EPISODE 291: Unlocking the Power of Choice with Dr. Jade Teta

00;00;01;22 - 00;00;27;13
Lisa
Welcome to the Full Frontal Living podcast. I'm Lisa Carpenter, master life coach to driven, ambitious humans who want more out of life without having to sacrifice themselves to achieve it. I'll share how it's possible to slow down. Take better care of yourself. Find more peace and ease. Create sustainable energy. Stop procrastination and overwhelm and fall in love with your life, your business and your body.

00;00;27;16 - 00;00;45;20
Lisa
This podcast is for you. If you're ready to learn what it takes to thrive as a high performer, do less but achieve more. Make you and your well-being a top priority, and create your extraordinary life. I'm so glad you're here.

00;00;45;22 - 00;01;04;09
Lisa
Hey, hey. Thanks for joining me for another episode of the Full Frontal Living podcast. And today I've got a really special guest on with me. I don't have a lot of dudes come on this show. So when I meet one who really sparks my interest in terms of the depth of conversation we can have and the connection.

00;01;04;12 - 00;01;25;05
Lisa
I always want to bring them on the podcast because for if you're a listener and you've been a listener for a long time, I'm working with men and women. But all of you, all of the women in my life have men in their lives. And I think that men are often really underrepresented. So I want to introduce to you Jade Teta.

00;01;25;08 - 00;01;48;29
Lisa
He wrote a book along with one of my friends and colleagues, Emily. Goff. And it's just a fantastic book called You Grow Me, which I've read and I've listened to my partners also read and listened to it. So, Jade, we're going to have an amazing conversation today. Hopefully, I know we will. All things relationship, human connection.

00;01;49;04 - 00;01;56;07
Lisa
But before we kick off, I would love if you could introduce yourself to everybody and let them know how amazing you are.

00;01;56;09 - 00;02;14;21
Jade
Yeah, well, Yeah. No, thanks for letting me be one of the one of the few dudes that comes out on the show. I know you know what? I am so happy to be here, Lisa. And, thank you for having me. And for those of you just getting introduced to me, the best way to understand me is to think of me as a hybrid health professional.

00;02;14;21 - 00;02;47;07
Jade
I am part naturopathy physician. I have a license to practice medicine in Washington and California states here in America. And, I did that because very early on in my career, well, I started personal training when I was 15 years old, which people raise their eyebrows at, but that's a first time I got paid to do fitness. And so I paid my way through undergrad with a personal training, and when it came time to go to medical school, I looked at the curriculum and I saw there was no psychology, there was no exercise, and there was no nutrition training at all.

00;02;47;07 - 00;03;07;13
Jade
And so I made a pretty hard pivot. Now this is going back to 1997, when I entered into medical school. And I kind of went through it early, you know, I guess midlife crisis as a young 20 year old, because I was like, well, I guess what I thought I wanted to do, I'm not going to do now because I don't want to do drugs and surgery.

00;03;07;13 - 00;03;26;09
Jade
Nothing wrong with that. But I wanted to do lifestyle medicine, so that took me to this weird sounding, you know, profession called naturopathy medicine. And at the time, everyone said, Jade, do not do that. What, are you, crazy? You're throwing your whole life away. Me being who I am, I was like, I don't care. This is the direction I'm going.

00;03;26;09 - 00;03;52;21
Jade
And I had no idea that functional medicine, you know, and, functional nutrition and alternative medicine was going to become so mainstream. But as I began my new sort of practice, I kind of saw that, even naturopathic medicine, alternative medicine, functional medicine had weaknesses as well. And they didn't do enough with fitness and psychology. And so along the way, I've really hone my craft in the fitness arena.

00;03;52;27 - 00;04;14;20
Jade
And now I'm working on a PhD in psychology. After doing that on my own for a very long period of time. So the best way to know me is to think of mindset, muscle and metabolism. I do all of those things, and I guess the the best thing to sort of drive home about who I am is that I really am someone who is all about getting results.

00;04;14;20 - 00;04;37;02
Jade
I don't care where it comes from, but where the good ideas come from or where the good treatments come from. I'm on board if it delivers results and I am a bit of an evidence based guy, but I dabble in natural medicine, fitness and transpersonal psychology. Those are my domains. I'm all about physical transformation and psychological transformation, right?

00;04;37;03 - 00;04;39;04
Lisa
And this is why we get along so well.

00;04;39;06 - 00;04;40;05
Jade
Yes.

00;04;40;07 - 00;04;45;08
Lisa
Because very similar backgrounds, although I do not have a PhD, like I said, you're way smarter than I am.

00;04;45;15 - 00;04;47;05
Jade
Well, I have one. Yeah.

00;04;47;08 - 00;05;18;02
Lisa
Right. Yeah, yeah, I'll just make time for that. But yeah, it's everything is tied together. Everything is tied together. And, you know, I think, you know, that I started my career as a personal trainer as well. And it became very evident that this has nothing to do with exercise. And then I moved into nutrition, and it became very evident that it still wasn't about nutrition, that it was really about the mindset and the identity that people were working from, and their inability to see past that in order to create results.

00;05;18;02 - 00;05;43;25
Lisa
So they were always working from the outside when they should have been working from the inside. And it's been really fascinating to watch over the years. The industries really start to switch and understand that because for a long time it was just will change how you eat. What's wrong with you? Exercise more. What's wrong with you? So I love that you were an early adopter of all of that.

00;05;43;28 - 00;06;03;15
Jade
Yeah, yeah. You know, the interesting thing about this from my perspective is it's it makes sense from the standpoint of you do the best with what you have. And so I think that we have slowly been evolving and understanding that it's not just physiology. And, you know, it's like it's kind of like the calories in, calories out model, right?

00;06;03;15 - 00;06;23;05
Jade
We had it to add the hormone model on top of that. It did a little bit better. But then we had to add the psychology habits behaviors model. On top of that it does a little bit better. But now what? We really are starting to understand that a lot of this is at the unconscious level, what I would call misguided unconscious decisions, or the acronym for that is Mud.

00;06;23;10 - 00;06;43;20
Jade
We get stuck in the mud of our unconscious. And just for you, the listeners, when I say misguided, what I mean is we make decisions about the world unconsciously during times childhood development, teen development, even adulthood. When we get into traumatic events, you know, loss of a job, you know, finding out our significant other cheated on us or any of this kind of stuff.

00;06;43;20 - 00;07;06;08
Jade
These are all traumatic events that are essentially misguided because we don't have the tools, the know how, the maturity, the skills to deal with these things. And because we don't, they get stuck in our unconscious as stories. Stories about safety and security, stories about acceptance and belonging, stories about freedom and autonomy, stories about the way the world is and who we are.

00;07;06;11 - 00;07;28;23
Jade
And oftentimes those stories are misguided, unconscious choices about what is possible and how the world works. And then these things keep us stuck in the mud. And this is true in finance. It's true in personal relationships. It's true in health and fitness. Which is why as humans, we get stuck. We try a new diet, we lose some weight.

00;07;28;23 - 00;07;44;22
Jade
We gain it back, we get stuck, we get a new job, we make more money, but we end up having the same amount in our bank account. We get stuck. We, you know, go into a relationship, find someone new, but figure out in a few months might look like a different person. But it's the same old relationship patterns.

00;07;44;22 - 00;08;01;23
Jade
And this is the stuff that, we need to work on. So it's not that any of this other stuff doesn't matter, it's just that we are slowly but surely adding in these other pieces that make all the difference in the world. So if you want to change, you really want the change we have to get after this mud.

00;08;01;25 - 00;08;13;28
Jade
And there's a whole way to do that that most individuals are unaware of and most practitioners don't yet have the training for. And so that's what I am most excited about in my career right now.

00;08;14;00 - 00;08;30;17
Lisa
That's pretty cool. So there's so many things that I want to ask you about, right? Because when I listen to the book on my, I got to reach out to Jade, and I don't regularly reach out to strangers on the interwebs, but I knew you were connected with Emily. I'm like, I bet he'll talk to me if I reach out to him.

00;08;30;19 - 00;08;50;26
Lisa
But there were just so many things that stood out that are so in alignment with the work that I do, because I talk a lot about using our emotions as Guideposts and how often people say they don't want to feel their feelings, but they don't understand that they're trapped in their emotions, and that's blocking them from living the life they want to live.

00;08;50;29 - 00;09;04;07
Lisa
And you really talked in the book about the emotions are being are the GPS of your subconscious. I got notes in front of me. So how do you know? How would someone know if they're dealing with a stuck emotion?

00;09;04;09 - 00;09;29;25
Jade
Yeah, well, here's the interesting thing. Emotions, right? They have stories attached to them. So these misguided unconscious decisions think of these as stories. Stories that we tell ourselves that were unaware, their narratives about the world that follow us around like a shadow. And the only way that we know that they are there is through the patterns, recurrent obstacles, and stuck emotions that we have.

00;09;29;26 - 00;09;57;08
Jade
Now, here's the way to think about this. I like to think about this as the emotions of afraid. Afraid is an acronym, right? So it stands for anger, frustration, resistance, anxiety, insecurity, and depression. Don't worry about taking notes. If you're listening to this, just understand that these emotions of afraid each have stories attached to them. So, for example, depression has the story of lack of hope or inability to trust.

00;09;57;14 - 00;10;23;18
Jade
Insecurity is the inability to believe in oneself. Anxiety is the inability to choose or own a choice once it's made right. Resistance is the inability to accept or act. Frustration is the inability to finish. Anger is the inability to let go or move on. And so whenever you have any of these emotions that you get stuck in and remember, emotions are meant to be felt, not lived, right.

00;10;23;18 - 00;10;47;27
Jade
So as soon as you get stuck in one of these emotions, there's no problem to feel these emotions. We will all feel these emotions. But whenever you are living in anger or living in frustration or living in anxiety day in and day out, this tells you that you have some mud unconscious stories that are holding you back. And it's not just these stuck emotions is also repeated patterns as we talked about and recurrent obstacles.

00;10;47;27 - 00;11;17;14
Jade
And I'll tell you how this this works, which wasn't covered necessarily in the book, but it's covered in some of my other work. When you begin to change, what will happen is you set an intention to change and you sort of start walking through life and then life diverges. Right? And, you know, there's a road that goes off to the left and a road that goes off to the right, and the road it goes off to the left is what I might call familiar and frustrating, and it's the one that has the repeated patterns, the recurrent obstacles, and the stuck emotions of afraid.

00;11;17;17 - 00;11;42;26
Jade
Now the other one is boring and fearful, right? And it has more of these emotions of kind of excitement, but a little bit fearful of what's going to be there. And we are now, tasked with choosing a path. And we will always, almost always go to familiar and frustrating versus foreign and fearful. However, the foreign and fearful is what opens up new ways of being.

00;11;42;26 - 00;12;11;13
Jade
It's what gets us out of these stuck emotions into what I might call more elevated emotions. Emotions like enjoyment and love and excitement and vitality and appreciation and wonder and delight and fun and laughter, these sort of different types of emotions and also different, patterns instead of repeated patterns, recurrent obstacles, stuck emotions. Instead, you get synchronicities and serendipity and signs and opportunities.

00;12;11;21 - 00;12;30;24
Jade
And this is how you begin to make that change. However, you won't become aware of the choices in everyday life until you start to stir up the unconscious mud and stories, which is really goes to the work that you and I do. Right. So part of what you and I do when we're working with people is we get to these misguided, unconscious decisions.

00;12;30;24 - 00;12;54;10
Jade
We bring up these stories from the unconscious, and now the brain and emotional system gets to watch and pay attention. And now you start finding yourself with real choices in everyday life. And, you know, do I stay or do I go in a romantic relationship? What is going on with finances in the wealth world? How? Why am I continuing to treat food as a self-soothing mechanism instead of fuel?

00;12;54;14 - 00;13;25;10
Jade
All of a sudden you start seeing the clouds part and these real world examples of stuck emotions, recurrent obstacles, repeated patterns versus synchronicities, serendipity, signs and opportunities. And this is the beginning of the journey. Unfortunately, though, most people never get there because they never deal with what's underneath. And so they just are essentially like in a roundabout going round and round and they're, you know, emotional car never escaping and getting on a new emotional highway.

00;13;25;10 - 00;13;27;02
Jade
And that's really what we're talking about.

00;13;27;04 - 00;13;31;12
Lisa
That's right. Yeah. It's it's easy to choose familiar.

00;13;31;14 - 00;13;32;00
Jade

00;13;32;02 - 00;13;57;14
Lisa
Right. Easy to choose familiar because with that I think we tell ourselves as a certain level of certainty that comes with that. But the certainty of it often just leads to more misery. But people will often choose that certainty, because the fear and the wild discomfort that comes from doing something different is just so powerful.

00;13;57;16 - 00;14;20;22
Jade
Yeah. And what I would say about this is that not only is it easy to choose familiar, it is necessary in the beginning. Right. It's it's part of the process. We, we go with what we know like we're designed to, you know, run into obstacles and sort of figure our way around them. The problem, though, is what happens is people at some point in their life, they stop, like, for example, like, you know, I'm 50 now.

00;14;20;22 - 00;14;39;21
Jade
So, between the ages of 15 and 30, for most people, these are the ages that when you get a little older, you look back and you go, those were the good old days, right? And the reason they were the good old days, in a sense, is because you're kind of getting your butt kicked, right? Your new loves, new school, travel, perhaps, like you're trying on a lot of different things.

00;14;39;21 - 00;14;59;14
Jade
And it feels if you we can put ourselves back. It feels pretty scary. Everything right is, you know, sort of foreign and fearful. And yet we're growing and we're learning and we're we're all this stuff is opening up to us. And we look back on that and go, oh my God, that was the best time, a lot of us.

00;14;59;14 - 00;15;28;03
Jade
But then we look at ourselves currently and we wonder why life doesn't have, you know, fulfillment for us and contentment and these feelings of happiness and joy. It's partly because we stopped following those paths. We kind of got in this rut where we're like, I'm good here. I'm not going to change anymore. And life has a funny way of first sort of whispering in your ear and then kind of tapping you on a shoulder and then, like, literally punching you in the stomach as hard as it can to get your attention.

00;15;28;07 - 00;15;50;25
Jade
And so from my perspective, yes, it's easy to choose familiar, but if you are paying attention, all of these things, these stuck emotions that don't feel so good, these repeated patterns of recurrent obstacles, I really do think these are like your higher self, your next level human self prodding you to say, you know, hey, Jade. Hey, Lisa. Hey listener, it's time to move in this direction.

00;15;50;25 - 00;16;07;10
Jade
You've been here long enough. If we didn't have those things, we would never be able to move. And I think this is especially true, in the realm of relationships and romance, of course, is true in finance as well, and it's true in health and fitness. And those are really the three big jobs, right, that we have to do.

00;16;07;10 - 00;16;22;22
Jade
We have to do relationships. We have to do, you know, health and fitness and we have to do finance. But in order to be successful in any of those things, we need to start to learn to read the signals of the higher self. And I don't think a lot of us spend a whole lot of time thinking about that.

00;16;22;22 - 00;16;25;01
Jade
Unless you're someone like you or me, who does this work for, right?

00;16;25;01 - 00;16;45;22
Lisa
We do this work for a living. I think a lot of people are really disconnected from that higher version of themselves. I think a lot of people have been kind of taught to not listen to those signals that they're getting, you know, what a really young age so many of us are kind of led in the direction that our feelings aren't valid, that they don't mean anything.

00;16;45;22 - 00;17;12;22
Lisa
So we learn to override them. We learn to make other things, like our thinking brain, more important than our feeling body, if that makes sense. And I know for me, it took me a really long time to connect back into my intuition, and I still don't do a perfect job at it. And I also believe that for many people, maybe this is just my life experience, but I think yours as well.

00;17;12;25 - 00;17;33;16
Lisa
Usually there is a significant event that has to happen for many of us to wake up and go like, Holy crap, now you still have a choice. You can continue to run those patterns again and you'll just, you know, life will repeat, repeat and repeat. But I know for me, and I know for you, those big wake up calls have been the catalyst to get me to move.

00;17;33;18 - 00;17;56;10
Lisa
But man, they have been so uncomfortable. Incredibly painful. But also incredibly rewarding. When I look back on my 30s, those are like my cringe years. So yeah, I was growing and changing, but I was growing and changing based on the beliefs that I held to be true. So it was kind of like this constant surface level change, not a real like deep dive into into who I was.

00;17;56;10 - 00;18;15;25
Lisa
I was just taking the boxes of life because this is what we're supposed to do. But there was always that part of me that felt like I was never going to feel fulfilled. I was never going to be happy. Like, I literally felt like I was spending my life, chasing, like just chasing something and not even really knowing what it was.

00;18;15;25 - 00;18;31;22
Lisa
Right and believing that more money would fix it. The perfect relationship would fix it, more travel would fix it. And now, like, I've had all of those things and I'm like, oh, it's it's not actually about any of the external things. It's always been about that internal guidance.

00;18;31;24 - 00;18;50;14
Jade
Yeah. Well, you know, when I think about these journeys that we all, all of us humans go through these journeys, I think about 4 or 4 major drives, like one is power and it comes from our base level selves of safety and security. When we're children, right. We need our safety and security levels, our needs met from the ages of 0 to 10.

00;18;50;22 - 00;19;08;01
Jade
Those are the major things that we're sort of working on. And if you don't get those met, what happens is you kind of walk around in a fearful state, right? So safety security needs the primary driver of that is fear. What are you going to do if you want to allay fear? Well, you're going to exert power and control over your environment.

00;19;08;01 - 00;19;32;17
Jade
There's many different ways to do that. So you can seek power and control. Then your teenage years come along. Right. And if you have any dysfunctions in that, which of course, we all do, this is really about popularity and or status, acceptance and belonging. And so we chase popularity to so power and control, popularity and status. Of course, we all know that, many people will distract, deny and avoid through pleasure pursuits.

00;19;32;20 - 00;19;54;21
Jade
And those are the big three that most people get caught in power, popularity, pleasure, purpose is what we're really after. Purpose is the thing that frees us. And until we see that, we will be in the circle of power, popularity, and pleasure until we essentially see purpose. And here's the trick of what I wanted to say in regards to what we all do.

00;19;54;22 - 00;20;13;12
Jade
You know, not just you, me, but the listener as well. One of the things that we need to understand when we kind of talk about purpose is the idea of authenticity, the reason why we get caught. And we think that we have to do all the things, get the job, get the perfect partner, like all the things that we all do.

00;20;13;12 - 00;20;29;10
Jade
No judgment, I do it, you do it, we all do it. But one of the reasons we get caught in that is because it is a denial of our authentic selves. And so what ends up and by the way, when I say authentic selves, I don't mean authenticity to a past self. No one wants to be authentic to their 18 year old self.

00;20;29;16 - 00;20;51;19
Jade
And I also don't mean authentic to a current self, because if you stay authentic to a current self, that's antithetical to growth. So what I mean is authentic to your next level human selves, who it is that you know you could potentially become? Now I have a theory, I hypothesis that in my work everyone is driven to this next level human version of themselves.

00;20;51;19 - 00;21;07;18
Jade
They want to matter and they want to make a difference. So to me, I don't think it's happiness where after I think it's fulfillment, where after there's a level of an event there. But what happens is what we do is instead of chasing our own authenticity, what we do is we say, well, what would everyone else like? What would my family like?

00;21;07;18 - 00;21;33;12
Jade
What would my partner like? What would look good? In the eyes of culture, this is where we get stuck and the way out is through authenticity. But our culture does not. It's does not really understand what authenticity means. And I and we don't really understand what purpose means either. What we think is these are big things like, oh, I've got to write a book or I've got to, you know, be on a TV show or I got to be a famous singer.

00;21;33;12 - 00;22;01;03
Jade
All of that, again, is chasing popularity and power. What authenticity is and authentic purpose is, is simply the humble recognition that I am unique. And as such, I have something unique to offer to the world that no one else can do in the way that I can do it. And this might be as simple as the way I show up for people on the street, the way I show up at the coffee shop, the way I show up at work is an inspiration.

00;22;01;03 - 00;22;40;13
Jade
We each have a particular energy and experience and example that we bring to the world, and that should be enough. But instead, we want to play this culture level game that we can never, ever win. And this is where we begin to fall prey to the dysfunctions. And nowhere in my mind is this show up more than in the stories around romance, which is why I wrote this book in the first place, because the stories that we tell are the things that will keep us trapped in our popularity and pleasure pursuits, or the things that will free us into purpose oriented pursuit.

00;22;40;13 - 00;23;06;10
Jade
And I have this theory that our personal relationships, especially the romantic relationship, is the most consequential relationship to get us to grow towards our purpose and the degree to which we will be happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership is the degree to which we are both growing each other, not completing each other. And that's the story that I think we have wrong.

00;23;06;10 - 00;23;32;26
Jade
This idea that I'm supposed to find this beautiful puzzle piece that fits me like a hand in a glove or a jigsaw puzzle, and it's supposed to complete me and make me happy and fulfill me, when in reality, all of us know that is not ever going to be the case. That is an inside job. Only an all a partner romantic partner can ever do is help you pursue that job and be in pursuit with you.

00;23;32;26 - 00;24;02;04
Jade
Dream your dreams with you as they're working on growing themselves. And so I guess the final thing I'll say here is that the story you tell yourself, the quality of the story you tell yourself about life, is going to determine the quality of the life you live. And that means our stories are everything. So if you're having problems in finance, health and fitness, or in romance like we're talking about now with this book, it comes down to the fundamental stories you tell, like in health and fitness, right?

00;24;02;04 - 00;24;21;01
Jade
If you believe calories in, calories out are the only way to make a difference, then you don't quite understand about hormones and sleep and stress and all the other things. You will not be successful and it will feel as if you are going crazy that nothing works well. If you're doing everything right and not getting results, then you're not doing everything right.

00;24;21;01 - 00;24;41;13
Jade
And the same thing happens in finance. If you keep running into the same stuff again and again with finance, there's a story there that's dysfunctional and wrong. And if you keep running into struggles in romance, then it's the same thing. There's a story there that is dysfunctional and not accurate, and those things need to change. And when they do, you get to live your authentic self.

00;24;41;19 - 00;24;48;16
Jade
Not easy, by the way. No one said it's easy and you get to chase purpose, right?

00;24;48;19 - 00;24;53;21
Lisa
Yeah. Romantic relationships.

00;24;53;23 - 00;25;18;02
Lisa
Oh, there's so much I could say about this, but I think the question that I want to ask you is, why do you believe that this story, this Disney kind of princess story, you complete me. Why do you think that that because, you know, I've watched health and fitness evolve. I've watched, finances evolve and people having different conversations about that.

00;25;18;05 - 00;25;46;03
Lisa
Yet when it comes to relationships, this kind of like I said, Disney Princess, you complete me. I'm going to tick the box, meet the one we're going to, you know, ride or die. Why do you think that that one keeps getting perpetuated? Why is that the hardest one for people to let go of? Because I've had to realize in my own life, you know, as I started looking at my relationship, because it's always been such a massive catalyst for growth, good, bad or ugly, right?

00;25;46;03 - 00;26;10;03
Lisa
It's been what it's been. And I'm I'm grateful for all of it. I can I can genuinely say that now, which is a big leap from a year ago. But it's just realizing that even though I was in this relationship that I thought was better than most, when I really stepped back, I'm like, oh, what were you measuring it against?

00;26;10;04 - 00;26;35;21
Lisa
Lisa? Like, so better than most compared to I don't know what. But then realizing there aren't that many people really modeling what it means to have a healthy relationship where both people are truly committed to doing their own work. So they're growing up as they're showing up as two powerful individuals coming together and understanding they're still going to trigger each other and they're going to have to have hard conversations.

00;26;35;23 - 00;26;44;01
Lisa
Why do people not want to let go of that? Why can't we move into this new model of what healthy relationships need to be?

00;26;44;03 - 00;27;02;04
Jade
Yeah, we don't like giving up our stories. And by the way, let me just give people statistics. What most people know, with health and fitness, for example. Right. It's 95% failure rates the first year, defined as loss of 10% of body weight and being able to keep it off. It's 97% failure after two years, 99.9 after three years.

00;27;02;07 - 00;27;22;17
Jade
So we talk about that. We know that. But what about in romance right. Over 50% divorce rate and estimate that the the rest of the people left that don't get divorced, 60% of them are qualified as unhappy. Now why did the health and fitness model, why is that so bad? Because we're working with an incomplete or wrong model.

00;27;22;20 - 00;27;55;09
Jade
Why is the romantic model wrong? Because we're working with an incomplete or wrong model. Now, what is the wrong model? It's the story in the health and fitness world. It's calories and calories out. That story needed to be updated and amended. In the romance world, it's you complete me. That story needs to be updated and amended. However, everywhere you look, even still, from Hollywood to Pixar to Disney to every single book you read, out there in the self-development world almost, it is all about you.

00;27;55;09 - 00;28;16;26
Jade
Complete me. Even in the new fangled masculine feminine dynamics. It's like you have to complete each other like a jigsaw puzzle. You can't be too much in your feminine, you know. She can't be too much in her masculine. It's all this. It's still just talk about you complete me. And so the the story might have a different flavor to it, but it's still the same story.

00;28;17;01 - 00;28;43;07
Jade
Now let's unpack this a little bit. The reason it's so pervasive is because our romantic relationships, as icky as this sounds, harken back, and this has been well referenced, it's very, very good evidence base for this. We see our romantic partners as our best friends, our mentors, our parents, our comedy relief. And by the way, if that whole thing about parents makes you kind of go urged, I don't like that.

00;28;43;07 - 00;29;05;10
Jade
Well, think about it. Who do you rely on when you get sick? Who do you call when your car breaks down? It is going to be your lover parental figure, and we don't like to think about that. But once we understand that, then we can go back to base level dynamics once again, 0 to 10 years old safety and security needs at those at that time.

00;29;05;10 - 00;29;23;18
Jade
We humans do not know that there is anyone separate from us. In a sense, when we're infants and toddlers, our parents are just an extension of us. We don't start figuring out that they have a life of their own and their own identities until about six years old or so, right? Other than up to that point, they're just extensions of us.

00;29;23;21 - 00;30;01;12
Jade
And so if you have safety and security needs, which all of us do, parental dynamics and difficulties at your base level development, that's going to show up in your romantic relationships, and you're going to want someone to complete your safety and security needs. Likewise, going to teenage years now, acceptance and belonging. This also goes into romantic dynamics, where now you're going to want them to complete your belonging and acceptance needs, and then you get into your young adult and it starts to become about freedom and autonomy, and you're going to exercise your freedom and autonomy needs in and around your romantic partners.

00;30;01;12 - 00;30;22;11
Jade
But the problem with that is all of that is well and good. In fact, it should be normal and it's catalyst for growth. To me, true intimacy is not orgasms and rainbows. To me, true intimacy is seeing your mess and your dysfunction and showing up for you in that and saying, I see it, I still love it. I want to work on it with you and you doing the same for me.

00;30;22;11 - 00;30;43;03
Jade
Like when I'm in a romantic partnership, that's what I'm looking for. That's what I'm most excited about. Let me see your mess. Let me see your dysfunction. Let's figure this out so we can grow. But that's not what happens in the you complete me model. In the you completely model goes oh whoa whoa whoa whoa. That mess does not jive with my my piece as because it doesn't jive with my piece.

00;30;43;03 - 00;31;03;28
Jade
You can't show that mess. You need to show up this way or do things that way. And so what we're really trying to do is we are putting our romantic partners in the corner and saying, you have to complete the dysfunctions that I had with my parents or the dysfunctions I had with my first high school crush or sweetheart.

00;31;04;00 - 00;31;17;26
Jade
Think about this, which blows me away, Lisa. Think about when I talk to women, even my age. Right? I'm 50 now, so to me, I talk to them and I am single. So I date and I talk to them and oftentimes they're like, oh man, this and that. And I'm like, oh, interesting. Well, tell me what you think about all men.

00;31;18;02 - 00;31;35;11
Jade
And what they're describing to me is a 20 year old guy, all men, you know, want, you know, this woman and only look at a woman for her physical attractiveness and all this stuff. And I'm like, you must be talking about 20 some year old men. And then I talk to my guy friends, and they're like, all women, this and that.

00;31;35;11 - 00;31;58;17
Jade
And I'm like, well, tell me what you mean by all women. And they're talking about 20 some year old women. And the reason why is they're stuck in these dysfunctional stories about what a man is and what a woman is, and that tells you how we get stuck in these developmental patterns. And the way out is to see what romance really is, which is growth oriented.

00;31;58;17 - 00;32;16;06
Jade
It's meant to help us see our mess and began to grow past it. But instead, we don't really get that. If you look at Hollywood movies, it's funny, right? Because as soon as it's getting ready to get tough, the movie ends right? When things are getting ready, get real. So they walk off into the sunset, just getting married.

00;32;16;06 - 00;32;32;13
Jade
When you and I know and everyone listening to this knows, that's when the shit's going to hit the fan. Like that's actually when the thing actually starts. And we just don't get these messages in our culture. That's why it's so pervasive.

00;32;32;15 - 00;32;45;17
Lisa
Yeah. Data. And I was just listening to you talking about dating and I think wow you should have like a Dear Abby but dear Jane so that you can educate the 50 somethings on how it's, we're not the same as the 20 somethings.

00;32;45;23 - 00;33;04;28
Jade
No we are not. And it's sad. It's sad that we have pegged like the idea that all women are, are a particular way and a 20 year old way when they're in their 30s, 40s and 50s is asinine. And the same goes for treating all men. Is there a particular way we wear our wounds on our sleeves? And again, what are those wounds?

00;33;04;28 - 00;33;27;15
Jade
Those wounds are our mud. And so we need to reprogram that mud. The best thing you can do is to tell a different story about romance. And to me, the best story is I'm here to grow with you. You know, in every relationship, there's really three people, right? There's you, there's me, and there's this entity in the middle that I call you me or just you.

00;33;27;16 - 00;33;56;22
Jade
Me. And what we do is this is what we get dysfunctional. We go, oh, now we're a you, me, and I'll forget about you and you can forget about me, right? So me goes away, you goes away. And there's just this you me dynamic. That's the mistake. That's a you complete me model. The you grow me model says no, you have to fill yourself up, balance yourself out, live your life, grow I also me, I have to do the same thing.

00;33;56;22 - 00;34;17;02
Jade
And when we do that, this you me dynamic in the middle grows and thrives and becomes a reservoir for us both to pull energy from as we go through the tough times in life. And there's this sort of ebb and flow, but if you completely lose yourself, you goes away and then me loses themselves and they go away.

00;34;17;05 - 00;34;39;19
Jade
You have completely disregarded the whole reason for romance in the first place, in my mind, which is to use this you me reservoir to grow separately and together simultaneously. And you and I both know that what happens is in these dynamics, it's like, no, no, no, no, it's all about me or no, no, no, no, it's all about you or no, no, no, no.

00;34;39;19 - 00;35;02;12
Jade
It's all about this thing in the middle. All three of these energetics are important in understanding. So one of the things I know you do and I do as well, when I'm working with people in romantic stuff, is to teach them this dynamic. They've never actually learned anything about the you, me, you, me dynamic, because all they've ever really learned about is the you me dynamic, the thing in the middle.

00;35;02;16 - 00;35;21;21
Jade
And so there's so much once you begin to unpack this and you start saying, oh, there's a whole different way to look at romance, a whole world of education opens up. It's just that people aren't getting that education in the same way the calories and calories out model continues to dominate because it is the simple model. Yet it does not work.

00;35;21;26 - 00;35;53;21
Lisa
No it doesn't. So what's interesting is, you know, often I'm just working with one individual in a couple and they start to grow. And I'm going to use me as an example. Right. Because I've been through so much growth over the past decade. I was growing, my partner wasn't growing. You know, things kind of exploded. But that's a real thing that happens to you when one person decides to start to grow and take responsibility for their wounds and their childhood traumas and all the things and the other partner doesn't, where do you lead people then?

00;35;53;24 - 00;36;19;18
Jade
Well, here's the interesting thing. And the listeners are probably not going to like me, but just stay with me on all relationships and no matter what, this is the first big understanding to, to no they end no matter what. Now that doesn't mean the two people have to split. But I was married ten years. Anyone who's been married that long knows that they went through probably three, four different relationships in that time.

00;36;19;21 - 00;36;42;12
Jade
So there were many births and deaths of new relationships based on the growth. And yes, sometimes you have in order for both partners to grow, they have got to split. How many of you, let's say, in your in your 20s had a girl or a guy that you were in and we're talking heterosexuals because me and Emily were both heterosexuals.

00;36;42;18 - 00;37;00;20
Jade
So we wrote the book from that perspective. But if you look at it from that way, how many of us have been in relationships in our younger years? Well, the person just would not change and was doing all kinds of dysfunctional stuff, and we kept on trying to help them change. And it wasn't until the relationship fractured that then they changed, right?

00;37;00;21 - 00;37;25;15
Jade
All of a sudden they change and we go, why? You know why? Why couldn't they have changed with me? And the reason why is because they needed the fracture to grow. It was actually what was required. They could not grow unless they had that traumatic event, that traumatic ending. This is how life works. And so one of the first things is just a very hard truth that if you're fighting for the same relationship, you're already losing.

00;37;25;15 - 00;37;47;27
Jade
So what I would say to those of you who are struggling and, and I feel for you in this, but what has to happen is you have to advocate for a new way of relating to each other. The old relationship is dead. You cannot try to resurrect it. All you can do is realize this new you me dynamic start to move into the you grow me model.

00;37;48;00 - 00;38;08;12
Jade
Everything begins to change and in that space you may indeed be able to birth, not resurrect an old relationship, but birth a new one. And once you take on the you grow me model, this is far more likely than if you try to rebirth that you complete me model. And this is the dysfunction we have. And by the way, no judgment to anyone here.

00;38;08;12 - 00;38;34;14
Jade
I struggled mightily with this. Ten years in a marriage, ten years unpacking it and studying it after it was over, to even be able to have this conversation with you. Which is why, for people like you and me to do this work, it's so critically important that we educate other people on this model. Because, look, from my perspective, I know people, sometimes they hear me, they read that book and they think I'm pessimistic about romance.

00;38;34;16 - 00;38;54;18
Jade
In fact, I think it is one of the most beautiful things in the world. Who would not want that? I just and that's the reason for the book in the first place, that I want people to have the real quote, happily ever after situation, which cannot happen in the way that most people are, being in their romantic encounters.

00;38;54;20 - 00;39;21;27
Lisa
It's so true, because even in my relationship, I've had to be okay with literally burning down the past and everything that was there and saying, okay, well, what is possible, like brand new. And that constantly requires that I check in and make sure that I'm not clinging to the past, and then I'm forward facing, well, having a really hard conversations.

00;39;21;27 - 00;39;48;23
Lisa
Well, also, you know, my partner working through his stuff. So it's very much like I'm doing my thing and he's doing his thing. But as long as we have any attachment to the way things were, there is no there is no way forward. And that's I think that that's so challenging when you've been with somebody for a long time, because there is that attachment to the past, even though you didn't like it, even though it wasn't that great, even though it wasn't working.

00;39;48;25 - 00;40;22;00
Lisa
Again, it's that familiarity of what was there versus like, can we both like, rebirth ourselves because it's not just a rebirthing of the relationship, it's a rebirthing of each individual because I'm not who I was a year ago. He's not who he was. And even that has been challenging for me to look at, to really release the pieces of myself that I was attached to because they were so rooted in, you know, past traumas that I wasn't, you know, privy to prior to this happening in my life.

00;40;22;00 - 00;40;36;23
Lisa
Like, I just didn't know what I didn't know. Right? I did not know I was working from patterns. And that's true for so many people. So, again, if you focus on how to fix the relationship, I think you're already losing the battle.

00;40;36;25 - 00;40;57;08
Jade
Yeah. I think what we need to understand is we need to understand that, just like we talked about before, with this idea that the right the left hand turn is old patterns, repeated patterns of current obstacle, stuck emotions. And the right is synchronicity, serendipity, signs, opportunities. It's the same when you get into this me, you, you, me dynamic, the same thing begins to happen and what we have to do.

00;40;57;08 - 00;41;14;21
Jade
The first move in my mind is for us to it's on us, right? Like the first thing, the first person who recognizes needs to take responsibility. And I'll give everyone a hint here. It's a little bit of a weird concept, but those of you who are familiar with internal family systems and other systems will sort of understand this.

00;41;14;23 - 00;41;38;06
Jade
The first thing we need to do is we need to to escape our own patterns. We need to begin to dimensional ourselves in several ways. We can dimensional ize our consciousness into past selves. We can relate to ourselves as our current self. We can relate to ourselves as a past little JD. Let's say my little JD, who's my little child Jade, my angry Jade adolescent.

00;41;38;06 - 00;42;02;11
Jade
I can relate to him, my married self, Jade, my current Jade and most importantly my next level human Jade. And so what? What has to happen is I need to not release these old dimensional consciousness, these psychic entities, but I need to meet them and say, hey little JD, I understand why you're reacting the way you're reacting because you're scared.

00;42;02;17 - 00;42;26;01
Jade
Your mom was emotionally volatile growing up. It made you distrust female emotions. And what we need to do is go. And this has caused problems. And I also want to thank you so much for the fact that you do react this way. I want to thank you because it helps us understand boundaries and standards. However, we can no longer act this way.

00;42;26;01 - 00;42;47;27
Jade
Otherwise we keep ourselves from relationships. And so every time I go into that pattern, I simply turn and address little JD and essentially say thank you, right? Because I have to integrate him. And also let's not do that because it's keeping us and I have to address things in this way. And essentially what this is doing is letting ourselves out of an old inauthentic box.

00;42;47;27 - 00;43;04;23
Jade
We're not being authentic to a past self or a current self. We're trying to be authentic to the next level human self. So that's the first move. Now that's hard enough, but the second move is way harder. And the second move is this. Now we have to let our partner out of their box that we put them in.

00;43;04;26 - 00;43;32;00
Jade
This is incredibly hard because they also have a dimensional self, and we cannot treat them as the liar or cheater or you know, whatever it is that they once were. And that's how come when I am working with people and they go, my partner is such a narcissist, or this person is so toxic or whatever, I'm really worried because what that says is a they haven't taken responsibility for their own patterns, and b they are not letting this person out of their box.

00;43;32;00 - 00;43;50;23
Jade
In fact, they're throwing them in a prison cell, locking it with a key and throwing it away. And then they're wanting this to work. It's impossible. So I call this human chess, by the way. Just like when you're when you're doing chess, you like, you move a chess piece. The first opening move is you take responsibility. You start to relate to yourself as your next level human self.

00;43;51;00 - 00;44;13;11
Jade
The next thing you do, the next pawn move you make is take them out of their box. Now here's what's going to happen. And this is hard because some people really do have a hungry lion who will rip them to shreds in that box. Now keep in mind, if you already know that and you've tried this several times and you know that's a dangerous thing in that box, then you already have your answer.

00;44;13;11 - 00;44;30;13
Jade
But for those of you who don't know what you do is you let yourself out of your box and then you let themselves out of their box. And here's the hard part not only are you treating yourself as your next level human self, you start to treat them as their next level human cells. But now you vet because here's what's going to happen.

00;44;30;13 - 00;44;44;17
Jade
You're going to end up with one of two people. If you really do this, you start to act as your next lover himself. You start to treat them as their next level of human self. And then what's going to happen is one of two things are going to happen. First, you're going to get the person that goes, yeah, you're right.

00;44;44;17 - 00;45;02;15
Jade
I was always right. You were always wrong. And, you know, good thing you figured it out. That person, that's a problem. That's not going to be a person you're going to be able to work with. However, the other person who goes, thank you for noticing. I'm trying. I know you want things this way, and I really want to work with you now.

00;45;02;15 - 00;45;20;11
Jade
That's a person you can begin to dialog with. However, if this person and I'll use an example of doing the dishes because it's just easier if you have someone in your life who never does the dishes, what are you going to do? Most people go, you don't do the dishes, you suck at the dishes, and then they keep not doing the dishes and you go, you're the worst with the dishes.

00;45;20;11 - 00;45;34;27
Jade
And then it turns into you suck at everything. This is what we do in our relationships. What I'm saying is you first have to go. I'm going to see them as someone who helps. May not be the dishes, but just someone who helps. And you start going every time you see them. Even move a dish two inches towards the sink.

00;45;35;02 - 00;45;50;13
Jade
You go. Thank you so much for doing the dishes. Thank you so much for helping. And then you're going to get one of two responses. Yes, you're right, I always do the dishes. About time you noticed while not doing the dishes. Then you got a problem. However, you're going to get another response that is like, I know you like the dishes done.

00;45;50;19 - 00;46;14;28
Jade
Thank you for noticing. I'll continue working if you get the first response, that's when you make the next move. This is where you start putting up boundaries and standards and that again. And if they don't match your boundaries and standards, oftentimes either the relationship has to fundamentally change or end. And this is a very simple way of talking about how to manage the you may you need dynamic.

00;46;15;00 - 00;46;32;01
Jade
It's a growth based thing though, because if you come at it from a you completely model, all you're going to do is argue till you're blue in the face about how they need to do the dishes because you require the dishes being done, and that's how they can complete you. And they're going to be like, but I don't want to do the dishes because I need to be completed in this way.

00;46;32;01 - 00;46;43;26
Jade
And you're like, but you completed me when we first met, and now they're treating you as a parcel, you know? Right. And it goes on and on for years and decades like this. This is why this this model has to change.

00;46;43;29 - 00;47;02;02
Lisa
This is really it's really powerful what you said. Because there's one thing for taking responsibility for how you're showing up in the relationship, but it's a whole next level. When you take your partner out of the box and you allow them to be that next level, because it means letting go of the stories that you've attached to them.

00;47;02;05 - 00;47;20;10
Lisa
And, you know, for me, and people have asked me like, you know, how do you do some of the things that you do in your relationship? And a big part of it is because I so deeply like one of my core beliefs in values is that people have the ability to transform a change. I couldn't do this work if I didn't believe that.

00;47;20;10 - 00;47;20;29
Lisa
Neither could you.

00;47;20;29 - 00;47;21;15
Jade
Hundred percent.

00;47;21;17 - 00;47;44;21
Lisa
Yeah, right. So I'm out of integrity if I don't let my partner out of the box and give him the opportunity to show me. But then it has to like the words, the action and the energy, right? Whatever. And because I believe in in energy as well, it all has to be congruent. And if it's not congruent, then something's going to be off.

00;47;44;23 - 00;48;13;16
Lisa
But I believe in giving people the opportunity to do the work, but they can't do the work. If you've confined them in that box and you're telling them that's who you are, you can't be different. So I'm going to change, but it's not possible for you to change. So I just think that's so powerful, what you said, because I think that that is one of the hardest places for people to, to be responsible in their relationship because they I had to really look at what are the benefits of him staying in that box.

00;48;13;16 - 00;48;36;27
Lisa
What do I get to keep doing? What do I get to keep believing about myself? What stories do I get to keep running? What behaviors do I get to stay trapped in? Because as much as I didn't like what was going on, I had to. Well, I don't have to do anything. I chose to, but to step back and say, I played a role in this.

00;48;37;00 - 00;49;05;17
Lisa
I played a role in this. So if I'm going to change how I'm showing up, I have to also give him the opportunity to change how he's showing up. And it's it's made a world of difference. And it's not I mean, it's certainly not easy. It doesn't transform things over. And I think repairing relationships and I think actually just being in a relationship and growing with someone every single day takes a tremendous amount of effort and work and energy.

00;49;05;20 - 00;49;09;26
Lisa
But if you want a successful relationship, I think that that's the only way.

00;49;09;28 - 00;49;24;08
Jade
Yeah. And people get afraid of this, by the way, because they go, I just want to point something out to everyone because I know where people's heads goes, because you and I have done this work enough. But it's like, but, you know, if I take responsibility, I'm letting them off the hook right now. This is part of the part of what we do.

00;49;24;08 - 00;49;45;26
Jade
And and the idea is this to grow, you must consider yourself and others simultaneously you. This game of I gotta, I gotta look out for me and not them, or I gotta look out for them and not me. Cannot happen in a growth based relationship. A growth based, next level human goes. I must grow myself and other simultaneously.

00;49;45;26 - 00;50;04;14
Jade
I even think this is the definition of a next level human. Forget just relationships, just think society as a whole. If everyone went through life and said I will consider myself and other simultaneously, we would be way different. For example, I'll give you an example of how this would work. Let's say there's a homeless person on the street, right?

00;50;04;14 - 00;50;22;05
Jade
And is begging, panhandling for food. There's lots of different ways to combat this. One person might be, I'm not going to help you until you help yourself. That's one way that some people do it. Other people go, I'm going to help you and not care whether you help yourself, and I'll just keep helping you. I think both of those drain the you me dynamic.

00;50;22;05 - 00;50;40;00
Jade
The right approach is to say I will help you and wait to see if you help yourself. And then if you don't, I will move on. That's the right dynamic. And so all we're saying here, we're not saying that, you know, letting them off the hook or anything like that, it's actually putting them on the hook. It's just basically going, I'll start first.

00;50;40;05 - 00;50;58;00
Jade
I'll take it on the chin because I'm the one who wants it changed. If I have an issue, it's me, right? As a saying, if I if you have an issue, it's you kind of thing. So just radical responsibility. But remember this to hold them radically accountable. That's what we're saying. So first you take radical responsibility and then you hold them radically accountable.

00;50;58;00 - 00;51;18;01
Jade
And the way you do that is you go, I take myself out of the box. I rise to my next level human self. I take them out of their box. I let them try to rise to their next level human self, and then I have to hold myself in them radically accountable and pay close attention. I cannot let them off the hook after that, because then it just drains you.

00;51;18;01 - 00;51;39;25
Jade
And that's really what bitter people are responding to. No judgment here. I've been bitter. I've done it. But if you are bitter, there's a story there. Like all emotions, bitterness says, I don't have good boundaries. That's the story behind bitterness. I don't know how to establish boundaries. And yet we just keep going. It's their fault. It's their fault.

00;51;39;25 - 00;52;02;03
Jade
It's their fault. And by the way, it might be, but it's your responsibility. Fault has really nothing to do with it. Right? But bitterness has a very strong story associated with it, and it usually has to do with lack of boundaries. And so and by the way, lack of boundaries, what does that have to do with a story about worthiness that goes back to our adolescent selves and the need for acceptance and belonging?

00;52;02;03 - 00;52;20;13
Jade
So all of this, you can see if you play it out, you are forced to look at your developmental patterns and your misguided, unconscious decisions squarely in the face so that you can grow. And to me, when you have someone you know, it's the right person for you. When they're like, babe, I want to grow with you. I know it's messy.

00;52;20;13 - 00;52;38;06
Jade
I'm messy too, right? I know, I know, you're dysfunctional. So am I, right? You know it's wrong when someone's like, your dysfunctional, not me, right? That's when you know you got a problem. But when someone steps up and goes, hey, I'm dysfunctional. Same as you. We got this. I've showed you my mess. You show me yours. We've got this.

00;52;38;06 - 00;53;00;15
Jade
We can do this. Then you can have the redemption story. Which is this for all of you struggling in a relationship, think about this. There is no better story than the redemption story. We got to this point together and we were almost going to break up or whatever, and we redefined the relationship. That's one amazing redemption story. But let me tell you about another redemption story, too.

00;53;00;21 - 00;53;22;09
Jade
The other redemption story is we got to this place together. We had to go our separate ways, and we each found amazing loves as a result. This is this is also a redemption story. So wherever you are in this, give yourself the grace and compassion to understand that you're only ever learning. We're here to learn. We're here to teach, and we're here to love.

00;53;22;10 - 00;53;33;02
Jade
You do not need to beat yourself up. All you have to do is be different from here on forward and everything begins to change just with your choice.

00;53;33;05 - 00;53;56;21
Lisa
Man. Jade, you are so smart. I could talk to you all day. We could just keep going and going. But I do want to be mindful of your time. So much goodness in this. So powerful, so powerful. There is a quote from the book that I wanted to toss out to everybody before we wrap this up. And then I want you to tell everybody where they can, where they can find you, where they can work with you.

00;53;56;23 - 00;54;10;27
Lisa
And it's, you said in the book, you know, some people work from this place of everything happens for a reason, but you work from the place of things happen and you make a reason. And I just thought that was so brilliant.

00;54;10;29 - 00;54;28;19
Jade
Yeah. You know, that that quote is an interesting one, because sometimes our cultural mantras work for us and sometimes they don't. And I would maybe amend that, be a little softer and say, sometimes things happen for a reason, and other times things happen and you have to make a reason. So do not sit around waiting for the reason life happens.

00;54;28;19 - 00;54;49;14
Jade
We get to happen back. And that's partly what we're here for. And this I think you're also brilliant and incredibly sweet. I feel really lucky that we've got to start develop a friendship. And thank you, family, for introducing us. And for those of you who want to, see about my work, you can head on over to next level human.com.

00;54;49;17 - 00;55;05;25
Jade
And if you want to do some of the work with next level human, you all you got to do is scroll down. We have, a little thing there where you can get together with the next level human coach, coaches trained by me. And also, if you want to get certified in these methods, you can get involved with the certification as well.

00;55;05;28 - 00;55;13;04
Jade
And I'm at Jade Tita on social media, and I think that's it. Just thanks so much for hanging out.

00;55;13;06 - 00;55;32;24
Lisa
I hope people go and check out your work, check out your coaches. I think you bring so much value to the to the world how you just put everything together so eloquently. Like I said, I could sit here, listen to you all day. Dude, thank you so much for being on the show. I appreciate your time. I appreciate your expertise, and I hope that we get to meet in real life.

00;55;32;26 - 00;55;52;16
Lisa
And for those of you who haven't gone out and bought the book yet, you grow me. Make sure you get your copy. Like I said, it's brilliant on audiobook as well. It's got a pretty sweet voice to listen to. So, Emily as well, and Emily as well. I know it's coauthored, but. Yeah, just a brilliant, brilliant listen.

00;55;52;16 - 00;55;54;22
Lisa
So thanks so much for being here.

00;55;54;24 - 00;55;56;15
Jade
Thank you, my friend. Appreciate you so much.