EPISODE 337: How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed this Holiday Season: Simple Nervous System Tools that Actually Work with Sara Intonato

00:00:06:29 - 00:00:33:12
Lisa
You built success that looks damn good on the outside, but inside it's costing you your health, your relationships, your energy. And no matter how much you do, it never feels like enough. Welcome to Congruent. I'm Lisa Carpenter, the coach. High performers call when they can afford to burn it all down, but they can't keep living like this either.

00:00:33:14 - 00:00:58:24
Lisa
Here we rip off the mask of success and expose what's real. The patterns that you keep running, the price that you've paid, and how to build success that fuels you instead of empties you. Real success is agency. It's powerful self leadership to run your life instead of being run by it. To let your drive and your well-being finally work together.

00:00:58:27 - 00:01:09:17
Lisa
Because the real win is success. That actually feels good.

00:01:09:19 - 00:01:32:08
Lisa
You're barely hanging on. The holidays are supposed to feel magical, but instead you're overcommitted over functioning for everyone else and running on fumes. You know you should be present. You know you need to regulate. But between the family dynamics, the endless To-Do list, and holding it all together, you don't have time for complicated practices or hour long meditations.

00:01:32:10 - 00:01:55:24
Lisa
Welcome to congruence. I'm Lisa Carpenter, and this podcast is about what success actually costs you, and what it takes to feel as good on the inside as things look on the outside. Now, today I'm bringing you something different, my best friend Sarah. And to Nardo is here to give you real, actionable tools you can use right now to stop being reactive and start being present.

00:01:55:27 - 00:02:24:22
Lisa
Sarah is the founder of Autism Changemakers, a parent, coach, consultant, and bestselling author. She's also been a yoga teacher and nervous system practitioner for over 20 years. Her work is rooted in ancient, time tested practices, not the trendy breathwork you see coaches throwing into their programs after a weekend training. Sarah works with parents of non-speaking autistic children, navigating high stakes moments where regulation isn't optional.

00:02:24:22 - 00:02:49:04
Lisa
It's essential. And what she's learned applies to all of us, especially if you're the strong one that everyone leans on while you're quietly crumbling inside. We're recording this the week of the holidays, because this is when so many of you are at that breaking point. You're snapping at your kids, numbing with whiner scrolling, wondering how much longer you can keep this up.

00:02:49:06 - 00:03:18:26
Lisa
Now, Sarah is going to walk you through three simple practices that require nothing but your breath and one minute of your time. No fancy apps, no special equipment, just tools that actually work. If you've ever felt like you're too busy to regulate your nervous system, or you think mindfulness is too complicated, or you just need something that will bring you back to center when Aunt Velma makes that comment about your parenting, this one's for you.

00:03:18:27 - 00:03:20:23
Lisa
Let's dive in.

00:03:20:25 - 00:03:48:23
Lisa
Welcome to the podcast, Sarah. I'm so happy to have you on. Sarah has been called my best friend now for years, and I couldn't think of anybody better to bring on to the show, to give all of my listeners some very actionable tips about how to navigate this holiday season with a lot more ease and peace. Because this episode, we are specifically, launching the week of the holidays where they celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah.

00:03:48:28 - 00:04:12:18
Lisa
Whatever your traditions are, it's always a heightened time of year in terms of interactions with family, children being around, and it's the time where a lot of people who have been barely hanging on can slip into the edge of kind of like almost breaking that breaking edge. So it's supposed to be the season of like, wonder and joy and delight.

00:04:12:20 - 00:04:36:05
Lisa
This is the this is what we're sold in the hallmark cards. And I know, Sarah, that you really love, love Christmas. But a lot of people also really struggle with this time of year and everything. So Sarah is here today to talk to us about real, actionable things that you can use in your day to day life, even outside of the holidays, but specifically around this time of year to bring yourself back to center.

00:04:36:05 - 00:04:43:10
Lisa
So thanks for coming on, Sarah. It's always I mean, it's just it's just a joy that I get to spend time with you in this capacity.

00:04:43:10 - 00:05:08:00
Sara
So I'm so happy to be here. Thank you for having me. And as you were talking, I wanted to highlight something that I see in my clients. A lot. And my clients are parents of autistic non speakers, predominantly, but I've also seen more discussion of it in the general population, which I'd never seen before. And that is how the holidays stir up grief for a lot of people as well.

00:05:08:00 - 00:05:48:28
Sara
In addition to the overdoing and over functioning and squeezing too much and and all of that, there are a lot of emotions that come up that feel really inconvenient for people to have to process as well, whether it's dealing with a child who's not developing the way your siblings kids are, or whether it's a memory that makes you think of a relative that you lost two years ago, it feels really jarring to feel like, oh, wait, no, this is supposed to be a magical time, and here's this boatload of sadness to sit with, and it feels really uncomfortable.

00:05:48:28 - 00:06:20:21
Sara
So if you're listening and you're thinking, yeah, not only am I not feeling magical, but I'm feeling the complete opposite of that. I want to normalize this because you are not alone, even if it's just now starting to be spoken about publicly. This is something that is commonplace amongst many populations of people. So I'm excited to bring people actual tools that work to help them ground themselves, move through all different types of emotions.

00:06:20:21 - 00:06:36:02
Sara
Because pushing them down does not work as we know. And finding your way back to center without the toxic positivity crap, because that also does not work. So we're not here for that either.

00:06:36:04 - 00:06:55:26
Lisa
Yeah, I love a good gratitude practice, but not if it means you're skipping over. Unfelt. Emotions. I think there's a place for both. And so before we dive into it, you know, I always joke because there's so many people out there teaching mindfulness and somatic. So somatic practices. Did I say that right?

00:06:55:28 - 00:06:56:14
Sara
Yeah.

00:06:56:16 - 00:07:19:07
Lisa
No. Sometimes a word sounds weird when it comes out of your mouth. Sorry. I just had like one of those moments of like, did that actually sound right? Anyways, we carry on here. There's a lot of people teaching these practices. There's a lot of coaches out there. And one of the things that I'm really passionate about and, you know, this is people who are masters at their craft and who actually embody their work, right?

00:07:19:07 - 00:07:43:12
Lisa
They have not just lived experience, but also very practical, grounded hours, like thousands of hours doing this work. And you are that you are not a, you know, Lululemon trained mindfulness practitioner. So I would love for you if you would. So and it was funny, right. But, I would love if you would share with my audience some of your background.

00:07:43:14 - 00:08:12:22
Sara
I would love to. So I have been an Ashtanga yoga teacher for over 20 years, probably closer to 25 at this point. And I took my first trip to India to immerse myself in the ancient science of yoga 20 years ago, in the very beginning of my journey. And I think, you know, I was in my early 20s, I thought, I'm going to go and have this beautiful spiritual experience, and I'm going to get it out of my system right.

00:08:12:22 - 00:08:53:09
Sara
Then I'm going to come home and do the responsible stuff, like have a mortgage and have babies and whatever, and what was really fascinating is that as I immersed myself in this ancient science, all it did was get into my system more and I wanted more of it. And one of the reasons why I've been to India so many times, I've been 11 times to immerse myself thus far, and I will continue to is because it was the only place where I really found that to master something, it was drilled into all of us who were students there that you just had to continue to show up and be students.

00:08:53:09 - 00:09:35:10
Sara
You couldn't buy a story, say again, there was no two week immersion that you could sign up for. You just had to show up day after day, year after year in front of your teacher and practice and let them watch you. And there is no substitute for that. I still to this day, meet yoga teachers who are still struggling to find their feet in their practice and like, how can you be teaching other people if you don't feel like you have achieved basic levels of devotion and connection to a method, it would be like you going to be a personal trainer, but still trying to figure out how to get to the gym three times

00:09:35:10 - 00:10:03:15
Sara
a week, right? And feeling out of integrity with that too, because you're teaching it, but you're not really living it. So it was so refreshing to me to see that you couldn't buy your way into this method of yoga. Ashtanga yoga is my specialty, and you just had to continue to be a student. And I became a deeper teacher, a more compassionate teacher, because I had to just go through it as a student first.

00:10:03:17 - 00:10:25:00
Sara
And so one of the reasons why I'm so passionate about bringing these ancient, time tested tools to all of my clients and to everyone listening today, is because I actually work. And I can say that completely in integrity because I use them every single day. Still, it's not something that you try once in a while because it's trendy.

00:10:25:03 - 00:10:52:05
Sara
And, you know, it's interesting because one of the things I'll give people today is a breathwork practice. And I see now all different types of people throwing breathwork into their coaching intensives. And, you know, hey, do what works for you, right? Who am I to judge? But I remember when I went to India and I started learning, it was always very methodical how you approach breathwork.

00:10:52:05 - 00:11:24:03
Sara
In fact, you only approach it in a very basic way with 1 or 2 practices to do until you got to be much more advanced. And when I asked why that was, I was told it's because breathwork too soon is crazy. Making it will move your energy around so profoundly that you won't be able to manage it. You have to have a foundation first, and I think we see this spoken about in a similar way, with lots of trauma informed practices and somatic practices like you were discussing.

00:11:24:03 - 00:11:50:06
Sara
You don't want to release all of this energy that you don't know how to handle yet. So I love bringing these tools to people in bite size pieces that are safe and effective for all levels that you can do if you're pregnant, you can do. If you've never done yoga before. But I will save the really intense ones for people who I know have been doing their due diligence for a while.

00:11:50:06 - 00:11:53:08
Sara
Because who needs more crazy making in their life right?

00:11:53:10 - 00:12:11:28
Lisa
And I think that that's something that comes up with my clients a lot. Right? Because they're they're coming to me because they're looking to have better emotional mastery. They don't realize that that's a lot of what they're looking for. Right. But that's self leadership. And we can get into breathwork. And it really does move a lot of energy.

00:12:11:28 - 00:12:39:17
Lisa
And so much is stored in our body. And then we release it. And then we don't know how to manage it. Right. Bring so much to the surface on top of all the stuff that we've been trying to stuff down, that we're trying to cope with in our lives, and it's too much. It's incredibly just regulating. So I really love that you brought that up because so many of these practices have now become mainstream, and people are now trying to use them as a way to still bypass the things in themselves that they don't want to be with.

00:12:39:17 - 00:12:58:26
Lisa
So, okay, so let's dive into some of these tools, because I want to have you back on the podcast to go deeper into, you know who you are and your journey towards success and what you built. That's what we talk a lot about. The reason that I chose you to come on to do this mindfulness work is because a podcast is called Congruent.

00:12:58:28 - 00:13:26:07
Lisa
So anybody that I bring on who's going to teach or educate my clients or my listeners, they have to be living the work like they have to be in integrity with that. And I don't know anybody who is as much in integrity with this work as you. So it's just such a blessing to have you here. So everybody like grab your pen and pencil so you can write this down, take notes or come back and listen to the episode.

00:13:26:09 - 00:13:35:23
Lisa
But Sarah, I'm going to completely hand it over to you now to teach whatever tools you feel are fitting for my listeners.

00:13:35:25 - 00:13:55:26
Sara
Right. So the first tool we're going to use twice in two different ways, and it's effective because you need nothing except your breath to ground and regulate yourself. You don't need a mantra. You don't need the right outfit. You can do this in the car. You can do this in the bathroom when you have to lock yourself in there for five minutes because you need a timeout.

00:13:55:29 - 00:14:28:01
Sara
Anywhere works, but really, it's just the commitment to doing it and doing it in a very specific pattern that will actually calm the way your brain and your body are communicating. It will make everything function more efficiently and more steadily. So basically all it is is breathing in and out through the nose. Shoot for four counts going in and four counts going out.

00:14:28:01 - 00:14:36:17
Sara
So that would sound like this. Inhale. Exhale.

00:14:36:19 - 00:15:09:04
Sara
If I were to count it for you it would be inhale 234. Exhale 234I know you are not a visual processor, but something that helps me is when I am breathing in through my nose to envision the breath going in through my nose, but not just staying there, going down into my throat, feeling it in my chest. Try to feel your ribcage moving as you complete that inhale and then feel it contracting back as you exhale.

00:15:09:07 - 00:15:39:27
Sara
And you're going to do this for at least one minute. So let's say you're going about your day. You're feeling yourself start to escalate. You're having some anxiety. You're feeling your buttons getting pushed. Hit the pause button. And if this is not yet a habit for you, I encourage you to put a few alarms in your phone throughout the day telling you to practice your breathing, and then all you have to do is set a timer for one minute, maybe for five minutes.

00:15:39:27 - 00:16:04:08
Sara
If you have a lot of time and just do exactly that, inhale for four counts, exhale for four counts. So you're inhaling through the nose, exhaling through the nose. Your mouth is going to stay close, but it's not going to stay clenched. There's a softness in your jaw and your face. And all you're going to do is let your breath become a quantum mess.

00:16:04:08 - 00:16:37:14
Sara
So you want the inhale and exhale to be the same in duration. As we just talked about, volume, depth really going down into your ribcage as deep as possible towards your diaphragm and if you're only doing it for one minute, letting yourself settle into it for one minute. So that's I think, the most crucial part. If you are locked in the bathroom or you're in the car and you have one minute before you have to go into a meeting, set a timer for one minute.

00:16:37:17 - 00:16:58:14
Sara
You can either close your eyes or you can keep your eyes looking at one spot. Try not to wander all over the room and just commit to that one minute. All you're doing is counting your inhale, counting your exhale, letting it become a quantum. It's so good.

00:16:58:17 - 00:17:24:22
Lisa
What I notice with a lot of my clients. And I'm going to guess this is with a lot of my listeners as well, because they are such high functioning, I can say on edge, but they carry a lot of responsibility and many of them actually very they breathe very shallow, shallowly. My gosh, my words today or their breath holders, and they don't even realize they're holding their breath.

00:17:24:25 - 00:18:03:18
Lisa
Right. So this exercise is so simple. It's so gentle. And it really just is about presence and paying attention to your breath. And, you know, so often I think we look for fancy fixes and it doesn't have to be fancy. It doesn't have to be like, I mean, I've, I know that there's breathwork practices that are like dragon fire breath and you know, where you're really, like pumping things up and, and what I love about this is it's so simple and it's so gentle and it really does just pull you back into your body and pull you back into the present moment so that you can make regulated decisions so you can show up differently

00:18:03:18 - 00:18:04:25
Lisa
in the moment.

00:18:04:27 - 00:18:23:14
Sara
If you wanted some bonus points with that, you could engage your throat just a little bit, the same way you'd engage your esophagus if you were going to gargle mouthwash in the morning, right. Or salt water. And that little engagement is going to make almost a vibration, like a vacuum cleaner type of sound in your throat. It's very subtle.

00:18:23:16 - 00:18:41:14
Sara
You could lull a baby to sleep. So it's not an aggressive sound, but it's just going to stimulate all of your glandular activity. Your throat is also going to stimulate your medulla oblongata, your brainstem. So that is your home of your mind body connection. It's not just a pop spiritual phrase.

00:18:41:16 - 00:18:46:16
Lisa
The mind is that you're like what they call your vagus nerve as well.

00:18:46:19 - 00:19:20:27
Sara
Your vagus nerve is your 10th cranial nerve, which will run from your brain. Okay, there all the way down to your lower abdomen. Okay. And that will be stimulated when you engage your esophagus and you breathe in that fashion. I will also say that this doesn't just make you feel regulated and calm, it really grounds you effectively. So in my population of clients, I often have parents whose kids are self-injurious or dealing with aggressive behaviors that are really high stakes, right?

00:19:20:28 - 00:19:45:10
Sara
Safety is a concern. Parents are worried so very often the parent can't actually help their child at all. If they are feeling dysregulated themselves, it will only escalate the child more. So their homework is first, of course, to make sure your child is in a safe place and then you let them know, I'm going to take one minute and breathe.

00:19:45:10 - 00:20:08:16
Sara
I'm right here. And as you set the timer for one minute and you do this breathing practice and you ground yourself, then you can approach your child and check in a few minutes and say, got your back? I'm here if you need me. But you de-escalating yourself is how you co regulate with your child and it allows them to de-escalate as well.

00:20:08:19 - 00:20:32:15
Sara
And this is what so many people miss. I mean even now if you're an adult right. And you have a really difficult day, what do you do. You call your mom, you call your best friend on the way home to talk things through because you need co regulation even as an adult. But if you call your mom your best friend and they're flying off the handle about something, does that help you?

00:20:32:15 - 00:20:45:14
Sara
Absolutely not. So you have to take responsibility for regulating yourself with this exercise. And the good news is that it works. And it doesn't take a long time. And it's not complicated. And you can do it anywhere. Right?

00:20:45:17 - 00:21:03:16
Lisa
So family holidays and Velma says something about you that you don't like, comments on your body or how you're eating, or what you're wearing, or how you're wearing your hair, or somebody comments on your parenting. There going to be a whole host of things, right? What I'm really hearing is, and this is for all my listeners, please pay attention.

00:21:03:16 - 00:21:32:19
Lisa
It is okay to just say, I just need a minute and remove yourself from the room when you feel yourself activated, go do this breathing exercise and then come back because you will approach that conversation in a much different place. Right? It's about it's about getting your self regulated again so that your brain comes back online. Right. Because when we feel threatened, our brain goes offline and we don't usually respond well, we're reactive, we're back in our own stuff.

00:21:32:25 - 00:22:01:05
Lisa
So if you can just excuse yourself even for a minute, you're going to be able to come back and set better boundaries because it'll come from a calm state or, you know, be able to fully express yourself in a way that feels good versus being, you know, confrontational or argumentative. It's this is all about, just, like you said, how you can step into being responsible for how you want to show up, how you want to behave, how you want to feel this holiday season.

00:22:01:05 - 00:22:13:16
Lisa
So if it's less stressed out, strung out, anxious, overwhelmed, then you get to choose to do things differently. And this is such a simple practice to get people there.

00:22:13:19 - 00:22:44:19
Sara
Another one that's really great if you cannot escape in the moment, let's say you're on kid duty and you don't have anyone to tag team with. Offer to go help with the beverages stick your hand into some ice cubes, or take something out of the freezer. Truly, because it's so cold, it will force you to be present and a close friend of my sister's lost a child and was working with a grief counselor through really intense trauma and asked her grief counselor, you know, what do I do when I feel like I am spiraling and I just can't stop?

00:22:44:21 - 00:23:01:29
Sara
And her grief counselors said, put a whole orange in the freezer, go to the freezer and take it and hold it and set a timer again, just for one minute. That for one minute you are not going to put that orange down. At the end of the minute, all you were thinking about was the sensation in your hands.

00:23:01:29 - 00:23:29:10
Sara
You couldn't think about anything else. It was too consuming. So you can throw some extra ice in your drink because it's going to bring you back to presence, right? You can be the one to fuss with the cooler and make sure everything's really cold. That will help you go back to presence. It will probably cue you to breathe also, because just like when you go into a really cold swimming pool or a pond, it's like, whew, you have to take a breath or so before you even process a thought.

00:23:29:12 - 00:23:48:04
Sara
So use what's around you. Make it easy on yourself. But those little things, like put some ice cubes in your hands for one minute and stand over the sink and it looks like you're washing a dish. No one's going to know, but it's going to help you get out of your head and come back into the present moment.

00:23:48:06 - 00:24:06:13
Lisa
I love that of such an easy pattern interrupt, because that's really what it's about right? How do I interrupt this? Like my body being offline and you'll feel it. You should you should be paying attention to, you know, what feels triggering for you or what is the difference between being regulated versus dysregulated? A lot of my clients are still learning that, right?

00:24:06:13 - 00:24:24:23
Lisa
They don't even realize they're in a state of dysregulation all the time because they've never learned to be present. This was me, right? Like I thought people who meditated and hug trees were crazy, and now I'm like, oh, actually, that's called presence. As I'm working through this with my 25 year old, right. Who's brain is always going and he just sees that is.

00:24:24:23 - 00:24:46:23
Lisa
But that's the way it always is. He doesn't recognize that he can actually quiet his mind. And and as you've told me, it's not about never having a thought. It's about the ability to like, kind of witness the thought and then dismiss it. So I remember another exercise that you taught me, and I still use it to this day, is the breathing and counting.

00:24:46:25 - 00:24:49:04
Lisa
Do you remember this one asked.

00:24:49:06 - 00:25:07:25
Sara
And you have to use it? Yeah, I use it every day myself. And so this is another one. You can set a timer for five minutes. It's nice to do. I will say first thing in the morning or right before bed. You can do it any time of day, but just like in the middle of your workday, you're going to be busier.

00:25:07:25 - 00:25:31:03
Sara
Your mind is going to be busier. It's not ideal. It can take more discipline to stop the day when the day is going. But usually if you wake up in the morning, it's a little quieter. People aren't bugging you for stuff. You have a little more mental space to work with, so that can make it feel easier. If you're the person who like me, when I started a meditation practice, thought I was going to pull my hair out.

00:25:31:05 - 00:25:51:22
Sara
I would encourage you not to try it in the middle of the day, but morning or evening. The vibration will be calmer. That will help you, but all you're going to do is set a timer for five minutes and if you don't have five minutes, you're going to take two minutes and you're going to inhale and exhale through your nose, just like we did before.

00:25:51:24 - 00:26:19:05
Sara
But you're going to count each breath one at a time. So you inhale one, exhale two, inhale three. You're going to take your time exhale four etc.. And you're going to keep counting until you get to ten. When you hit ten you're going to go back to one and start again. The fun part happens now when your mind wanders.

00:26:19:07 - 00:26:40:13
Sara
Okay. Aunt Patty made a nasty comment in the kitchen yesterday. Okay, back to one. You start at the beginning again, and you keep counting until your mind goes to the next thing. Whether it's a tropical beach or whether it's the glass of wine you wish you didn't have last night, go back to one, start again and you're just going to keep redirecting the mind back to one.

00:26:40:20 - 00:27:00:19
Sara
Don't be shocked if you sit for five minutes and you don't get past two at all. This is normal. You're going to just observe where your mind is going. You're not going to judge where your mind is going. Think of watching it the same way you watch a movie. You're not judging it, you're just watching and seeing what happens next.

00:27:00:22 - 00:27:25:03
Sara
So this is a really powerful Zen Buddhist meditation technique, and it gives you something essentially to do your counting your breath. Because if you sit there and you set a timer for five minutes and you don't give your mind something to do, it's just going to start wondering. And usually, no, we're good. When most people say, oh, I'm going to go meditate.

00:27:25:06 - 00:27:51:04
Sara
They're actually, if they're practicing properly, practicing concentration first, they're teaching your mind how to concentrate on one thing. And the breath is easy because everyone has it. You don't have to get a mantra. You don't have to learn a new language. You don't have to do anything outside of yourself. Just breathing is enough. And I still use this technique every day as well.

00:27:51:06 - 00:27:52:11
Sara
It's incredibly powerful.

00:27:52:17 - 00:28:18:01
Lisa
I love this technique because as an achiever, you laugh at me. I'm like, I'm totally going to get to ten, right? Like, so it really puts me in that place of like, we're going to concentrate Lisa to really work at getting to ten. And it's so challenging. But I, you know, I'm very I was talking to somebody else this morning about how I'm, I'm very outcome focused.

00:28:18:01 - 00:28:37:22
Lisa
Like, I, I love having a good goal. Right. I am your I am your consummate achiever. And these are parts of me that I have to manage. But that presence piece, right. That seems like it's it's so much more of a challenging outcome because my brain can wander. So that's why I love this practice because it really is okay.

00:28:37:22 - 00:28:58:23
Lisa
We're going to just concentrate on these numbers. And I know if I do that, that I'm present just focusing on those numbers. I can't do very many rounds to get to ten because then my brain's like, where are you? But. Right. I feel good about the fact that I was able to just hold my attention for a short amount of time and really be in the moment.

00:28:58:23 - 00:29:07:06
Lisa
And the more that I practice it, the easier it becomes. And then some days it's really, really hard. My brain is just like, we're not doing this today.

00:29:07:08 - 00:29:37:25
Sara
And on those days, how powerful is it to not bag it, but just say, I'm going to finish this five minutes because I committed to being here, even if it's a mess. And so I'm committed to seeing myself and observing myself and learning something about myself and what I need today. Whether I feel tired or joyful or focused or distracted or like I'm suffering even I'm just committed to being here with myself.

00:29:37:27 - 00:30:10:29
Sara
And I think something else that can make this exercise really powerful is once you hit that button on the timer, whether it's for 1 minute or 1 hour, it doesn't matter. You don't fidget at all. So if your nose is itchy, you don't scratch. If your foot falls asleep, you just let it, because that will teach your mind to let go of the urgency that reactivity is what I think is such a huge problem in our instant gratification culture.

00:30:11:02 - 00:30:36:14
Sara
And now it's getting in the way of people's functioning because they think that every thought they have, every feeling they have, is something they have to take action on, right when. What if you just have to let it and leave it for a minute? And actually having a practice where you teach yourself how, oh, I'm meditating. Here's this thought, I'm just going to leave it.

00:30:36:14 - 00:30:54:14
Sara
My timer hasn't gone off yet or my foot fell asleep. I feel pins and needles in my toes. I'm just going to leave it. I'm not going to die. Everything will pass. Gives you a chance to go into the rest of your day with a deeper exhale. Like it's okay if I don't get to that thing right in this minute.

00:30:54:19 - 00:31:13:22
Sara
It's okay if I have a kid who is sick at school and I can't pick them up for 30 minutes, it's okay. Yeah, we can let go a little bit easier. And that's so important because I'm seeing I don't know what you're seeing, but I'm seeing in the world people becoming increasingly reactive.

00:31:13:27 - 00:31:19:17
Lisa
Oh, I was just going to say that we live in such a reactive society like Amazon Prime right now.

00:31:19:19 - 00:31:43:18
Sara
Yes. And it's not actually, I don't think it's helping us make good decisions. I don't think it's helping us in our relationships, in our careers. We're not giving anything some space to breathe. We're not giving anything a chance to evolve. I don't know about you, but how many times in my own career did I think, like, this thing isn't working fast enough, right?

00:31:43:18 - 00:31:54:11
Sara
Like I should totally change it when really it just need a little bit more time to take root. So we're training our brains to realize this is okay. In fact, it's probably good now.

00:31:54:14 - 00:32:15:02
Lisa
I had a client just this week that, you know, we were talking about being reactive versus responsive. And I said, you know, you actually don't have to respond to a text right away. You can give it 24 hours. And it was it was like a mind blowing moment for her. What what do you mean? Like, isn't it like but being nice is about responding right away.

00:32:15:02 - 00:32:33:01
Lisa
And I said, no, it's about checking in. And what do you need for your energy? Like you don't need to act on anybody else's schedule. You get to slow things down for you. And even I notice on my schedule, you know, if somebody wanted to book in or talk to me, you know, they're interested in coaching. It was like, how quickly can I get them on to my schedule?

00:32:33:01 - 00:32:54:10
Lisa
Now? I'm like, you know what, Lisa? Like what works for you? Because if this is meant to be, they're going to get on your schedule at exactly the right time. But I don't need to shuffle things around and be reactive to their wants and needs right now, which is, you know, it's so counterintuitive to so many people right now because we we do live in this like but I want it now.

00:32:54:12 - 00:33:08:26
Lisa
And mindfulness is really about allowing yourself to just come back to a little bit of presence. What does that even look like? And I think that, people have very, different ideas about what presence means these days.

00:33:08:29 - 00:33:32:02
Sara
I also have a theory that all this you know, holiday magic that we're in today while we're recording, this is really just presence. That's all it is. And I think people are not feeling it because they're not present. Their mind is in a zillion different places. It's doing Christmas shopping. It's packing the suitcase. It's still going to work.

00:33:32:09 - 00:33:56:20
Sara
It's attending the kid's Christmas concert that night. Right. It's in so many places. How could you possibly enjoy being here now? When your mind is five other places, you can't. So I really, truly believe that when we can pull ourselves back to a place of presence and enjoy where we are right now, even if we have plenty of other things coming later, we will get to them later, right?

00:33:56:22 - 00:34:24:21
Sara
And we can trust that if we don't get to it, maybe it wasn't that important anyway, but just allowing us to feel what it's like to feel presence and connection again. To me, that's what the magic is all about. That's what it's for. There's no external fairy dust that I get that makes me feel magical. This whole season, I go into the kitchen and I bake, and I put Christmas music on, and I think I'm just going to enjoy this because it's going to be gone in a couple of weeks.

00:34:24:24 - 00:34:38:14
Sara
So I'm gonna listen to these silly songs, or the ones that remind me of my childhood, and I'm going to eat sugar, even though I normally never do, and I'm just going to put the fireplace on and slow it down for a second, because life will be plenty busy in January.

00:34:38:17 - 00:35:00:16
Lisa
Yeah. So true. So many of the people that I work with and that listen to this show get into perfectionism, right? Wanting everything to just be right for everybody, wanting to make sure everybody else has a magical season, yet throwing themselves under the bus. Right. Like there's so many different behaviors that, men and women can get into that really robbed them of being present.

00:35:00:16 - 00:35:16:07
Lisa
So they make it all about external versus like, what is the internal experience that I want to have? And I'll drop in the show notes. I've actually put together a workbook that I shared with you and your group, you know how to thrive through the through the silly season, so I'll drop that in the in the show notes as well.

00:35:16:10 - 00:35:33:19
Lisa
If you're looking to explore like what behaviors you might be getting into that is actually robbing you of that present, so you can pair it with the things that Sarah has has taught us today. Is there anything else? Is there any? I know we've given people three powerful tips. Is there anything else that you're like, oh, I got to share this with them.

00:35:33:21 - 00:35:54:03
Sara
I think that most people, when they see these simple tools, think to themselves, oh, that sounds great, but I don't have time for that. I've got to, you know, find the big, complicated solution or not do anything at all. Right? Life's too busy. I got to wrap these zillions of presents instead. But I will leave you with this.

00:35:54:06 - 00:36:16:20
Sara
It's no different than you can give your kids their green vegetables all the time. You can turn in the best end of your reports at the office. If what your emanating from your energy is stress and overwhelm, that is what people will remember from those interactions. They're not going to remember how glossy your report was or how sorry your numbers were.

00:36:16:22 - 00:36:44:18
Sara
Your kids are not going to remember how many green vegetables they ate, and that you gave them zero screen time. They're going to remember mom was a ball of straw that didn't feel good. So know that when you are approaching your self-care. And when I say self-care, I'm referring to nervous system regulation activities. When you're approaching your self-care and you're feeling a little gnarly about it because life is so full, just remember the quality of your life.

00:36:44:18 - 00:36:57:15
Sara
The quality of your interactions, of your work, of your relationships is going to change drastically because you took the time to be present, and that is what everyone will remember from you.

00:36:57:18 - 00:37:19:19
Lisa
I love that, I love that what a perfect episode for this season. So thank you so much for coming on, Sarah. We're going to put all your information about where people can find you and follow you in the show notes. And, I look forward to having you back on in 2026 so we can have an even deeper conversation about all the things that are going on in your life and how you've created success.

00:37:19:19 - 00:37:22:19
Lisa
That actually feels good for you. So thank you so much.

00:37:22:21 - 00:37:24:06
Sara
Thank you. I can't wait.

00:37:24:09 - 00:37:47:07
Lisa
So there you have it. Three simple, powerful practices you can use anywhere, anytime to bring yourself back to presence. One minute of equal breathing, ice cubes in your hands, counting your breath to ten and starting over when your mind wanders. No complicated mantras, no perfect conditions required. Just your commitment to show up for yourself. And here's what Sarah said.

00:37:47:07 - 00:38:15:23
Lisa
That I want you to remember the quality of your life, your relationships, your work. It's not about how perfect everything looks on the outside. It's about the energy that you bring to these moments. Your kids are going to remember how many vegetables they ate or how organized the gift wrapping was. They'll remember how you felt. Your colleagues won't remember every detail of your presentation, but they will remember your presence or your level of stress and anxiety.

00:38:15:25 - 00:38:42:08
Lisa
So if you've been listening to this thinking, you don't have time for nervous system regulation. I'm going to challenge you. You don't have time not to, because what you're emitting right now, that stress, that overwhelm, that reactive energy, that's what people are experiencing from you. That's the experiencing they're having of you. And that's what's costing you the magic, the connection and the peace that you're craving.

00:38:42:10 - 00:39:01:07
Lisa
If this conversation stirred something in you, if you're realizing you've been running on fumes for too long and you're ready to create something different, I want to invite you to two things. First, book a free congruency audit with my team. This is where we look at the gap between the success you built on the outside, and what you're actually feeling on the inside.

00:39:01:09 - 00:39:23:12
Lisa
We will identify the exact patterns keeping you stuck in reactivity and over functioning, and what it's going to take for you to finally create success that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside. You can book that call at Lisa Carpenter, aka Forward Slash audit. And second, if you're someone who knows you need more than a 15 minute call.

00:39:23:14 - 00:39:36:00
Lisa
If you're craving a complete reset, a chance to step away from the noise and actually remember who you are beneath. Beneath all the doing and all the achieving. Sarah and I are taking a group

00:39:36:03 - 00:39:46:18
Lisa
on a walking pilgrimage along the Camino in Spain in September of 2026. This isn't a vacation. This is a sacred reset.

00:39:46:20 - 00:40:11:02
Lisa
Six days walking more than 100km through ancient villages and golden meadows with daily coaching, integration circles, yoga breathwork and deep conversations and coaching that will help you release but what's been weighing you down? You'll have one on one time with both of us, and you'll be surrounded by other high achieving leaders and professionals who look successful on the outside.

00:40:11:02 - 00:40:37:17
Lisa
But feel exhausted on the inside. No advanced hiking experience required, just sturdy shoes and the courage to walk honestly with yourself. Spaces are intentionally limited and when it fills, it closes. You can find all the details and secure your spot by checking the show notes below for the link for more information. This isn't about optimizing the version of yourself you built to survive.

00:40:37:19 - 00:40:50:22
Lisa
It's about creating congruence so that the life you've built doesn't just look good, it finally feels right. Thanks for being here. Happy holidays. Whatever you are celebrating and I will catch you on the next episode.