You’re afraid of not feeling good enough. Meanwhile, you wake up every day already feeling that way. So what exactly are you protecting yourself from?
In this live coaching episode, I work with Laurie-Ann Murabito, a successful speaking coach who’s built a beautiful business but came to me feeling stuck. Not confident enough. Not getting the engagement she wanted. Not seeing the results she expected. So she stopped promoting her work and held back from the bigger vision she knew she was being called toward.
Within minutes of our session, I exposed the pattern she was living: She was afraid of not feeling good enough, but she was already experiencing that feeling every single day. She was protecting herself from what she was already living.
This is imposter syndrome in its most insidious form. Not the dramatic “I’m a fraud” moments, but the quiet, daily erosion of confidence that keeps accomplished people playing small. Laurie-Ann had all the evidence she needed that she was creating real results. Clients hiring her out of the blue after listening silently for months. People telling her she was their only choice. But she wasn’t looking at that data. She was hanging her confidence on likes, comments, and downloads that would never be enough.
Here’s where the coaching got interesting: I asked her what she was getting from staying stuck that she wouldn’t admit. What was the real payoff for playing small? Her answer shifted everything: “I get to stay right here. I don’t have to step into that bigger role.”
This is the work I do. I don’t coach to what you think the problem is. I coach to the operating system underneath that’s producing all those symptoms. While most coaches would focus on confidence-building exercises or mindset mantras, I go after the unconscious pattern that’s creating the lack of confidence in the first place.
When Laurie-Ann described the vision she’s been holding back from, building a world-class speaking and communication company, tears came. That’s when I knew we hit the real issue. This wasn’t about confidence. It was about identity. Who would she need to become to step into that vision? And what parts of herself would she need to stop being loyal to?
I guided Laurie-Ann to see that she was choosing evidence that kept her small because looking at evidence of her real impact would require her to step up. And stepping up meant leaving behind the familiar version of herself that feels safe, even when it’s exhausting.
In this coaching episode, you’ll hear me guide Laurie-Ann through:
- Why she was making her confidence conditional on external results instead of recognizing that doing the work itself was enough
- The unconscious payoff of staying stuck and how it was protecting her from having to step into a bigger role
- How she was choosing to look at data that supported staying small while ignoring evidence that she was creating real results
- The exact question that exposed the paradox: being afraid of what she was already experiencing every day
- The practice of naming the part of her that believes she’s not enough so it stops running her life (meet Gertrude)
- The difference between acknowledging limiting voices and tolerating them
- How to stop protecting yourself from what you’re already living
This episode is for you if:
- You’ve built success but don’t feel successful
- You’re accomplished on the outside but struggling with confidence internally
- You have a bigger vision but keep finding reasons to stay where you are
- You’re tired of waiting to feel ready before you take action
- You want to understand what it’s like to work with me
This is what it sounds like to work with a Master Coach who sees the operating system underneath your surface symptoms. If you’ve been holding back from something bigger, tune in.
Ready to explore your own patterns?
Book a free 15-minute Congruency Audit at lisacarpenter.ca/audit. We’ll identify what’s working, what’s out of sync, and the single biggest opportunity to bring your life, work, and self back into congruence.
TRANSCRIPT
00:00:00:00 - 00:00:33:12
Lisa
You built success that looks damn good on the outside, but inside it's costing you your health, your relationships, your energy. And no matter how much you do, it never feels like enough. Welcome to Congruent. I'm Lisa Carpenter, the coach. High performers call when they can afford to burn it all down, but they can't keep living like this either.
00:00:33:14 - 00:00:58:24
Lisa
Here we rip off the mask of success and expose what's real. The patterns that you keep running, the price that you've paid, and how to build success that fuels you instead of empties you. Real success is agency. It's powerful self leadership to run your life instead of being run by it. To let your drive and your well-being finally work together.
00:00:58:27 - 00:01:11:04
Lisa
Because the real win is success. That actually feels good.
00:01:11:04 - 00:01:39:28
Lisa
we are coaching live with Laurie Ann who is a renowned public speaking coach, award winning speaker, and bestselling author who empowers entrepreneurs and business leaders to transform speaking opportunities into impactful marketing and client conversion moments. She's the founder of Speak and Stand Out and has more than 25 years of experience delivering motivational training to fortune 500 companies and leadership audiences worldwide.
00:01:40:01 - 00:02:09:03
Lisa
If you have ever tied your confidence to likes, downloads or who comments back, this conversation is going to be for you. Together, we unpack the trap of external validation and what it costs your energy, your voice, and your mission. You will hear us build real internal markers for success. Use facts over feelings to calm your nervous system and turn fear and doubt into steady wingman instead of roadblocks.
00:02:09:05 - 00:02:32:22
Lisa
Laurie-Ann and I dig into why doing all the right things still leaves you second guessing. We're going to look at the data you ignore, the stories you tolerate, and the small habits that move you from busy to congruent. We talk identity, love, safety, and belonging. We name the part that never feels good enough so you can lead it instead of letting it lead you.
00:02:32:25 - 00:02:47:24
Lisa
And if you are a creator or a leader who wants a world class platform, this episode will show you how to act before you feel ready. Listen in and then take one step that you have been avoiding.
00:02:47:24 - 00:02:49:11
Lisa
Let's dive in.
00:02:49:11 - 00:03:10:20
Lisa
Hi, Laurie-Ann Thanks for joining me today. Now, before we get started, you have been a client of mine on and off now for many years, and we know each other personally as well. So thank you for coming on the podcast and putting yourself out there and allowing yourself to be coached in this forum, because it's different than when we're in a private room together.
00:03:10:23 - 00:03:35:10
Laurie-Ann
It is different, but I do this on my podcast, so and I know it's really hard to get people to raise their hand and say, hey, like, I'll do this. So that's like, this is my way of giving back to you is I want to help you with these coaching episodes because I know that they're going to be you are so invaluable to people, and I want them to be a fly on the wall with what it's like to work with you.
00:03:35:13 - 00:03:57:06
Lisa
Thank you so much. That's the reason why we decided to start doing these coaching episodes, is so that people could have an experience of me because, as you know, the work that I do is deep and it's intimate, and a lot of the topics that I get into, nobody would want out in the interwebs and no one. And then there's a lot of topics we talk about that are so relevant to so many people.
00:03:57:08 - 00:04:11:07
Lisa
So let's dive into it. Let's just get started. So we have all the time, and we can take as much time as we need to get to whatever is going on for you. So tell me how I can help you today. What kind of question do you have? What do you want to dive into?
00:04:11:09 - 00:04:30:09
Laurie-Ann
All right, pull out your magic wand. That's all. That's all. I want to just pull out the magic wand and just, like, make everything better and making everything better would be. Laurie-Ann feels great about herself. She feels confident. She shows up. She's not second guessing herself.
00:04:30:11 - 00:04:32:21
Lisa
And that's what's happening right now in your life.
00:04:32:23 - 00:04:36:01
Laurie-Ann
That's what I feel has been happening a lot lately. Yes.
00:04:36:03 - 00:04:40:03
Lisa
What do you believe is causing that?
00:04:40:05 - 00:05:07:20
Laurie-Ann
I feel like I'm doing all the right things. I. I should put air quotes around. Right. And I don't know if I'm seeing the results that I would like to see. So then I take it personal, like, alright, maybe nobody wants this, maybe nobody likes what I have to say out on social media posts. Then that also leads to that.
00:05:07:20 - 00:05:32:25
Laurie-Ann
I, you know, like I just realized, oh my God, I didn't like, advertise or promote my podcast. Like in over a month on any of the social medias. I'm just like, well, no, that's weird. And, you know, here I am, like, I like I feel like like I'm doing the things like, if you could feel good just by checking off all the boxes, I would feel good about myself.
00:05:32:25 - 00:05:34:22
Laurie-Ann
That. Does that make sense?
00:05:34:24 - 00:05:56:11
Lisa
Why can't you feel good just by checking off the boxes? How come that's enough? I know, right? So what I like, what I'm hearing is that you're hanging your confidence on the results, right? Those external results that you do or don't get. And it's such a slippery slope when we attach our worth and our value and our confidence to those things.
00:05:56:11 - 00:06:12:08
Lisa
Because if those things don't materialize, then we don't feel good about ourselves. And as somebody who's been creating content now for a very long time, I learned a long time ago that.
00:06:12:10 - 00:06:32:22
Lisa
I needed to learn how to be okay with putting stuff out into the world, even if I never got a single response back from somebody. And I'm not going to lie to you, right? I'm not going to say that it doesn't take its toll sometimes. I'm actually currently on a full on social media hiatus, like no social media at all.
00:06:32:22 - 00:07:06:03
Lisa
My team is running the show right now because I was starting to feel resentful of the volume of content that I put out on multiple platforms, and not getting that external feedback. So I unplug myself. So, you know, what you're talking about is something that happens to so many of us, regardless of our level of success, where we get to step back and reset and say, okay, wait a minute, what does need to happen for me to feel good that only I can be responsible for?
00:07:06:11 - 00:07:16:25
Lisa
So what would that look like for you? What's stopping you from feeling proud of and feeling confident? Just because you've ticked the boxes?
00:07:16:27 - 00:07:37:10
Laurie-Ann
As I hear you ask that question, like the first thing that comes to mind that I have complete control over is going to the gym, is working out, moving my body, drinking water and those things I am doing. So maybe I'm just kind of take them for granted because I don't like it when I don't do it right.
00:07:37:12 - 00:07:43:04
Lisa
And I. Have there been times where you've been going to the gym consistently and you haven't gotten results.
00:07:43:07 - 00:07:43:27
Laurie-Ann
From the gym?
00:07:43:27 - 00:07:55:26
Lisa
Yeah, right. I think a lot of people say that I had periods of time where I feel like I'm working my ass off and my ass is not getting worked off.
00:07:55:28 - 00:08:00:11
Lisa
And we also take data.
00:08:00:14 - 00:08:02:09
Laurie-Ann
We also take the.
00:08:02:11 - 00:08:17:09
Lisa
Data, and we can use the data to pivot versus it's not working. Nothing's working. Well, what specifically isn't working? What needs to change? Yes.
00:08:17:11 - 00:08:19:16
Laurie-Ann
I don't think I'm good at the data.
00:08:20:12 - 00:08:35:23
Laurie-Ann
So it's almost like I'm just saying that it's almost like every day I'm moving the carrot, I'm moving the goal and I don't. And that also means that I wake up every day and I don't know what the goal is.
00:08:35:25 - 00:08:54:08
Lisa
Because I can be incredibly frustrating. So I can see how your confidence gets you. That's because you're not actually internally giving yourself anything that is going to allow you to feel confident, right? Because the only data you're measuring is the results you get outside.
00:08:54:11 - 00:09:24:29
Laurie-Ann
Yeah, and I need to decide on internally, like like what are the things that like if I did that, if I did these things each week, each day I get to be proud of myself and then not worry about how many people like to post, how many people responded to my podcast. You know, like, I feel like I have this split personality, like part of me is very externally motivated.
00:09:24:29 - 00:09:33:14
Laurie-Ann
But then there's this other part of me that's very internal, like, you know, I'm like, I'm doing this to help the person who hasn't yet spoken up.
00:09:33:16 - 00:10:02:27
Lisa
Yeah. I was reminded yesterday, and she's probably listening. Today I went out for a walk with somebody local here, which is really lovely. I've spent time in real life and, she shared with me that she listens to the podcasts. She watches my stories. I would never know because she's never commented. She's never she's never left anything. And it was such that reminder of the there are people paying attention, but they may never let you know.
00:10:02:29 - 00:10:33:12
Lisa
They may never let you know. So unless we have those internal markers that we can look at, that we can feel good about. It's very challenging if you continue to hang your confidence outside of yourself. So think about in your in your work, in your business, what kind of things would you like to measure that would allow you to feel successful, that would allow you to pivot if you need to?
00:10:33:14 - 00:10:52:01
Lisa
And you know, August is a really interesting month for you because for the past two years, I've taken August off right. I've been off the whole month. This is the 1st August I've worked and I'm like, Is August always like this? Because it's relatively quiet and I don't have any data to compare it to because I've been off the last two Augusts.
00:10:52:03 - 00:11:11:03
Lisa
So this might be totally normal, but it's been very interesting even watching me with content creation being like, what is going on here? Tracking the data? Like, what is the engagement that we're getting? What are the downloads, what we're getting, what is happening in terms of intake forms coming in? What am I doing on a weekly basis?
00:11:11:03 - 00:11:26:05
Lisa
Where do we need to pause? Where do we need to pivot, and are we willing to look at this again in September to really see if the data from August is relative to the data that we have for other months?
00:11:26:07 - 00:11:45:04
Laurie-Ann
Interesting. Yeah, I just don't keep track of that. The only the only data I really keep track of is my podcast downloads. You know, like my team goes in there and she makes, like a rating of Google Sheets so that I can see it in one place. And I get to see the trends.
00:11:45:06 - 00:11:47:17
Lisa
Right. And you're still getting downloads?
00:11:47:19 - 00:11:50:01
Laurie-Ann
Yes, yes.
00:11:50:04 - 00:11:56:07
Lisa
And I'm not going to ask you to share how many download you're getting every month. But if all those people were standing in a room with you.
00:11:56:09 - 00:11:58:08
Laurie-Ann
Oh, yeah, I'd be so happy to be.
00:11:58:12 - 00:12:00:25
Lisa
So happy to be in front of them.
00:12:00:27 - 00:12:19:08
Laurie-Ann
There could be just 25 people. Like, I love small audiences, right? So funny. I would say that too, but I do. I love, I love speaking to small audiences because after you go around the room and everybody introduce themselves, you get to pick them out in your speech. At least that's how that's how I do things.
00:12:19:11 - 00:12:24:01
Lisa
So how many downloads do you need to feel confident?
00:12:24:04 - 00:12:44:15
Laurie-Ann
I'm very happy with the growth that I'm having. I mean, it's gone down a little bit convincing. Yes, I am, because I like I can almost like hear the words as they're coming out of my mouth and it's, you know, I feel like the summer months have it has kind of gone down this year compared to last year.
00:12:44:17 - 00:13:05:10
Laurie-Ann
However, I just, you know, confessed to you earlier that, oh, it's been a month since I promoted one of my podcasts on my social media, LinkedIn or Instagram. So maybe that just proves to me that the social media, even though I may not get a lot of likes or comments, it's probably reminding people to go and listen.
00:13:05:13 - 00:13:11:28
Lisa
What happens when you share it on social media?
00:13:12:01 - 00:13:13:12
Laurie-Ann
Looking at.
00:13:13:15 - 00:13:16:13
Lisa
Me to see if I can download.
00:13:16:16 - 00:13:34:07
Laurie-Ann
I have some more downloads. Like I'm just like, that's what I'm noticing. Like, now that we're talking about this, like I've noticed a decrease in downloads, but also I didn't promote it on social media. So there's probably there's the evidence that keep promoting it on social media because it reminds people.
00:13:34:09 - 00:13:36:18
Lisa
Okay, so I want to ask you, yeah.
00:13:36:19 - 00:13:37:03
Laurie-Ann
How do you.
00:13:37:03 - 00:13:56:10
Lisa
Believe. And this is a this is a challenging question for people, but what do you believe is the best part of you sinking back into this old story? Because we've talked about this before, right? We've talked about that feelings of not being good enough. And lack of confidence and getting into stuff that just isn't going to help you feel better.
00:13:56:13 - 00:14:00:22
Lisa
What is the best part for you about repeating the cycle?
00:14:00:25 - 00:14:06:27
Laurie-Ann
Oh, I get to stay stuck right here. I don't have to take it to the next level.
00:14:06:29 - 00:14:10:26
Lisa
What is the next level? Oh.
00:14:10:29 - 00:14:28:25
Laurie-Ann
What do there are these daydreams of creating a world class speaking and communication company that helps more women use their voice to lead?
00:14:28:28 - 00:14:34:19
Lisa
So if you lack confidence, you don't get to serve those people, right?
00:14:34:19 - 00:14:47:10
Laurie-Ann
Because I by lacking that confidence, I don't. It's not just serving those people. It's like I don't have to step into that role. I get to stay right here. And what's good been.
00:14:47:12 - 00:14:51:18
Lisa
What's the best part of staying right here?
00:14:51:20 - 00:14:58:29
Laurie-Ann
It's I know this little area. I know the scary stuff. I'm friends with it.
00:14:59:01 - 00:15:01:20
Lisa
What's scary?
00:15:01:22 - 00:15:11:27
Laurie-Ann
Well, that's where the, not good enough comes in. Like, that's the term. That's almost like the monster that's in the room with me. It's like the friendly monster.
00:15:11:29 - 00:15:19:03
Lisa
So you're afraid of not feeling good enough? Well, at the same time, already not feeling good enough that.
00:15:19:05 - 00:15:21:26
Laurie-Ann
That kind of a mouthful, isn't it?
00:15:21:29 - 00:15:30:15
Lisa
Right. So the thing you're afraid of is the thing that you're living in every day. Yes. So you're afraid of what you already know?
00:15:30:18 - 00:15:35:13
Laurie-Ann
Yes. That's thank you for the spotlight on that. Yeah.
00:15:35:20 - 00:15:40:11
Lisa
So there's really nothing to be afraid of because you're actually very familiar with it.
00:15:40:13 - 00:15:41:21
Laurie-Ann
Yeah.
00:15:41:23 - 00:15:46:08
Lisa
Okay. So what are you really afraid of?
00:15:46:11 - 00:16:23:03
Laurie-Ann
It's like it doesn't make sense. I think stepping into that bigger role and. Oh my God, I have, like, little tears coming and. Stepping into that bigger role because that's, that's part of why I'm here, is to do the task to do the thing, to do my mission. However people want to word it.
00:16:23:05 - 00:16:51:05
Laurie-Ann
And the words or the question of I don't know how to do it comes to mind. But I also know that that's not my job to always know how it will just show. It will just show up. I don't know that. Just like it does. Like, there's a little bit of me that that feels scary. Like, I can, like, picture other people who are doing this, and I'm like, oh, they're doing it right.
00:16:51:05 - 00:17:09:09
Lisa
So you have evidence that it's possible because if it's what I believe, if it's possible for somebody else and it's possible for us. Yeah. But I also know that we can watch other people doing it. And that little voice that says, well, they get to have it. We don't can also show up.
00:17:09:12 - 00:17:19:15
Laurie-Ann
Can that split personality like, oh, there's evidence I can do this. And then it's yeah, it's this is scary. Could I do that?
00:17:19:18 - 00:17:22:05
Lisa
You could.
00:17:22:08 - 00:17:36:02
Laurie-Ann
And then there's a little part of like, I just don't want to have regrets. I don't want it to be, like, ten years later, like you and I having this conversation, like, really learning. You're still having this, like, you're still having this fear.
00:17:36:05 - 00:18:00:04
Lisa
I don't know if you've ever heard me talk about fear and doubt as being really important. Wingman. Like, so often, we get stuck in this place of believing that like, fear and doubt have to. We have to get rid of them before we can move forward. And I don't know if you've ever been on a roller coaster, but I mean, fear comes with you as soon as you're strapped in and you can't get out.
00:18:00:12 - 00:18:02:12
Lisa
Fear is coming with you.
00:18:02:14 - 00:18:03:05
Laurie-Ann
Yeah.
00:18:03:07 - 00:18:37:26
Lisa
Right. It rides with you and fear. You know, if we look at it as this innocent part of us that is really trying to protect us and keep us safe. But it's young, right? It's a really young part of us. And I always look at it. Well, what's possible if I actually wrap my arms around fear and doubt, give them some love and say, like, I've got you and we're going to do this, and I don't know how and I don't know how it's going to work out, and I don't know how I'm going to get to point B, but I do know the one first step that I can take and let that one
00:18:37:26 - 00:18:45:14
Lisa
first step, like getting on the roller coaster and locking down the, you know, it comes down over your head and it clicks and you know you're in.
00:18:45:17 - 00:18:46:22
Laurie-Ann
Yes.
00:18:46:25 - 00:19:17:01
Lisa
You know, you're in right now very much at this place in my own business right now of like locking in and going, man, what if this doesn't work? And also knowing that I can look at it is. But what if it does? Yeah. And where I take it to the third step is. And even if it doesn't. So what?
00:19:17:04 - 00:19:18:25
Laurie-Ann
True.
00:19:18:27 - 00:19:37:06
Lisa
So what will I die? Probably not. Will I learn? Probably. Will that potentially open the pathway for whatever is meant for me? Probably.
00:19:37:08 - 00:19:58:21
Laurie-Ann
Then why do we constantly get stuck in the fear that here's the fear and like and those are great questions. And how come I say we. But I also like we as in collectively as humans. But me like how like we can't get on beyond that first that fear to get on to those other questions will I die?
00:19:58:21 - 00:20:03:07
Laurie-Ann
Will I learn? Move on, let's just do the thing well.
00:20:03:07 - 00:20:08:11
Lisa
Are you asking yourself those questions, or are you allowing yourself to stay stuck in the fear?
00:20:08:14 - 00:20:12:07
Laurie-Ann
Allowing myself to stay stuck in the fear because I just don't see beyond it.
00:20:12:10 - 00:20:37:25
Lisa
Right. And that's where self-development courage comes in, is is having the courage to sit down and ask yourself the questions, because ultimately, we're never really stuck. We're choosing to not move forward. And sometimes there are periods where that's what you need to do. You need to sit in the fear for a little bit. But ultimately, at the end of the day, what's going to feel worst?
00:20:37:25 - 00:20:42:13
Lisa
Taking action forward or staying stuck in the fear?
00:20:42:15 - 00:20:44:26
Laurie-Ann
Staying stuck in the fear.
00:20:44:28 - 00:21:04:16
Lisa
And if you look at the root of that fear, if you're really honest with yourself, right. What is the bigger fear around standing out? Which ironically, is the name of your company, right? Speak and speak and stand. Yes. Anyways, ironically, and this is part of your story.
00:21:04:18 - 00:21:05:06
Laurie-Ann
Yes.
00:21:05:06 - 00:21:07:14
Lisa
Around standing out.
00:21:07:16 - 00:21:08:13
Laurie-Ann
Yes.
00:21:08:16 - 00:21:23:26
Lisa
Right. So you've stepped into so much and you're being called into more. And when we get called into more, all those stories that we thought we moved past around our identity, they show back up again.
00:21:23:28 - 00:21:40:01
Lisa
And it becomes this recommitment to what we want next. It's like the not good enough story. All you know, I know it's not safe for me to stand out. It all shows back up again.
00:21:40:04 - 00:21:58:27
Laurie-Ann
Does. And that's what that's what I'm realizing because through my work with you previously, you know, I felt like I got to this place of. I do feel good about myself. And I felt confident that was moving on. And now it's just like like I'm in a different spot again. You know, I feel like I'm back to.
00:21:58:29 - 00:22:22:20
Lisa
You're not back to to square one, but your identity is being challenged again because there's something at the core of you that is like, this looks like a threat. So you've you've heard me talk about we all work from this place of love, safety and belonging. If any of those are threatened, we will not move. So it's always our job to be looking at what part of my identity is threatened by this.
00:22:22:23 - 00:22:43:09
Lisa
So we can do this work. Right. And I've done this work as well. And it's like there's a bungee cord attached to a pillar that's in the ground, and we'll stretch it so much. But unless we change that part that is seeking love, safety and belonging, that bungee cord is going to snap us back. And this is what people do all the time.
00:22:43:09 - 00:23:04:22
Lisa
They go out so far and then they snap back. And what I try and do is, is support my clients and extending that bungee cord, but also moving the pillar along. Right. We're always moving the pillar. And this is happening in my own world, right? Such an expansive year, so much changed for me over the past couple of years.
00:23:04:22 - 00:23:30:18
Lisa
And you, you know, you know, what's been going on in my life. I'm not the same person anymore. But I also haven't fully embodied that new identity. So all the little gremlins are coming out to play right now, and I get to be with all of them and see, like, I've got you and B in that uncertainty, but also say like, what am I going to choose here?
00:23:30:21 - 00:23:49:08
Lisa
Am I going to choose the new version of me, the one that believes X, Y, and Z that knows I'm here to do A, B and C crime? I'm going to tolerate these old voices that are really just coming from this place of fear around love, safety and belonging.
00:23:49:10 - 00:23:57:13
Laurie-Ann
I love that am I going to tolerate these voices?
00:23:57:15 - 00:24:19:01
Lisa
You can love them. Can appreciate them. You can hear them. I think that's important when these things come up. I don't believe in just bypassing them. But there's a difference between acknowledging them and tolerating them.
00:24:19:03 - 00:24:23:23
Laurie-Ann
Yeah, and I've been tolerating instead of acknowledging.
00:24:23:25 - 00:24:33:15
Lisa
And so much of this work is like, I acknowledge that this thought is here, and I'm not going to pull on the thread because, you know, when you pull on a thread, everything unravels like the.
00:24:33:15 - 00:24:33:25
Laurie-Ann
Sweater.
00:24:34:03 - 00:25:05:09
Lisa
Gravels. And so much of my journey over the past couple of years has been Lisa, if you keep pulling on this thread, where are you going to end up? What is it going to cost you if you pull on this thread? So when it comes to stories about being not good enough, if I pull on that thread, I am hyper aware of what is going to cost me and not just what it's going to cost me, but what it's going to cost the people that I'm here to serve.
00:25:05:12 - 00:25:10:25
Laurie-Ann
So is pulling on the thread your way of tolerating or acknowledging?
00:25:10:27 - 00:25:25:06
Lisa
So I notice the thread, acknowledge it. Pulling on it is allowing myself to tolerate it and go down the path of all the things that will lead me to a place of nowhere. Good.
00:25:25:09 - 00:25:33:07
Laurie-Ann
Yes. Okay. Cause I'm like, envisioning like you pull on the sweater. Eventually you're going to be naked.
00:25:33:10 - 00:25:53:29
Lisa
Cracked, right? Like nothing's good. You don't want me standing there naked. So when those voices of, you know, I'm not feeling good enough or what's causing that. Okay, I see that you're here. Is this true? What evidence do I have that I'm lying to myself right now?
00:25:54:01 - 00:26:25:02
Lisa
What data can I look at that blows the bullshit I'm trying to tell myself out of the water. That's what I term. That's. That's why I use data so often. Because I am a deeply feeling human. As are you, as are many of my clients, even though they don't know that when they start working with me often. I have to look at facts over feelings often because those feelings have been driving my life, but they never were true.
00:26:25:05 - 00:26:53:20
Lisa
You've never not been good enough, that kind of thing. Like you've always been more than good enough. But that little human in you, way back in the day, came to believe that she wasn't for a variety of reasons. Or job. Now, as grown ass Laurie-Ann, when that little voice comes up to recognize like I hear you and I understand where this is coming from and I love you and we're not doing this anymore.
00:26:53:23 - 00:27:02:04
Lisa
And here's all the evidence that what you're saying is not actually true.
00:27:02:06 - 00:27:10:24
Lisa
And I love you enough to acknowledge you and confront you and also put you in your place.
00:27:10:26 - 00:27:33:06
Laurie-Ann
What's coming up for me right now is and you know that you know the reason why eat healthy and take certain supplements is so is for future law. And keep me out of the hospital. Keep me out of the doctor's like, keep me vibrant and I'm giving in to the I'm not good enough is going through the McDonald's drive thru every day.
00:27:33:08 - 00:27:34:11
Lisa
Right.
00:27:34:13 - 00:27:43:02
Laurie-Ann
You know it's it's quick, it's easy. But in the long run, it's kind of really hurt me.
00:27:43:05 - 00:28:10:05
Lisa
That's right. And it's Rob you. Of all the progress you've made up until now, I mean, one trip through the McDonald's drive thru will not do that, right? But on repeat, which is what happens when we get into these not good enough loops. It will because it rob you of everything you've built. I can't afford to do that in my life, in my business, for the game that I want to play.
00:28:10:08 - 00:28:12:20
Lisa
Yeah. I'm neither. Can you?
00:28:12:22 - 00:28:29:24
Laurie-Ann
Yeah. Especially if I'm just having these. I'm calling them daydreams of becoming some world class communication company. Then, like, that's big. And I can't play, like, this version of Lori and can't do that. So I need to grow into.
00:28:29:26 - 00:28:52:11
Lisa
So who would you need to be? What would you need to be committed to in order to step forward into that vision? Because I don't believe that daydreams are given to us unless they're possible for us. And this is where I like work from, like a delusional sense of like, success. I'm like, it's inevitable. Like it's it's inevitable.
00:28:52:11 - 00:29:07:16
Lisa
Lisa. So how long do you want to like, splash around in these feelings? Because this is what was given to you. So this is inevitable. So go do the things. So this was given to you. This vision was given to you.
00:29:07:18 - 00:29:10:22
Laurie-Ann
It's like a breadcrumb from the universe. Yeah.
00:29:10:26 - 00:29:24:18
Lisa
So what would you need to be committed to. What identity would you need to be committed to in order to be that version of yourself. If you were already there?
00:29:24:20 - 00:29:45:20
Laurie-Ann
I would be doing the things. There's a couple of things that are on my get done list that I'm like, they would be done. One of them is a limited series podcast. I've been threatening to do this for about a year and a half now. It's still on my time list. Get a thing done and it's a top of funnel.
00:29:45:20 - 00:30:14:09
Laurie-Ann
Like it? There's. It leads to selling the DIY version of in-demand signature speech and then writing a book for this industry. I've already got two books from when I was a leadership keynote. So it's like write the book for this industry. Those are those are two of the things that that, that higher version of Laurie and to be like, yeah, either doing or they're done.
00:30:14:11 - 00:30:24:18
Lisa
When you first created in-demand signature speech and when you first wrote your books, were you super confident?
00:30:24:20 - 00:30:28:12
Laurie-Ann
I did it in service of somebody else, right?
00:30:28:15 - 00:30:30:06
Lisa
Yes.
00:30:30:09 - 00:30:31:22
Laurie-Ann
That's why we did it.
00:30:31:25 - 00:31:07:23
Lisa
You build your confidence on the way down. I think that's the thing, right? Yes. The same is true. The same is true here. You're going to be doing something that you've never done before. Help me understand how anybody would feel confident about doing something they've never done before. Yet the type of men and women I work with, we expect to be confident before we go do the thing I'm up to when we don't have to do anything, you get to go do the thing without even having confidence, without with with having the fear and doubt alongside.
00:31:07:26 - 00:31:13:16
Lisa
Because who knows what kind of extraordinary results you'll create.
00:31:13:18 - 00:31:18:13
Laurie-Ann
Yeah, that's like. It's the right word, a dichotomy.
00:31:18:20 - 00:31:20:06
Lisa
Like, yes.
00:31:20:09 - 00:31:37:02
Laurie-Ann
You're just like, how did you expect this when I did have the confidence to write a book to be, you know, an author? I thought I was a terrible writer all my life. I always struggle, but I wrote a book. People love it.
00:31:37:04 - 00:31:42:06
Lisa
Yeah. And that you were like a painfully shy girl.
00:31:42:08 - 00:31:44:07
Laurie-Ann
Yeah. And here I am today.
00:31:44:12 - 00:31:50:03
Lisa
Now teaching public speaking and standing on stages. Right. Like,
00:31:50:05 - 00:31:54:10
Laurie-Ann
And you're right. And I did not have confidence at first time that I did it.
00:31:54:12 - 00:32:15:27
Lisa
Look at all the evidence that you have that you don't actually need that. But look at how you are looking for reasons why you don't get to be confident because somebody isn't commenting on your post. Because this isn't this and this isn't that. And you know, I look at how often I posted on social media and how many followers I have and how many likes.
00:32:16:00 - 00:32:42:19
Lisa
And if you looked at that data, it does not make sense for the size of business that I've grown for, right? So we have to remember, I come back to what's really important, come back to what's really important, and don't give away your self-worth to likes and comments on the internet because some of your best clients are paying attention, but they're not.
00:32:42:26 - 00:32:47:26
Lisa
They're not commenting and they're not showing up. And I know, you know, that our businesses are in that.
00:32:47:28 - 00:33:11:20
Laurie-Ann
I'm like envisioning clients that I've worked with that have hired me and that completely out of the blue. I mean, they're out of the blue, but they weren't out of the blue. They just never commented. They never reached out. They never said anything. They just said. When I was, I literally had an interview with a client for my podcast, and he said him and his dad had been listening to my podcast.
00:33:11:23 - 00:33:16:26
Laurie-Ann
He goes, when the offer came for me to speak, there was only one choice and it was to call.
00:33:16:26 - 00:33:19:08
Lisa
You know, it's amazing.
00:33:19:10 - 00:33:40:18
Laurie-Ann
Yeah, I mean, that made me feel like that made me feel good. I was just like, oh, and it's to remind myself of that. That's why we do what we do, because there's so many people who just the opportunity hasn't come up. They're not ready, but they're just listening. They're just they're watching us.
00:33:40:20 - 00:33:52:04
Lisa
So you see you you already have data to support feeling the way you want to feel. You're just choosing not to look at it.
00:33:52:07 - 00:33:57:25
Laurie-Ann
Okay. I'm choosing not to look at it. I just needed to be reminded because I just like.
00:33:57:25 - 00:33:58:17
Lisa
Listening.
00:33:58:19 - 00:33:59:13
Laurie-Ann
In, just having.
00:33:59:13 - 00:34:12:00
Lisa
To look at data. You're choosing to look at data that supports how you don't want to feel. Yes. So that you can play small so that you can stay small so that you don't have to go do the bigger things, so that you don't have to head into that bigger vision, because how are you going to do it?
00:34:12:00 - 00:34:21:01
Lisa
And what's the next step? Instead of looking at all the data that you have about what's possible for you, what you've already created from not knowing?
00:34:21:04 - 00:34:44:22
Laurie-Ann
Yeah. And what I've created from just serving, just being of service to my audience to the person who is in the back of the room. That's just kind of got their head down and taken notes themselves and you just never know, like what that thing is that you say that changes things for people.
00:34:44:24 - 00:34:59:23
Lisa
And, you know, in a time where AI is like moving at such a rapid pace, you know, so I have a I have a love hate on for AI. Speaking is always going to be real.
00:34:59:26 - 00:35:00:13
Laurie-Ann
Yeah.
00:35:00:15 - 00:35:20:22
Lisa
Speaking is always going to be real in a real room with real people. That is always going to be real. So there is no better time for people to step up and step into speaking, pointing the finger at myself. Right. So you have such a massive opportunity here. So here's what I would love for you to do.
00:35:20:22 - 00:35:54:08
Lisa
Laurie-Ann, I want you to give the part of you that never feels enough. I want you to give her name. Okay? Because I think it's so important to make these parts of us separate from who we are, right? Instead of, like, this is who I am, I don't feel good enough. Oh, no, no, no. Suzy Q that lives inside you, who's about five years old, sitting on the bench in her school in Japan.
00:35:54:11 - 00:35:55:20
Lisa
I think it was Japan.
00:35:55:23 - 00:35:58:07
Laurie-Ann
Yeah, it was Japan. Good memories. Yes.
00:35:58:07 - 00:36:23:00
Lisa
She's feeling not good enough. She's feeling inadequate. So when you give that part of you and we can name or. I mean, I got lots of different parts. I've talked about this before on the podcast. I've talked about this in in different episodes. When you name those parts, you actually make them separate from you. And when they show up, you can talk to them as if you're talking to a different person, a different version of you.
00:36:23:02 - 00:36:41:27
Lisa
And that's how it gets so much easier to acknowledge it. Right? Like if a child was standing in front of you having a tantrum about wanting to have a cookie before dinner, you would have the conversation with them and then you would close the conversation. Yes. So when we name these parts, we have the comfort. I acknowledge you, you want the cookie, you're having a tantrum.
00:36:41:27 - 00:36:56:16
Lisa
Dinner's in 15 minutes. We're going to eat them. And then you close the conversation. Right. I know you're not feeling good enough. I hear you, and I've got you. And we're not going to do this anymore.
00:36:56:19 - 00:37:24:11
Lisa
And the more you talk to that part with love and compassion, but you also firmly put it in its place because you are the adult in the relationship and you have all the evidence that that strategy is not helpful for your forward momentum. It's going to get so much easier for you to not get in this loop. So I know you have hyper awareness that this happens in your life now, but this is just another tool to manage it in a different way.
00:37:24:13 - 00:37:28:09
Laurie-Ann
Okay. And the name Gertrude comes to mind.
00:37:28:11 - 00:37:30:15
Lisa
All right.
00:37:30:17 - 00:37:49:02
Laurie-Ann
Because it's such an old name. And Gertrude would, you know, definitely be sitting in the back of the room and having a tantrum. And she wanted a cookie because she was hungry and didn't want to wait the extra 15 minutes for dinner. And we'll find any excuse to not feel good about herself.
00:37:49:04 - 00:38:11:17
Lisa
And you have every piece of evidence that you can feel good about yourself. Yeah. So I'm sure that this conversation is going to hit with a lot of people, because I have yet to meet somebody who doesn't have some version of this running, but it doesn't need to run your life. And we don't need to feel shameful that we have these parts because we all do.
00:38:11:20 - 00:38:27:08
Lisa
Like it's just it's not a big deal, but it's reframing it in a way that you can work with it and ultimately take responsibility for that part of yourself. Release the shame around it. So did you get what you needed?
00:38:27:10 - 00:38:29:01
Laurie-Ann
Yes. And more so.
00:38:29:05 - 00:38:35:20
Lisa
Oh, good. I'm so glad. I'm so glad. Thank you for coming on and doing this with me. It's always a pleasure working with you.
00:38:35:20 - 00:38:39:15
Laurie-Ann
Absolutely, absolutely. You are a gift to this world.
00:38:39:21 - 00:39:07:06
Lisa
Yeah, I would say the same to you. So get off your ass and get its vision moving forward. Right. That's my that's my coach says game knows game. He knows game knows game. So it's your time truly. And it's been such an honor watching you through the years who really step into it. Because I remember where you were at when we started together and where you are now.
00:39:07:09 - 00:39:13:13
Lisa
You wouldn't like these words of like, I want to create this would have wouldn't have even come out of your mouth back then.
00:39:13:16 - 00:39:14:12
Laurie-Ann
No.
00:39:14:15 - 00:39:29:10
Lisa
So right. Look at what you've already created. Of course this is possible for you, but that part of you that believes it's possible she needs more attention than the part that is telling you you don't get to have this and that. You're not good enough to achieve it.
00:39:29:12 - 00:39:31:14
Laurie-Ann
Yes, I love that.
00:39:31:16 - 00:39:39:06
Lisa
So put your attention more on her, okay? There's so much Keri-Ann. Thank you. Sorry. Laurie and I just called you Keri-Ann. All right.
00:39:39:06 - 00:39:42:10
Laurie-Ann
Let's say that one more time for the editor.
00:39:42:12 - 00:39:46:26
Lisa
Thank you so much, Laurie-Ann. We don't edit. We just roll it out and.
00:39:46:28 - 00:39:48:03
Laurie-Ann
Then you get for go.
00:39:48:06 - 00:39:59:09
Lisa
Because you know what life is? Life is messy. Conversations are messy. And it's, you know, we just make such a big deal about stuff that doesn't need to be a big deal. So thank you. Maybe. Laurie-Ann, I love you.
00:39:59:12 - 00:40:04:28
Laurie-Ann
I love you too. And maybe Keri-Ann just needs to be that higher version name.
00:40:05:00 - 00:40:08:19
Lisa
Where that came from. Anyways, it was a pleasure.
00:40:08:23 - 00:40:09:29
Laurie-Ann
Thank you.
00:40:09:29 - 00:40:30:16
Lisa
If you felt yourself in Laurie-Ann's story, chasing results, doing all the right things, but still wondering why it doesn't feel the way it should. I want you to consider booking a congruency audit. It's a short 15 minute call where we'll look at where your energy and effort are out of sync, and what's really getting in the way of you feeling grounded, clear and confident again.
00:40:30:18 - 00:40:42:13
Lisa
You don't need to do more. You just need to see what's actually going on beneath the surface. You can book your call at Lisa Carpenter, aka Forward Slash Audit.
00:40:42:13 - 00:40:48:11
