Episode 205: Does Lisa Intimidate You?

Hey, do I intimidate you? Things are about to get spicy on the Full Frontal Living podcast. So pop your earbuds in, lace up your shoes, grab your water. And let’s get started.

Welcome to the Full Frontal Living Podcast. I’m Lisa Carpenter, master life coach to driven ambitious humans who want more out of life without having to sacrifice themselves to achieve it all share how it’s possible to slow down, take better care of yourself, find more peace and ease, create sustainable energy, stop procrastination and overwhelm and fall in love with your life, your business and your body. This podcast is for you. If you’re ready to learn what it takes to thrive as a high performer, do less but achieve more make you and your well being a top priority and create your extraordinary life. I’m so glad you’re here.

Well, hey, hey, welcome back to the Full Frontal Living Podcast. As I said, this episode is going to get spicy. This was not what I had planned to talk about today. But this is where we’re going. So do I intimidate you? I want you to answer that in your head while you’re listening to me. Now, if you were around, I don’t know how many months ago now I did a ton of market research just reaching out to anybody who would answer my questionnaire to get some feedback from my listeners, from clients, from previous clients from people who’ve never worked with me before, but who have been interested in working with me. And some of the feedback that I got was that I am a little bit intimidating, which I’m aware of, I’m aware of, but we’re gonna go deeper into this because I really want to pull this apart. Because I had somebody else today say to me, you know, you come across as a little bit intimidating. To which I replied, okay, that’s really interesting. And I want to have a deeper conversation about that. Because why do we use that word? What does that word even mean? And is it an appropriate description of me and who I am.

So if you listen on the podcast, which obviously you are, you know, I go into lots of topics that are very open and raw and vulnerable. If you follow me on social media, I mean, half the time when I post stuff, I’ve got my hair on top of my head and no makeup on in my flannel jammies. I am so far from intimidating in my interpretation. But what matters is your interpretation. And this is what I really want to talk about is your interpretation of intimidating. So I actually like wrote some notes for this episode, I got some notes that I’m going off here, I’m all organized because I really wanted to make sure that I didn’t miss anything that I thought was really important for you to consider. Because as you know, this podcast is about blowing open, like blowing wide, open your perspectives about the world how you think and feel about yourself and other people. Because often those beliefs are keeping you stuck, those stories that you’re living in are keeping you from having more of what you want. So it is so easy to look at someone as intimidating. But is it their energy? Or is it my energy? Or is what I represent to you? completely unfamiliar? So what do I mean by this? I understand that I show up as a no nonsense. I often say what other coaches won’t say, I see things and I hear things that other coaches often miss. And I am able to go really deep with people really quickly. Now, it might also be that you’re watching, you know, an independent woman who is you know, I go into the gym, I do my thing 50 I’m strong I’m you know, competing again, I’m willing to go and try things I’ve never tried before. I’ve grown a successful business, right on success on many different levels. There’s lots of ways to measure success. And I’ve really come through the journey of getting to know myself, it doesn’t mean that we’re all the way there I don’t think we ever get to that full like I 100% know who I am. I haven’t gotten there yet. But I have put down so many layers of who I thought I was versus who I really am.

So you’re seeing the representation of who I am today, based on all the work I’ve done to release the stories that I was carrying around. So coaching for me, sorry coaching with me, isn’t for you if you’re worried about living your life making everybody else happy. And if you’re going to just try and go along to get along because if you come into a coaching container with me with that if you’re coming in to try and make me happy and please me you’re missing the The entire point of coaching, your job isn’t to make me happy, your job is to make you happy. My job is to put your focus on you and get your focus off of every buddy else. But when we look around in the world to our, you know, our left and right as women, we’ve spent most of our lives learning how to put other people’s needs. First, many of you have learned how to become martyrs, many of you struggle to rest, slow down, ask for help receive help, like God forbid, ask but even receive, you’ve got multiple plates spinning, your identity is tied up in all the things that you’re doing. You don’t have enough energy, or time to do the things you really want to do. And when asked what it is, you really want, often you struggle to even name what that is.

Okay, so if you’re coming into a coaching container with me, this is the stuff we’re going to start to pull apart so that we can figure out who you are so that you can stand in your own power. So I want to go back to what I said around, it is so easy to look at someone as intimidating. But is this how they really are? Or is it? Or is it that they represent something that is so unfamiliar to you, because you don’t have female role models around you who are standing in their power and standing in their confidence. It might be very disruptive for you to see a woman like this because we often see men in roles like this doing what I do, you know, confident and empowered and out there. And we don’t necessarily call them. We don’t necessarily call them intimidating.

So I want to talk about what the meaning and the definition of intimidating is. Because when I read this, I was like, This is not me. So it’s really interesting that people are using this word to describe me. And I really wanted to unpack how we’re interpreting other women in this particular way. So by definition, what makes someone is intimidating, is having a frightening, over arching or threatening effect. So often we see bullies as intimidating. They also when somebody is intimidating, they make people lose confidence. Now, I don’t believe we can make anybody feel anything. I think we can be around people and we will feel certain things, but nobody can make you feel something. But I thought that was a really interesting definition. Because I don’t ever see myself as coming off as frightening or threatening. I mean, like I said, most of the time, I have not even really put together and you may or may not see that. And even if I show you, even if I show you, I’m not all put together and I tell you, I’m in the weeds about whatever. So often, you guys still want to believe that I have all my shit figured out. And I don’t know.

So let’s talk about the word empower. So Empower is about making someone stronger, more confident, especially in controlling their lives and claiming their rights. An empowered somebody who is empowered, they have the knowledge and confidence means or ability to do things or make decisions. And if we look at the definition of confidence, it’s a feeling of self assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities. The root meaning of debt of confidence is to trust. So confidence is having trust in one’s self. So when we go back to people perceiving me as intimidating, is it because seeing a woman standing in her power, with this sense of confidence with this ability to trust myself, knowing what I want, knowing where I’m going, having the courage to say the things like when I get on a coaching call, whether it’s in a large group, or if I’m with someone one to one, I have to 100% trust myself, that whatever comes out of my mouth is going to be okay. And sometimes it’s a hit, and sometimes it’s a miss, but I can’t get into my head, I have to just go I’ve got to trust myself to do what I’m here to do. And because of the work that I’ve done on myself and I’ve stripped away all these kind of like people pleaser approval seeking, you know, looking for my worthiness in how you interpret me. This is why like if somebody wants to consider me intimidating, I can’t control that I can’t control how you think and feel about me, but I can look at me I can look at and be responsible for my energy that that I’m putting out in the world and really I can myself and say, well, am I showing up as intimidating? Or is that how they’re interpreting it through their lens.

And I truly believe that women, because many of us were bullied when we were young, are role models as what confidence like we don’t know how to define confident or empowered. Because we don’t have a lot of role models, who stand in a healthy, confident and empowered kind of way in their lives. So many women when they were young, the confident you know, air quote, confident ones were often the bullies, the meanies, the mean, girls, right? The the clicky girls. So you see how we’ve taken, we’ve taken out of context, the word intimidating, we’ve wrapped a whole bunch of meaning around it based on experiences that we had when we were young with other women, because oftentimes women think confident women are bitches. Which what makes that true, you can be a confident woman and not be a bitch. But again, I truly believe that so many of these stories that women are packing around around being confident in or intimidated or whatever, has to do with the stories that we created based on relationships and interactions we had with other women when we were younger. And as we’ve gotten older, we’ve never really established Well, what are these things, and then when we see something that is so unfamiliar to us, so you see a confident, empowered woman standing in front of you, who knows how to trust herself. It’s so disruptive on your nervous system. It’s, it’s like trying to fit something that doesn’t fit into your current frame of reality. So we go back to using words like intimidating instead of asking ourselves, Well, what specifically do I believe is intimidating about Lisa? Is that really true? Is it that she’s intimidating? Or is it that her confidence, or the fact that she’s standing in her personal power, feels intimidating for me, because I am so unfamiliar with that in myself. Because almost every single woman that comes to work with me, one of the things we work on, is them learning how to trust themselves, learning how to make confident decisions, and be confident in their lives. They want to be empowered, they’re tired of going round and round and round in circles. So some of my best and favorite clients were the ones that were so scared shitless to work with me that they’re like, I have to be in a room with her. Because what she has I want, I want to know how she got to feel that way, and how she can show up that way in the world. Right? Because it is not an easy feat to sit in front of 300 400 500 people and coach someone on a hot seat. That is not an easy task, you really have to have bulletproof self trust to be able to do that and to do it. Well. And I do it very, very well.

So I hope that this podcast allows you to really look at are you choosing to see empowered, confident women as intimidating? Can you take a step back and look at these women who you might see as intimidating and say, Wait a minute, what are they showing me that is here for me? And what am I resisting? So are you choosing to shrink, because we will never so I’m going to rephrase this you will never allow yourself to have what you dislike in someone else. So if you are telling yourself Well, if that’s what confidence, and being empowered looks like, I don’t want to be that because I don’t want to be intimidating without even unpacking what intimidating actually means what confidence actually means what empowered actually means you’re hiding, because you can be a confident, self assured woman who is so loving who is so caring, who can hold powerful space for other people know when to be firm. I know when to be firm. And I also know how to be loving and I know how to be firm and loving at the same time I can deliver very, very hard messages that are received in the way that they are intended with a lot of care. I know when to soften. I know when to say less, I know when to stop talking. And I can just hold that dead space. How often do you fill space with your words, takes a very confident person to be able to just Hold empty space, and let someone be with their thoughts after you say something, I don’t need to fill the space. I know when I can push my clients and really challenge them. And I know when I need to pull back. It’s a dance. Coaching is like a dance. So confidence also is an ability to know what that person needs from me in that moment. And then not be afraid to go for it. And like I said, sometimes they get it wrong. Sometimes I get it wrong.

So I want you to really listen to this episode, I want you to really consider these words intimidating, versus empowered, confident. And I want you to look at this space of both and which I’ve talked about on previous episodes, you know, you can be empowered and confident and loving. You don’t have to be a bitch because you’re confident. But you’ll never allow yourself to be confident. If you believe people who are confident are bitches. You’ll never allow yourself to stand in your personal power. If you believe people who stand in their power or show up as empowered women are bitches. And listen, I used to think this, I had no boundaries in my life. And I thought people who had boundaries and could hold that firm could hold that firm kind of line and say what they wanted and needed. I really thought they were mean. But they weren’t mean they just knew how to honor themselves. And they were willing to speak up for what they wanted and needed. It took me a lot of coaching and a lot of therapy to get confident about setting boundaries and not feeling bad about saying like, hey, I can show up I can do this. And doing things before I felt even confident about them. So what you may not know about me, what you may not know about me, so you may see me as like intimidating, got all my stuff together, confident, empowered, however you see me whatever adjectives you want to use to describe me. But I’m also funny, I can be super goofy and silly. I can be sexy, I can be lazy, I can be all the things I can be all the things I can be done up and look like perfect and polished. Right? You guys know I love me a good pair of stilettos and a pencil skirt with my hair all done and all glammed up. This is why I compete with the WBFF because it is such a glamour show, it is so fun to just be that diva. And at the same time, I have no problem hopping online with no makeup on in my fuzzy jammies or coming out of the gym all sweaty at 6am.

So I hope this episode leaves you with some food for thought. When you are judging somebody else, or calling them a name, and I’m not mad that anybody’s called me a name like this is something I’m aware of right? It’s my job here to go. Okay, well, why do people believe this about me? And how do I debunk this myth? How do I reframe it so that you can see it in a way that you haven’t seen it before? That’s what I do. As a coach, I don’t just stomp my feet and say I’m not intimidating. You don’t know me, my job is to show you who I am. And I am so far from being frightening or threatening. It’s not even funny. It is not even funny. So I hope this episode allows you to see me and other women around you in a different light. Because here’s what I know, ladies, if we continue to get into the weeds about what it means to be a confident, empowered woman who can hold that space, who knows who she is. As long as we continue to avoid this in our lives. As long as we stay in these behaviors and habits that don’t serve us. Old white dudes are continuing going to continue to run the world. And they’re not doing a great job. In my interpretation. There are a lot of men out there that we maybe should consider intimidating. But instead we call them leaders. So I am here to be a confident, empowered leader that is here to help lead you to the same level of confidence and empowerment in your own life. So that you can have so that you can just feel the way you want to feel without being worried about how the other we’re how the rest of the world interprets you. I want you to fall in love with who you are without all the bullshit that is holding you back. And if saying things like that makes me intimidating and is disruptive for you I don’t want to be intimidating. But I’m not going to apologize for being disruptive. Because I’m not here to hold down the status quo. I’m not here to stroke your suffering, and let you sit and marinate in all the garbage you don’t want to be in. That’s why I’m willing to show up and people will judge and people have judged. And that’s okay. Because I know who I am. And that is the most important thing. Do you know who you are?

So I will leave it on that note, I’m so grateful that I had this comment come at me today. Because it just, I think this is a conversation that’s been needing to come through me. And I think it’s one that is going to really speak to so many of you. So you know, the next time you are judging a woman, I want you to really take a step back, and I want you to celebrate, and high five, that she’s showing up as confident and empowered, because you cannot have what you are hating on and judging in others. So if we don’t celebrate other women standing in their power, and more of them. Like I said, Where are we going to be in another? One year, five years? 10 years? Where are we going to be ladies? It’s our time right now. So instead of being intimidated, have the courage to show up in the rooms that scare you a little bit. Okay. So if you’re a little scared to work with me, that’s very different. I don’t want to scare you. But I can tell you that often clients are super nervous to work with me because they know this is the end of the road, there’s no more hiding. They are all in for the results that they want. All right.

So on that note, I have some one-to-one, single sessions available on my calendar. If you are one of the women listening to this, who has been literally scared to get on a call with me, because you’re intimidated by what might happen on that call. I want you to show up as the confident empowered woman who is ready to take charge of what is not working in her life. And I want you to go over and book a call on my calendar, Lisacarpenter.ca/wwm, you just select the single call, it’ll take you to a page, fill out the form, fill it all out, hit the buy now button and submit and get on my calendar. Don’t waste another day, a week or a month. being where you are right now. When everything can change for you. If you just have the courage not to face me, this isn’t about facing me. This is about the courage to face yourself. So have a beautiful day, evening, morning wherever you are in the world.

If this podcast resonated with you, and you know another woman who needs to hear it, please please share it. And if you haven’t left a rating or review over on iTunes or your listening platform, I would so appreciate it. You know ratings and reviews it’s just such an easy way to say thank you for the content that I’m coming on here and producing for you every week. It is it is so it’s like sending me a little thank you when you leave a review. Okay, so for those of you who are ready, Lisacarpenter.ca/wwm and I will see you on my calendar and for everybody else. I will catch you on the next episode.