EPISODE 287: ENCORE Powerful Wisdom and Self-Reflection from 51 Years of Growth

00;00;01;21 - 00;00;27;12
Lisa
Welcome to the Full Frontal Living podcast. I'm Lisa Carpenter, master life coach to driven, ambitious humans who want more out of life without having to sacrifice themselves to achieve it. I'll share how it's possible to slow down. Take better care of yourself. Find more peace and ease. Create sustainable energy. Stop procrastination and overwhelm and fall in love with your life, your business and your body.

00;00;27;15 - 00;00;47;06
Lisa
This podcast is for you. If you're ready to learn what it takes to thrive as a high performer, do less but achieve more, make you and your well-being a top priority, and create your extraordinary life. I'm so glad you're here.

00;00;47;08 - 00;01;09;14
Lisa
Well, hey, hey, and thanks for joining me for another episode of the Full Frontal Living podcast. And this episode is coming out way late because I have been on a trip. I've been hanging out in Sedona, with some close friends, and just breathing in the magic that is Sedona. If you've never had a chance to visit there.

00;01;09;17 - 00;01;36;11
Lisa
Highly, highly recommend it. This was more of a spiritual retreat for me and just an opportunity to get away and get reconnected with some things that, to be quite honest, I had kind of disconnected from. So we each have our own journey, and what is hard for me may not be hard for you, and what is hard for you may not be hard for me.

00;01;36;13 - 00;02;04;05
Lisa
Being in my physical body, in my physical space is something that comes relatively easy for me. I'm highly kinesthetic, so being in the gym, moving about, using my body, being, you know, grounded on this earth, that's easy. But let me tell you, one of the hardest practices for me to adhere to, even though it's important to me, is some of my spiritual practices, because it literally tosses me into the unknown.

00;02;04;08 - 00;02;20;14
Lisa
And as a person who, you know, I find that I'm quite pragmatic, so I'm very spiritual, but I'm also very pragmatic. I question a lot of things which, you know, if you've been hanging out with me for any amount of time, I don't just kind of go along to get along. So I'm always questioning. I love to have goals.

00;02;20;14 - 00;02;58;20
Lisa
I love to have, like tangible things. I want to know kind of what I'm working towards. And my spiritual practices are very much an unknown. I know that my life isn't going to get worse if I do them, but because they are often so intangible, I have really had a hard time staying 100% committed to them. Now, you also know if you've been listening to me for any amount of time, that commitment and integrity and responsibility are some of my top values, and if I'm living outside of those values, nothing really feels right in my life.

00;02;58;22 - 00;03;20;13
Lisa
And I'm also human. And sometimes I recognize that I'm not living in my values. So going back to Sedona was an opportunity for me to really ground back into the things that I say that matter in my life. Am I really prepared to be committed to those things that really matter and figure out a way to make it work?

00;03;20;15 - 00;03;41;26
Lisa
So again, it doesn't need to be this or that, but how can I make it both? And how can I prioritize my workouts and my time in the gym and also prioritize my personal spiritual practices? So I've come home with renewed energy, and I'm sharing this with you, because maybe there's something in your own life that you've been saying that you want to do.

00;03;41;28 - 00;04;03;17
Lisa
Maybe for you, it's working out, eating healthier, taking more time off work, spending more time having fun. Maybe it's your own spiritual practices and you keep saying you want to do it, but you actually haven't been committed to it. Maybe this is kind of your like, wake up call around what needs to change in your own life for you to become committed to those things.

00;04;03;17 - 00;04;28;09
Lisa
Because if you say you want something but you're not prepared to take the action, the truth is you don't really value it and it's never going to unfold in your life. So I'm not going to get into, my spiritual practices. But I was up early this morning so I could take those boxes and feel proud of myself before I even got out of the out of bed and went to the gym.

00;04;28;12 - 00;05;00;21
Lisa
So here's to day one. Here's to renewed commitment. Here's to staying in integrity and keeping those promises to yourself about the things you say that matter now. This was an episode that I had hoped to record before I went away, and I didn't have the opportunity. And I was also considering just not even putting out a podcast episode this week because, as you know, I have to be with things when they're flowing, and I've got a lot on my plate right now, and because I don't watch my episodes, I was like, well, maybe I'll just let it go for a week.

00;05;00;21 - 00;05;31;28
Lisa
But I have pages of notes here that I want to share with you. So I'm plunking myself down on the mic. And I'm going to share these now. This episode started out as 51 lessons from 51 Years of Life. So I just recently had my 51st birthday. My 50th birthday was unforgettable and my 50th year was one of the hardest years I've ever experienced in my entire life, and I was really happy to see that year close out.

00;05;32;01 - 00;06;00;26
Lisa
I wouldn't change anything. I didn't like some of the things that occurred in my life, but I can see the blessings. I can see the gifts within it. I always take that approach of, you know, life is happening for me now, that doesn't mean that I don't have moments where I go into my victimhood. It doesn't mean that I don't have moments where I, you know, start my feet and have those very human tantrums, but I'm always able to bring it back to what is here for me.

00;06;00;29 - 00;06;33;02
Lisa
And although it has been an incredibly painful year, it has come with such profound gifts and so much growth for me. I really am excited about what that's bringing already to my coaching and how I'm showing up in the world and my message as I step into my own kind of thought leadership moving forward. You know, I jokingly said last year when I turned 50 that I was halfway to dead, and now at 51, I'm like, wow, if this is really serious, like time is ticking down now, I hope to be here for a really long time.

00;06;33;02 - 00;06;59;15
Lisa
But how often do you take for granted how many years you have in front of you? Because eventually the years in front of you become less than the years behind you. And this is why I just want to get up to the, you know, home plate of life, so to speak, and swing for the fences. So this started out as 51 lessons, and it actually turned into, 62 lessons.

00;06;59;17 - 00;07;19;08
Lisa
So I'm just going to read them for you and take what you will, because I'm sure that there's going to be something in here and maybe some of these lessons I'll circle back around to and expand more in future podcasts. So grab your beverage of choice. Or maybe you're out on a walk and just settle in and listen.

00;07;19;08 - 00;07;40;10
Lisa
And if you really feel that one resonates with you, maybe pause this podcast and write some notes in your phone so that you can really kind of sink in to the lesson of this. And to be honest, I probably way more than even 61 lessons. But this is where we're going to start. Okay, so number one, it doesn't matter what happened.

00;07;40;15 - 00;08;04;26
Lisa
It only matters that you choose what you want next. Number two, life can change in an instant. Spend more time enjoying the moment that you're in. Because how often are we, you know, we're not even present for what's here right now because we're always thinking about what's next. Number three, nothing lasts forever. And change is the only thing that is guaranteed.

00;08;04;29 - 00;08;29;07
Lisa
That is a hard one for so many of us, because we want to hold on to things just as they are today. And change is the only thing that is a given in this life. Nothing stays the same. Nothing. So just remember that, number four, you are the youngest you'll ever be today. I always remind myself of that every morning when I get up.

00;08;29;07 - 00;08;51;08
Lisa
Now, number five. Fear and doubt will probably never leave. So do the things you want to do anyways. If you wait for fear and doubt to leave your side before you take action, you'll never take action. Think of it as you know. Think of life as you know. We'll use the metaphor of a roller coaster to experience a roller coaster.

00;08;51;08 - 00;09;19;14
Lisa
You got to get in and lower the lower the handle on your lap. And once you are in that seat, there is nothing you can do but hold on. And, I remember being on a roller coaster in California adventures. And they count you down from ten and they may literally blast you off. And once you are on that ramp, all you could do, at least for me, all I could do was navigate and manage the the fear, the anxiety, the excitement.

00;09;19;14 - 00;09;40;10
Lisa
Like all the emotions as I heard the clock tick down because I knew we were going to like, be blast into these loops. So fear and doubt make friends with them. And I've got a previous podcast episodes on this if you want to go back and listen to them so you can bring them along. Number six, the longer you spend blaming others, the more unhappiness you'll create for yourself.

00;09;40;12 - 00;10;03;23
Lisa
This is something I talk about a lot. Personal responsibility. You are where you are because of the choices that you're making and the thoughts you are thinking about where you are. And the longer you spend pointing the finger at somebody else and making them the problem, the longer you're going to stay stuck in the problem. So I understand sometimes it sucks because you want people to change so that you can feel better.

00;10;03;26 - 00;10;33;09
Lisa
But the truth of the matter is, only you can be responsible for supporting yourself. Feeling better? Number seven anger has a place and is an important emotion. Don't let it trap you by suppressing it or bypassing it. Anger is powerful and so many of my clients will come to me and they'll say, I'm not an angry person. Well, unless you're a cyborg, you experience all different types of emotions and most kind, caring, loving people don't want to be angry.

00;10;33;09 - 00;10;55;10
Lisa
But many of us have learned that we can't be angry, or it's not safe to be angry, or we're afraid. If we get angry, we'll stay angry, or we don't like how anger makes us feel. That anger is just another emotion and you can allow yourself to feel it. You can learn the lessons, you can hear the guidance that's trying to give you, and then you can move past it.

00;10;55;13 - 00;11;20;28
Lisa
One of the worst things you can do is suppress your anger, or pretend like you're not feeling it, or get into other behavior so you don't have to be with it, because any emotion that stays trapped in the body will create illness and disease. And there are many angry people walking around who are very unwell. So allow yourself to express your anger in a healthy way, even if you need to go to one of those rooms where you get to smash things, that's available to you as well.

00;11;21;00 - 00;11;44;16
Lisa
If you struggle with feeling anger, perhaps reach out and we can have a conversation. Because creating emotional fluency is a big part of what I do of my work. Which brings me to number eight. Emotional fluency is something that most of us need to learn. I didn't learn, I didn't grow up talking about feelings and emotions. This wasn't a conversation at the dinner table.

00;11;44;18 - 00;12;05;10
Lisa
It was more like being told I shouldn't be feeling what I'm feeling. And maybe that was true for you as well. So most of us as parents now, we're trying to do a better job teaching our children about how to feel, while at the same time not really tuned in to what we are actually feeling. So most people are trapped in their emotions without even realizing they're trapped in their emotions.

00;12;05;10 - 00;12;35;28
Lisa
So emotional fluency is something that most of us need to learn. Number nine, if you think you're not a feeler, you're probably the person that is most trapped by your emotions. This was me for many, many, many a year. I believe. I started out as a deep feeler when I was really young, and really struggled to manage all the things in the world that look so big and were so, oh, the emotions were so much that I just learned how to shut it off because I couldn't be with it.

00;12;36;01 - 00;12;54;26
Lisa
So for most of the people that I work with, if they think they're not feelers, they usually are the deepest feelers in the room. And it's a real superpower when you learn how to tap into it and really master and understand your emotions. Number ten, this is a this was a big one. If you chase money, it will run.

00;12;54;29 - 00;13;14;14
Lisa
So many of us keep our attention on making more money, especially if you're in business, right? Money is a lifeblood of our business. We we need to have revenue coming in to support our businesses thriving, to support us, ourselves personally thriving. But if you are constantly chasing money, right, what happens when you chase something? It runs away. Money is no different.

00;13;14;22 - 00;13;40;06
Lisa
So there's a whole episode I could do around, money, which is on the list of things to do in the future. But just really consider that concept that if you're constantly chasing money and you have no money, why is that? You chase something, it will run from you. Number 11, if you don't have the revenue or sorry, if you don't have reverence and respect for your money, you'll never have more.

00;13;40;07 - 00;13;45;12
Lisa
This is a really big one. If money was a person.

00;13;45;14 - 00;14;03;07
Lisa
What words would you use to describe your relationship with it? How do you feel about money? If money was a person, how do you feel about it? Because many of us do not have reverence and respect for money. And if you don't have reverence and respect for someone, they don't really want to spend time with you. And money is no different.

00;14;03;07 - 00;14;18;00
Lisa
Money is energy and learning how to work with the energetics of money. Clear. Cleaning up your relationship with money, how you think and feel about it will dictate.

00;14;18;02 - 00;14;38;12
Lisa
How much you have or how little you have. I don't know how else to put it in just layman's terms. If you want to be generating more revenue, if you want to work on having more wealth in your life, you have to look at how you think and feel about money. And having reverence for money means you. You treat it with respect and reverence.

00;14;38;15 - 00;14;59;19
Lisa
So if you've got, you know, coins stashed in every corner, your money's always crumpled up. You never pay your bills on time. You're not opening up your bills like you're just really treating money with a lot of disrespect because you're angry at it, because maybe it's not there for you the way you want it to be. If that was a person, would they stay in a relationship with you?

00;14;59;20 - 00;15;32;23
Lisa
So just start to think about how are you being in relationship with your money? Okay. Number 12, if you think you're not smart, you're probably smarter than most. I'm just going to leave that one there. Number 13. Two things can be true at the same time. My entire brand is built around this type of contrast that we can be driven and ambitious and at the same time need deep rest, love and compassion and slow down.

00;15;32;25 - 00;15;51;16
Lisa
And this is such a hard thing for people to understand that two things can be the two things can be true at the same time. It can be quite confronting, can be very polarizing. But the more that you can begin to understand this, the easier your life is going to get, and the more expansion you are going to feel.

00;15;51;23 - 00;16;01;29
Lisa
Okay, you're going to bring more peace into your life. When you understand that that two things can be true at the same time. Number 14.

00;16;02;01 - 00;16;29;11
Lisa
I'll never understand addiction, hate, or cruelty, period. Number 15 it doesn't matter how much you love someone, you can't save them with love if they don't want to participate in their own healing. This has been woven into my journey in this lifetime. Many of my clients get into this with their partners, with their kids, with their friends, with their colleagues.

00;16;29;14 - 00;16;57;01
Lisa
We can love people, but we have to let them have their journey. And no amount of you loving them harder can save them from themselves if they choose. Not actively participate in their healing. Number 16 good, kind, loving people can also be hateful, hurtful, and cruel. This comes back to the two things can be true at the same time.

00;16;57;04 - 00;17;12;12
Lisa
So just remember that right? That we all have many different parts of ourselves and we are all capable of such a massive range and it can be very, confronting and

00;17;12;14 - 00;17;40;03
Lisa
What is the word that I'm looking for is lost anyways? It can be just confronting when you recognize that in people that you know, they can be kind, loving and good and also hateful, hurtful and cruel. Number 17. And this is from one of my dear mentors, Jim Thornton. You are where your attention is. Took me a long time to master that one, and I still get hooked by it, but whatever you focus on is what you're going to have more of in your life.

00;17;40;03 - 00;18;03;07
Lisa
So really consider where your attention is. Is it on worry? Is it on fear? Is it on abundance? Is it on expansion? You are where your attention is. And so often we think that if we focus on the problem, that's going to fix the problem. But what it actually does is it makes us the victim of the problem.

00;18;03;09 - 00;18;26;14
Lisa
And we're focusing our attention on the problem, which doesn't fix it. Okay. Number 18, worry is not love. In fact, it's praying for shit that you don't want. Worry is not love. And I think many of us, especially as mothers, we've been hardwired to worry. And if you worry more, that must mean that you love your children more.

00;18;26;16 - 00;18;51;21
Lisa
But again, worry. If worry goes back to that, where is your attention? Do you want your attention to be on worry and you worrying more? Doesn't mean that you love your kids, or you love your this, or you love you that. More worry and love have nothing to do with one another. So just check in around what it is that causes you to worry and have you tied it to how you love.

00;18;51;23 - 00;19;14;26
Lisa
Number 19. Life is beautiful and it is painful. Again, going back to number 13, two things can be true at the same time. Number 20. For all the mamas and papas out there, you can love your kids and sometimes not like them. That was hard for me to get, but it is the truth. We can love our children.

00;19;14;26 - 00;19;37;07
Lisa
We can love our partners, we can love things in the world. And also at the same time, we don't always like them. Number 21, most of us. And then I change that to all of us have no clue what we're doing when we came down on to this planet. Whatever your beliefs are, we did not come with our manuals.

00;19;37;07 - 00;19;55;08
Lisa
We did not come with a copy of the contract that we signed around the lessons that we were going to get when we got here. And although many people may want to tell you that they know what you should be doing, nobody knows your journey and all of us have no clue what we're doing. We're all just trying to figure out one day at a time.

00;19;55;08 - 00;20;25;12
Lisa
So if you're measuring yourself against somebody else who you think have has it figured out, maybe even if you're measuring yourself against me, trust me, I do not have it figured out. And I get schooled in the school of life quite regularly. Number 22, you don't find your purpose. It finds you as somebody who has grown businesses, burnt businesses down, cried so many tears, was spent so many years being hard on myself searching for that thing.

00;20;25;15 - 00;21;06;21
Lisa
It found me when I was just following the breadcrumbs of my life. So do the things that make you feel good. And whatever your purpose is, whatever purpose even means, it will find you. Number 23, you'll need to let people go, including friends and family. When you start to grow and change. The reality is, as we grow and change and transform, especially if you're into doing this work and you start behaving in ways you behaving, and you let go of beliefs that you've been carrying your whole life, we think of transformation is what we're gaining and we do gain a lot, but there's also a lot of loss that goes with it.

00;21;06;24 - 00;21;39;20
Lisa
And the grief can be hard to navigate sometimes. So often this transformation is more about letting go than it and letting in. But there's a lot of letting go. Number 24 family extends far beyond what we've been told. I love my family and there are friends that I consider true sisters in my life. Like, I think we've traveled this, this lives many times over, and you get to decide what family is and what family means.

00;21;39;23 - 00;22;01;00
Lisa
This box that we've been told that this is what family is, and this is what it's supposed to look like. What makes that true? Have you ever questioned your beliefs around family, and do they suit the life that you want to be living? So just know that that family extends far beyond what you've been told. Number 25, this is a good one.

00;22;01;06 - 00;22;28;24
Lisa
Your parents were just kids growing up in front of you. Think about that. I was a child when I had my children. I was in my 20s. And I think about all the growth that I've experienced as I've been raising them, which they also did not come with a book, did not get an instruction manual for them. I have grown up in front of my children, and my children didn't realize I was growing up in front of them.

00;22;28;27 - 00;22;52;18
Lisa
So I think it's really important for us to remember with our parents. They were literally growing up right before our eyes, and we just never saw that. And perhaps that might be able to allow you to bring a little bit more compassion into your relationship with your parents, especially if you have a tumultuous relationship with your parents. Number 26 the law of attraction is science.

00;22;52;21 - 00;23;24;00
Lisa
It's not actually woo. It is science. So you can just go and look that up. Quantum quantum. It's all it's science. Anyways, I'm going to move on. Number 27, the term conspiracy theorists was coined by the US government to detract attention off of them. I believe in the time of JFK's shooting. So I just thought that that was interesting.

00;23;24;00 - 00;23;50;25
Lisa
And again, these are just things that I've learned over my 51 years of life. So when the government makes up the term conspiracy theorist, when they're trying to cover up something, makes you think, I'll just leave that with you. Number 28, whether you believe me or not. Most conspiracies end up being true. So you can go discover some for yourself, but expand your thinking.

00;23;50;25 - 00;24;16;02
Lisa
Especially nowadays when we're being told what is true and what is not true. Become an independent thinker. Question. Be curious. Yeah. So far I have not died from asking a lot more questions. I've annoyed people, but it allows me to stand in my own power and make decisions that feel right and true for me, not just because everybody is saying this is the way it should be.

00;24;16;04 - 00;24;42;07
Lisa
If everybody's saying this is the way it should be, that is like a red flag for me to question even more. Number 29 people will misunderstand or not like you for your stance on certain things. It is more important that you stay true to you. Never, ever, ever again. Will I throw myself under the bus to make somebody else happy or more comfortable with me.

00;24;42;10 - 00;25;12;17
Lisa
You don't have to like me. You don't have to agree with me. But at the end of the night, I have to be in relationship with myself. And that relationship matters the most. And I watch people every single day sacrifice themselves in order to be liked, in order to fit in or belong however you want to call it, and to feel loved, while the whole time not looking at how little they are belonging to themselves and how little they are loving themselves.

00;25;12;19 - 00;25;28;10
Lisa
So I want you to really consider that. How often are you sacrificing yourself to make somebody else comfortable? I promise you, on the other side of putting yourself first. Even if people misunderstand you.

00;25;28;12 - 00;25;47;14
Lisa
You will feel better about yourself at the end of the day. I wrote this so long ago. Now as I'm reading them, I'm like, oh my goodness. Okay, yeah, we're just going to say them number 30. So we're like halfway. I just said this throwing yourself under the bus to make other people feel better will always cause you to feel like you've been run over.

00;25;47;16 - 00;26;19;04
Lisa
So I'll just leave that. Number 31. Resentment is a huge problem. Any time you are feeling resentful of somebody else because of what they did or how they treated you, nobody can treat you poorly without your permission. So whenever resentment shows up, I want you to consider where you threw yourself under the bus, where you sacrificed yourself to make somebody else happy, or in the hopes, or you gave them something because you had an expectation that they were going to give back to you.

00;26;19;06 - 00;26;21;19
Lisa
Okay.

00;26;21;22 - 00;26;40;25
Lisa
Resentment is a you problem. Number 32, this is one of my favorites in my life. Boundaries don't make you a bitch. And I remember watching women set boundaries. And I always thought they were, like, mean and cruel. Till I draw that line in the sand. Until I learned about boundaries and what they're here for. They are here to support you.

00;26;40;25 - 00;27;05;20
Lisa
Feeling your best. And if that makes me a bitch to somebody else. Going back to, number 29, people will often misunderstand you. My responsibility is to myself. So I always deliver my boundaries from a kind, loving, caring place. I'm never bitchy about those boundaries, but having boundaries and knowing what feels best and right and good for me, does not make me a bitch.

00;27;05;20 - 00;27;32;10
Lisa
And it doesn't make you a bitch either. Number 33. Live the life that you want to live, not the life that other people want you to live. How many of you are living a life and working a job and doing the things? Because that's what you thought you were supposed to do, or that's what your parents wanted you to do, or that's what your friends said you should do.

00;27;32;13 - 00;27;57;01
Lisa
You get to live your life, and it might be completely sideways to what your parents wanted for you, but at the end of the day, it's your life. You are a sovereign being and you get to choose. And if you are living a life that is not yours to make other people happy, you will end up living a miserable life because you will never feel in alignment with what your heart and your soul is really calling you towards.

00;27;57;01 - 00;28;22;15
Lisa
And sometimes, often, it's really hard to let go of that identity that somebody else has bestowed on you or indoctrinated you into. And it is so, so worth it. And if you need support with that, reach out. Number 34. Resiliency is not about pushing through. That is not resiliency. Resiliency is being able to be with whatever is going on for you.

00;28;22;21 - 00;28;58;02
Lisa
Feeling it. Letting it move through you, caring for yourself. Resiliency is about longevity. Anyways, I've got podcasts on this. You can go back into the archives. I'll try and pop some in the notes for you. Number 35 saving others. Whether it's kids, family, doing too much for them will teach them how to be helpless. You hurt them more by not allowing them to experience the hardships.

00;28;58;02 - 00;29;19;29
Lisa
We'll call them hardships that they need to experience. So if you are constantly saving your kids over functioning for them, cleaning up their messes, not allowing them to learn what it means to be resilient, not allowing them to learn what it needs to work through adversity. You are creating somebody who is going to live their life feeling helpless.

00;29;19;29 - 00;29;39;18
Lisa
It's called learned helplessness and it is awful, awful to watch because these are the people that literally stay paralyzed because they don't know how to make decisions for themselves. In essence, when you're constantly saving other people, you're teaching them that they don't know how to trust themselves, so they can't trust themselves that other people must know what's best for them.

00;29;39;24 - 00;30;01;13
Lisa
They learn that they don't know how to make decisions because other people know what's best. So if you are one of these helicopter parents, I really want you to consider, do you want a 30 year old living in your house who literally does not know how to make decisions for himself? So, you know, some of us grew up in families where we really had to become independent and self-sufficient.

00;30;01;13 - 00;30;22;25
Lisa
And that's not good either, right? If you're too self-reliant, that's a pattern that needs to be unlearned, where you can actually allow yourself to give allow other people to support you and help you. And the flip side is the people who are working from this place of learned helplessness. They need to learn how to stand up and put on their big girl pants and do the hard things.

00;30;22;27 - 00;30;43;25
Lisa
So we want to have some place like right in the middle where we allow ourselves to be helped, but we can also do things for ourselves. Okay. Number 36, which is what I just said. We all deserve to be supported and it's okay to ask for help. Being self-sufficient is as damaging as being helpless. So yeah, I just repeat myself.

00;30;43;28 - 00;31;05;21
Lisa
Number 37 everyone has a victim living inside them. And in fact, some of the most ambitious, powerful, driven, strong men and women I know have a victim. They just don't recognize that it's a victim because they see a victim as somebody being needy and whiny and helpless and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yet they don't recognize the victim.

00;31;05;21 - 00;31;25;01
Lisa
Part of them is the one that is attached to worrying about stuff that they can't control, for instance. Okay, so there's a lot of ways that those, those little victim stories show up. And I'm not saying this to make anybody feel bad. We all have so many different parts inside of us. We need to honor all of them.

00;31;25;01 - 00;31;46;03
Lisa
But I'm telling you, everybody has a victim living inside of them from time to time. And that victim, part of you has some very, very wise information that it's trying to pass along. If only you'd be willing to listen. Number 38, we are all capable of so much more than we realize. Dream bigger.

00;31;46;05 - 00;32;09;00
Lisa
The things that I accomplish in my life now, the goals that I have, like ticked off. I couldn't have even imagined this back in the day. And now, from this vantage point, I'm like, what? What is possible from here? We are really all so capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for. So please, please encourage yourself to dream bigger, right?

00;32;09;00 - 00;32;23;22
Lisa
Like if the chance didn't come in like I can't do that, or how could I do that if those weren't there, if you could just be like a five year old who's like, I want to be an astronaut and go to outer space. If you would allow yourself to dream like that, what kind of things would end up on your paper?

00;32;23;27 - 00;32;37;11
Lisa
And then what? How can you back it up and look at the baby steps that you can take that would start to move you forward? You'll be surprised at where you are in a year from now, five years from now, ten years from now, 20 years from now, God knows where I'm going to be by the time I'm 60.

00;32;37;11 - 00;33;04;05
Lisa
Because I have a vision. I have a vision. Number 39. Build smaller bridges to create confidence and momentum. I'm a big believer in this. I love these big audacious dreams and goals. Right? I always have them. But for me personally, I found if I build smaller bridges. So if we lose weight loss is a metaphor. If you've got 100 pounds to lose, if that first bridge is just 5 pounds, that seems so much more doable.

00;33;04;05 - 00;33;23;23
Lisa
And my brain personally, for me a smaller goal is like, of course I can do that. And then once I cross that bridge, then I'm in momentum to cross the next bridge. So I like to do a series of small bridges to develop my confidence and to gather momentum, and then I can start to kind of like collapse time a little bit.

00;33;23;26 - 00;33;46;04
Lisa
That just works for me. Take it or leave it. It may or may not work for you. Number 40. This is the one that just came back to me this past week. Commitment and self integrity create greatness. They are some of the most important values, to live by, in my personal opinion, commitment and self integrity.

00;33;46;04 - 00;34;03;03
Lisa
So keeping those promises to yourself and truly looking at what it means to be committed, and that doesn't mean that you don't make mistakes. It doesn't mean that you don't take risks. It doesn't mean that you'd like beat yourself to death. That's not what commitment is about, but it's about knowing what you want, knowing why it's important to you.

00;34;03;06 - 00;34;15;05
Lisa
And you just you keep going even when it's hard, even when you don't feel like it. You know, take a break if you need to, but stay committed. It will create greatness in your life.

00;34;15;07 - 00;34;24;04
Lisa
Number 41. When you come to truly understand the power of personal responsibility, it will change your life.

00;34;24;07 - 00;34;42;04
Lisa
This comes back to that everything is happening for you. And if it's meant to be, it's up to me. Doesn't mean I can't ask for help, right? Remember, two things can be true at the same time. But it really is about saying like, oh, nobody's coming to save me. So there might be people in in the boat with me.

00;34;42;11 - 00;35;04;18
Lisa
I can have friends along this ride, but they're not going to do it for me. They might help me, they might support me, they might give me guidance. But ultimately, at the end of the day, the things that you want in your life, you will acquire, achieve because you are personally responsible for staying committed, for staying in integrity and going after them.

00;35;04;20 - 00;35;25;22
Lisa
So it really does change your life when you can see it through the lens of, personal responsibility and seeing that as an empowering things and to be honest, like some days I'm like, oh, so much work being personally responsible, it is. But I choose to live a life of consciousness. I want to be a conscious creator of my life.

00;35;25;22 - 00;35;44;18
Lisa
I don't want to just have life. Life being me and life running me and feeling like I don't have any say in what's happening in my world. And when I show up personally, responsibly, personally responsible for my life and everything that occurs in my life doesn't mean other people don't play a role. There's so much more that I will.

00;35;44;18 - 00;36;07;19
Lisa
I will learn from that. Okay, so these are all nuance, but I really want you to consider this, okay? Number 42, that's so important. If you don't have your health, not much matters. So there are a lot of people that say that health is a value of theirs, yet nothing they do reflects the fact that health is a top value.

00;36;07;19 - 00;36;28;16
Lisa
So, you know, there's a saying that if you don't make time for good health, you will make time for illness. And there is no guarantee that all the, the, the time that I pour into my health will mean I stay on this planet for a long time. However, I'm rolling the dice in my favor, rolling the dice in my favor.

00;36;28;19 - 00;36;57;13
Lisa
So yeah, if you don't have your health, it doesn't matter. Like it doesn't matter. The money in the bank. It doesn't matter the business it doesn't like. Nothing is important if you don't have your health. There are people leaving this planet every single day that wish they could have another hour, another day, another 24 hours, another week. So take good care of you, take good care of you, and really, live your life.

00;36;57;15 - 00;37;23;02
Lisa
All right, sir, a lot. Maybe I'll need to stop sooner. Number 43. You don't need to be afraid of your emotions, and you will be able to stop crying. So part of learning emotional fluency is knowing that you don't need to be afraid of them. They're just, they're Guideposts. They are, feedback. They send messages so they're not there to trap you.

00;37;23;02 - 00;37;46;09
Lisa
They're not there to make you feel weak. And when you can really start to understand your emotions and work with them, you'll be in so much more of an empowered place. Okay? As someone who was terrified that if I started crying, I would never stop crying. I still cry, but I always know that this too shall pass so I don't stuff it down anymore.

00;37;46;12 - 00;38;16;26
Lisa
Number 44. This especially is true in healing. This is my experience that things will probably feel worse before they feel better. There's a reason why transformation. And, you know, when things happen in life, it's often referred to as a dark night of the soul. Because for me, it's so empowering. When I learn new things about myself and I learn new stories that have been holding myself back, and then it's also often times really painful or challenging to release them.

00;38;16;26 - 00;38;39;25
Lisa
So it often feels worse before it feels better. It's like a it's like a cold plunge. I don't like those either. Right? When you first get in, it takes your breath away. And then as you start to breathe, your body starts to normalize it and it's okay, but it does feel worse before it feels better. Okay. Number 45 working on yourself is a privilege.

00;38;39;28 - 00;39;01;12
Lisa
It really is. It's a privilege to do this work. It's a privilege that I get to support other people in doing this self-development work and becoming better humans in the world. It's the hardest and the most rewarding work you'll ever do. Truly, the journey to knowing yourself better, to creating a more conscious life for yourself, is the hardest and most rewarding work you'll ever do.

00;39;01;12 - 00;39;24;15
Lisa
And this is why still, such a small percentage of the population actually has the courage, or is even woken up enough to be able to do this work, which I'm reminded of every day. Number 46. This goes back to two things can be true at the same time is black and white. Thinking keeps people trapped. There's always space for both and.

00;39;24;18 - 00;39;47;10
Lisa
And when you can move into that space of well, what if it can be both? What if it's and not but but and you can create a lot of momentum. Number 47 discipline is the highest form of self-love and isn't a punishment. So discipline became a dirty word for me because I used to use discipline as like the stick I would beat myself with.

00;39;47;13 - 00;40;08;29
Lisa
But discipline really is about self-love. It's about parenting myself. It's about saying like, Lisa, go do the thing you said you're committed to doing, not from a place of being mean or punishing, but from a place of I get to do this, and I love myself enough to say, like, I get that you don't feel like it today, but there's nothing wrong like I'm not.

00;40;09;01 - 00;40;33;16
Lisa
Let's use exercise as an example, right? I'm not overly tired at great night's sleep. I'm well fueled, like I just don't feel like it because sometimes I have those tantrums to discipline. Is that ability to parent myself, right? Why do you discipline your kids? It's not because you don't like them. It's because you love them so much. You're willing to do and say the things sometimes that suck as a parent because you know it's going to make them a better human.

00;40;33;18 - 00;40;57;12
Lisa
Number 48 ties back to number 47. Exercise isn't a punishment required to create an outcome. Exercise is a privilege. You have the privilege of moving your body, and your body is meant to be moved. It's not a punishment. And if you could start to look at exercise as a privilege and something you get to do versus something, it's I have to do because I want X, Y, and z on the other side.

00;40;57;14 - 00;41;18;26
Lisa
It changes the game. So really consider looking at your relationship with exercise and movement. Do you see it as a punishment, or do you see it as a privilege and something you get to do? Number 49. This is one of my favorites. The problem you think you have usually isn't the problem at all. And oftentimes we create problems where there are no problems.

00;41;18;26 - 00;41;22;02
Lisa
We'll just add to that.

00;41;22;04 - 00;41;48;20
Lisa
Number 50. Is it a good one? You always have a choice. You might not like it, but you always have a choice. So when people say, I don't have a choice, you do. It's just you don't often want to see the other choices because they are very hard pills to swallow. Like when somebody says, well, you know, I, I don't have a choice around having to go to work.

00;41;48;20 - 00;42;13;11
Lisa
Well you do, you could stay at home and not work and there would be consequences of that choice. But you do have a choice. I watched people all around the world make choices about their bodies over the past couple of years, and there were some massive, consequences of those choices. People lost jobs, people lost family and friends, and they still made the choice because it was what felt aligned to them.

00;42;13;14 - 00;42;36;26
Lisa
So you always have a choice. Always. You just have to look at the consequences and weigh out the consequences of those choice. But don't ever tell yourself you don't have a choice, because that, in fact, is a story. Number 51. Most problems are only problems because you believe that they're a problem. So this goes back to some of the points I've already made.

00;42;36;26 - 00;42;41;12
Lisa
So I'm not even going to expand on it.

00;42;41;14 - 00;43;06;04
Lisa
Number 52. This was a really big one for me. Most people's biggest hurdle is no longer being addicted to and attached to their story of suffering and struggle. So many of us, me included. My identity was wrapped into being a survivor. My identity was wrapped into look at me overcoming all these struggles and hurdles in my life. And I got attached to that.

00;43;06;04 - 00;43;27;03
Lisa
And if you're attached to that, and if you're addicted to live your life being hard, you will live a life that is filled with hard and struggle. So in order to create a thriving, abundant life, you can't do that. If you are attached and addicted to suffering and struggle.

00;43;27;06 - 00;43;46;12
Lisa
Number 53. This is a really important one to see. This is why I can start with 51. Number 53. You can't get life right or wrong. You can just make a decision. And if you don't like the decision you made, then you can make another decision. Very few decisions in life are permanent. Some are.

00;43;46;15 - 00;43;54;22
Lisa
Just be decisive, make a decision. And then if you don't like that decision, make another decision. That's it.

00;43;54;25 - 00;44;25;02
Lisa
Number 54. It's no one's job to make you feel valuable. That's your job. So if you are seeking external validation, waiting for the world to tell you that you are good enough and that you are valuable, you are outsourcing your responsibilities. And that is a big shift to make. It doesn't mean that you, you know, can't appreciate, you know, people's feedback or, you know, their high fives or adoration, but it's not their responsibility to make you feel good.

00;44;25;02 - 00;44;44;29
Lisa
And many of us live our lives waiting for other people to tell us that we're good enough and that we're valuable. Instead of looking within and asking yourself what is causing you to not feel valuable or worthy in the first place? That was a big lesson for me. Number 55. How you think and feel about yourself matters more than anything else.

00;44;45;02 - 00;44;48;07
Lisa
Hard. Stop.

00;44;48;10 - 00;45;09;18
Lisa
I'll just read that once. Number 56. This is so important, especially for anybody who is externally referenced. So going back to if you're the type of person that is looking for other other people to tell you you're valuable or make you feel valuable, no one knows the best path for you. And I know a lot of people out there think that they actually do know the best path for other people.

00;45;09;20 - 00;45;32;08
Lisa
Many coaches believe that they know what's best for their clients. But the truth is, I don't know what's best for my clients. I help guide them into finding out what is best for them based on their internal knowing. No one, no coach, no mentor, no therapist, no parent. Nobody knows what the best path is for you. That is for you to determine.

00;45;32;08 - 00;45;51;16
Lisa
So you can take in the information. You can distill the data, but at the end of the day, only you can decide what is best for you. Number 57. This one was a hard learned lesson for me a couple of years ago.

00;45;51;18 - 00;46;01;23
Lisa
And for many of us, freedom is an inside job and cannot be dependent on your circumstances. So I'll just leave that one.

00;46;01;26 - 00;46;10;22
Lisa
Number 58. Things in life will hurt you. Keep your heart open anyways.

00;46;10;24 - 00;46;32;20
Lisa
As I said, life is both beautiful and painful, and when things happen in our life that hurt us, we have an opportunity to open or close. And so many of us choose to close out of fear of being hurt again. And my experience is that if you are willing to keep your heart open, so much goodness will flow to you.

00;46;32;24 - 00;47;03;27
Lisa
And it takes a tremendous amount of courage. But if you close your heart, you're only hurting yourself, right? It's like drinking the poison and hoping somebody else will die. You close your heart. You're only hurting you. Number 59. You can be kind and compassionate and loving and have strong AF boundaries in your life. Number 60 love does not conquer all.

00;47;04;00 - 00;47;31;24
Lisa
Coaching and therapy is the gateway to fulfillment, in my personal opinion. I have gotten so much in my life from my therapists and my coaches. They truly transformed who I'm being. And it it was about me learning how to really deeply love myself. And that is still an ongoing journey because, you know, if you think you love yourself, I guarantee you there's spaces where you can love yourself more because you're still caught in stories.

00;47;31;24 - 00;47;43;23
Lisa
So coaching and therapy truly is the gateway to to living a more fulfilling ease, joy filled life.

00;47;43;25 - 00;48;08;20
Lisa
Number 61 piece is yours to create. So just like freedom is an inside job, so is peace. It's not out there. Can't wait for the world to change before we get to feel at peace. It truly is yours to create. And you can create peace in any moment of any day. And if you never feel peace in your life, that is an indication that there is something out of alignment.

00;48;08;20 - 00;48;28;08
Lisa
Because we didn't come to this planet to live in chaos. And the more each of us can find peace within ourselves, the more we are going to kind of radiate peace out into the world. But if we are all living in this place of fear and anxiety all the time, that is the energy that we're giving off. And again, it's quantum physics, right?

00;48;28;08 - 00;49;05;23
Lisa
Like we are all vibrating beings and we all are interacting with each other on an energetic level all the time. So peace is yours to create. And last but not least, and I probably could go on, but I made myself stop number 62. No one can do the work for you. And often your question if you're going in the right direction, if you're getting it right, if anything is changing, you'll doubt yourself.

00;49;05;25 - 00;49;30;04
Lisa
And all I can say is, if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and showing up committed and being responsible for yourself, things will change. But as I said, you know, it's probably going to feel worse before it feels better and you are going to question and doubt. I have many a time, especially when I find something new and I'm like, wow, like, how did I not see this?

00;49;30;04 - 00;49;51;06
Lisa
There have been so many times when I'm like, wow, how did I not see this? It is, it creates a lot of dissonance when you discover things about yourself that were like seemingly right under your nose, but you couldn't see it. So stay committed to the work and your life. Your life will change, but nobody can do it for you.

00;49;51;08 - 00;50;16;25
Lisa
So if you are one of those people who are really in that state of learned helplessness, it's about making the decision to show up for yourself and allowing it to be uncomfortable. If you are one of these people that are super self-sufficient and you think you've got it all figured out and you know you don't need to do this work, it's okay for you to ask for help and allow somebody to see into your corners that maybe you don't want to see into.

00;50;16;28 - 00;50;45;26
Lisa
Every single person has their own journey. And again, no one knows the best path for you. But deep vows and love and admiration for those of you who are walking this path that is both, you know, physical, emotional, spiritual, it it really is about your whole life. So, you know, this is my 51st year. Got some big changes on the horizon.

00;50;45;29 - 00;51;09;06
Lisa
I'm ready to step into new and exciting things. I'm going to continue to show up here and share my lessons. Welcome those of you who are ready to work with me into my world. So I hope you enjoyed these 62 life lessons that I documented for you as I enter into my 51st year on this planet. Don't take a day for granted.

00;51;09;09 - 00;51;36;14
Lisa
Truly, you know, because you will reach that time where the days in front of you are shorter than the days that are behind you and, you know, take good care of you so that you can ensure that you have more days, even though there's less days in front of you. You'll have more days. Right? That's my goal, is to be on this planet for as long as I can, so I can experience my grandchildren and my grandchildren's children.

00;51;36;17 - 00;51;44;22
Lisa
How awesome would that be? So, so much love for you. Thank you for tuning in to another episode and I will catch you all next week.