EPISODE 270: Intentional Community Building in a Disconnected World With Dovetail Founder Alexis Dean

00;00;01;22 - 00;00;27;13
Lisa
Welcome to the Full Frontal Living podcast. I'm Lisa Carpenter, master life coach to driven, ambitious humans who want more out of life without having to sacrifice themselves to achieve it. I'll share how it's possible to slow down. Take better care of yourself. Find more peace and ease. Create sustainable energy. Stop procrastination and overwhelm and fall in love with your life, your business and your body.

00;00;27;16 - 00;00;45;28
Lisa
This podcast is for you if you're ready to learn what it takes to thrive as a high performer, do less, but achieve more. Make you and your well-being a top priority, and create your extraordinary life. I'm so glad you're here.

00;00;46;01 - 00;00;58;08
Lisa
Hey, hey, welcome to another episode of the Full Frontal Living Podcast. And today is another guest episode with one of my favorite people. We've been connected for a very long time now. How long have we known each other for Alexis?

00;00;58;10 - 00;00;59;19
Alexis
Maybe ten years.

00;00;59;21 - 00;01;22;10
Lisa
I think. So, like, it's been a long time. Alexis, Dean and I, connected way back in the day. We were in a coaching program together. We developed a friendship. We turned into coach and client, and then we've turned into colleagues. Now I'm back in Alexis's community. Alexis runs dovetail, which is a community of really phenomenal women.

00;01;22;10 - 00;01;44;14
Lisa
It's. It's like no community I've ever known. It's one of the safe spaces that I go to to connect and collaborate. And today, we're going to be having a conversation around the importance of community. We're going to talk about community care, self-care, women in leadership and how that impacts our energy, the things that we actually need to thrive in the world.

00;01;44;14 - 00;01;54;08
Lisa
So, Alexis, before I go on and on, which is what I typically do, I would love for you to properly introduce yourself to my audience.

00;01;54;11 - 00;02;17;05
Alexis
Yes. I'm so glad to be here. I just love spending time with you, Lisa. It is so nice. I feel like I haven't gotten to be around you as much this year as last year, but, I'm Alexis and as we mentioned, I'm the founder of dovetail, and it's a mastermind community of women entrepreneurs. And as with many entrepreneurs, I started this community because it's what I needed the most.

00;02;17;05 - 00;02;35;15
Alexis
I've had another business for about 12 years now, and that was the business that I had when I met Lisa. And actually Lisa, you are, you know, this, but your listeners don't. But you were a pivotal part of me starting dovetail because I was alone and my other business, we were growing and things were starting to pick up and starting to look really good on the surface.

00;02;35;15 - 00;02;54;19
Alexis
But behind the scenes, I was terribly lonely and I didn't feel connected. I'd been living all over the world and came back to to Toronto and to start the business, but I didn't really have a community there, and I didn't have women in my corner who understood what I was dealing with. And, you know, our old friends and our neighborhood friends.

00;02;54;19 - 00;03;04;05
Alexis
And for a lot of my friends know, you know, their mom friends, they don't always get the business side of life. And so that's what I needed, and that's what I built with dovetail.

00;03;04;08 - 00;03;31;04
Lisa
And it's been amazing to watch it grow, because I think I was at the very first real event, which Jody and I did me have that was back East. And it's just been amazing to watch your growth over the years and see the ups and downs, you know, see the ups and downs. But really how powerfully you decided, like, I need this for myself, and if I need this for myself, other people must need it as well.

00;03;31;06 - 00;03;49;07
Lisa
You know, before I hit record, I was talking about the type of women that I work with, which I often joke that they're way more successful than I am. That's not to put myself down, but it's really acknowledging the level that a lot of these women are at and the things that they're doing in the world, you included in that.

00;03;49;09 - 00;04;18;23
Lisa
But in those type of leadership roles, whether they're a CEO or an entrepreneur, it doesn't really matter. I've got artists as well. It can be very, very lonely because you go through so much. And even I, I've gone through so much this year. And I was saying that, you know, to a certain degree, because of my business and the things that I talk about around and vulnerability and honesty, I share as much as I can forward facing to let people really see what's going on.

00;04;18;25 - 00;04;43;18
Lisa
And like, I can't open up the whole messy back end of the things that go on in my business, because my audience, for one, doesn't care, and two, they don't have the same frame of reality necessarily that I do. And inviting people into the back end of my business, in the back end of my world that, you know, you need a special space for that.

00;04;43;18 - 00;04;52;19
Lisa
So I'd love for you to talk about the importance of community and what you're kind of growing with dovetail and what you're seeing.

00;04;52;21 - 00;05;17;08
Alexis
Oh my gosh. Yeah. I mean, entrepreneurship is so lonely. And you know, people think like, oh, but when I grow my team and I have more people around, then it'll be less lonely. But for most of us, it's the opposite. You know, you start to grow the team. And even if you have a C-suite, it can actually become more isolating because then you have more people whose livelihoods are dependent on you and who are relying on you to stay strong and hold it all together.

00;05;17;08 - 00;05;37;27
Alexis
And, you know, be kind of perfect 99% of the time. And so then you can't go to them when stuff hits the fan, or when you have doubts or when you're considering, you know, the multitude of options that we all have. So yeah, it does not need to be a lonely thing. And I think, you know, in the last couple of years, people have really started to use the word community a lot more and in different contexts.

00;05;37;27 - 00;06;02;01
Alexis
And I think it's really important to start with emphasizing that community is not audience, and the community is not necessarily guru or guru led. And so what we see a lot is like now with influencers on TikTok and Instagram and people saying, oh, grow your community. But that can actually be really isolating for people who are like, well, I'm part of, you know, such and such influencers community, but they're still not having any kind of two way or multi-way interaction.

00;06;02;01 - 00;06;20;01
Alexis
They're just an audience. They're viewing somebody living a life that they have nothing to do with. And so I really think it's important for people to kind of pause for a second before they start using the word community when they mean an audience, or when they mean a following of a guru or of an influencer, and reframe it for themselves.

00;06;20;01 - 00;06;40;20
Alexis
Because community is communal, it's interacting with one another. There are Instagram, you know, influencers and TikTok influencers who's actually built communities, opportunities for people or fans or followers to, like, really connect with each other like Taylor Swift is a really good example of that. We're her like, Swifties have actually made groups and bonds, and they get together and they do things together at shows.

00;06;40;20 - 00;06;47;00
Alexis
And like that's a really beautiful example. But I think, you know, for all of us to just kind of reframe what community really means, I.

00;06;47;00 - 00;07;04;19
Lisa
Love that reframe. I love that for you because there is a big difference between the people that follow me on Instagram or Facebook, right? I consider them part of my community, but they're not like the people who are working with me, 1 to 1 that I bring into community, where I bring those women together and we have conversations.

00;07;04;21 - 00;07;26;27
Lisa
I don't show up in those containers as me above them. It's shoulder to shoulder, like I'm sharing with my 1 to 1 people who are in that container, all the things that are going on, because that's the type of space that I like to hold, but I'm not going to share that forward facing with the outer people in my community, my, my feelings, if that's.

00;07;27;04 - 00;07;27;21
Alexis
Really.

00;07;27;23 - 00;07;29;10
Lisa
Go to my audience.

00;07;29;12 - 00;07;51;04
Alexis
Audience, audiences, if you're in I'm fans because I know people get like, you know, the ego conundrum of calling them fans. But yeah, it's that like viewer or audience relationship versus the communal, the interconnectedness of a genuine community. So I think too, as people start to learn, you know, they're a Netflix documentary, I think around the blue zones and what creates longevity and human health.

00;07;51;04 - 00;08;08;20
Alexis
There's a lot of research now about the impact of being in genuine community, and that we've lost so much in all of our cities. And you know that people don't go to churches anymore, necessarily at the same rate that they used to, and they don't have community centers, and they don't even know their neighbors or they have, you know, very limited relationships with their neighbors.

00;08;08;20 - 00;08;30;16
Alexis
So there's this need for intentional community. And not only, you know, finding and being part of it occasionally, but really being intentional about finding the community or building the community and then participating really intentionally. Because one of my favorite lines that I quote all the time, I quote myself on this one, but it's that community isn't something that we just get until it's something that we do.

00;08;30;18 - 00;08;52;29
Alexis
So for all of us, whether we're entrepreneurs and we need community or whether, you know, we're living in a neighborhood that we don't actually know the people around us, it's like we've got to start to practice doing community. It's a human need, and we've all lost it in many ways, or most of us have lost it, unless we're really lucky to live in a place or to have formed a community or joined a community like dovetail, I think it's it's an essential for everyone.

00;08;52;29 - 00;09;15;08
Alexis
So that's what I'm doing. The dovetailing, you know, in our little part of the world, we're doing it for a woman entrepreneurs to help women come together and come home to themselves and come home to each other, and to have a safe place where they can share their wild, crazy dreams and ambitions and, and big ideas and, and also share the hard side, that people really need to be able to open up about.

00;09;15;13 - 00;09;16;15
Alexis
So and that's.

00;09;16;18 - 00;09;37;02
Lisa
That's the thing about community, you know, if you think back to, I know I'm older than you, but, you know, I grew up back in the day where we just were shoved outside, be home when the streetlights come on. And everybody's family kind of knew everybody's family and nobody really worried about where anybody was. And, you know, slowly through the generations, a lot of fear came up.

00;09;37;02 - 00;10;19;15
Lisa
Right. Your kids are going to get stolen and blessed and like all the things right. And everybody started pulling back like it. Now I look at my son and you have to organize playdates in advance. He's 12 and I'm like, God, we're still like getting on the phone and and organizing playdates. So we've gone from this like community where everybody was kind of involved with everybody almost probably to, I would say, almost leaning towards the codependent side, because I think there were some interesting things that I've heard from family members about, you know, anyway, stuff that went on to two, like hyper independent, which I often see my clients just speaking as individuals.

00;10;19;18 - 00;10;28;00
Lisa
So recognizing we need to come back to this place of interdependence where we actually need each other. And there's a difference between needing each other versus being needy.

00;10;28;03 - 00;10;28;16
Alexis

00;10;28;16 - 00;10;39;27
Lisa
Huge massive difference. But understanding like we are so much better in community. You know like I'm not good at everything so I need other people around me.

00;10;39;29 - 00;11;02;04
Alexis
Yeah. We need to share our wisdom and to share our gifts and share our skills. And that is the natural way of being. You know, when you look at our tribal ancestors, this is how they existed. You know, some people were better hunters and others were better at butchering the meat, and others are better at gathering. I mean, it's it's the way that we as humans should be existing and that we have completely lost.

00;11;02;06 - 00;11;26;07
Alexis
And so I am here for all of the intentional communities that I see sprouting up, and even in our own little area. You know, we live kind of in remote northern Ontario now, and we don't have year round neighbors. We're on a cottage roads and we have just a couple of neighbors. But when they come up in the winter and when we know they're up, like we make a practice of like going over with some tea or just some way to to make that connection that, you know, making that presence and that tie.

00;11;26;07 - 00;11;38;19
Alexis
And even if it's just for the couple of weekends and winter that they're here, it's really, really important to have those relationships, to have people know that they matter in your life, even if they're just a neighbor. So anyways, I've got to think of entrepreneurship that's.

00;11;38;19 - 00;12;16;07
Lisa
Not there, but this is something that this is why, you know, dovetail continues to grow because you are such, you know, one of your values is connection and community, and you really do put forth the effort to lead from those values. And it's such a strength of yours. Whereas, you know, I can tend to be more of an extroverted introvert, where I often joke that I don't really like people, I know the people that I know, but so learning how to to put myself out there and make new introductions and get in front of new people has felt, sometimes arduous, right?

00;12;16;07 - 00;12;35;00
Lisa
Like energy draining. Whereas more extroverted people, they love to be around other people, they can gain a lot of energy from it. For for people like me, it can be really challenging. So dovetail is always offered me the opportunity to sit down with people that, quite frankly, I probably would never get in the room with because I wouldn't even know how to walk through the door.

00;12;35;03 - 00;12;57;13
Lisa
And, you know, you have this brilliant way of making sure we're sitting with the people that we need to sit with. Even if after I'm leaving the conversation going, I'm not really sure what happened, but I think I just got stood there and I need to look at that. That was a big one. The the last retreat that I was at, somebody I sat with had asked me a few questions, and I left there and I thought, man, I need to get my shit together here.

00;12;57;18 - 00;13;22;20
Lisa
Like I need to have a better answer than that. Which was really, really fascinating. But I would love for you to talk about, because we were talking about there's and there has been for a while this talk around self-care. Right. We all need self-care. And I was saying to you that what so many people don't understand is that self-care can actually just put us in this, you know, list of ticking boxes again.

00;13;22;23 - 00;13;43;18
Lisa
And yes, we all need self-care. But self-care is really about care for care for self, which people often miss. Like it's not about the things you do, it's how you think and feel about yourself. And you brought up the very, very valid point around. We need to also look at community care as part of our self-care, especially as women.

00;13;43;18 - 00;13;46;15
Lisa
So I would love for you to expand on that.

00;13;46;17 - 00;14;09;16
Alexis
Yes, I think community care has been completely undervalued because we live in a hyper individualistic Western society. You know, self-sufficiency is what we're rewarded for, and I can manage everything, and I can be more and more resilient without leaning on anyone else in my life and especially on community. So I'm a big advocate for doing the personal development work.

00;14;09;16 - 00;14;23;18
Alexis
And some of that is self-care work in community. So one of the things that we do at dovetail, and whether it's on retreat or, you know, year round through our online membership, is that we ask these questions and we have people go away and reflect on them by themselves. And then we come together and process in a small group.

00;14;23;21 - 00;14;43;05
Alexis
Some of them are business questions, some of them are life questions. But being able to do that solo reflection and maybe do a little bit of the personal work or personal inquisition or, you know, however you want to phrase it, and then to come together and share that with other people and be reminded that we're not alone and that, you know, we can relate to others experiences, whether they're in our past, or perhaps we'll come across that in the future.

00;14;43;05 - 00;15;01;27
Alexis
I think it's it's so much more powerful than simply trying to manage it all by ourselves and further isolate ourselves. So I think that there is a space and a time and a need for personal development and for self-care work alone. But that really, at the end of the day, to be able to come back together and do that with other people's, it's very powerful.

00;15;02;03 - 00;15;24;25
Lisa
It's that is either or. It's really a both and right. Because the work that I do with my clients, because I specialize in doing 1 to 1 work, but the bringing them together is so that in these conversations, in these reflections, whether we're talking about attachment or overworking, whatever it may be, everybody get something out of what the other person is saying.

00;15;24;28 - 00;15;52;09
Lisa
But they didn't even realize, like in how that person answered. They're like, wow, I haven't looked at that part of my life, right? I wouldn't have even thought to expand on that question in that way. And we all have a frame of reality that we work from, and it's very hard to get past those walls. But when we are in community, just because other people have a completely different frame from us, it forces us out of those realities.

00;15;52;09 - 00;15;54;06
Lisa
It forces us to look.

00;15;54;09 - 00;16;19;25
Alexis
And sometimes the best way. Like, I love the wild eccentrics. And, you know, I get to speak with women entrepreneurs almost every day and whether they're already in the community or they're prospective members, that I have a conversation with a woman this week who said, well, you know, I've been running this business. It's going along well. But my real dream in the next five years is that I'm going to buy an island in Greece, and then we're going to create this entire society on this island with this barter system.

00;16;19;28 - 00;16;49;23
Alexis
And I'm sitting here like, this sounds mad, but awesome. You know, getting around people who just have wild dreams and ideas and who make them happen. I mean, I've heard of crazier things happening that like just being with people who not only are, you know, are bright and able to ask good questions, but just have a perspective on the world that is so rich and abundant and, you know, just possibility thinkers that we might not come across in our local neighborhood, or certainly where I live on my cottage road, like that's not the usual.

00;16;49;23 - 00;17;07;26
Alexis
So yeah, having having time like real time and real conversations, not just like networking conversations, but spending real time with people who just think differently than us and allow us to see the world in a way that maybe we would never see if we didn't have that. I think it's it's magic, I love it and like, I yeah.

00;17;07;26 - 00;17;31;10
Lisa
And also seeing how you know, my people and even sometimes I can get caught in this trap of thinking like, well, nobody's really going to get me, nobody's really going to have my background or experience. And we all, to some degree have very unique, you know, nobody has the same thumbprint in life. But what I find over and over again is we have way more in common than we have different.

00;17;31;10 - 00;17;52;19
Lisa
When we take down our gardens and we start putting on this armor of how we, you know, we believe that the world needs to see us this way. And I think this happens with a lot of our female entrepreneurs and, and CEOs is like you were talking about in the beginning. When you've got a team, it becomes more lonely because you've got to be strong for them.

00;17;52;22 - 00;18;16;04
Lisa
And there's still a lot of women, I think this is most women are working in this masculine paradigm of what business even needs to be, and showing up in that way. And for me, when I get in community, it's a reminder of like, oh, we don't we can actually change the game here. If we stop trying to be in the boys club and actually start to create our own clubs.

00;18;16;04 - 00;18;18;21
Lisa
And that's part of what you're growing.

00;18;18;23 - 00;18;39;26
Alexis
Yes, 1,000,000%. And it's, you know, it's women and successful women, yourself included. We have been rewarded for showing up in our. And I hesitate to speak around this because it's not my subject area, but in our masculine, in the way that has served us to show up is just as the men before us showed up to succeed, and we had to behave in the same way.

00;18;39;29 - 00;19;08;14
Alexis
And, you know, it's unfortunate, but it is the reality of how we have gotten ahead or however you want to put it in the world. And so, yeah, being among women, I still get pushback. I get pushback from men about why we need a woman's community. But I think that there is, again, this to speak of the magic of being in community, but to being around other women who show you that there's another way, that there's another option for how we can show up and how we can lead and how we can support each other.

00;19;08;14 - 00;19;09;06
Alexis
So yeah.

00;19;09;06 - 00;19;25;25
Lisa
It's I don't have a problem with men having their men's clubs and women having their women's clubs, and there being a space for both sexes to come together. Like, I think there's a lot of power in that too. And I get it that women have fought to be in the rooms with men, and we needed to fight that fight.

00;19;25;27 - 00;19;51;09
Lisa
And now I think we need to reevaluate where we've taken this because in my opinion, interpretation, it's actually doing women a disservice because we're not looking at the, inherent strengths that as women only we possess that are very different from men, and we can do business in a very different way, and we connect in a very different way for men.

00;19;51;11 - 00;20;05;02
Lisa
So I know you've been in a lot of different communities. I would love for you to kind of elaborate on how women do connection and networking different than men, specifically inside female only communities.

00;20;05;04 - 00;20;22;01
Alexis
Oh my goodness. Well, part of why I started dovetails because I thought that I would find community elsewhere. So I did try like I didn't go on retreats, but I participated in a couple of like conference type events. And there was one that was a summer camp, that was for tech founders. And at the time we had a bunch of tech clients.

00;20;22;01 - 00;20;50;10
Alexis
So it kind of fit. But the spaces that I found myself in, and while they were a lot of fun, they were really focused on either having networking, you know, business card swapping and a lot of bravado and a lot of, you know, bragging about our metrics and everything else. Or they were focused on partying. And I felt that there just was like a lack of depth of conversation and a lot of putting on a mask or putting on a front and like, people just wanted to fit in or sort of seem like one of the big players in the room.

00;20;50;13 - 00;21;09;14
Alexis
And that was my experience. And I know it's not like that in every community. I know there are some incredible conscious leadership, communities now. And, my friend Peter Katz runs a great, great example of a, coed organization that's doing it well. But I found that in a lot of, a lot of these instances, there was just I felt like I couldn't go below the surface.

00;21;09;14 - 00;21;32;00
Alexis
And what I wanted would dovetail. And what I know that we've created with dovetail is the space where, you know, even if people are having wine or tea or whatever it is, they're not just there and partying. They're actually sitting together by a fire and asking bigger questions and sharing bigger answers and getting deeper in a way that you know, can only happen when people feel really safe to do that and when they feel like they can take off the mask.

00;21;32;03 - 00;21;48;09
Alexis
And at some of these bigger events or some of these party focused events, it's really hard to take off the mask. And maybe people feel like they are because they're doing a lot of drugs, but it's, I don't know, take me on the master. Drugs is a very different experience than taking off the mask, because you feel a level of comfort and security to do.

00;21;48;09 - 00;21;52;06
Lisa
And I would even argue that's not taking off the mask. It's just putting on another one.

00;21;52;09 - 00;21;53;13
Alexis
A different kind of right.

00;21;53;16 - 00;22;11;05
Lisa
Which, you know, when I was reaching out to you again to get reconnected into the community and I was looking at other communities as well, one of the things that I was looking at as a woman was, would I feel safe here if I was traveling by myself? Would I feel safe? And the answer was a big, fat no.

00;22;11;05 - 00;22;32;15
Lisa
When it came to the communities that were really grounded and in partying. So even though I thought, oh, there might be some really interesting people there, everything in my body was like, I don't think that's the right space for you, Lisa, because for me, I like to go deep, very open. I like to show up very honestly and vulnerably, and I have to feel safe to do that.

00;22;32;15 - 00;22;51;00
Lisa
And one of the things I love about dovetail, everybody goes deep, fast, which is fascinating to me. I think everybody just a craving that those real conversations. And I always feel safe that whoever I'm sharing with is going to hold it in confidence, whatever it is we're talking about, and it's not going to it's not going to leave there.

00;22;51;02 - 00;23;19;00
Lisa
The other thing that I see that is so powerful within dovetail is the Jen. Everybody leads with generosity. So these are, you know, nobody's selling to each other. Everybody has massive value to offer, whether it's in a conversation or whatever. I've always been served so well. I've met some amazing people, amazing connections that I've actually gone on to work with and purchase from, which is super cool and vice versa.

00;23;19;03 - 00;23;31;16
Lisa
But it's just the generosity. Like, anybody will sit down with you, and if you tell them what your problem is, they will work with you through it. And that's how we build connection.

00;23;31;19 - 00;23;50;27
Alexis
Yeah. And I think that's important. And it's it's not that doesn't just happen. I will say like I do, you know, I work with I have a group of other community leaders that I connect with every quarter. And, that it's intentional that the reason that people feel safe is because of how we facilitate them. We, you know, we have equal share of voices in the room.

00;23;50;27 - 00;24;07;11
Alexis
We have powers of community that enable people to to be reminded that, yes, we encourage women, of course, to work with each other and support each other, but we do that in a way that starts of generosity and that we're not here to pitch each other and that, you know, this is not the environment for whipping out the business cards, but that results in such better working relationships.

00;24;07;13 - 00;24;28;21
Alexis
So we do a lot to set up the space where, you know, we do have these deep conversations and where there is confidentiality honored and all of those things. But yeah, it's I think it's pretty different from some of their environments. I will say that there's one big, really well known party group of entrepreneurs and, and friends of the founder, and I love them, and I know they've done a lot of work to create more safety.

00;24;28;21 - 00;24;33;20
Alexis
With it still being a very like party atmosphere. So I don't want to throw them under the bus too hard. But no.

00;24;33;22 - 00;24;54;12
Lisa
We're not going to throw anybody under the because at the end of the day, it's not about the organization, right? It's it's about how each individual, like each individual, we all get to be responsible for the choices that we make and the communities that we want to show up in. Right? It's it's on. It's on me. It's on everybody else to make that decision.

00;24;54;14 - 00;25;15;18
Lisa
My point was being is I specifically wanted a community just of women because for where I'm at in my life and where I'm at in my business and what I want and what I need, that's the space that I wanted to be in. I didn't want it to be colluded. Not that men are bad for love men, but for what I was looking for.

00;25;15;21 - 00;25;18;00
Lisa
That's what I wanted.

00;25;18;03 - 00;25;39;18
Alexis
Yeah, I love it too. I will say, like, over the years we've had, non-binary folks. We've had transgender women in the community. I think the the first one. Yeah. And so we do, you know, we welcome everyone who identifies as a woman and, and it's a safe space for, for those folks as well. It's, really intentionally designed to be that.

00;25;39;18 - 00;25;55;00
Alexis
So I love it. I can't see like, people have asked me, you know, do you think you'll ever go coed? And I could see doing, like, couples thing, or maybe someday having some coed events. But I really love being a woman. And I love men. You know, I'm married to one.

00;25;55;02 - 00;26;00;27
Lisa
Thing, and I don't think there's anything wrong with.

00;26;01;00 - 00;26;22;29
Lisa
Being disruptive like that, because that's the thing. Creating a women's only community in itself is disruptive. And in business, there are going to be people like me who are specifically looking for just that thing. And it's a great way to stand out. And whether somebody identifies as a female spawn, as a female, it doesn't matter to me because I know you so well.

00;26;22;29 - 00;26;42;28
Lisa
I know what's important to you, and I know how much time and care and effort goes into curating every single woman that comes into that community. Like, you don't just have people fill out an application and come on in. You sit down with them, you have a conversation. You make sure that they're the right fit for what you're trying to grow.

00;26;43;00 - 00;26;51;25
Lisa
And even that speaks with so much integrity, because you are so clear on the mission that you have and what you want to grow.

00;26;51;27 - 00;27;08;08
Alexis
Yeah, I think it's, somebody asked me like when I started after that first one, one of my I wouldn't say is a competitor who runs a pretty well known big community of entrepreneurs. And he had me on his podcast and he's like, where the heck did you come from? And how I've been, have I been hearing about you so much?

00;27;08;08 - 00;27;22;26
Alexis
And it was really flattering. But he was like, what the heck did you do to make this work? Because I've had so many people tell me, so many of the women from my community went to this event, and they came out and they were talking about it. And I said, honestly, it's because my background is in developing organizational culture and community.

00;27;22;26 - 00;27;40;17
Alexis
And I started with the values. So I've always had this ridiculous acronym. It's not ridiculous because it works, but this acronym for our core values. And I got on a call and I run through that acronym in my head. So I ask questions. I don't talk a lot on those calls. I ask a lot of questions. And as I'm hearing answers, I'm running through the values.

00;27;40;17 - 00;28;00;04
Alexis
And it's glass, which is wild generosity, spirit of lifelong learning, a little bit of a sense of adventurousness, courageous. That's purpose built business and a purpose in the world. So beyond just filling our bank accounts a level of humility and fun and honestly just knowing those things and I think they can be used. They can be used in people's hiring processes.

00;28;00;04 - 00;28;16;23
Alexis
If you have an acronym for your values, you can kind of just you can hear it in people's responses. You can hear in their tone to their responses to questions. And it's something that can work for everybody. And I know after actually after that, interview, he went up into the same thing because it just helps, like it just makes it an obvious yes or a no.

00;28;16;23 - 00;28;19;19
Alexis
If somebody is going to fit with the people that you're bringing together.

00;28;19;21 - 00;28;42;14
Lisa
So and that is such a feminine approach to doing business. I don't know if anybody's told you that. Right. But to really ground into I'm going to lead from my values, like your personal and your community values and grow your business that way because I tell my clients all the time, like, if you're making decisions based on your highest values, even if it doesn't make sense, you can't go wrong.

00;28;42;16 - 00;29;01;03
Lisa
But as women, when we step outside of what our values are because we're trying to make somebody else happy or we're chasing money or whatever it may be, that's when things go awry. Totally. So, you know, as women, it's learning how to really lead from our heart. And that doesn't mean that we don't bring our left brain rational thinking into it.

00;29;01;03 - 00;29;22;21
Lisa
Right? We have to have both. But leading a values based business, I think, is at the core of being a successful female leader. Not to say that men don't lead from values to, but I think for women it can be such a powerful, such a powerful thing to ground into.

00;29;22;24 - 00;29;41;04
Alexis
Yes. And it just feels better when you can have all the money in the world and not feel successful. And I know you've talked about this, I'm sure, on this podcast, but its success is also just about going to work every day or wherever you're working and feeling good and feeling good about the people you're working with on your team and your clients and the work you get to do.

00;29;41;04 - 00;29;58;22
Alexis
And when we can align that with our values, when we actually know our personal values, and then when we can align that work and those decisions of their values, that's what feels the best. It's why I'm still running dovetail, even though, you know, over Covid we went from like running all these in-person events to like a lot of online mastermind groups and all this stuff.

00;29;58;24 - 00;30;04;12
Alexis
But I didn't want to give it up because it feels good. It feels aligned with who I am. And that's what I want for everybody in business.

00;30;04;18 - 00;30;30;21
Lisa
And that's what I think it's more important now than ever because Covid was such a community breaker. It really like, you know, we won't dive into that, but it really was. It created so much division and separation between people, right? It had people choosing sides like it was just there was nothing good about any of it. And I know for me it was a period of time where I felt incredibly isolated, incredibly isolated.

00;30;30;24 - 00;30;52;27
Lisa
So to be welcomed back into dovetail and say, like, there's a community here for you, Lisa, and we might not all agree on all the same things, and we can still come together in the spirit of generosity and in the spirit of wanting to go deep and feel safe. So regardless of what your perspective is, and that goes for everything.

00;30;52;27 - 00;31;20;20
Lisa
Like there's there's so many women with different perspectives on a whole bunch of things within dovetail. Right? Exercise and nutrition looks one way. For some women it looks totally different, for others, there's no right or wrong. And I love that there's space for everybody to be who they are. But you also challenge us to look at the things that we identify with and the stories and interpretations that we're holding on to so that we can expand into more.

00;31;20;23 - 00;31;40;11
Alexis
Yes. I feel like you nailed it on that. And I think, like a lot of the time, people think like community is supposed to be homogenous. And it's not, you know, the best communities bring together people with diverse perspectives. I think the the most important part of that, though, is that you can have diverse perspectives and differing dew points in many different ways, but it still has to be a safe space.

00;31;40;11 - 00;31;57;17
Alexis
And so if people come in and they they have something, you know, an opinion that is completely contrarian to everyone else, that is totally okay, as long as they're not doing anything that makes people feel unsafe or unwelcome in the space. Yeah. So yes, I think it's important. And I think we all learn, you know, I don't want to be around people that think the same way.

00;31;57;17 - 00;32;11;16
Alexis
I want to be around some of the wild eccentrics and, you know, the zany ideas and just the subject matter experts that are willing to share their wisdom and kind of go out there on a limb and talk about, oh my gosh, at the last one, we have mushroom foraging.

00;32;11;16 - 00;32;32;13
Lisa
And I know and, you know, one of the other things that I love about the community is like, you force people into having fun. And for a lot of people in leadership positions and even for what I do, right, it's it's serious, deep work. Although I do say, like Adrian Dore and Adrian Dawson used to say all the time, we're not creating oxygen right now is remind my people of that.

00;32;32;13 - 00;32;55;06
Lisa
Me. But it's serious work. We're talking about, you know, really deep, intimate things. And I can get so I can get so into that work that I have to remember, like, oh, I can lighten up and be silly too. And you invite everybody into that, which is so entertaining to watch somebody who you're like, man, that woman runs like an eight figure business.

00;32;55;06 - 00;32;59;03
Lisa
She's crushing it and she's twerking. She's up there is working.

00;32;59;06 - 00;33;25;10
Alexis
Yeah. The UN talent show at our last retreat was pretty hilarious. Some of our biggest business owners getting out there and telling like stories, but well live on it and up or for quite a while. There are definitely like folk community inside jokes at this point. But yeah, it's important. I think people need that opportunity that yes, we can go deeper, we can have a serious conversations and we can, you know, do the personal work and we can talk about our businesses and all of these things.

00;33;25;13 - 00;33;27;28
Alexis
And we can also have a really good laugh. And, you.

00;33;27;28 - 00;33;54;08
Lisa
Know, I'm just be human and be normal because we aren't our businesses and our identity isn't our business. We are just individual women outside of that who are trying to live better lives and love ourselves more and find our lessons and all those things. And I think sometimes as a leader, we forget that. So just come back to like, oh, I just got to be like a normal human here.

00;33;54;08 - 00;34;28;13
Lisa
Like I put my pants on like everybody else. And for me, also, one of the things that I really love about community is I think it's so dangerous when you are the top dog in the community, it's so important to be in rooms where you're like, I think I'm a little intimidated here. Like that to me is really cool because it pushes my my boundaries and my edges of what makes me comfortable and what I might be capable of, or how I can expand into more to be sitting with women who've created, again, so much more than me, very much like my clients.

00;34;28;13 - 00;34;32;20
Lisa
I just find it exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.

00;34;32;22 - 00;34;56;03
Alexis
Yeah, and I think that's why I like when I talk about our powers of community. The power of experience is also just as important as the power of confidentiality, because everyone in that room has great experience, whether they've had a, you know, big front page IPO or, you know, whether they have a smaller business, like you're bringing so much wisdom and experience that is needed by a lot of these women with bigger teams and bigger businesses and vice versa.

00;34;56;03 - 00;35;09;19
Alexis
You know, like you, they bring knowledge and wisdom to the table that you and I might not have. And so, yeah, I think it's it's pretty remarkable. And I certainly love I mean, again, selfishly, I love dovetail it because I get to learn every time I talk to someone that was.

00;35;09;21 - 00;35;15;26
Lisa
That was such a huge, you know, at one of the when we were up in past Cranbrook, Fernie.

00;35;16;02 - 00;35;18;03
Alexis
Oh, that's and but.

00;35;18;05 - 00;35;37;23
Lisa
That was such I mean, that was a life changing experience for me on so many levels. But I remember, you know, coming home from there and thinking like, because, like, it was a it was a challenging time in my business at that point. Like, as all entrepreneurs and CEOs, we have ups and downs and I've told the story.

00;35;37;28 - 00;35;54;08
Lisa
I remember coming home and sitting on the edge of my bed and being in tears and being like, what do you what do you think you were doing being there? And I remember saying to myself, we saw like, at what point do you allow yourself to sit at the table like you've been invited to the table? You were at the table.

00;35;54;11 - 00;36;20;29
Lisa
Be at the table. Because exactly what you're saying, right? It doesn't matter what somebody else has built or what they do in the world. I can offer something that they maybe don't have any frame around. So because they've built something bigger than me doesn't make me less valuable. But fighting like and releasing that story around, I don't get to be at the table with these type of women because I need to be here before I'm deserving of that.

00;36;21;01 - 00;36;46;13
Lisa
But in order to be deserving of that, I had to choose to be deserving. I did choose to sit at the table and it really shifted. So like so much for me. It was so, so powerful. And I love seeing that now and supporting other women because we have all different levels within the dovetail community. So getting to be a part of that now is so powerful for me.

00;36;46;15 - 00;37;02;18
Alexis
Yeah, I mean, I think there is I've, you know, I receive feedback about it. And we do have like subgroups now within dovetail. But we do welcome, you know, for our subgroups, we have women who have six figure businesses and they're scaling. And then we have women who are consultants. And then we also have women who have bigger seven and even nine bigger businesses.

00;37;02;18 - 00;37;27;13
Alexis
And so the subgroups have that. We've started of help so that people can find the peer ship within the community, but also having opportunities for everyone to come together. Because the nicest thing is that our most experienced ladies want to turn around and support and give, and they want to learn. I love like one of my goals is to have a subgroup of women in their 70s and 80s, because they want to learn from the women in their 20s and 30s and 40s because they're not done.

00;37;27;13 - 00;37;51;26
Alexis
You know, entrepreneurs are entrepreneurs for life. Like even if they sold their company or stepped away from the day to day operations. I'm not going to, I don't know, sit in their rocker like they want to come and connect and learn. And so I love having like, multigenerational and, you know, women who've come out of the corporate world after a 40 year career and have started a business or, well, we've sold their companies and gotten into investing and are new to the VC world or angel investing or whatever it is.

00;37;51;26 - 00;38;08;10
Alexis
Everyone always has something to learn and and something to share and just yeah, it's been hard to push for that and grow in community and to continue to have spaces where women at different levels of experience are coming together. But I just think it's important for everyone. So I agree.

00;38;08;12 - 00;38;31;22
Lisa
I agree, and this is why I'm such a big fan and why I'm so supportive of your community growing. So in saying all of that, if anybody is listening and is connecting with this conversation and saying, yes, I need that, that thing I need, I need to talk to to Alexis, where can they go to find out more about dovetail, to have a conversation with you to explore the opportunities that you have coming up within dovetail?

00;38;31;24 - 00;38;56;00
Alexis
Yes. I can just go to Dovetail Community. It is not a.com. So dovetail is like the carpentry joint symbol of interconnection. So it's doe v t I o community. That's two M's and I can sign up there or apply and, and or book a call with me. And I speak to everyone who applies. I love it, it's a big part of my day.

00;38;56;00 - 00;39;06;25
Alexis
And even if it's not a fit for this year, I'm always looking to connect with one another. And, Yeah, who knows? Who knows where you might find or who you might meet, or how we might connect or dovetail.

00;39;06;27 - 00;39;12;14
Lisa
Exactly. And you're on social media as well, right? You're on Instagram and Facebook are just that dovetail.

00;39;12;16 - 00;39;22;16
Alexis
Oh yeah. We cross post to Facebook. But I'll admit to not being as active over there. But it's Alexis dovetail on Instagram or Dovetail Community on Instagram as well.

00;39;22;16 - 00;39;34;27
Lisa
Perfect. Anything you would like to leave my listeners with around community that you feel like we, you know, you wanted to say and you didn't have the opportunity to say.

00;39;35;00 - 00;39;54;07
Alexis
I mean, I feel like I said so much, but I think just the reminder of entrepreneurship doesn't have to be a lonely sport, and we don't have to figure it all out on our own. And there's so much wisdom to be shared, and so many women who want to share that wisdom and who want to support you and shoulder up and, you know, be there for you on this wild, wild adventure.

00;39;54;10 - 00;40;18;28
Lisa
It is a wild adventure, that is for sure, not for the faint of heart. Right? We are. We are hardwired a different way as entrepreneurs. Sometimes I think we're glutton for punishment, but I think it's just that females who get into entrepreneurship, I think it's just because they know they're here to make an impact, right? They want to make a difference, and they want to lead an extraordinary life while making an impact.

00;40;18;29 - 00;40;39;01
Lisa
And it gets to be both. So thanks for creating the community, Alexis. I appreciate you being back in my world. I'm excited to be able to share you out with my audience. And, I look forward to meeting anybody new who decides to jump into the community. So thank you so much for taking the time to have this conversation with me today.

00;40;39;01 - 00;40;44;05
Lisa
So, nourishing. It's always nourishing to talk to you.

00;40;44;08 - 00;40;51;15
Alexis
Thank you. I feel the same way. It's so good to be able to spend time together. And, thank you to anyone who's listening. And so it's a nice to spend this time with him.

00;40;51;21 - 00;41;08;06
Lisa
Amazing. So we will put all the links in the show notes so you can check out everything in the show notes. And please make sure to reach out to Alexis and check out the dovetail community if it is calling your name. And thank you for tuning in to the podcast and I will catch you on the next episode.