EPISODE 268: How to Powerfully Shift Old Negative Thought Patterns if They Resurface

00;00;01;22 - 00;00;27;13
Lisa
Welcome to the Full Frontal Living podcast. I'm Lisa Carpenter, master life coach to driven, ambitious humans who want more out of life without having to sacrifice themselves to achieve it. I'll share how it's possible to slow down. Take better care of yourself. Find more peace and ease. Create sustainable energy. Stop procrastination and overwhelm and fall in love with your life, your business and your body.

00;00;27;16 - 00;00;45;21
Lisa
This podcast is for you if you're ready to learn what it takes to thrive as a high performer, do less, but achieve more. Make you and your well-being a top priority, and create your extraordinary life. I'm so glad you're here.

00;00;45;23 - 00;01;10;16
Lisa
Welcome to another episode of the Full Frontal Living podcast, and I am still enjoying Beautiful Bali, one of the most beautiful places I've ever been to in the world. Today is actually my last full day, and then I will be hopping on a flight tomorrow for the. I think it's 23 or 24 hour trip home, which is pretty wild.

00;01;10;18 - 00;01;34;19
Lisa
It's really given me pause and made me realize how, you know, time is such a made up thing, how it's a different day here than it is at home. And, you know, the world is a very, very small place. So this has been such a, blessing for me to finally give myself permission to travel in the way that I've wanted to travel.

00;01;34;22 - 00;01;42;11
Lisa
And I've been reflecting a lot on a lot of different things as I've been here. And.

00;01;42;14 - 00;02;21;03
Lisa
I wanted to do this episode today because I want to share with you what's been going on for me beyond the highlight reel that you might be watching in my Instagram stories, and it is a reminder that, you know, when we're watching other people's lives, they really are sharing the best of the best. And even though I am trying to to share other aspects of it, I really find that coming into the podcast is where I open up a lot more, because I'm not contained in, like one minute, intervals.

00;02;21;06 - 00;03;04;28
Lisa
So that's what I thought I would come on today and do. And, you know, as I've said in other episodes, this, this travel, this adventure year that I am embarking on where I will hit every continent in the world except Africa is on the heels of, you know, a really, really devastating year in, in 2023. It was a year that shook so many of my foundations, had me questioning who I was, what I believed had me questioning this self-development work.

00;03;05;00 - 00;03;07;23
Lisa

00;03;07;26 - 00;03;43;16
Lisa
Had me questioning basically everything. Right? The the entire foundation of my life has been rocked. And if you're listening to this, I don't know if you've had that experience. I think we all have it at some point in time, whether it's, you know, the the death of someone unexpected, you know, a life altering event, like a catastrophe, like, you know, an earthquake or there's a million different things that can that can happen, that can shake up our lives and that call us forward into looking at what else is here for us.

00;03;43;18 - 00;04;16;09
Lisa
And, you know that that was my year. And there were days where it was all I could do to get myself out of bed. It was all I could do to show up and work with my clients. My team basically ran my business. I had to take. I didn't have to, but I chose to take my hands off the wheel of most things, in my life because I needed to focus on my own healing and my own care and what my nervous system needed to come back into regulation.

00;04;16;11 - 00;04;39;14
Lisa
Because we can't just stop our lives when when shit goes down, we still have to be willing to show up for ourselves. And I would have been completely out of integrity with the work that I do if I had just put my head down, pushed down my feelings, numb myself out, and just powered through, that's that's not being resilient.

00;04;39;16 - 00;05;04;03
Lisa
That is just an avoidance tactic. And so many of the women who come to work with me, that's how they've been living their lives. They've just been pushing through and not wanting to be with the stuff that has really devastated them in their lives. And for some of us, listen, becoming a parent is completely life altering and shifts our identity.

00;05;04;05 - 00;05;23;21
Lisa
Yeah, like parenting kids, it is no joke. It brings everything to the surface. So, you know, 2023 was really a year for me to go deeper into a lot of the work that I thought I'd already done. And man, if I had a nickel for every time I had a client say to me, I've already done this work, I process this.

00;05;23;21 - 00;05;45;16
Lisa
I don't need to talk about this anymore. Not even realizing that there's more layers to it. So I don't want to make it sound like we're a never ending project because you're not. None of us are a project. We have the opportunity to be in relationship with ourselves, and this work is really about deepening that relationship with ourselves.

00;05;45;18 - 00;06;15;25
Lisa
It's not about a problem that needs to be fixed. And that's, you know, that's how I really approach this. So if you've been a listener to the podcast for a while, or if you follow me on social media, you know, I've had a very turbulent history with my money. Although I don't talk a lot about money, maybe I'll start to in the future because it's our relationship with money is super, super important, and most of us don't even recognize we have a relationship with money.

00;06;15;25 - 00;06;39;07
Lisa
Money is kind of like we're in a very most of us are in a very codependent relationship with with money. I'll just leave that there for right now. So I've had to do a lot of work around cleaning out my money, clearing my debt, and growing my business. And to this day, you know, I wish I could say, oh, growing my business feels so light and easy.

00;06;39;09 - 00;07;02;26
Lisa
It still doesn't. So let me tell you kind of some of the stuff that's been going on behind the scenes for me. So here I am on this dream trip that I've been wanting to do forever, and I must have spent, I don't know how many days at the beginning of this trip, witnessing myself, wanting to deny myself the experience I was having.

00;07;02;28 - 00;07;23;02
Lisa
So what do I mean by that? I was getting into lack and scarcity. I was worrying about money. I was like, because we didn't have everything booked. We wanted to kind of, you know, find our way around Bali, but really feeling like this, like, oh my God, like, can I afford this? Can I afford to do this? What if my business isn't going to be okay?

00;07;23;02 - 00;07;43;26
Lisa
What if I'm not going to be okay? Who am I to think that I can travel the world and still run a business? What if I take my business? What if nobody wants to work with me? Can I juggle everything? You name it. If there was garbage to come up, the garbage came up. And, it's really hard.

00;07;43;26 - 00;08;03;22
Lisa
And I felt really shameful about it because, like most of my clients, the dreaded should showed up. Lisa, you should have mastered this by now. Lisa, you should be over this. Lisa, you should have your shit together.

00;08;03;24 - 00;08;30;27
Lisa
Sometimes, like many of you, I put a lot of pressure on myself because this is the work that I do and I am leading other people. And if you are a leader in your own life or in your business, you'll understand that leadership comes with a lot of responsibilities, and it can often feel really lonely, because you might also be thinking like you always have to look like you got your shit together.

00;08;30;29 - 00;08;53;10
Lisa
And I'm doing this podcast episode not really, because I want to, because it feels really vulnerable to to share with people that, you know, things have been really kind of messy behind the scenes, but how can I effectively lead my leaders who are stuck in this garbage if I'm not willing to show up and share that it's actually normal?

00;08;53;12 - 00;09;21;28
Lisa
It's normal for us to go back into old stories, because again, it's this opportunity for you to look at, okay, well, what residual emotions are still living in my body? Where is my body? Not feeling safe. And for me, I had to really look at what what is the benefit of me doing this to myself. And it became so clear.

00;09;22;00 - 00;09;28;28
Lisa
It became so clear to me that there's still a part.

00;09;29;01 - 00;10;05;09
Lisa
That doesn't truly believe that I get to have my dreams, that I get to be happy, that I get to have everything I want. Because one of the stories that I have been packing, unpacking over the past year and a bit now has been that everything gets taken away from me. So that's been a doozy. That's been a doozy of a, of a belief to let go of because, you know, whatever beliefs you hold, they will manifest in reality.

00;10;05;09 - 00;10;39;03
Lisa
So it's like I withhold things from myself, because if I withhold things from myself, then they can't be taken from me, right? Like I take things for myself before anybody else can take them from me. So, you know, I had to walk myself through the same process that I walk my clients through and had to really get quiet first of all, and acknowledge what I was feeling, acknowledge these parts of me that wanted to have a voice, you know, that were coming from fear, trying to protect me, right?

00;10;39;03 - 00;10;58;10
Lisa
Like after working so hard to get myself out of debt, I don't ever want to go back to debt again. However, I'm not the person that I used to be. I'm not the woman that made the choices that, you know, put me in that financial position. I've done so much work on myself, I can't go back to that.

00;10;58;13 - 00;11;23;24
Lisa
But that also requires that I trust the new version of me, that I trust that I know exactly what I need to do to move myself forward. But that doesn't mean that part of me, that voice that is like, wait a minute, like I need to protect you from ever going back there. So I'm sharing this with you because I want you to know you can't go back.

00;11;23;26 - 00;11;46;12
Lisa
So the power of this work is as you truly shift shift beliefs and behaviors and habits, right. So I have very different habits and beliefs and behaviors around money. I can't actually go back to that unconscious version of me that was chasing happiness, but just thought if I threw money at stuff that that would fix the problem and go back to her, I know too much now I'm a different person.

00;11;46;12 - 00;12;17;05
Lisa
It would be like me no longer exercising anymore. Like it's just not going to happen. It's part of my identity now. So I had to. I don't have to do anything and neither do you. But I allowed myself to feel the emotions that were coming up for me around this lack and scarcity around this part of me that wanted to keep me safe around this part of me that is afraid that things are going to get taken away from me, that I'm going to go back there and.

00;12;17;08 - 00;12;37;19
Lisa
Just allowed it to be there because we can't, you know, the mistake that people make is trying to avoid what they're feeling and just pushing forward. And again, that doesn't actually push you forward because suppressed emotions don't go away. They're like, you know, screaming toddler wrapped around your legs like they will be heard. They want to be heard.

00;12;37;21 - 00;12;58;01
Lisa
So after I just kind of acknowledge this was here, then I went to the data. And this is why we have to look at facts and not feelings. So feelings are not facts. So are they relevant? Are they important? Are they trying to tell us something 100%. Do we need to acknowledge them? Yes we do. And we also have to come back to the facts.

00;12;58;01 - 00;13;19;06
Lisa
And the facts are that I don't have any financial worry, I don't. So are there things that I need to be responsible for? Yes, 100%. Do I need to make sure that I continue to show up in my business, that I put offers out there for people to work with me 100%? Do I need to be mindful of my cash flow?

00;13;19;06 - 00;13;47;21
Lisa
Yes. And I have all these things in place so I know how to make wise decisions, and I can trust myself with my money. And I've also made the decision that this travel is happening this year. And if I need to borrow money, that's okay too, because the part of me that now believes that debt is bad, I've had to kind of navigate with her because not all debt is bad debt.

00;13;47;23 - 00;14;17;01
Lisa
We can use money in a variety of ways. And, so just what this trip has allowed me to do is look at some of this stuff for me that's coming up and finesse it and see where there's still an opportunity for me to learn and grow. So that's the first thing. And then, you know, just in regards to my business, I think many of you think that, you know, this might be easy for me.

00;14;17;04 - 00;14;49;06
Lisa
And I have been an entrepreneur now for well over two decades. It is never felt easy. So what feels easy for me? What comes natural to me is is my coaching. I don't doubt my ability as a as a coach or I don't, and I don't doubt my ability to get my clients phenomenal results. I don't doubt my ability to hold people who are hold space for people who are way more successful than I am on many levels.

00;14;49;06 - 00;15;13;22
Lisa
And I'm not saying that to put myself down, but I'm a man. I work with some women that are like in unbelievable positions in this world doing crazy things, and I'm like, I get to be like backstage with them. It's just so amazing. I love working with people that are doing amazing things because I know I bring so much value to their to their lives.

00;15;13;24 - 00;15;35;03
Lisa
But I often have insecurities come up around my messaging, because there is such a variety of things that I coach on. But in order to grow my reach and to grow my impact, I have to be clear on what it is I help people with and how I can help them. And this is something I've really, wrestled with.

00;15;35;03 - 00;15;55;24
Lisa
So what happens is I go back into this, like really old story of, I don't know what I'm talking about. So, you know, if you've been listening to the podcast for a while, you know, I have lots of things that I talk about, and of course, I know what I'm talking about, but, you know, what is that? What is that one specific thing?

00;15;55;26 - 00;16;19;12
Lisa
So, you know, working on the business side of business, the marketing, the messaging, all of those pieces have has always felt so much harder and heavier. You know, I just want to come on and talk about what I want to talk about it in the way I want to talk about it. And that's not always an effective way to grow business.

00;16;19;12 - 00;16;35;20
Lisa
So, you know, this year is really stretching me and my team to get super clear on who we're here to serve, how we're here to serve them, and produce content that is really going to be impactful.

00;16;35;22 - 00;16;52;26
Lisa
So yeah, these these stories of, you know, my business isn't going to be successful if I'm traveling, how am I going to get done everything that I need to get done, you know, are people going to take me seriously?

00;16;52;29 - 00;17;15;06
Lisa
I mean, I can't even begin to tell you guys how much head trash has been floating around, and all of it comes back to the same thing that I was talking about a few minutes earlier, which is this part of me that just wants to rob me of actually enjoying my experience, being present, and allowing myself to have what I've always wanted.

00;17;15;09 - 00;17;27;13
Lisa
So I want you to look at areas in your own life where you find yourself doing the thing you want to do, or having the thing you wanted to have.

00;17;27;15 - 00;17;50;08
Lisa
And then where you find yourself stuck back into this place of like not allowing yourself to enjoy it, because that's really what's been coming up for me. It's like all these stories are just distractions that my ego is playing to pull me out of the present moment and to.

00;17;50;11 - 00;18;16;10
Lisa
Yeah, to to pull me out of the present moment and to keep me from really enjoying what I'm enjoying. Because, you know what? If it gets taken away from me, but my memories, my experiences can never get taken away from me. And the things that are meant for you will not miss you. And it's just so important that you pay attention to the stories you're telling yourself, the things that are coming up for you.

00;18;16;10 - 00;18;38;16
Lisa
Just acknowledge them, allow yourself to feel what's there, and then start to look at the facts. Start to look at the facts and see where you are sabotaging your own happiness, your own success. Yeah, that's definitely been a theme my entire life. It's like I say, I want these things, and then I give myself the things, and then I realize I would have never given myself the things.

00;18;38;16 - 00;19;12;23
Lisa
And then, even when I do give myself the things, there's still a part of me that's trying to deny myself from just enjoying them and being happy and being content. So lots of stuff in this episode. I hope that there is a message in here for you. I hope that you gain some clarity in your own life. I feel like this is a really kind of, muffled episode, but, you know, if I get caught in perfectionism and trying to have this, like, perfect way of saying things, then I do you a disservice and I do me a disservice.

00;19;12;23 - 00;19;45;26
Lisa
And we're on this journey of reclamation together where it's about shedding these parts, these stories that don't serve us so that we can enjoy our lives so that we can be less critical of ourselves. And, you know, that is such a large part of the work that I do with with women, as I've been thinking about my messaging, is so many of the women that come to work with me have just noticed that, like, it doesn't matter which way they turn, they are always critical and that is costing them so, so much.

00;19;45;29 - 00;20;23;02
Lisa
And I can tell you that, you know, for the first more than a few days here, those critical voices really took me out of the full enjoyment and the full experience. So I will end on that note. Hopefully I will have the courage to actually share this episode. Feels a little bit, vulnerable. But, you know, my my intention for this year as I travel is to really let you in behind the scenes and share the ups, the downs, the good, the bad.

00;20;23;05 - 00;20;48;13
Lisa
And, you know, that's either going to draw you in or it's going to push you away. But I don't want to be to pretend to be something that I'm not in an effort to have the right message, because the, the women and men who are meant to work with me, they're coming to work with me because they just want a truthful, they want a truthful life.

00;20;48;13 - 00;21;10;03
Lisa
They want to take off all the masks. They want to stop having to feel like they have to be a certain way, or look a certain way, or perform a certain way. Yeah. So anyways, if you are interested in learning more about working with me, I will drop the link in the show notes Lisa Carpenter, aka forward slash.

00;21;10;05 - 00;21;35;25
Lisa
There's an application you'll need to fill out. We'll hop on a 30 minute call and talk about whether or not you are a good fit. There's a few options that I have, right now in terms of coaching. So, you know, I think that the, the thing that I want to leave you with and the thing that I appreciate most about myself and my clients is.

00;21;35;28 - 00;22;08;23
Lisa
We don't allow ourselves to stay in self-pity. There's nothing wrong with having those moments, but it's those of us who choose to confront the parts of us that we know aren't serving us, that will step forward into this work and make change, and your life will change. You know, take it for me. Like, don't waste time. Don't waste any more time sitting in a life that doesn't serve you where you're not feeling you're happiest.

00;22;08;23 - 00;22;32;23
Lisa
Like a happy ish life is is not rewarding and fulfilling. And there's just, you know, there's so much more for you. There's so much more for me. There's so much more for all of us. But we have to claim it. And in order to claim it, there is some deep work that needs to be done on the parts of us that are working really, really hard.

00;22;32;25 - 00;23;02;06
Lisa
To protect us. Right? Like, remember, it's it's it's not that these parts of us want to be cruel. They're, they're actually doing the job that they think they need to do to protect us and to keep us safe and to keep us feeling like we're loved and we belong. But they're outdated. It's an outdated operating system. And, you know, unless you deep dive into this work, you'll constantly find yourself in a world of self-pity and stuck.

00;23;02;08 - 00;23;20;18
Lisa
So anyways, take action. Go fill out the form. Lisa Carpenter. Okay, let's have a conversation. And, you can start transforming your life, your circumstances, your reality, so you can have more of what you want and less of what you don't. I will catch you guys on the next episode.