Are you overcommitted, overwhelmed, and still somehow not getting where you want to go? If you’re running at a breakneck pace, saying yes to everything, spinning more plates than any one person should, and yet still not feeling the success you’re working so hard for, this episode is going to hit home.
In this week’s episode, I’m pulling one from the archives, an episode I originally recorded back in 2019 that is just as relevant today as it was then, which tells you something about how deeply these patterns run. We’re talking about the three primary reasons you might be struggling to achieve your goals, and I promise you it has nothing to do with working harder.
Why Busy Isn’t the Same as Moving Forward
One of the most common traps high achievers fall into is confusing activity with progress. You’re doing more than ever, your calendar is full, your to-do list is longer than your arm, and somehow you still feel like you’re spinning your wheels. The reason is almost always the same: your attention is scattered across everything instead of focused on the things that actually move the needle.
This isn’t a productivity problem. It’s an attention problem. When you know exactly what matters most, whether it’s in your business, your health, or your relationships, and you commit to showing up for those things consistently, you stop needing to do more. You need to do less, better.
The question worth sitting with is this: if you already had the result you’re working toward, what would you actually be doing today? Because most of us aren’t taking action from the vision. We’re reacting to the noise, checking boxes that feel productive but aren’t the boxes that count.
What Unrealistic Expectations Are Actually Costing You
Here’s the pattern I see over and over: ambitious, capable, high-achieving people set expectations for themselves that no reasonable person would set, and then they feel like failures when they inevitably can’t meet them. You tell yourself you should be able to go to the gym five times a week, run your business, show up fully for your family, see your friends, and still have time to decompress, all in the same day, and then wonder why you’re exhausted and behind.
The only person setting that bar is you. And the only person raising it every time you get close to it, also you.
There’s something powerful that happens when you lower the bar to something genuinely achievable and then actually meet it, consistently, with integrity. That’s where confidence is built. That’s where momentum comes from. Not from setting an impossible standard and white-knuckling your way toward it until you burn out and start over.
What would it feel like to commit to less, follow through completely, and actually feel successful instead of perpetually behind?
Why You’re Overcommitted (And Why Part of You Doesn’t Want to Stop)
This is the part nobody talks about. Most of us say we want more time, more space, more ease. But when we actually get it? It feels deeply uncomfortable. Because if you’ve been running at full capacity for years, slowing down doesn’t feel like relief. It feels like something is wrong.
For high achievers, worth and doing have become the same thing. The busyness isn’t just a schedule problem. It’s an identity problem. If you’re not doing all the things, being everyone’s rock, wearing every hat, staying needed and indispensable, then who are you? Will people still value you? Will you still feel valuable?
The truth is, overcommitting isn’t just something that happens to you. It’s something many of us unconsciously choose because it keeps us feeling needed, important, and safe. And until you look at that honestly, no productivity system or time management strategy is going to fix it.
Culling your commitments isn’t about doing less because you’re lazy. It’s about doing less because you finally understand that scattered energy doesn’t create the results you want. Commitment that is focused, boundaries that are real, and the willingness to say no even when it feels uncomfortable, that is what creates the success you’re actually after.
What We Cover in This Episode
- Why your attention might be the problem, not your effort:how focusing on the wrong things keeps you busy but not actually progressing toward your goals
- The difference between taking action from your vision versus reacting to your reality: and why this distinction changes everything about how you show up each day
- Why unrealistic expectations are a setup for failure: and the counterintuitive case for lowering your bar and meeting it with full integrity
- How to actually identify what matters most: the practice of getting clear on your non-negotiables so you stop giving equal energy to everything
- The real reason you’re overcommitted: why many high achievers unconsciously keep their plates full and what it’s costing them in health, presence, and results
- What happens when you finally create space: and why the discomfort of slowing down is not a sign something is wrong, it’s a sign you’re changing
- Why saying no is a success strategy: not just with other people, but with yourself, and what it means to be in integrity with your own commitments
- The both/and truth about ambition and ease: how doing less doesn’t mean achieving less, it means achieving more of what actually matters
This Episode Is for You If You’ve Ever:
- Felt like you’re always behind no matter how much you get done
- Said yes to something you didn’t want to do because it felt easier than the guilt of saying no
- Set a goal, got close to it, and immediately moved the bar instead of celebrating
- Wondered how everyone else seems to be managing, while you’re quietly running on fumes
- Collapsed into bed exhausted but lay there with your mind racing through everything still undone
- Snapped at the people you love after a long day, then felt guilty for not being more present
- Known you need to slow down but genuinely didn’t know what you would even do with the space
- Tied your sense of value so tightly to how much you’re doing that a slow day feels like failure
- Built a schedule that looks impressive on the outside but leaves you feeling empty and depleted inside
How to Stop Overcommitting and Start Creating Real Results
The answer isn’t another system. It isn’t a better planner or a more optimized morning routine. It’s a willingness to look honestly at what you’re actually committed to, what those commitments are costing you, and whether the life you’re building is moving toward the vision you have for yourself or running on autopilot away from it.
When you stop filling every moment with doing and start asking whether what’s on your plate is actually serving your goals, everything changes. Not because you did more, but because you finally stopped doing the things that were draining your energy and stealing your focus, and got genuinely committed to the things that matter.
That takes clarity. It takes the willingness to say no, to yourself and to other people. And it takes a real look at the beliefs that have been driving your pace, because if you’ve been running at this speed for years, there are reasons for it that a to-do list can’t touch.
Ready to Stop Spinning Plates and Start Moving the Needle?
If this episode landed, it’s because part of you already knows that the way you’ve been doing it isn’t sustainable. You know better. And the gap between knowing better and doing better is exactly where the real work lives.
The Congruency Audit is a free 15-minute call where we look at the gap between the success you’ve built on the outside and what you’re actually feeling on the inside. We’ll identify the exact patterns keeping you overcommitted and overwhelmed, why your effort isn’t translating into the results and fulfillment you’re working toward, and what it’s going to take for you to finally create success that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.
If you’re ready to stop spinning plates and start building something that actually fuels you, book your free Congruency Audit at lisacarpenter.ca/audit.
And if you’re looking for something even deeper, I’m taking a small group to walk the Camino de Santiago with me this September in Spain. We walk from St. Jean Pied de Port to Santiago de Compostela, and we coach the whole way. This is the kind of experience that creates the clarity and the shift that no strategy session can replicate. Spaces are very limited. You can learn more at lisacarpenter.ca/camino.
This isn’t about optimizing the version of yourself you built to survive. It’s about creating congruence so the life you’ve built doesn’t just look good, it finally feels right.
TRANSCRIPT
00:00:06:29 - 00:00:33:12 Lisa You built success that looks damn good on the outside, but inside it's costing you your health, your relationships, your energy. And no matter how much you do, it never feels like enough. Welcome to Congruent. I'm Lisa Carpenter, the coach. High performers call when they can afford to burn it all down, but they can't keep living like this either. 00:00:33:14 - 00:00:58:24 Lisa Here we rip off the mask of success and expose what's real. The patterns that you keep running, the price that you've paid, and how to build success that fuels you instead of empties you. Real success is agency. It's powerful self leadership to run your life instead of being run by it. To let your drive and your well-being finally work together. 00:00:58:27 - 00:01:09:04 Lisa Because the real win is success. That actually feels good. 00:01:09:07 - 00:01:36:18 Lisa Welcome back to congruent. And this week we have one from the archives. This is actually an episode that I recorded back in 2019 called The Top Reasons Why You Fail to Achieve Your Goals. And I'm talking about stuff in 2019 that I'm still talking about in 2026. So if there's one thing I am very consistent and committed to the message that I deliver. 00:01:36:21 - 00:02:02:28 Lisa So last week I got into, you know, the furry convention and all the things that I had on my plate before I left on my holidays, which as you're listening to this, I'm sitting somewhere in Costa Rica enjoying a brand new place in the world with my family, completely unplugged. But the the reason that I've been able to do all of this travel and still grow my business is because I've really learned what it takes to be successful. 00:02:03:05 - 00:02:23:10 Lisa So in this episode, we're going to drive. We're sorry. We're going to dive into three primary reasons why you might be struggling to achieve your goals. We're going to talk about how to prioritize what's important. We're going to talk about setting achievable expectations. Because let me tell you, most of you set expectations for yourself that are so unreasonable. 00:02:23:10 - 00:02:44:21 Lisa And I'm here for big audacious goals. But, you know, telling ourselves we can do 50 things at one time and still be successful at it is unrealistic. So we need to to really look at your expectations. And we're going to talk about how learning to say no is one of the most powerful tools that you can use with your self, not just with other people. 00:02:44:21 - 00:02:50:25 Lisa So enjoy this week's episode and I will catch you again next week. 00:02:50:28 - 00:02:56:23 Lisa Today I wanted to kind of dive into some, you know, notes I was taking. 00:02:56:29 - 00:03:20:06 Lisa I get a lot of downloads when I'm, you know, doing my cardio or at the gym. I'm very kinesthetic. So when I'm in motion, things tend to come to me. And for some people, they come to them when they're sitting still in meditation. And I do sit quietly in meditation as well. But I find for me, I get my kind of divine downloads when I'm actually quiet and in motion. 00:03:20:08 - 00:03:23:12 Lisa And I was thinking about. 00:03:23:14 - 00:03:47:15 Lisa Some top three reasons that I see that we fail, that cause us to fail. And I wanted to unpack them a little bit. And this isn't this isn't really scripted. I don't have a lot of notes in front of me. So we're just going to, as per usual, see where it takes me. But number one was really lack of attention on what matters most. 00:03:47:18 - 00:04:05:05 Lisa So when we set a goal and we say that we we want this thing for ourself or we want this vision, it's so easy to get caught up in the busy work, the things that make us believe that we're moving the needle, whether it's in our, you know, our lives or business or with our fitness. But they're not. 00:04:05:09 - 00:04:39:24 Lisa It's not actually the thing that we need to be focused on in order to achieve results. So this comes back to, you know. The less is more. And really making sure that every day, if you say you want that thing, that is where your attention is focused. So over this past week and leading up to this photo shoot, my attention needed to be on my nutrition and on my training. 00:04:39:29 - 00:05:03:13 Lisa That's that's where it had to be. Those were boxes that I needed to tick. I needed to follow my plan so that I could get from point A to point B, and if I tick those boxes, did the best I could to follow along, I knew I was going to progress. The same is true in my business. I've had to really learn what are the key metrics? 00:05:03:13 - 00:05:27:16 Lisa What are the things that matter most that I need to make sure that my attention is on every single week to move my business forward, whether it's growing my audience, whether it's doing more coaching calls, whatever it is, all the different pieces that are focused on growing my business. So I have very specific non-negotiables that have to get done daily, weekly and monthly. 00:05:27:19 - 00:05:50:00 Lisa And if I only focus on those things. So again, it's that doing less, better, I know that my businesses continue will continue to grow and thrive in the gym. It's the same thing. I don't need to go in there and add more. I just need to follow my plan. I need to eat the food that I need to eat, and I need to follow my plan in the gym. 00:05:50:05 - 00:06:18:19 Lisa Whatever day it is, whether it's a leg day or upper body day or cardio day. Doesn't matter what's on my plan today, what needs my attention today and not get distracted because it's so easy when we're going after these big goals to get distracted by other things that aren't really important, but we start to tell ourselves that they're important because we're looking for outs or unconsciously. 00:06:18:19 - 00:06:45:03 Lisa We are trying to sabotage ourselves because we maybe don't believe that we can achieve that big, audacious goal that we set for ourselves. So the next thing you know what? I want to take that a little bit deeper, because the other thing that I see is instead of focusing and knowing what that vision is and taking action from that vision, if you'd already achieved this, what would you be doing today? 00:06:45:03 - 00:07:02:26 Lisa Would it be a big deal to get out of bed and go to the gym? Would it be a big deal to eat healthy food? Would it be a big deal to look in the mirror and say, you know what, you're amazing when you see your reflection staring back at you? What I see so many of my clients doing is they focus on what they don't want. 00:07:02:29 - 00:07:26:24 Lisa Now, wherever you put your attention is what's going to expand. So if you focus on lack and limitation, you're going to have more lack and limitation. If your focus is on possibility and opportunity, you're going to have more possibility and opportunity. If you are trying to grow your business and earn more money, but you're focused on, like I said, lack having not enough money, you're going to create more of that in your business. 00:07:26:24 - 00:07:51:28 Lisa And if you're focused on changing your body, but every day you're getting up and you're berating your body and you're saying mean things to yourself, and you have a lot of negative self-talk, you're not focusing on how your body is showing up for you every day. Strong, ready to go, ready to go do the thing. Instead, you get out of bed and tell yourself all the things you hate about yourself. 00:07:52:00 - 00:08:24:12 Lisa So when I say hold your attention on what matters, you really have to stay firmly planted in your vision and make it, you know, make yourself not available for negative self-talk or focusing on the things you don't want, even if they might be quote your reality right now. You don't have to like something to accept it, but when you accept it and you really hold that vision and you really start working from that vision, that's when things are going to start to change for you. 00:08:24:15 - 00:08:54:29 Lisa Okay? So if you want to be sure you're going to fail, focus on everything you don't want and you'll get more of that. I promise you that. I can guarantee. So number two of one of the top three reasons I believe we fail. Expectations. We put expectations on other people. Right? We believe other people. You know, if they just were a certain way, then we'd be successful. 00:08:55:01 - 00:09:18:18 Lisa We put expectations on ourselves. I used to be the worst taskmaster. I would believe that I should be able to do a gazillion things in a day. And it actually took me hiring a project manager who I asked to please give me my punch card for the day, tell me what I need to do. Like, I want you to be my my business mom, so to speak. 00:09:18:18 - 00:09:41:01 Lisa And she would send me the list of what I needed to get done in a day, and I would read it and then think like, where's the rest of this? There wasn't a rest of it. She was actually she had realistic expectations on what I could accomplish in a day. Well, okay. And this podcast isn't about getting you guys to do more. 00:09:41:01 - 00:10:08:18 Lisa It's about slowing you down. Right? Doing less better so that you can have more peace and ease in your life. But if you constantly have these unrealistic expectations on yourself, that you should be able to get a gazillion things done in a day, like, why can't you go to the gym for, you know, two hours every day and grocery shop and take care of your family and have a full time job and meet your friends for coffee and read that book you want to read and watch that TV series you want to watch. 00:10:08:20 - 00:10:38:25 Lisa Why can't you do it all in a day? Aren't you supposed to? The truth is, we're not. And the only person putting those unrealistic expectations on yourself is you. And my question is, what makes you believe that you have to like that you should be able to complete all of those things in a day, because so often we've been going along with this belief that we should be able to complete all these things, that we never take a step back and go, is this even realistic? 00:10:38:27 - 00:11:01:07 Lisa Like if somebody else if somebody else sat in front of you and they shared their day with you, which was your day, right? So pretend you've got this like doppelganger gang or across from you. And she's sharing her day, which is exactly your day. Would you look at her and think she was crazy pants that she was trying to get all of that done in a day? 00:11:01:09 - 00:11:26:00 Lisa As high achieving women, we tend to normalize stuff that's not normal. We tend to overdo, and we think it's normal. We think it's normal that we should be running at a breakneck pace. We shake. We think it's normal that we should be tired all the time. We think it's normal to do all the things and be up at the crack of dawn and go late at night. 00:11:26:02 - 00:12:01:27 Lisa We've normalized so much that is not normal, and that's what we have to take a look at, is lowering those expectations, and and really questioning what makes me believe that doing more is going to get me there faster. And where exactly are you trying to get to? Because if you have one specific goal in mind, you, you have to have kind of a very clear understanding, like I said, of what you need to get done every day in order to move the needle towards that goal. 00:12:02:00 - 00:12:37:25 Lisa If you put unrealistic expectations on yourself, like, you know, I'm going to drop 40 pounds in four weeks, you're going to set yourself up to fail. If you haven't been eating healthy and you suddenly decide, I'm going to eat five healthy meals a day, you won't. So I would prefer that everybody who's listening really lower the bar and allow yourself to achieve more, because I've worked with enough clients to know that they set this such high bar of expectations, and then even when they get close to it, they raise a damn bar again. 00:12:37:27 - 00:12:59:23 Lisa So I want you to actually look at lowering your bar of expectations and allowing yourself to meet them and even perhaps exceed them. So what if your expectations around taking better care of yourself instead of saying, that's it, I'm going to the gym five times a week, you commit to doing twice a week and you stay in integrity with twice a week. 00:12:59:23 - 00:13:33:09 Lisa Because realistically, you know that that's what you can get on your schedule right now. Don't try and cram more on. It is so important if you are trying to step into a healthier lifestyle for yourself. You have to really take inventory of everything else in your life and look at what you're going to put down. Okay, so before I say yes to anything, I also get very, very clear on what it means I'm going to be saying no to because if we can't just keep picking up plates and spinning them, otherwise you're going to end up with a bunch of broken plates at your feet. 00:13:33:14 - 00:14:01:08 Lisa So reason number two, we fail, I believe, is we set unrealistic expectations for, you know, how quickly we're going to get to our goals or what that's going to look like. We just decide we're going to do way, way too much, which leads into number three, which is really overcommitting, which, you know, kind of ties into the unrealistic expectations. 00:14:01:11 - 00:14:37:22 Lisa And what I was just saying about not saying yes to so many things. One of the hardest things I have to unpack in, you know, behind the importance, transformational coaching program with women in there and with my own 1 to 1 clients is getting them to this place of releasing things off of their schedule, because so many of us have attached our value, our worth, our identity to our doing. 00:14:37:24 - 00:15:06:24 Lisa And as much as we say we want more time and space and ease by being overcommitted all the time. We we feel valuable. So we hate it. But the truth is, we wouldn't know what to do. Like you might not know what to do with yourself if you had time to have a break. My clients say they want all this free time, and then they get the free time and they're like, I don't know what to do with myself in this. 00:15:06:24 - 00:15:34:09 Lisa Feels very, very uncomfortable. And I remember that feeling. I remember when I was slowing down and creating all the space, and it was uncomfortable to have all the space because I was so hard wired to be filling every moment of every day with something. So if you are looking for more peace and ease in your life, if you're looking to be more successful, you have to stop Overcommitting to all the things in my life. 00:15:34:09 - 00:16:03:07 Lisa I'm committed to my family and my business and my 1 to 1 clients, and that's pretty much it. There's not a lot else I'm committed to while I am committed to my fitness, but I can't take on much more than that. And within each of those containers, there are different parameters for what I'm committed to, right? So within my family, there's boundaries around family time. 00:16:03:07 - 00:16:28:27 Lisa There's boundaries around the time I spend in my business, there's boundaries around the time I spend in the gym, and it's up to me to make sure that I'm not over committing to any one thing, so I can't be at all my kid's sporting events. I can't be at every single art class. You know, I ask for help all the time and I allow myself to receive that help. 00:16:28:27 - 00:16:46:07 Lisa I don't try and be supermom. I don't get anything out of that anymore. Whereas back in the day, you know, trying to wear all the hats and juggle all the balls, like I said, so much of my value and my self-worth was tied up in that if I'm not doing all those things, who will need me? Will I feel loved? 00:16:46:10 - 00:17:16:22 Lisa And this might be resonating with you? So really, look at how many things you're committed to, and are you being realistic about the level of commitment you have? Because if you commit to less, you're going to achieve more, right? I can't train for the Olympics and bodybuilding at the same time, right? That that doesn't make any sense. So if I want to excel at one thing, then that's where my commitment needs to be. 00:17:16:24 - 00:17:49:16 Lisa Not scattered all over the place. So rest, play, right? These are all things that are important to me that I'm committed to in my life, my values, every decision I make in my life and in my business has to align with my values. So just a short and sweet episode today for some food for thought on perhaps why you might feel like you're spinning your wheels and not knowing why. 00:17:49:18 - 00:18:13:11 Lisa Perhaps it's time to take a step back and look at where you're really focusing your attention. Is it truly rooted in the vision that you have for yourself? Are you putting unrealistic expectations on when you're going to achieve these things, or are you giving yourself some grace and space to grow into what you want? That takes commitment, right? 00:18:13:11 - 00:18:51:01 Lisa To give yourself space to get from point A to point B, because I know I used to have really unrealistic expectations on business growth until I really learned about what it takes to grow a business and honestly, what it takes to really make any big changes in your life takes time. And then overcommitting making sure that you are really only have things on your plate, or you're only spinning the plates of the things that are really important and everything else you're learning to delete and delegate. 00:18:51:04 - 00:19:20:21 Lisa Because we can't just keep taking on more and more and more thinking we're going to achieve amazing results. We won't. You'll always miss the mark. So I have come to realize that, you know, achieving things I love, achieving things. I'm always going to be an achiever. But like I've said in previous episodes, it's not coming from a place of not good enough, or striving or pushing or looking for my enoughness. 00:19:20:23 - 00:19:58:05 Lisa I really love how it feels to achieve something, but I'm not attached to. How long it takes to get there. I'm not attached to exactly what it's going to look like at the end, but I do love setting big, audacious goals. I do love setting that vision and then moving towards it. And what I always learn in the what I always learn along the way, is that it's the process of getting from point A to point B that really is where all the richness is. 00:19:58:07 - 00:20:40:19 Lisa And that's why I'm sharing these three reasons why I believe people fail, because these are lessons that I had to learn and quite painfully, quite painfully. So something for you to sit back and really consider as you're sinking into, you know, maybe things that you want to change in your life, whether it's to create better health and wellness, whether it's to, you know, give yourself space to feel your feelings, whether it's slowing down and creating more ease in your life, whether it's growing your business, whether it's generating more revenue or having a better relationship with money. 00:20:40:21 - 00:20:54:18 Lisa Pick the one thing that's really important to you. Put your attention on the vision that you want to have for that work from that vision. So you stay focused on possibility and opportunity. 00:20:54:20 - 00:21:24:08 Lisa Set realistic expectations. Meaning give yourself space, grace, and time to move the needle towards that vision and don't overcommit. Take other things off your plate that are draining your energy or stealing your focus so that you can move the needle and so that you do feel confident that if you continue to tick the boxes that you're going to get wherever it is you want to go. 00:21:24:10 - 00:21:31:07 Lisa All right. So until next week, I would love to hear any feedback or takeaways from this episode. 00:21:31:10 - 00:21:57:19 Lisa thank you so much for taking time out of your day to have me in your ears. I hope it was time well spent and you got a nugget. Something that is very powerful for you that is going to help you embrace being the best you you can be, and creating that vision that you have of yourself that includes more peace and ease and fun and freedom. 00:21:57:21 - 00:22:10:08 Lisa Until next week, listener. Thank you again for tuning in and I will see you on the next episode. Until then, take great care of you because you matter most. 00:22:10:10 - 00:22:33:03 Unknown Thanks for being here and listening. And if you are looking for more, I want to leave you with a few resources or things you can check out. Well, I'm on hiatus, so first you want to head over to Lisa Carpenter, aka Forward Slash bonus. This is a Trevor Treasure trove of resources that we've been putting together with each new episode that we put out. 00:22:33:03 - 00:22:55:13 Unknown So you may have missed you might have missed them. So head over. It'll give you the workbook, the guide, and the corresponding podcast episode on congruent that it goes with. The next thing is, I want to remind you that I am taking a select group to the Camino with me this September in Spain. This is both, walking retreat. 00:22:55:13 - 00:23:19:09 Unknown So we're going to be doing coaching while walking from Syria to Santiago de Compostela. And I have a podcast episode about that as well. You'll find that on the bonus page, so make sure you go and check that out. Or you can go directly to Lisa Carpenter, aka Forward Slash Camino. We have very limited spaces left, and I would love for one of them to be filled by you. 00:23:19:11 - 00:23:26:03 Unknown So until next time, I will catch you on the next episode and enjoy those free resources.
