Do You Know Your Limits? A Lesson in Boundaries
Boundaries are NOT brick walls.
They are flexible structures you put in place inside your business and your life that are about YOU and for YOU. They’re not about keeping people at arms length or disconnecting. I’m often asked by my clients how I can be so available to them without feeling burnt out and exhausted. I know my boundaries. I don’t take on my clients “stuff.” I have a clear knowing of what is mine and what is theirs and it’s not my responsibility to worry about them or obsess about their results between our sessions. This doesn’t mean I don’t care. I DO care. Deeply and every single client I work with will tell you that. I just don’t care-take. I don’t spoon feed. I don’t try to “feel” for them nor do I make myself available because I’m looking for my worth to be validated. I keep my hands off of THEIR process.
Once upon a time, I took on everything with my clients. I felt responsible for helping them (aka fixing them), their results, their problems etc. If I could just give them all of me then they would shine. It left me drained and exhausted. Now I’m able to hold space for my clients in a way that supports their development but is in no way attached to my self-worth.
I am also the master at making sure my emotional & spiritual bucket is always full so I can bring my best to not just my clients but to every aspect of my life. I also make sure that I choose clients that understand healthy boundaries. If you’re finding you’ve got a boatload of clients that are draining you I promise, it’s not them, it’s YOU.
We attract people who don’t respect boundaries when we don’t respect our own (or in my case, I didn’t even understand what a boundary was). I thought setting boundaries were about them and would make me a bitch. I viewed them as brick walls and I was far too loving to build walls. They’re not meant to be walls at all. They are beautiful protective bubbles that contain all the things that are important to us inside. Our values, our beliefs and how we want to think, feel and BE with ourselves live inside them.
So my clients have FULL access to me anytime they need me via voxer, fb messanger, email, bat signal… I understand that shit storms don’t happen when your coaching appointment has been conveniently scheduled. This is a choice I’ve made for my business because it supports my values and reflects who I am as a coach and what I value. No boundaries being broken because I’m ALWAYS in the driver’s seat of how I respond and when I respond to my clients. I don’t jump just because a message comes through and my clients understand this, however, they also get to feel what it’s like to know I’ve got their back and be fully supported. I also have no problem re-designing my alliances with my clients if things start to feel unreasonable (which FYI has not happened yet because I work with phenomenal women who are my ideal clients who also have a healthy respect for boundaries.)
Check in with yourself. Are your boundaries about them or you? Are they brick walls or flexible structures? Do they support how you want to feel in your business and life? Do they honour your values? Do you understand how to go about setting them and relating to them? I LOVE my boundaries and I LOVE being available to my clients and honouring my values.
Do you struggle with understanding how to make them work for you?
Do you love setting them?
Just leave a comment below.
xo ~ L