EPISODE 303: High-Achiever Burnout: How Perfectionism Sabotages Your Body Image and Business Success with Beverly Simpson

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:27:14
Lisa
Welcome to the Full Frontal Living Podcast. I'm Lisa Carpenter, master life Coach, two driven, ambitious humans who want more out of life without having to sacrifice themselves to achieve it. I'll share how it's possible to slow down, take better care of yourself, find more peace and ease, pressure to sustainable energy, stop procrastination and overwhelm and fall in love with your life, your business, and your body.

00:00:27:16 - 00:00:45:23
Lisa
This podcast is for you. If you're ready to learn what it takes to thrive as a high performer, do less but achieve more. Make you and your well-being a top priority and create your extraordinaire free life. I'm so glad you're here.

00:00:45:23 - 00:01:04:00
Lisa
Well, hey, hey, listeners, thanks for tuning in for another episode of the Full Frontal Living podcast. I'm excited today because I don't have a ton of guests on everybody who's been listening to this podcast for a while and knows I don't do a ton of gas, but I wanted to bring my friend and colleague Beverly Simpson on today and we're going to have a conversation.

00:01:04:00 - 00:01:24:27
Lisa
Well, we're not really sure about all the things we're going to jam about. But before we dive in, I think we're going to talk about connection. We're going to talk about vulnerability. We're going to talk about body image. We're gonna talk about what it takes. When you are a woman in business and you're raising a family and growing a business and the demands on your time.

00:01:25:00 - 00:01:41:28
Lisa
Beverly knows all about overwhelm and spinning too many plates. So before we dive into all of that and God knows what else, Beverly, can you go ahead and introduce yourself to my audience? Let them know who you are, how you serve people in this world, and what makes you so amazing.

00:01:42:01 - 00:02:03:17
Beverly
Oh, you're so kind. First of all, thank you so much for having me on the show today. It is a pleasure and a privilege to hang out with you and to connect with your community and your listeners. I really appreciate it. So first and foremost, thank you. I'm Beverly Simpson. I'm a former district fitness manager for a national gem in the Manhattan and New Jersey area.

00:02:03:17 - 00:02:32:21
Beverly
So I was responsible for running and growing and developing personal trainers and leaders at four of five Manhattan and New Jersey gyms. Then I gave birth to two beautiful little women in to the world, and I left that position and started to build my own dream online. And I built to multiple six figure businesses online, first in the B2C business to consumer.

00:02:32:22 - 00:02:46:28
Beverly
So for my moms and then I moved into doing what I was doing in the gym, essentially, and helping health and wellness professionals start and scale a profitable business in the online space.

00:02:47:00 - 00:03:10:18
Lisa
That big leap running people to then growing your own business. So other than having your your kids, what was the like motivating factor to make such a big leap? Because I found because, you know, I was in fitness for years and years as well. There's such a steep learning curve when it comes to growing your own business. And I think we're kind of sold this.

00:03:10:20 - 00:03:18:06
Lisa
It's easy. Just move your business online and you will get rich and everything will be awesome.

00:03:18:08 - 00:04:01:19
Beverly
Just do this 30 minute training and then you'll make a million in 30 seconds. I did it. You can do it. So it's interesting. So I had I had I really it was kind of two moments for me. First was I, I and hold on. I want to pull back the curtain just one step further. If we're going to talk about body image, because it does relate, is that I got into fitness because I was a a previously I was an actor and so I had majored in musical theater and I had always thought that my perfect job was going to be on the next side of like getting the perfect body that I just

00:04:01:19 - 00:04:23:25
Beverly
needed to work out enough to get to the, like, the best job. And I'm like, I always laugh because I had this moment of, Oh, I need to leave this narcissistic industry and go into fitness. And I'm like, Would I look at it now? Like, No, it wasn't that the industry was narcissistic. It was more that I was self focus.

00:04:23:25 - 00:04:56:16
Beverly
And wherever you go, there you are. So that's how I really got into fitness. And, and as I started to advance in the company, it was really similar to running your own business, like I was running in their dream, just not mine. And so I had realized as I'm in the gym and if any of your listeners have have worked in a gym or know the gym, just go at the end of the month because there's always going to be deals because you have clothes out every month.

00:04:56:16 - 00:05:25:11
Beverly
And so I was literally missing a year of or a week of my kid's life every month. And if you think about the holidays, Christmas, Hanukkah, you know, New Year's, Halloween, every holiday is always at the end of the month. And I had this. Am I going to miss every holiday with my kids so that I can be living in the gym?

00:05:25:13 - 00:05:51:23
Beverly
That does not sound fun at all. So that was a catalyst. That was a catalyst for me because it was Gwen's first Halloween and I missed it. I was at the gym and my husband was FaceTiming me, and I remember I thought to myself, This is this is absurd and not acceptable. And so that was number one. And then I had that moment of you could do the same thing for yourself.

00:05:51:26 - 00:06:17:16
Beverly
And so that was really the biggest catalyst. And I was living in the city with my husband, and my husband is a detective and an NYPD detective, so he has a very strong opinion about raising children in the city. So for him, it was a non-negotiable to raise kids in the city. So we had them. So we chose together to move to Westchester.

00:06:17:16 - 00:06:26:26
Beverly
So my commute on top of missing my kids, it just the benefits did not outweigh the cons. So I moved online.

00:06:26:29 - 00:06:45:09
Lisa
Okay. Which then leads me to the next question because I don't know what your journey was like, if it was anything like mine. But when I started my own business, especially when I moved my business out of my bricks and mortar space because I was a personal trainer for so long, I moved online. I ended up working more.

00:06:45:11 - 00:06:45:19
Beverly
Around.

00:06:45:19 - 00:07:06:12
Lisa
The clock all the time. So I know you know this right, in an effort to get there, right? Because I wanted to create so much success for me. I wanted to create that freedom. But in trying to create that freedom, I completely robbed myself of all freedom, all joy, all fulfillment, all things that felt good. What was that like for you growing your business?

00:07:06:12 - 00:07:08:24
Lisa
Did you get caught up in that as well?

00:07:08:26 - 00:07:35:05
Beverly
So it was interesting. I had two experiences and the first the first was not similar only because as a fitness manager that's what you were doing, weren't doing it for yourself. You were doing you were literally like, I was driving $2.1 million every year. So in a month we would have these goals of like, your training team has to hit 300,000.

00:07:35:11 - 00:08:06:12
Beverly
So for my gym alone, it was 190,000. Otherwise you wouldn't get paid like they wouldn't pay you. So yes, because you were commissioned out so you would get a base pay. But the base pay in New York barely, barely paid your bills. Right. So so that's why it was so that's why the transition actually was super easy. And in fact, it was lighter because in addition to me working my guts out, you had the team above you.

00:08:06:15 - 00:08:36:00
Beverly
So you're the district fitness manager and then the whole and then the company like writing you to hit these numbers. So for me, that pressure went like, Oh, it came from me as opposed to these arbitrary numbers, right? So that was an easy trans, an easy transition. And I did end up working less because as a fitness manager and as a fitness manager, it was it was worse because the numbers were not set by you.

00:08:36:02 - 00:09:11:20
Beverly
Well, however, I did have because I had that experience, there was an element of arrogance that I had when I built my my when I started to build my own business because I thought it should be easier. And it was. And what's interesting is I always have said that it was arrogance, but I had a friend of mine recently she said, You know, Beverly, I it's not arrogance because I think that that is too harsh of a word because I know you and you're not arrogant.

00:09:11:20 - 00:09:32:12
Beverly
It's more just your ego. And so I thought, you know, I really received that, which is hard for me to do. And I thought, you know, that's true because I don't take on the identity of being arrogant. Not none of us would do this job as a coach if we were in our area. Like, it's just not possible.

00:09:32:14 - 00:09:55:13
Beverly
You can't want to serve and be arrogant at the same time. I don't think so. I said, Yeah, you know, it was my it is my ego. I thought that there was that it would be easy, that I would that I would just fall into, into, you know, astride with it, that it would transfer easily. But you know, it didn't.

00:09:55:13 - 00:10:27:19
Beverly
And I think that it was compounding. I think it goes back even to my theater days is, you know, I had taken all of those like body image wounds from theater in the fitness in the my business. Right. And I think that that had like put that would put a cap on on my growth for me and it's interesting because I see this a lot and I and I know that it's not just me as a fitness professional.

00:10:27:19 - 00:11:18:24
Beverly
I have seen the number one confession that trainers would come to me with in their business plans was I'm just I don't think I'm fit enough to be a trainer. And then on the and and and these would be from people of all different body like people who had 12% body fat. I would say that to me it all it was absolutely absurd and I don't blame them because if you look at the state of social media today, even fitness professionals are photoshopping their bodies in their images because of the the pressures that people have experienced by, you know, this this they've just distorted the views of what an actual human body looks like and

00:11:18:24 - 00:11:36:11
Beverly
that that's not just social media. We've seen that across media from, you know, the dawn of time. Right. So so it's just so it was interesting. So that was something that like I had that had come up for me as I continue to grow my business. All right, So let's.

00:11:36:11 - 00:12:06:19
Lisa
Go let's go back to these words, because I'm a big believer and you and I have talked about this. I think that most of our businesses, for most people who are whether they are entrepreneurs and run their own business or whether they're high level CEOs, I think most people's success at that level is driven from very wounded places and the very things that move them forward initially that can be like that kind of rocket fuel ultimately end up being the things that take them out at the knees as they get further along.

00:12:06:21 - 00:12:24:07
Lisa
So I'd love to go back to this whole idea of this this perfect body and having to have this perfect body and these wounds around your body. Where did you learn that? Where did where do you believe you first learned about? You have to look a certain way in order to be.

00:12:24:09 - 00:12:46:26
Beverly
Let's say, successful. You know, I very I think it comes down to the theater days, honestly. And it's you and I had talked about this so much and it's so true. I see this play out a lot is just that you're you're it's it's you know, like the law of polarity at play. Right. Your biggest gift can also become your biggest Achilles heel.

00:12:46:26 - 00:13:29:22
Beverly
And I know that I see this in me and I see this a lot in my high achievers that that drive is incredible. But then it's also like where it's the comes your the throttle neck. And so what's interesting for me when it comes to the body wounds is that, you know, when you're a kid in theater, you there is this sense of scarcity that is is is is perpetuated because there's only one lead role and people are constantly put up against each other of like, oh, this and this.

00:13:29:24 - 00:13:50:26
Beverly
And and people would would say all the time, you need to have a thick skin in theater. Like that was just one of those things that everyone knew. And I'm putting that in quotes because like, Oh, don't go in theater unless you have a thick skin because and then when I say theater, I'm using, you know, dance performance acting, right?

00:13:50:26 - 00:14:25:18
Beverly
If you have two incredible actors that are are, you know, put up against each other and they all have the same level of skill, what becomes the differentiating factor? Well, as a kid, it was how you looked. Ashley is the part. She doesn't look the part. She doesn't look the part. Well, what does that even mean? Right? Look the part compared to what you know, you know, so it, it, you know, so I feel like a lot of that, like I and I find those types of scarcity experiences, even as I grow my business.

00:14:25:18 - 00:14:59:17
Beverly
Right. Even though I know better or I understand that every that it's abundant, that they're coaching clients are abundant. I also I also have deep rooted senses, sense of there is not enough. And I think I think it starts even with childhood wounds, and that's reflected in the theater. And then, you know, it continues to grow. And also for me personally, and I've shared this before so publicly.

00:14:59:17 - 00:15:19:04
Beverly
So, you know, I grew up in a very critical household, and I love my parents. We're still close because I understand that they're doing the best that they can with the tools that they have. And I respect that and honor that. But one of the things that that would happen is that if something was spoken over me that I was deeply afraid of to be true.

00:15:19:05 - 00:15:43:15
Beverly
So, for example, I would have my dad say like, Oh, well, maybe you're just not good enough to be an actor, man. I knowing that that was spoken over me and that be like deep rooted, like maybe that's true that I would receive that and internalize that. Right. And of course his comment would be from like, Well, I just don't want you to keep getting hurt right?

00:15:43:15 - 00:16:01:10
Beverly
I don't want you to like, you know, it would be from a place of like, I'm wanting to protect you, but it would be spoken over me and that would be something I'd be deeply afraid of. That got reinforced by someone I love and respect, you know? Yeah, it would be. And I see. And I hear those same things even in my business.

00:16:01:10 - 00:16:04:22
Beverly
But just now I reject.

00:16:04:25 - 00:16:05:13
Lisa
So how do.

00:16:05:13 - 00:16:06:02
Beverly
These.

00:16:06:04 - 00:16:19:16
Lisa
So talk to me more about the body image issues and how those plagued you throughout the life. Because as we both know, the things that we don't heal. Right. And we think, well, if I just move out of this zone, right? So if I just move out of theater.

00:16:19:18 - 00:16:19:27
Beverly
And I.

00:16:19:27 - 00:16:39:24
Lisa
Go here, then I'll be fine. But what we what most people don't realize is, like, your wounds will follow you and they'll keep knocking at your door louder and louder and louder until they're like, What was that movie where he, like, broke through the door and was like, Was it Johnny's here? Do you remember that shining?

00:16:39:26 - 00:16:41:18
Beverly
No. Oh.

00:16:41:21 - 00:16:43:04
Lisa
My God. Sort of way back.

00:16:43:07 - 00:16:44:10
Beverly
I just had this vision.

00:16:44:10 - 00:16:44:26
Lisa
Of like.

00:16:45:02 - 00:16:46:06
Beverly
Anyway.

00:16:46:08 - 00:17:06:02
Lisa
That's that's kind of what these wounds do. They follow us around. So you leave theater, you go into fitness. Which fitness? What most people don't recognize. And I mean, I've been in fitness for like two decades as well. So I know this. I know the industry inside it out. And there are a lot of empowered people in that business.

00:17:06:02 - 00:17:28:07
Lisa
And there are so many that are working from a really hurt place inside themselves where their entire identity is wrapped up in how they look, how they present. And I mean going on stage. I saw this all the time and it was such a it's such an interesting world for me because it's not who I am. Fitness is not who I am.

00:17:28:07 - 00:17:36:06
Lisa
It's something that I do. And I go on stage because it's fun. Granted, it comes at 12 weeks of hell, kind of. I make it as.

00:17:36:06 - 00:17:37:17
Beverly
Far as possible.

00:17:37:19 - 00:18:02:26
Lisa
To get ready to go on stage. Right. But it's it's like somebody doing an ice bath, except I do it for 12 weeks and then I get to wear, you know, sparkles and rhinestones on stage. But it's a very subjective sport. And I watch so many women get chewed up and spit out because, like, I'm on stage with my perfect body, whatever that means, against other people with their perfect bodies.

00:18:02:28 - 00:18:04:23
Lisa
Somebody has to win.

00:18:04:26 - 00:18:05:04
Beverly
And.

00:18:05:04 - 00:18:19:14
Lisa
Somebody is going to lose. And it does like it doesn't mean that it didn't mean anything to me. It was about the fun of doing it. I mean, I always like to be competitive. I'm not going to lie about that. I'm a competitive athlete. But I also was fully understanding like this actually has nothing to do with me.

00:18:19:14 - 00:18:41:26
Lisa
But what I found was so challenging for me was and I've had to do a lot of work around this, navigating my own femininity and sexuality and embracing like the fun parts of being a woman and embracing our body. Because I think for a long time I personally believe that that my body, my sexuality was for them.

00:18:41:29 - 00:18:43:08
Beverly
It wasn't for.

00:18:43:08 - 00:19:06:24
Lisa
Me. So that was kind of like to watch these women like, so for lack of a better way into themselves. And some of them were some I don't know. I don't know what's going on for everybody behind the scenes, but it is such an image focused industry and every detail matters. And I was just kind of like, ladies, this is for like a day.

00:19:06:24 - 00:19:23:02
Lisa
It's not your life, it's not who you are. And when you don't have this, who are who are you? Because stage lean is like for that day. And then you've got to come out of it and you have to be a normal human.

00:19:23:05 - 00:19:31:29
Beverly
You know? And then you have to remember that all of those women, not only is it a day they're hungry so they don't have access to.

00:19:32:02 - 00:19:54:24
Lisa
Even see Beverly. Like when I go on stage the month before I go on stage, I take it off because I'm like, I cannot see clients because I'm in a constant state of halt and just managing myself. And I mean, I do I do a really good job of it, but it's, you were not your best self. When you are that lean, your body is not meant to be that lean ever, always.

00:19:54:24 - 00:20:21:10
Lisa
And any time I'm watching any film, a fitness influencer and I see them always in this state of leanness, like visible abs. I know, I know. I would bet all the money I have in the bank that 99% of them are struggling around their food, their mindset, their body image. They are some of the most critical people I've met on the planet.

00:20:21:10 - 00:20:40:19
Lisa
Whereas when you find the you know, I've got a lot of friends who are very healthy athletes as well if they're they're different breed. And even I to this day can still go like in and out of stuff where I have to like check myself. So body image like because you can't you know, you got to be in your you're here every day.

00:20:40:19 - 00:20:48:10
Lisa
You're here in your body. So I love to hear about your journey around unraveling all of this for you and what that's been like.

00:20:48:12 - 00:21:19:15
Beverly
Yeah. So it's interesting. And I want to say, you know, as controversial as this may or may not seem, you know, I'm a huge advocate of remembering that, you know, the extreme sides of the pendulum are not are where I like to just not live. Right. So while, you know, body competition, you know, prep is not what I would consider I would not I would consider that performance ready and maybe not necessarily healthy.

00:21:19:18 - 00:21:25:03
Beverly
I also think that health at every size is not the same thing as healthy everything.

00:21:25:08 - 00:21:37:00
Lisa
Oh, thank you for saying that, because I can sometimes get up in my stuff around the sometimes I think the body positivity community.

00:21:37:00 - 00:21:37:25
Beverly
I mean, I'll say that.

00:21:38:01 - 00:22:14:00
Lisa
It can swing too far where I'm like, actually that's not healthy either. And we can't just use body positivity as a way of like whitewashing and not being responsible for this gift that we've been given of a body that actually needs our care and attention. And the way that I look at it is like, you know, you wouldn't go out and buy like, you know, $100,000 sports car and then throw your coke over it, throw fries in the backseat, not that we can't have those things occasionally, but you wouldn't treat that car like a piece of garbage and like it's like a trash can.

00:22:14:02 - 00:22:39:06
Beverly
Drive the off road. And we also have to remember to like, if we're going to talk about health, you have to go and look at the statistics about like the fact that Cardiovasc killer disease is which is going to be, you know, attributed to visceral fat, a rat like adipose tissue around your organ. Right. So we you know, we have to look at that.

00:22:39:06 - 00:23:01:09
Beverly
So I like to just remind myself and my clients that we have stacks and we have feelings and we have meanings. And so look at the scientific facts first, and then we can also have our feelings around it. But like and I'm not necessarily saying that, like facts, you know, science facts are like the be all end all.

00:23:01:09 - 00:23:22:08
Beverly
Like I understand that there are theories and facts and whatnot, but but I mean more around you need we need and what I like to do is look at data. Whatever we have, whether it's factual or theory in the most neutral way possible, and then the feelings that we're having around it. That's what we need to dive into and look at because pain means pay attention.

00:23:22:11 - 00:23:37:25
Beverly
But what I you know, and I've said too before, that pain is a moment. The suffering is like living into the the thought of it, right. So the suffering, the suffering is the choice. But the moment. Yeah, because.

00:23:37:29 - 00:24:06:11
Lisa
Feelings aren't facts. But feelings do provide us with a gateway and a signpost. Most things we need to look at and the data. For me, the data is the grounding. Bit like, okay, this is what you feel, Lisa, but this is what the data is telling you. Can you get out of the feelings for a minute? Look at the data, bring yourself back to Earth, and then let's go back to the feeling and say like, what story is that pointing here to that you might want to look at releasing?

00:24:06:11 - 00:24:25:05
Lisa
And that's, you know, so much of body image is because I've got I've got a good girlfriend and she's been dipping her toe in the land of macros. Now after being she's vegetarian, she's realizing she's not eating enough protein. So she's like, okay, the best way to do this is macros. Great. Awesome. I can help you with that.

00:24:25:05 - 00:24:32:14
Lisa
This is not something I do on the regular. Please don't DM me and ask me do your macros.

00:24:32:16 - 00:24:35:04
Beverly
And every week I'd be like, I need I.

00:24:35:04 - 00:24:58:02
Lisa
Need your data. Like I need some data here. If you want me to make decisions and help you make it. I need data and shit. Every week there was a reason why she couldn't give me the data, so I finally said to her, I'm like, I think you may want to explore the fact that you're looking for the ideal circumstances to take your data so that we can make decisions.

00:24:58:05 - 00:25:16:27
Lisa
So this is clearly pointing you back to a place where she used to work from, which was, you know, disordered eating when she was young. Same thing, body image issues. Right. So she's seeing now that she's older and wiser. These threads are still there. And she hadn't dealt with them because she was just like, well, I'm not going to track, I'm just going to eat vegetarian.

00:25:16:27 - 00:25:36:13
Lisa
I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to live healthy, be healthy. My body and that work now until it hasn't, because she's had to take a look at like, wait, my health isn't that good? Things need to shift here, especially, you know, as we get older as women, it does become so imperative. But it's just been fascinating to watch these old threads and stories come up.

00:25:36:13 - 00:25:52:20
Lisa
And she was convincing herself that it wasn't anything. It just wasn't a good time. She'd been out the night before and I'm like, Dude, yes, you can still take the data the next day and have it be completely neutral and normal.

00:25:52:23 - 00:26:02:27
Beverly
So true. I mean, everyone I mean, at least I'll speak to the American culture I can't speak to outside of Americans, but we all know how to diet that nobody knows how to eat.

00:26:02:29 - 00:26:03:22
Lisa
Correct.

00:26:03:24 - 00:26:27:09
Beverly
So it's you know, it's it's it's an interesting time, but if we think about how this relates back to the body image stuff, at least for me, yeah, I think it all comes down to one of those, you know, rude things when you grow up in a in a in a critical household and you never feel like you're enough, whether it's true or not.

00:26:27:09 - 00:27:03:11
Beverly
Right. That's just the interpretation you take on as a kid. And you were like, I'm never enough. I need to just keep working harder. Food gets to be one of those things that you can control. You see this in toddlers. Toddlers can control their food, what they will and will eat. And so when you start to see, oh, I have I can take back control in in this case with food it for someone who never feels like they're enough and then sees that all I can achieve, whatever it is, whether it's like I want to be so too strict or whatever it is.

00:27:03:11 - 00:27:08:10
Beverly
And then they see I feel like food is one of the first outlets people can hold on to.

00:27:08:13 - 00:27:29:02
Lisa
And it's a control point for many people. And just like living in our bodies, you have to eat every day. You can't not eat. You will die if you if you don't eat. So food does become this control point. And it's also it's used for celebrating, chews for soothing. You had a bad day. Let's go out for you know, burger and fries.

00:27:29:05 - 00:27:54:01
Lisa
You won an award. Let's go out for pizza. Like it's so ingrained in in everything that we do. So and we're not taught how to have a healthy relationship with food. We're not we don't even look at food as we're in a relationship with food, just like we don't look at like we're in a relationship with money. If money was a person, if food was a person, how would you look at it?

00:27:54:01 - 00:28:12:00
Lisa
How would you talk to it? What would it be? Complicated? Would it be would you feel nurtured by it? Would you feel abused by it? So even that perspective, like we're not taught these things, but we know we need to eat and we know it makes us feel good, but we also know it makes us feel bad. Many people.

00:28:12:00 - 00:28:14:23
Lisa
And so the cycle goes and then you get bombarded also.

00:28:14:23 - 00:28:15:15
Beverly
With.

00:28:15:17 - 00:28:32:27
Lisa
Being told you should look this way, you should heard this. The other thing. So how did you move yourself out of out of this? How how do you feel about your body image now? Because the fitness industry is one thing. Now you're running your own business. Where are you at with this today?

00:28:33:00 - 00:28:39:26
Beverly
So I'll say, you know, it is interesting because as we're just using this as this one, as this as this one subject or this one.

00:28:39:26 - 00:28:40:14
Lisa
Idea.

00:28:40:22 - 00:29:07:05
Beverly
I have seen, it morphs in my life to show thread throughout like as a teenager, it was like I use it as a way of control. And then I went into theater and it was about like my body image in terms of like getting the right job. And then in fitness it was the same a little bit. It showed up a little bit differently, just like, Hey, I want to be presented as an authority and an expert.

00:29:07:08 - 00:29:39:15
Beverly
And I literally, like almost lost my life to it because when my kid was my daughter was born, I was so concerned that if I had a cesarean that they would cut they would cut my abs. And this is 2015, this is not that long ago that they would cut my abs and I would lose my body so much so that I was killing both of us and I was refusing to have a caesarean.

00:29:39:17 - 00:30:06:02
Beverly
It wasn't until my husband came into the room and he was crying. Now, for those of you who've never met my husband, he is this stoic six six foot four dude who is super sentimental, but no one would know this. Okay? He is like really great at communicating feelings, but no one would know it. And he comes in and he looks at me and he's crying and he's like, Beverly, you are going to die.

00:30:06:05 - 00:30:23:15
Beverly
You need to go get it. You're going to kill Gwen and you're going to kill yourself. Like, go get a cesarean. And I'm like, going in and out of consciousness because, like, my platelets are dropping like that. They had to put me on general anesthesia. Like, it was just not a good experience. For those of you listening to this fragment, don't worry.

00:30:23:15 - 00:30:49:01
Beverly
Two beautiful kids and I'm alive. It's going to be fine. Oh, so. But it was just this interesting, overwhelming experience of sadness as I'm going in and out of consciousness, because it was the moment of like I'm having three experiences at once of one was, I can't believe I'm willing to kill myself over the look of my body.

00:30:49:04 - 00:31:30:07
Beverly
Okay? At the same time it was this, this grief of not of not getting the expectation of what I thought was going to happen. Right. And at the same time feeling this this like came around. Like, I can't believe that this was that that like I'm supposed to be excited about bringing one into the world right now and I did not like it was just a very and then you know your doctor who was great during these to her bedside manner was like she was very like, you should just be glad that you're happy that you're alive.

00:31:30:09 - 00:32:02:12
Beverly
And I was thinking of myself, like, Oh, my gosh, it was just a very traumatic experience. But anyway, so that was a moment where I was like, Oh, I thought I handled this and I did it. And then I had a horrible experience nursing like or breastfeeding and the both time. So I gained like £700. It wasn't really 70, it was 70, but £70 in four weeks is a lot of pounds to gain from.

00:32:02:14 - 00:32:04:15
Lisa
That is a lot. Yeah. What.

00:32:04:17 - 00:32:30:21
Beverly
Because I couldn't produce milk so I kept trying to like, like bring milk and I, it was, it's a very weird hormonal experience because you think, oh no, it's going to be okay. It's okay if she has formula and you think that in your mind. But then the moment it's happening and again, another just both times where I was like with Abby, I was like, It's okay, it's okay.

00:32:30:22 - 00:32:58:18
Beverly
I got really a PTSD from the pump sound, and I don't use that word lightly. Like, I hear that pump sound that I'm like, Oh, I get transported, but I'm so that was one thing, right? So like a kind of so so I had really, like pendulum swung in body image and I had this other moment where I just hated, like being in my own skin that I was getting ready for a Christmas party.

00:32:58:18 - 00:33:26:23
Beverly
And I remember telling my husband, Just get my kid out of the room. Like, I don't want her to see how I feel in this moment because of my my body right? So that was like another, like, really big transformation point. So, you know, I have done I had done so much work when I was around, like loving myself at this level.

00:33:26:26 - 00:33:52:04
Beverly
I used to that was kind of what birthed the idea of like, love yourself, leave, because that's what it comes down to, taking care of your body, wanting to change it. But from a place of of appreciation of how this body has performed and showed up for me, for my kids, like not trying to change it so that I fit someone else's mold.

00:33:52:07 - 00:34:19:05
Beverly
Now changing it so that like I can get up in the morning easily so that I can be my most present selves, so that I can magnetize myself in the sense of of just being so in love with with what I've been able to do, which is is just incredible. I bringing life into this, into the world, is just like crazy, right When you think about it, right.

00:34:19:07 - 00:34:41:04
Beverly
And honoring the health and the temple that the body actually is right. So that that took a while because once I had swung the pendulum so far the other way, where now I had like, you know, 60 extra pounds on my frame that I've never had in my entire life. I would walk by a mirror and be like, Whoa, that's not me.

00:34:41:06 - 00:34:54:24
Beverly
That's not how I see myself in my in my mind's eye, you know? So now or now I feel like, okay, we have swung the pendulum back and now we're coming from this place of like.

00:34:54:26 - 00:35:20:01
Lisa
So what I'm hearing and this is this is normal for a lot of women. So if you're listening, you know, I hope you can relate to this because what happens in this journey of partnering with your body is you have to recognize that you've spent your life fighting against it, like literally in combat with believing that your body is actually not on your side.

00:35:20:04 - 00:35:53:16
Lisa
And a lot of this work, when it comes to healing that relationship with our body is this deep forgiveness work that is required to go back and say like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I this in front of this that I made this more important than this that you were just trying to meaning your body was just trying to protect you, bring life into this world all the things and we we give so much meaning to things like abs, boobs, because, you know, I have my boobs out.

00:35:53:17 - 00:36:10:24
Lisa
That was it last year. And I said to me, because it was a you know, it was like I had to I had to do a lot of deep forgiveness work over the decision to have them in years and years ago when I just saw my body differently, believe different I mean, there's so many things that I've had to go back in time and make peace with them.

00:36:10:24 - 00:36:34:10
Lisa
Forgive, forgive myself for not knowing around my cycles, around birth control, around even giving birth. When I think about how I gave birth and how I just handed it over to the white coats, never thinking like, what are my other options here? Because I was just so kind of indoctrinated into this is what we do. And I'm not saying that we should shun Western medicine.

00:36:34:10 - 00:37:02:06
Lisa
It's not about that. But women's body told this inherent deep wisdom, and I have felt completely disconnected from that. So even though I was working in an industry, I'm very much I'm a very kinesthetic person. I can now look back and go like, Wow, you were never really in your body. Lisa So when I made the decision to have my implants removed because you know, they had to come out at some point, I wasn't getting new ones put in.

00:37:02:09 - 00:37:27:17
Lisa
And I remember a client said to me, she's like, you know, your boobs are the least interesting thing about you, right? And I was like, Dude, yeah, you're right. But it was it was a massive transition. It was a massive transition. But this is what it comes down to, is are you willing to make peace and learn to love your body in all its iterations up down.

00:37:27:19 - 00:37:28:05
Beverly
Boobs.

00:37:28:05 - 00:37:48:12
Lisa
No boobs, but no butt wastes no waste because your body is always going to be changing and transforming and expecting it to be a certain way all the time. How unrealistic is that? We would never put that expectation on our children. I love you at eight, so you're never allowed to grow. Don't ever change. Don't ever be different.

00:37:48:14 - 00:38:03:05
Beverly
My children have been the greatest gifts. My teachers, they are my greatest teachers. They show they are they are little perfect mirrors to to me.

00:38:03:07 - 00:38:20:06
Lisa
Yeah. I believe that kids come here to teach us more than we are here to teach them. And they often reflect back exactly the lessons that we need to learn. And it's so exciting. See that girls are growing up in such a different era. Like, I don't know if you noticed this in the gyms. I'm still in the gyms.

00:38:20:06 - 00:38:36:26
Lisa
I still go to my community center in the morning with the seven year olds, in the 20 year olds. There's a whole range of us. And back in the day when I used to train, when I started, when I graduated from high school, really when I started training, I was like a token. I was one of the token women and there were no training plans for girls.

00:38:37:02 - 00:39:01:14
Lisa
You just did the treadmill or the elliptical or whatever was Stairmaster was Stairmaster back in the day. So I would train with boys. They would give me the boys plans, but I was always the token token girl in the gym. And over the years I've watched women go from wearing like big, long baggy t shirts to cover up everything to now I'm seeing all shapes and sizes in the gym, in their little sports tops and shortie shorts.

00:39:01:14 - 00:39:26:14
Lisa
And I'm like, Holy shit. Like how far we've come in terms of accepting and loving our bodies and embracing that we can be healthy at all shapes and sizes that there is no perfect. While also going back to the the how we touched on the body positivity community also, recognizing that loving your body comes with a responsibility to care for it.

00:39:26:14 - 00:39:52:02
Lisa
And that does actually mean moving it. Yes your what you're putting in it the thoughts you're thinking about it. It's all it's all encompassing. And I don't think that it's a at least for me, love to hear your thoughts. It's work that's never going to be done for me because my body is changing and I'm getting older and I'm having to look at things a different way and make like, How do you want to feel about this?

00:39:52:02 - 00:40:05:13
Lisa
Lisa And there's no right or wrong because at the end of the day, you know, the skin suit isn't coming with us when we transition. But it's just, you know, it's a never ending journey around how I want to show up for myself.

00:40:05:15 - 00:40:31:14
Beverly
And I think that that Right what you just said right there is one of the things that I am really working out and leaning into, like gently letting it go, leaning into the acceptance of that being okay, because I think as a high achiever, for someone who's always identified in achieving right, this has caused me to perpetually stay in Chase and no one, that happens, right?

00:40:31:14 - 00:40:49:19
Beverly
It doesn't matter. Like I'll have, you know, I need to hit this and hit that, hit that. And I consciously I, I don't know that I'm consciously doing it because I have great reasons as to why I'm moving the goalposts. Okay. Like it's not. Yeah, but you don't understand. I have a team now, right? It doesn't matter what it is.

00:40:49:20 - 00:41:13:15
Beverly
Okay, so I say this because, you know, I would get, I would feel and still do. I can recognize it. And, and this is this is what I have to shift is that I find myself being like, mad or angry or sad. I myself for repeating a pattern. Oh, I thought you handled this by now. Oh, I can't.

00:41:13:15 - 00:41:41:00
Beverly
I like this. Is this means that you have you have not healed So you're you're somehow less than right or like something I'll say about, you know for me in the healing community is like, oh man, I need to heal this. Sometimes I'm really cautious around saying that because it inevitably, it inevitably assumes that there's something broken that day, and that's not true.

00:41:41:00 - 00:41:47:14
Beverly
So I'm looking for the ways that I can remember. I'm not broken, I'm evolving.

00:41:47:17 - 00:42:08:02
Lisa
And that's it right there. So none of us are broken and none of us are getting away from our all of our stories until we die. And we've been given enough stories. There's been enough seeds planted that we will have enough to keep ourselves busy till the day we die. It's how we approach. It's how we approach these stories.

00:42:08:05 - 00:42:26:01
Lisa
And instead of looking at, well, I thought I dealt with this like there's been things over the past couple of years that came up that I was like, Whoa. I thought that I cleared the deck of these long time ago, but they were planted so deeply it took something so incredibly disruptive in my life for them to, you know, pop to the surface and be like, Here you are.

00:42:26:01 - 00:42:48:14
Lisa
Lisa, do you want to take a look at this? But the single most important tool that anybody can use in their journey, being human, is compassion. So I think there's a lot of talk about love yourself more, and I get that. But for most high achievers, they're like, What the fuck does that even mean? Pardon my language, but seriously, like, we're like, What does that mean?

00:42:48:14 - 00:43:06:11
Lisa
I love myself until we realize we don't really when we look deeper at our behaviors. But what everybody is capable of and what everybody understand us is compassion. We can have compassion for others. And when we can just show up in our own lives with compassion for ourselves in those moments where we're like, How did I not know this?

00:43:06:11 - 00:43:36:18
Lisa
How did I not see this? How how is this coming up again when we can just meet ourselves with compassion and just say, okay, yeah, and it's here and we've got so much evidence that we're going to work through whatever it is, and it's going to take as long as it takes. The other thing that I have really learned that I think is powerful for everybody listening is you can have all the tools in the toolbox, all of them.

00:43:36:20 - 00:44:03:03
Lisa
It is so important that you don't use them as weapons against yourself and as coaches. This is what we can do because we know better. We have the tools. So to put the tools down, surrender, get in the company of other people who can ask you questions. Hold that compassionate space for you, invite you back into that compassion, allow you to find that the areas that you still need to forgive yourself for.

00:44:03:05 - 00:44:23:14
Lisa
And I think this is the big thing. There's so many things that happen, even if you, you know, talking about your your childbirth experience, is there still parts of you that need to forgive yourself within that? And this is a thing as as high achievers, as people, as women who are relied on for a lot of things in our lives.

00:44:23:16 - 00:44:52:26
Lisa
We do not like to look back. The goalpost is out front. This is the direction we're going. We don't like to go back, but so often it is in the moments of looking back at those things in our lives that we couldn't really deal with in the moment because there was no capacity for it to go back and really say, What threads are still here for me that I can meet with compassion, that I can meet with forgiveness, so that you can continue to deepen that relationship with your body or your partner or your money or your dog.

00:44:52:26 - 00:45:08:29
Lisa
I mean, it's all the things, right? Like, yes, it's all the things. So I don't think anybody is immune from body image issues. And even the girls walking around in their half tops, in their shortie shorts, in all their shapes and sizes, they got stuff, too.

00:45:09:01 - 00:45:31:07
Beverly
Yeah. I mean, because I think I mean, listen, we could talk about those for another 300 years, but I think three things, right? I think that the way your self-esteem and the self-image, the way that you perceive yourself and your self-esteem and your self-worth are different. Yeah, I think they're different. And they're called to be rooted in nurture differently.

00:45:31:09 - 00:46:10:04
Beverly
They're related but different. Right. And so I think that, you know, you asked me, is there still stuff here for me? And absolutely, because there's still a number an emotional charge for me. And I think that that it's much better. But like, of course. Right. And I think it comes to in terms of like high achievers, there's no and for me, for me specifically, when there's as a high achiever, it's something I'm also been taught as a child when you didn't feel like you were enough or you were somehow, you know, deprived of resources from your perception, right?

00:46:10:07 - 00:46:32:21
Beverly
You start to rely on yourself like, Oh, I'll do it. And that's how you kind of turn into a high achiever. So then what happens is when you start relying on yourself and then you quote unquote fail or you don't meet your expectation, there comes this there there's a well, there's a meaning of like, oh, man, that means I'm not worth it.

00:46:32:21 - 00:46:55:19
Beverly
That means that I must work, you know, whatever, whatever that meaning is. Right. And I'll also set the stories. Yeah, the stories there. And there's work there for me for sure. There is work for there for me, which is something I want to just reiterate when you said earlier, is that this is why coaches you good is because everybody has blind spots, every single person.

00:46:55:19 - 00:47:08:03
Beverly
And for me personally, I, I, I don't need my coach to be a guru. I need my coach to be in the trenches. The human eyes, the blind spots. Yeah, yeah.

00:47:08:06 - 00:47:36:00
Lisa
I just did a really short podcast episode on this because I was talking about how it's not that we're not competent, so every client I work with is highly competent. They are very self-reliant. But the problem is they're trying to solve the problems that they have from within the context that the problem was created. And you cannot solve the problem when you're trying to solve it from within your own context.

00:47:36:03 - 00:47:55:16
Lisa
So the amazing thing about coaches is I don't have your context. I might share things, I might share experiences, I'm in the trenches, I got my own stuff, but I'm not going to share your exact contacts, which means that I can provide a different frame, a different perspective to pull you out. And this is why working with coaches is so important.

00:47:55:16 - 00:48:26:26
Lisa
So this is this conversation is gone, like all the places, as conversations with me do, because I literally spend hours talking to people because I find humans. So fascinating. And I love you and I love the demand and shared all of this. Can you tell everybody where they can find you, who specifically your clients are that you're looking for so that people can check out your podcast, your website, your cool social media stuff that makes head spin a little bit.

00:48:26:26 - 00:48:29:04
Lisa
I'm like, That would take me 500 hours to create.

00:48:29:05 - 00:48:50:11
Beverly
The window, but I just love it. You love it, You're creative. I'm creative, Yeah, it is fun. I am. I am a creative. Right? So this is it's such a huge outlet. All right. Someone asked me once if I missed theater, and I'm like, No, because I still am in theater every day. Who are are?

00:48:50:13 - 00:49:06:07
Lisa
I like, Oh, my God, She just did a real where she's jumping and she lands a coffee cup. I'm like, That makes my head hurt. Even trying to figure out how to clip that together. Like, this is the stuff that I hand my team and I'm like, I don't want to know. You tell me what you need for me.

00:49:06:12 - 00:49:14:27
Lisa
I want to know nothing else about this. Like, the most creative I get is turning on stories and talking. That's it.

00:49:14:29 - 00:49:37:01
Beverly
It's amazing. Amazing. Okay, so the best places to find me. I am on Instagram at these gyms and fitness, and I'm also the host of the Profit podcast. And Lisa did an excellent job on her episode. She was so it was so amazing. I just I loved it. Anyway, so those are the two best places to find me.

00:49:37:01 - 00:50:02:08
Beverly
And I work with health professionals, so people who who really help people from the inside out, right? So we work with how, you know, people who are working on mental health, physical health, emotional, how some people in their relationship help even. But mostly I focus a lot on movement and people have asked me why. And the reason is because I love it.

00:50:02:08 - 00:50:14:19
Beverly
I love movement and fitness content that I could create stuff for real estate, but it would just be so flat. And there are real estate coaches out there that are amazing, right?

00:50:14:22 - 00:50:24:04
Lisa
Well, I appreciate you spending the morning with me. Really bring it on. My podcast is just an excuse to hang out with really cool people that I want to know better.

00:50:24:06 - 00:50:26:15
Beverly
Great part about having a podcast. Okay.

00:50:26:17 - 00:50:45:15
Lisa
So thanks so much for coming on. Beverly It's been awesome and I love I love our growing relationship makes me very happy. So please make sure you go check out all of Beverly stuff. We will put the links in the show note and thanks for tuning in for another episode and I will catch you on the next one.

00:50:45:15 - 00:51:07:02
Lisa
Hey. Hey. Before you go, I'd like to ask you something. How much longer are you willing to put yourself last to keep pushing through, hoping things will magically change while feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and disconnected from the life you truly want. Tell me if this sounds like you. From the outside. Most people think you have it all figured out.

00:51:07:07 - 00:51:28:00
Lisa
But the truth is that on most days you feel like you're barely holding it together. Your life is full of responsibilities and there's a high demand on your time and energy. You know you can't drop the ball yet. You're terrified it's going to happen. And worst of all, you're already taking the hit because you often end up at the bottom of your to do list.

00:51:28:02 - 00:52:01:07
Lisa
You've achieved so much, yet deep down, what you want most is more ease, more fulfillment, more joy, more you. And that is exactly what reclamation is all about. This isn't just another program. It's your opportunity to finally break free from the patterns that are keeping you stuck and step into a life that feels aligned, intentional and fulfilling. It's a safe space to have conversations that matter with women who get you and share your complicated relationship with vulnerability.

00:52:01:09 - 00:52:27:26
Lisa
Imagine having the support, the tools and the accountability to create real, lasting change where you're no longer just surviving, but thriving. So if you're done with feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and constantly running on empty, it's time to take that first step. Head to Lisa Carpenter, dot K forward slash reclamation and say yes to yourself, yes to the life you know you're meant for.

00:52:27:26 - 00:52:35:16
Lisa
Because if nothing changes, nothing changes. As I'll see you on the inside.