EPISODE 281: Is Your Definition Of Success Holding You Back From Success?

Lisa [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the full frontal Living podcast. I'm Lisa Carpenter, master Life coach to driven, ambitious humans who want more out of life without having to sacrifice themselves to achieve it. I'll share how it's possible to slow down, take better care of yourself, find more peace and ease, create sustainable energy, stop procrastination and overwhelm and fall in love with your life, your business and your body. This podcast is for you. If you're ready to learn what it takes to thrive as a high performer, do less but achieve more, make you and your well being a top priority and create your extraordinary life. I'm so glad you're here.

Lisa [00:00:45]:
Well, hey, hey. And thank you for joining me for another episode of the full Frontal Living podcast. Do you hear that sound? I am currently sitting on a beach in beautiful Queensland, Australia. I'm actually up in Noosa for a few days, enjoying the company of some amazing friends and colleagues. Coaches and I came down to the beach to record this special intro for the episode that we are rereleasing that.

Lisa [00:01:16]:
You'Re going to hear below.

Lisa [00:01:18]:
Now, when my team sends me episodes.

Lisa [00:01:21]:
That they want to re release, they.

Lisa [00:01:24]:
Always ask me to listen to them in case I want to add something to the episode. So this morning over breakfast at the beach, I sat and listened to this episode. And.

Lisa [00:01:36]:
Honestly, I feel a little silly.

Lisa [00:01:39]:
Sharing this with you. But I was moved to tears and I'm still emotional about it because I'm talking about how we need to redefine success and why your definition of success may be wrong and why. And it was so powerful to hear my own voice sharing this story about what I went through to redefine my own success and specifically in some regards around my relationship with money and how I came to look at success in a very, very different way and to now be sitting here on the opposite side of the world from where I live, having, you know, in the middle of a spectacular year of travel, of dreams come true, on the heels of an incredibly hard year where I really took a massive hit in my personal life and also in my business. You know, if you're going to be in business, if you expect revenue to always be on the rise, you are kidding yourself. Revenue in business is always going to go up and down. And last year I was focused on my personal life and less on my business and I did see a shift in my revenue. But because my identity and my success isn't tied up in my bank account, it really didn't matter. And as I continue to experience my dreams come true, oh, there's the wind picking up.

Lisa [00:03:08]:
It's just really, it was very, very powerful for me to listen to this episode and just really reflect on what a powerful moment for me it was when I began to make these shifts in my life. So I hope that this episode impacts you as deeply as it did me. I think it's. It's funny to say, like, wow, I listened to my own podcast today and it really like hit home. But I truly hope that it hits home for you. And if you are somebody out there who is struggling with, you know, you know, you're a successful person because I work with highly successful person, but you know, you're a successful person. But it doesn't feel like the inside is matching the outside or you're still getting into judgment of yourself or measuring your success or not allowing yourself to even have the success you want because of these terms and conditions and expectations you've put on yourself. Please make sure you send me a dm reach out.

Lisa [00:04:06]:
I am booking clients into September of 2024. I've got space for three new one to one clients and we can definitely have a discussion about that. Or even if you just want to hop on a single coaching call, you can find those on my website, lisacarpenter Caddy forward slash WWM and you can book a single individual 60 minutes coaching session and we can dive deep into this. I'd be more than happy to support you because I am here for those of us who are ready to step into our leadership, meaning that we're redefining leadership not as an outward facing thing that we do, but turning leadership inside so that we can really feel as powerful as a leader to ourselves as we are in our outside job, the thing that we do in life. So make sure you reach out. Enjoy this episode. It really is a powerful one. I'm really feeling proud of myself for having recorded it.

Lisa [00:05:11]:
And it just makes me realize that there's so much more growth here for me. There's always growth available. But for now, I'm going to just soak in this dream come true, enjoy my day. And I'm just so grateful. I'm grateful for you for listening. I'm grateful to the men and women who have put their trust in me to support them on their own personal journey. And, you know, here's to you also finding your way to your extraordinary life, whatever that may look like for you. So enjoy the episode and I will catch you next week.

Lisa [00:05:54]:
Hey, hey. And thank you for tuning in to another episode of the full frontal living podcast. My name is Lisa Carpenter, and I am your host. And today we are going to talk a little bit about success. Success is a really interesting word, and as I've been sorting through all of the market research surveys that I asked my listeners in my community to fill out, I've really come to notice a huge pattern. And I wanted to share a bit of a story with you because so many of you don't actually acknowledge your success. Why? Because, interestingly enough, so many of us believe that success equals money in the bank, and then we discount every other thing we've done in our life. So many of you never stop and pause to look at all the things you've accomplished in your life because you're not where you want to be yet, so you don't feel like you've achieved anything.

Lisa [00:07:03]:
And this is very similar. It's the same type of idea, like, what needs to happen for you to realize how successful you are. So how I define success today is really radically different than how I defined it a few short years ago. For me as well, success used to be all about money. It was about how much I had and at the time, how little I had and everything that I hadn't yet accomplished. Success was something kind of out there at arm's length, and it felt out of reach. And it was the wanting of that success that made. Made me get out of bed every morning hungry to make things happen.

Lisa [00:07:49]:
And the truth is, I was looking at success based on measuring against what other people were doing out in the world. And I still remember it was during a coaching call with one of my groups. This was way back when I was teaching my nutrition program. And something just flipped in me, and I realized that success was never, ever going to be mine because I was never going to allow myself to achieve it. It didn't matter what I had already accomplished. It didn't matter how many clients I had already impacted. It didn't matter how much money I was making or what dreams I had for the future. Success was never going to show up, and it wasn't coming, because success actually isn't a thing.

Lisa [00:08:39]:
Success is a feeling that comes from inside you. And I was choosing to not feel successful. And I want to ask you how this might apply in your own life, because in that moment, I made a decision that I needed to allow myself to feel successful. Not when the money showed up or when I signed the next client, or when I built the next course, but how could I feel successful right then and there, and every single moment of every single day moving forward? I allowed myself to see myself through the lens of others, because for years, people had been believing that I was super successful, and they were correct. I mean, I'd written a book. I'd created programs. I had a fitness studio, a bricks and mortar studio. I'd had, you know, I'd worked with hundreds of clients.

Lisa [00:09:38]:
I had done so many things in my life, and I was successful, but I couldn't see it. So I stepped back and I took inventory of what I had already accomplished and celebrated this. And I talked about this a few weeks ago. I stopped looking at my bank account balance to be the holy grail of success. And maybe you're doing this as well. And let me tell you, if you are operating a business, profitability does matter, but it can't be the only thing that you use to measure your success. I looked at the relationships I'd built, the men and women I had impacted, the decisions that I had made, and some of them were really hard decisions. I looked at my face down and my tantrum moments that I had risen up from, because I, you know, I can tell you, if you've ever grown a business or if you're growing a business, there are lots of highs and lows.

Lisa [00:10:35]:
It's like being on a roller coaster. There's nothing quite like the personal development that you get from building your own business. So, you know, just the fact that I kept getting up when I felt so defeated and that I kept showing up for myself, I celebrated the emotional transformation that I had also endured and how everything, everything I needed always showed up in perfect timing. You know, I have successfully navigated entrepreneurship now for more than 20 years, and for about 14, maybe even more, I really never felt successful. So think about that two decades over two decades of being an entrepreneur, and more than half of that, right, three quarters of that, I would say I didn't have feel successful. So I can honestly say today I feel more successful than I've ever felt in my life. And, yes, there's more money in the bank, but I don't feel that way because of the money in the bank. In fact, money isn't how I measure my success anymore.

Lisa [00:11:58]:
Money is simply a byproduct of success. So it's not the end all and be all or the one defining thing about success for me anymore. Success is now looking around at all the phenomenal people who love me and continue to support my vision. It's the men and women in my community who I have the utmost pleasure and honor of supporting day in and day out, whether it's in my community or in the communities of other leaders that I support. It's my friends and family that believe in me and lift me up on the shitty days and remind me of what's possible. It's sitting down with other people and being able to share my journey and allowing other people to see what's possible for them. Success is all about possibility and the life that I continue to build that knows no limits. That's success, right? That I get to get out of bed every single day and choose how I want to live my life.

Lisa [00:13:13]:
It's, you know, this. This event that I was at a couple weekend weekends ago, you know, it's being able to walk into that event and being proud of every step I've taken, the values that guide my journey. And it's celebrating who I've become and who I continue to grow into every day. It's success is about knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm supported in every way possible and that the right teachers, mentors and friends, opportunities and possibilities will show up exactly at the right time. Success is about continuing to make the journey the destination and having trust and faith in the lessons that I get to learn along the way. It's the people in my life and it's my business that make me feel rich beyond measure. It's the mentors, colleagues, collaborators, friends, family, all of these people who are woven into and have created the fabric of my success. And all of them for helping me realize that that's really what it's all about.

Lisa [00:14:36]:
So, as you listen to me speak, I want you to really consider how you're defining success. Because if you only get to feel successful, if your bank account tells you you get to be successful, you are missing out on all the things that I just talked about that truly create success in one's life. You know, look at your children, look at your family, look at your friends, look at the things that you've done, look at who you're being and how you're showing up in the world. Because I truly believe that defining success only by the amount of money in your bank account, you're short changing yourself. And when you do that, you limit yourself from going after other opportunities. Because I see this time and time again, if we don't feel successful, then we don't feel worthy and deserving of going after that opportunity or raising our hand courageously, or saying, you know what? I'm going to invest in that person or that coach or that program. Because I know that that is my next step, if you already felt successful, how would you make decisions differently? Because somebody who feels successful, right, who knows they're already successful and that more is available to them, they're going to make very different decisions from somebody who doesn't feel successful. And at the root of it, you know, what is that story about not, what does that story about not feeling successful or being successful? What does that allow you to keep doing? And I think that that is the most important thing.

Lisa [00:16:17]:
Because in my life, that story of not being successful, I'm not successful yet allowed me to continue to be in my I'm not good enough story. And that's not possible for me. That's only for them. So it allowed me to stay in my insecurities. It allowed me to play small. Because if you're going to own that I am successful, I am successful. That changes you. Say that over and over to yourself, I am successful.

Lisa [00:16:54]:
Feel how that feels in your body because that changes you. So how did I start doing this? Well, one, I had to realize that I no longer had to attach my success to my bank account. One, had nothing to do with the other. Two, I had to make a commitment to embracing that I was successful, right? Because the success fairy is not going to show up at your doorstep and say, today you get to be successful. That's not how it works. You have to decide. You want to claim that identity of being somebody successful. So I wrote on my bathroom mirror, I am successful.

Lisa [00:17:34]:
And every day, right, because twice a day I'm in there brushing my teeth, minimum, I would read that and I would allow it to sink in, because the stories we tell ourselves create our reality. And I was determined that even though at the time it didn't feel true, I was determined I was going to make it true, right? I looked for the evidence, all the things that I just talked about that actually showed me that I was successful and that I was doing myself a disservice by not honoring all those other things, right? By just making the money the trump card of success. So I made the decision that I was going to embody that way of being no if, ands or buts. And I would say it over and over and over to myself until it became true. Right? When people gave me a compliment or gave me feedback, I would receive that and say, yes, okay, I am going to receive that. That is right. I am successful. I allowed people to appreciate what I was doing.

Lisa [00:18:37]:
I looked for that evidence every single day of my success. And you know what? It wasn't long after that, that the money that I also wanted in my business started coming in. So that's another podcast for another day, because truly, where you hold your attention is what creates your reality. So if you're holding your attention on not having enough money, not being successful, not there yet, that's going to be your world. But if you focus on being successful, making decisions from being successful, not worrying about the money, the money will follow. The money will follow. If you're showing up and you're being of service and you are really working on who you are at a core identity level that will take care of itself. But when we are constantly in this place of wanting something that we don't have, we're repelling it.

Lisa [00:19:33]:
It took me a long time to get that because I felt irresponsible or that I was lying to myself if I wasn't focused on the problem. But as you've heard me say over and over and over again, the problem that you think you have is often not the problem that you have. And this is why coaching is so incredibly powerful. Because when I'm working with my clients, I see right past their bullshit. I see right past the stories that they're trying to tell me. I see right past the things that they are telling themselves about themselves. And I support them in seeing themselves as they actually are. And when you can begin to see yourself through the lens of somebody else and start to acknowledge, like, oh, my goodness, what if that's true? And you can move into a place of accepting, oh, my gosh, that is true about me.

Lisa [00:20:32]:
That is true. Why couldn't I have seen that before? Right? We go from that awareness to acceptance. Then you can go into practicing day in and day out how you embody that new perspective about yourself. And sometimes that can happen super quickly. That's the power of what is available to you when you shift a little perspective, like, I'm not successful into I am successful. Wait a minute. Look at all the evidence that I have that that is true for me. So, just a short, sweet episode this week.

Lisa [00:21:07]:
Again. You know, I'm really. I'm so grateful for all of you who submitted those market research surveys. They've been really, really powerful in helping me understand some of the stories that you're sitting with. And, you know, I'm not here to allow you to sit in your bullshit stories. That's not what I do because that doesn't serve you. And I'm willing to say the things that so many coaches aren't willing to say because I'm not here to be your best friend. I'm here to be your catalyst for transformation.

Lisa [00:21:41]:
I'm here because I want you to have the life that you want to have. I want you to have more peace. I want you to have more ease. I want you to love and care for yourself more. I want you to be a priority in your life. But that can't happen if you are so attached to your itty bitty shitty committee stories that you're telling yourself day in and day out. Out. You are your anchor and me and this podcast is here to free you from the anchors that are holding you back from having the life, the relationships, the business that you want to have.

Lisa [00:22:19]:
I want you to understand what it means to trust yourself. I want you to understand how much can change for you when you allow yourself to feel proud of who you are. I want you to understand that you can do so much less in your life and accomplish so much more while having more fun, more energy, and being more present with your family, with your work, with yourself, not to mention confidence. Right. How much more confident do you think you would feel if you were telling yourself the story that you are successful? If you allowed yourself to feel successful? How much more grateful would you be for all the things in your life if you weren't so busy looking at all the things that you believe you haven't accomplished, right? That was a big shift for me, too, when I was able to look around at my life and recognize, like, gosh, even with no money in the bank, look at how abundant my life is. This work truly is about taking the focus off of the things outside of you, right? Again. The problems you think you have and pointing the finger at yourself and saying, wait a minute, if I'm creating my life, what is it within me that is preventing me from having the things I want? Because when that shifts, you get to live your best life possible and continue to expand from there. So there's my little rant on success for this week.

Lisa [00:24:04]:
It's something I'm really passionate about because I, again, I see so many women and men holding themselves back from being able to feel this way. And it's a powerful way. When you feel successful, that is powerful. People are drawn to that energy. People are drawn to that. It's such a beautiful place to work in. There's so much personal power in feeling your own success and being proud of yourself. And that's what I'm here for.

Lisa [00:24:31]:
All right. Have a beautiful, beautiful week ahead. I'm sending you so much love. And remember that it is your responsibility to prioritize yourself. Prioritize your own joy. Prioritize your own care. Make sure that you are looking at what you want and what you need in your life and then, and taking responsibility for that. Right? Nobody's coming to save you.

Lisa [00:24:55]:
Nobody is coming to save you, my friend. That is your responsibility. I'm here to help. But you have to raise your hand and say, I need support with that. And that really, that support is what changed my life. So until next week, have a beautiful week ahead, and I will see you on our next episode.