
You you keep same pattern. Are you going to look at this differently? But to look at it differently is one. It's a beautiful consider to consideration to let things go. Of course, of course. But really what I'm getting at with the physics is the how. And so most of us try to like, send things off and cut it out of our life and, and bigger boundaries and, and ceremonies that are supposed to be about peace, but they're actually about anger.
00:36:44:29 - 00:37:06:11
Danielle
Okay. It's just it's just a big, pissed off ceremony, and we're not any further ahead. We don't have more peace. We're still anxious when we run into the person, our stomach still turning when we look at our bank account, whatever it is. So we have to bring things in. So that's a long answer to like, what's my process?
00:37:06:14 - 00:37:29:01
Danielle
I feel a moment of shame. I feel a moment of regret. I feel some heartache. Oh my gosh, I feel some fear. I get immediately curious and compassionate about it. Like, oh, I could see why you feel that way. There's no there's no pushing away anymore. There's no you should be more evolved. You teach this stuff, you went to the workshop, all the thing, none of that.
00:37:29:01 - 00:38:01:12
Danielle
It's immediate. Come on in, come on in. I got you and I'm. I really bring it in and I work with it. I do the light work. I do the energy work. Sometimes it's 90s, sometimes it's 21 minutes, sometimes is months, and the stuff starts to actually get lighter. It transforms it just the basics, the stuff I've been trying to push away and let go of starts to relax, and it's not as chatty in my mind.
00:38:01:12 - 00:38:07:10
Danielle
I think more clearly I make different decisions. I don't attract the same stuff again.
00:38:07:12 - 00:38:30:16
Lisa
Ish ish integration takes time. Yeah, and it really does take a human. You know, for me, it really took a big commitment to to say, okay, I can meet this feeling, but I'm not going to dance the tango with it, right. Like I'm not going to I'm not going to let it continue to fester for me. I had to look at it as a level of personal responsibility around, okay, this is here.
00:38:30:16 - 00:38:50:22
Lisa
We're going to feel it, but we're not going to hang out with it for a really long time. Right. Because the Rock would just get and you just get bigger. And you know, it's amazing. Now it feels like yesterday and it feels like years ago. But to have that pain like I can't I can't change. We can't change the things that happened in our lives.
00:38:50:24 - 00:39:01:24
Lisa
But to have integrated it in a way where it's very rare for those threads to come up anymore, because I made a very conscious decision to stop pulling it. The threads.
00:39:01:26 - 00:39:03:14
Danielle
I have a refinement.
00:39:03:17 - 00:39:04:12
Lisa
Yeah. I'd love to hear.
00:39:04:17 - 00:39:16:00
Danielle
Which is I think what you did was like I love the, I'm not going to hang out with it too long. But I think also it's, it's really more about compassion. Yes.
00:39:16:00 - 00:39:17:14
Lisa
There's a lot.
00:39:17:17 - 00:39:35:27
Danielle
The pain might come back the next day and you still have to hang out with it. And it comes back a year later and you're just like, you're still here and you still have to be compassionate. So I think the more we say like I was, I went through a period of time where I had like a chronic health condition and I don't want to suffer.
00:39:35:27 - 00:39:56:15
Danielle
I want it to go away. I want to be in joy and all the things. Yeah. And so I'm talking to my body all the time to fix it, to get it to go away, to stop. And what I got to do is just stuff, just leave me. And when I finally said to that ailment, if you come back tomorrow, I'll still be here for you.
00:39:56:18 - 00:40:16:12
Danielle
I guess I get the lesson. I, I listen to my body, I gotta slow down. I gotta la la la I get it, I get it. But you might come back tomorrow. Because I have to learn to be more compassionate or just even leave mystery with it. But.
00:40:16:15 - 00:40:29:05
Danielle
I think it's saying to it's approaching all of our emotions as if they were friends and just saying, oh, hang out with you as long as you need me to hang out with you and I'm taking you to work with me. Yeah.
00:40:29:08 - 00:40:54:19
Lisa
There's a really high level of compassion and acceptance required, and I think people have a really hard time accepting things that they don't like. They didn't want, whether it's a health thing or a relationship thing, because it's almost like the fear of, well, if I accept it, it's never going to go away. Where's the truth is, when you accept it, you stop trying to push it away.
00:40:54:19 - 00:41:12:28
Lisa
You allow it to be there. And that's actually, in my experience, what has softened it. And you know what I tell people? So you don't have to like something to accept it like you don't you don't have to like it. But can you just be with it because it's here? Whether whether you want to pretend it's here or not, it's here.
00:41:12:28 - 00:41:37:14
Lisa
So not accepting it is. It's not going to help. Compassion really is such the key to so many things. So why do you think that? Because this is a conversation I have all the time. Why do you think compassion is so much harder for high achievers then, say discipline or commitment or the doing right you self-compassion?
00:41:37:14 - 00:42:01:15
Danielle
Yeah, yeah. Why is self-compassion? Well, if you're obsessed with being productive, you better stay in motion. Yeah. And health and and wellness and balance requires stillness and rest. It's not perpetual motion. Yeah. So it looks so slowing down. Looks like death.
00:42:01:18 - 00:42:04:03
Lisa
Yeah it does.
00:42:04:05 - 00:42:17:25
Lisa
I don't think many of us were modeled self-compassion growing up. It wasn't rewarded. You don't get rewarded for being self compassionate. You get rewarded for being productive. You get rewarded for achievements.
00:42:17:27 - 00:42:28:24
Lisa
But nobody gives you a high five because oh this like if I really want to give you a high five today, I noticed your high levels of self-compassion said no pressure. Rest girlfriend.
00:42:28:24 - 00:42:29:18
Danielle
Yeah. Like, yeah.
00:42:29:21 - 00:42:44:28
Lisa
Nobody nobody gives you kudos for that. And I think that there is this belief that if we think, and I, if I even had clients say this to me, if they sink into self-compassion, how will they ever get anything done?
00:42:45:00 - 00:42:52:03
Danielle
Yes, I know, and I feel that too. The power move is receptivity.
00:42:52:05 - 00:42:54:08
Lisa
Tell me more about that.
00:42:54:11 - 00:43:27:00
Danielle
The universe wants to give to you. It's waiting for you. This is what it means to be in sync. This is what it means to be aligned. These are words we throw around a lot. This is what it means to be in resonance with creation, with the divine, with the feminine. All of it is, you're creating practices, grooves, moments of reflection, of stillness, of connection to the higher so that the higher can drop into you.
00:43:27:03 - 00:43:51:23
Danielle
It can give you the idea, but it can't do that if you're in perpetual fear and striving and motion rest is essential to planet winters. We sleep every night like, but we just. When we're awake, there's no rest. There's no cycle for overachievers. It's just. It's just a go. And.
00:43:51:26 - 00:44:11:19
Danielle
I always like to use the image of, you know, when you're when you are sunbathing, when you're basking on a beach and it's warm and you're safe, you know, there's no doing, there's nothing to do. You're just you're being there. You're being receptive to the nutrients that are coming into. That's what it's like to have a relationship with the divine.
00:44:11:21 - 00:44:31:01
Danielle
Why not do that as opposed to hunting, seeking from other sources who are not aligned, who don't even know you just create some grooves in your life where you show up to get the message and the vitamins. Yeah.
00:44:31:04 - 00:44:38:20
Lisa
How do you believe so many people are addicted to intensity?
00:44:38:22 - 00:45:12:18
Danielle
Because we're actually low on prana. We're low on life force. We don't feel. We feel disconnected from self, from other, from the divine. But the dopamine hit, the adrenaline. All those cortisol spikes make us feel. It's almost like false life force make us feel alive. Micro doses, macro doses, long term aliveness. So we. That's home. I forget, forget the question you asked earlier, but my response was like we want oh, why do we practice?
00:45:12:20 - 00:45:33:27
Danielle
What are we looking for in self-help? Yeah, we want to get out of suffering. Yes. And we want to go home. Adrenaline is jacked. Life force. It's jacked chea jacked prana. And that is a taste. It's a taste of the divine. It's a taste. That's what home feels like. It's actually joy.
00:45:34:00 - 00:45:44:17
Lisa
I love that perspective. I've never heard it explained that way before, but I can absolutely I can absolutely see that.
00:45:44:19 - 00:46:13:02
Danielle
And you can be fascinating. You can get that Jack from healthy sources and still get addicted to it. By the way, we get that Jack from unhealthy sources and it has real repercussions. I mean, you know, like, most meditation teachers will tell you, don't get addicted to the bliss that comes from the meditation, because it's just another form of seeking and feeling like now is not good enough and I'm not enough.
00:46:13:04 - 00:46:27:21
Danielle
So I will, because it's it's just a technology. You do the things, you'll experience the bliss. Maybe conceptually, intellectually. It really the, the move is to just.
00:46:27:23 - 00:46:34:10
Danielle
Day by day do the practice that you feel called to do. Really.
00:46:34:13 - 00:46:41:14
Lisa
How do you know when you are out of alignment? Because I know we all fall out of alignment.
00:46:41:16 - 00:46:45:07
Danielle
We're human. Yeah. Sort of sense of humor.
00:46:45:09 - 00:46:50:08
Lisa
Oh, interesting. Okay. That's the first thing you notice.
00:46:50:10 - 00:47:13:22
Danielle
Like somebody yesterday, just of somebody we're working with. They did, like, this eye image of me, and we had it. We all, you know, we had a good laugh, but, you know, and we're on a deadline. So I just like no no no no no no never ever, ever use I, you know I by the way I have green eyes, not brown.
00:47:13:22 - 00:47:37:05
Danielle
I like who you know. And I wished I would have gone in with humor instead and just said, I don't know who that lady is, but she's not me. And let's start over, shall we? Yeah. And I'm out of a light. What gets me out of alignment is when I don't practice, I don't have enough sleep, and I'm too hard on myself.
00:47:37:08 - 00:47:42:14
Danielle
I lose my sense of humor. Yeah. Become less loving. Yeah.
00:47:42:16 - 00:48:08:14
Lisa
I really believe that if everybody just slept more, we would. We would be a happier society. I really see rest as a success strategy. It's like a core foundational belief of mine. You know, and I love I love the range that you work from, you know, depth to humor. You're just we all have such a huge range in ourselves.
00:48:08:14 - 00:48:23:22
Lisa
And I think when we lose part of that range, that's when we that's when you can really know, like, oh, something isn't right here because I can't I can be very deep too. And then I've had people say to me, well, you're a lot more fun than I thought you would be. I'm like, yeah, and I'm living in alignment.
00:48:23:28 - 00:48:49:07
Lisa
And when I'm too into my like, heady stuff and the, the deep stuff, I forget to have, you know, I forget that I just need to go have fun and be light and play whatever that looks like for me. So that's when I know I've swung, you know, I've swung too far. So what does a deeply fulfilling life look and feel like for you now?
00:48:49:10 - 00:49:13:16
Danielle
No, not that much different than what I've wanted my whole life. Like, I love emotional intimacy. I love real conversations, I love snort laughs. I love really fucking raunchy humor. I love I love the, you know, you get those voice memos from your girlfriends and they're like a podcast, like.
00:49:13:18 - 00:49:13:26
Lisa
Me.
00:49:13:26 - 00:49:43:23
Danielle
Too. And I love it. I love just hitting play and doing the dishes, you know? Yeah. You know, my prayers are always for togetherness with my son. Yeah. This whole lifetime, like, he's never getting out of the clutch. And deep love. I still, you know, I'm. I'm down a few marriages, but I am built for partnership.
00:49:43:26 - 00:50:07:29
Danielle
And so that's still there for me. Like real team team love. And to serve with joy, to, like, use whatever brings me joy to serve millions of people. But that's my individual makeup. That's if you looked at my you looked at all the personality tests, it would just say Danielle must broadcast. Yeah, that's what works for me.
00:50:08:03 - 00:50:15:17
Danielle
That's not a formula for anybody else. And.
00:50:15:19 - 00:50:20:28
Danielle
Compassion. Oh my God, I would just love to get off my own case. Yeah.
00:50:21:04 - 00:50:31:11
Lisa
What do you think would need to happen for that shift to really like for you to really embody that for yourself that that depth of self-compassion.
00:50:31:13 - 00:50:35:11
Danielle
Well it could happen through tragedy which may it not.
00:50:35:14 - 00:50:36:14
Lisa
May it not.
00:50:36:17 - 00:51:07:28
Danielle
May it not. But that's what happens. That is the function of extreme suffering. We just life puts us on our knees and we just go, God, hello, I'll do whatever it takes. And then you do whatever it takes. How it happens is I'm devoted, I love myself, so I am devoted to doing loving things for myself. And I know that I feel amazing when I'm contributing.
00:51:07:28 - 00:51:28:20
Danielle
Like I had a day a couple weeks ago. Just like, this is a sad day. It's just sad. I just don't want to do some some of the shit anymore, you know? Yes. And I take myself out to the to the park. I live by a huge force and I just I have the tools. I know that lying on the ground is a tool I'm going to.
00:51:28:23 - 00:51:48:17
Danielle
And I always. And how I've been trained is first you give thanks to the earth, and then you give it all up and you ask for support, you know? And then one of my favorite teachings of A Course of Miracles is that if you're low on faith, you can actually ask the Holy Spirit for faith. You don't have to be super faithful.
00:51:48:20 - 00:52:11:11
Danielle
Say, I'm having a hard time, I need some. So I was like, I'm having a hard time. Holy spirit fill my mind with the thoughts of God. And I really I started to feel better, start to feel better. And that's that's love and compassion. That's the tool I'm going to use the tool. And then the third thing that made me feel that awesome that day was just helping.
00:52:11:13 - 00:52:34:00
Danielle
I had a friend call, text and just say, I'm really in this bind. What would you do if you were me? And I was like, oh, that's my favorite question. What would I do if I were you? Well, let's so what you got to do? You got to leave that and start that and then work on this. And, and so serving has me really come to life.
00:52:34:00 - 00:52:37:17
Danielle
Call me with your problems. It makes me feel better.
00:52:37:19 - 00:53:07:20
Lisa
I'll be careful if you invite me. And, I'm the same way. Like, if I can help somebody, especially at this place in my life. You know, I've sharpened my teeth. I've had a lot of things that I've had to sharpen my teeth on. So, you know, if I can make somebody journey a little bit lighter from something like, I have to believe that every gift that I was given, every experience, every path that I have walked, it wasn't just for me.
00:53:07:20 - 00:53:20:21
Lisa
It was meant to come through me because it's for someone, for someone else as well. So, being a service is always such a great place to come home to like. And even in the lowest of times.
00:53:20:23 - 00:53:21:03
Danielle
In the.
00:53:21:03 - 00:53:39:26
Lisa
Depth of 2023, I could still show up and serve and coach my ass off. Because, you know, in those moments, it it moved me out of my pain and it put me into a place of service. It didn't mean that I, bypassed my own pain. I still had to come home to it. It was still there for me.
00:53:39:28 - 00:53:59:24
Lisa
But that reprieve of living in what I put, what I've been put on the planet to do right for my and remind you there's so much more than the suffering that we can get ourselves stuck in. So this has been an amazing conversation. I could spend so much time in your. I love being in people's energy that you just want to lean in harder.
00:53:59:24 - 00:54:26:05
Lisa
Like let's make it a dark, moody room and dim lighting, right? I'll skip the wine these days. But anyways, so for the person who's listening now, who's built this beautiful life externally but is still feeling emotionally exhausted or disconnected, or like they're carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders? What would you want them? What would you want them to know?
00:54:26:05 - 00:54:30:11
Lisa
Because this is a lot of the people who listen to this podcast, they're, you know, they're.
00:54:30:14 - 00:54:32:10
Danielle
Like everybody I know, but I.
00:54:32:13 - 00:54:38:09
Lisa
Okay, high achievers are carrying it all. What do you want them to know?
00:54:38:12 - 00:54:44:04
Danielle
I'm I'm.
00:54:44:06 - 00:55:28:19
Danielle
Don't push it away. You don't even. I know this sounds counterintuitive and this is really the whole thesis of bless and release. Don't push away your exhaustion, bring your exhaustion and have some compassion. Be curious with your bless your exhaustion, the weight of the world. Bless the weight of the world. Because what happens for overachievers or people who are on the so-called spiritual path, especially for the people who are overachieving spiritual people, is, we feel a non spiritual state, emotion, feeling, and immediately there's some criticism that comes in or I shouldn't feel overwhelmed because I lay on the ground and I ask the Holy Spirit to fill my mind with faith.
00:55:28:21 - 00:55:54:25
Danielle
Like, you know, I do my creatine, so I shouldn't, I shouldn't why we're always doing these kind of micro pushes. Yeah, I shouldn't feel this way. I should be Lala. No, this is the experience. Love the experience of being exhausted. Love the exhaustion. What happens when you pour love on? Anything comes back to life. It relaxes, doesn't try and run the show.
00:55:54:27 - 00:56:14:10
Danielle
The exhaustion exhales. You think a little more clearly and make a different choice tomorrow to say no to something, to go lie on the ground or life force comes in because you just were loving. Yeah. That's so much.
00:56:14:12 - 00:56:33:12
Lisa
So tell everybody about where they can get your new book. I know you're going on tour. I was looking at how can I meet her in Victoria. But I'm going to be up at our mutual friend Jen Pike's retreat so I won't be able to go, but tell everybody where they can find you. Tell them about the book, give them all the goodness that you're putting out to the world right now.
00:56:33:14 - 00:56:59:26
Danielle
When you get blessed and release, come and get it through me instead of Amazon. Because I employ humans, not bots. I'm not putting the money towards a yacht. So the interesting thing is that blessing release has been number one in philosophy on that big retail site for a long time, and we haven't even launched. It's not even available now yet.
00:56:59:26 - 00:57:18:15
Danielle
I don't know when this is going to air, but come to Danielle Laporta complex, get a couple copies. Bless and release the physics of letting go and wanting what's meant for you. And it's hot stuff and it's changing people's minds. And you can find me everywhere else on socials. Yeah.
00:57:18:17 - 00:57:38:12
Lisa
Like I said, you were you were a thought leader before there were thought leaders. And I love that you're still putting your magic out into the world and still expanding people's consciousness while living really honestly about your own life and having your own human experience. Right? That takes a lot of courage. But you know, you're you're here to be on stage.
00:57:38:12 - 00:57:55:27
Lisa
I've watched you on stage. You are here to be on stage. You are here to impact. So thank you so much for coming on the podcast and sharing your time, your energy and your wisdom with me. It's such a blessing to know you, and to be, you know, have you in my world, have you be my my first gateway drug.
00:57:55:29 - 00:57:57:08
Danielle
Into this whole world.
00:57:57:08 - 00:58:01:21
Lisa
Which walked me into my dharma. So thank you so much for being here, Danielle.
00:58:01:24 - 00:58:03:21
Danielle
Thank you for this. Thank you everybody. Yeah.
