EPISODE 280: The Top Reasons You Fail to Achieve Your Goals

Lisa [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the full frontal Living podcast. I'm Lisa Carpenter, master life coach to driven, ambitious humans who want more out of life without having to sacrifice themselves to achieve it. I'll share how it's possible to slow down, take better care of yourself, find more peace and ease, create sustainable energy, stop procrastination and overwhelm and fall in love with your life, your business, and your body. This podcast is for you. If you're ready to learn what it takes to thrive as a high performer, do less but achieve more, make you and your well being a top priority, and create your extraordinary life. I'm so glad you're here. Well, hey, hey, and thanks for joining me for another episode of the full Frontal Living podcast. This is an oldie but a goodie.

Lisa [00:00:52]:
I recorded this episode way back in 2019, and it's called the top three reasons why you're failing to achieve your goals. So although Lisa back in 2019 had had no idea what was in store for her in the future. Tell ya, 2019, Lisa was still talking about the same stuff then as I'm talking about today. So although this episode is one from the archives, it's also one you're not going to want to miss, especially if you are constantly looking for more out of your life and you thrive on chasing big goals and going after big dreams. You do not want to get stuck in these specific mistakes. So I am on hiatus or sabbatical for the month of August. I'm going to be traveling. I'm going from Australia, then I'm going to Africa.

Lisa [00:01:46]:
So all of these episodes are going to be ones that we're pulling from the archives. But as I said, what I'm talking about today in 2024 is the same stuff I was talking about in 2019. And it all comes back to redefining leadership as an inside job. The better you can lead yourself, the more successful you will become. Because the most successful people, they stay out of making these three mistakes. So take a listen to the episode, and if you're wanting to follow along on my adventures or you want to share your takeaways from this episode, make sure that you follow me on Instagram. I'm going to be sharing all of it in my stories and with my subscribers on my email list. So until next week, enjoy the episode and take good care of you.

Lisa [00:02:37]:
Life is meant to be lived. So I get that you want to achieve big things. So do I. But make sure you are also present and living your life and making time for the things that matter most. Today, I wanted to kind of dive into some, you know, notes I was taking. I get a lot of downloads when I'm, you know, doing my cardio or at the gym, I'm very kinesthetic. So when I'm in motion, things tend to come to me. For some people, they come to them when they're sitting still in meditation, and I do sit quietly in meditation as well.

Lisa [00:03:12]:
But I find for me, I get my kind of divine downloads when I'm actually quiet and in motion. And I was thinking about some top three reasons that I see that we fail that cause us to fail. And I wanted to unpack them a little bit. And this isn't really scripted. I don't have a lot of notes in front of me, so we're just gonna, as per usual, see where it takes me. But number one was really lack of attention on what matters most. So when we set a goal and we say that we want this thing for ourself or we want this vision, it's so easy to get caught up in the busy work. The things that make us believe that we're moving the needle, whether it's in our lives or business or with our fitness, but it's not actually the thing that we need to be focused on in order to achieve results.

Lisa [00:04:12]:
So this comes back to, you know, the less is more and really making sure that every day, if you say you want that thing, that is where your attention is focused. So over this past week and leading up to this photo shoot, my attention needed to be on my nutrition and on my training. That's, that's where it had to be. Those were boxes that I needed to tick. I needed to follow my plan so that I could get from point a to point b. And if I ticked those boxes, did the best I could to follow along. I knew I was going to progress. The same is true in my business.

Lisa [00:04:58]:
I've had to really learn what are the key metrics, what are the things that matter most that I need to make sure that my attention is on every single week to move my business forward. Whether it's growing my audience, whether it's doing more coaching calls, whatever it is, all the different pieces that are focused on growing my business. So I have very specific non negotiables that have to get done daily, weekly, and monthly. And if I only focus on those things. So again, it's that doing less better. I know that my businesses continue, will continue to grow and thrive. In the gym, it's the same thing. I don't need to go in there and add more.

Lisa [00:05:42]:
I just need to follow my plan. I need to eat the food that I need to eat and I need to follow my plan in the gym. Whatever day it is, whether it's a leg day or upper body day or cardio day, doesn't matter what's on my plan today, what needs my attention today and not get distracted because it's so easy when we're going after these big goals to get distracted by other things that aren't really important, but we start to tell ourselves that they're important because we're looking for outs or unconsciously we are trying to sabotage ourselves because we maybe don't believe that we can achieve that big audacious goal that we've set for ourselves. So the next thing, you know what, I want to take that a little bit deeper because the other thing that I see is instead of focusing and knowing what that vision is and taking action from that vision, if you'd already achieved this, what would you be doing today? Would it be a big deal to get out of bed and go to the gym? Would it be a big deal to eat healthy food? Would it be a big deal to look in the mirror and say, you know what, you're amazing when you see your reflection staring back at you. What I see so many of my clients doing is they focus on what they don't want. Now, wherever you put your attention is what's going to expand. So if you focus on lack and limitation, you're going to have more lack and limitation. If your focus is on possibility and opportunity, you're going to have more possibility and opportunity.

Lisa [00:07:17]:
If you are trying to grow your business and earn more money, but you're focused on, like I said, lack, having not enough money, you're going to create more of that in your business. And if you're focused on changing your body, but every day you're getting up and you're berating your body and you're saying mean things to yourself and you have a lot of negative self talk, you're not focusing on how your body is showing up for you every day. Strong, ready to go. Ready to go do the thing. Instead, you get out of bed and tell yourself all the things you hate about yourself. So when I say, hold your attention on what matters, you really have to stay firmly planted in your vision and make it, you know, make yourself non available for negative self talk or focusing on the things you don't want, even if they might be air quote your reality right now. You don't have to like something to accept it. But when you accept it, and you really hold that vision, and you really start working from that vision.

Lisa [00:08:21]:
That's when things are going to start to change for you. Okay? So if you want to be sure you're going to fail, focus on everything you don't want, and you'll get more of that. I promise you. That. I can guarantee. So, number two of one of the top three reasons I believe we fail, expectations. We put expectations on other people, right? We believe other people, you know, if they just were a certain way, then we'd be successful. We put expectations on ourselves.

Lisa [00:08:57]:
I used to be the worst taskmaster. I would believe that I should be able to do a gazillion things in a day. And it actually took me hiring a project manager who I asked to please give me my punch card for the day, tell me what I need to do. Like, I want you to be my. My business mom, so to speak. And she would send me the list of what I needed to get done in a day, and I would read it and then think, like, where's the rest of this? There wasn't a rest of it. She was actually. She had realistic expectations on what I could accomplish in a day.

Lisa [00:09:34]:
Well, okay, and this podcast isn't about getting you guys to do more. It's about slowing you down, right? Doing less better so that you can have more peace and ease in your life. But if you constantly have these unrealistic expectations on yourself, that you should be able to get a gazillion things done in a day, like, why can't you go to the gym for, you know, 2 hours every day and grocery shop and take care of your family and have a full time job and meet your friends for coffee and read that book you want to read and watch that tv series you want to watch. Why can't you do it all in a day? Aren't you supposed to? The truth is, we're not. And the only person putting those unrealistic expectations on yourself is you. And my question is, what makes you believe that you have to, like, that you should be able to complete all of those things in a day? Because so often we've been going along with this belief that we should, air, quote, be able to complete all these things, that we never take a step back and go, is this even realistic? Like, if somebody else, if somebody else sat in front of you and they shared their day with you, which was your day, right? So pretend you've got this, like, doppelganger ganger across from you, and she's sharing her day which is exactly your day. Would you look at her and think she was crazy pants that she was trying to get all of that done in a day? As high achieving women, we tend to normalize stuff that's not normal. We tend to overdo and we think it's normal.

Lisa [00:11:10]:
We think it's normal that we should be running at a breakneck pace. We should. We. We think it's normal that we should be tired all the time. We think it's normal to do all the things and be up at the crack of dawn and go late at night. We have normalized so much that is not normal. And that's what we have to take a look at is lowering those expectations and really questioning what makes me believe that doing more is going to get me there faster. And where exactly are you trying to get to? Because if you have one specific goal in mind, you have to have kind of a very clear understanding, like I said, of what you need to get done every day in order to move the needle towards that goal.

Lisa [00:12:02]:
If you put unrealistic expectations on yourself, like, you know, I'm going to drop 40 pounds in four weeks, you're going to set yourself up to fail. If you haven't been eating healthy and you suddenly decide, I'm going to eat five healthy meals a day, you won't. So I would prefer that everybody who's listening really lower the bar and allow yourself to achieve more. Because I've worked with enough clients to know that they set this such high bar of expectations and then even when they get close to it, they raise the damn bar again. So I want you to actually look at lowering your bar of expectations and allowing yourself to meet them and even perhaps exceed them. So what if your expectations around taking better care of yourself, instead of saying, that's it, I'm going to the gym five times a week, you commit to doing twice a week and you stay in integrity with twice a week because realistically, you know that that's what you can get on your schedule right now. Don't try and cram more on it is so important if you are trying to step into a healthier lifestyle for yourself, you have to really take inventory of everything else in your life and look at what you're going to put down. Okay? So before I say yes to anything, I also get very, very clear on what it means I'm going to be saying no to.

Lisa [00:13:26]:
Because if we can't just keep picking up plates and spinning them, otherwise you're going to end up with a bunch of broken plates at your feet. So reason number two, we fail, I believe, is we set unrealistic expectations for, you know, how quickly we're going to get to our goals or what that's going to look like. We just decide we're going to do way, way too much, which leads into number three, which is really over committing, which, you know, kind of ties into the unrealistic expectations. And what I was just saying about not saying yes to so many things, one of the hardest things I have to unpack in, you know, behind Jim Fortins transformational coaching program with women in there and with my own one to one clients is getting them to this place of releasing things off of their schedule. Because so many of us have attached our value, our worth, our identity to our doing. And as much as we say we want more time and space and ease by being over committed all the time, we feel valuable, so we hate it. But the truth is, we wouldn't know what to do. Like, you might not know what to do with yourself if you had time.

Lisa [00:15:01]:
So everybody, my clients say they want all this free time, and then they get the free time and they're like, I don't know what to do with myself. And this feels very, very uncomfortable. And I remember that feeling. I remember when I was slowing down and creating all the space, and it was uncomfortable to have all this space because I was so hardwired to be filling every moment of every day with something. So if you are looking for more peace and ease in your life, if you're looking to be more successful, you have to stop over committing to all the things in my life. I'm committed to my family and my business and my one to one clients, and that's pretty much it. There's not a lot else I'm committed to. Well, I am committed to my fitness, but I can't take on much more than that.

Lisa [00:15:50]:
And within each of those containers, there are different parameters for what I'm committed to. Right? So, within my family, there's boundaries around family time, there's boundaries around the time I spend in my business, there's boundaries around the time I spend in the gym. And it's up to me to make sure that I'm nothing over committing to any one thing. So I can't be at all my kids sporting events, I can't be at every single art class. You know, I ask for help all the time, and I allow myself to receive that help. I don't try and be super mom. I don't get anything out of that anymore. Whereas back in the day, you know, trying to wear all the hats and juggle all the balls.

Lisa [00:16:37]:
Like I said, so much of my value and my self worth was tied up in that. If I'm not doing all those things, who will need me? Will I feel loved? And this might be resonating with you. So really, look at how many things you're committed to and are you being realistic about the level of commitment you have? Because if you commit to less, you're going to achieve more, right? I can't train for the Olympics and bodybuilding at the same time. Right? That, that doesn't make any sense. So if I want to excel at one thing, then that's where my commitment needs to be, not scattered all over the place. So rest play, right? These are all things that are important to me, that I'm committed to in my life, my values. Every decision I make in my life and in my business has to align with my values. So, just a short and sweet episode today for some food for thought on perhaps why you might feel like you're spinning your wheels and not knowing why.

Lisa [00:17:49]:
Perhaps it's time to take a step back and look at where you're really focusing your attention. Is it truly rooted in the vision that you have for yourself? Are you putting unrealistic expectations on when you're going to achieve these things? Or are you giving yourself some grace and space to grow into what you want? That takes commitment, right? To give yourself space to get from point a to point b. Because I know I used to have really unrealistic expectations on business growth until I really learned about what it takes to grow a business. And honestly, what it takes to really make any big changes in your life takes time. And then over committing, making sure that you are really only have things on your plate or you're only spinning the plates of the things that are really important and everything else you're learning to delete and delegate. Because we can't just keep taking on more, more and more thinking we're going to achieve amazing results. We won't. You'll always miss the mark.

Lisa [00:19:01]:
So I have come to realize that, you know, achieving things, I love achieving things. I'm always going to be an achiever. But like I've said in previous episodes, it's not coming from a place of not good enough, or striving or pushing or looking for my enoughness. I really love how it feels to achieve something, but I'm not attached to how long it takes to get there. I'm not attached to exactly what it's going to look like at the end. But I do love setting big, audacious goals. I do love setting that vision and then moving towards it. And what I always learn in the.

Lisa [00:19:48]:
What I always learn along the way is that it's the process of getting from point a to point b that really is where all the richness is. And that's why I'm sharing these three reasons why I believe people fail. Because these are lessons that I had to learn and quite painfully, quite painfully. So something for you to sit back and really consider as you're sinking into, you know, maybe things that you want to change in your life, whether it's to create better health and wellness, whether it's to, you know, give yourself space to feel your feelings, whether it's slowing down and creating more ease in your life, whether it's growing your business, whether it's generating more revenue or having a better relationship with money. Pick the one thing that's really important to you. Put your attention on the vision that you want to have for that work from that vision so you stay focused on possibility and opportunity. Set realistic expectations. Meaning, give yourself space, grace, and time to move the needle towards that vision.

Lisa [00:21:04]:
And don't over commit. Take other things off your plate that are draining your energy or stealing your focus so that you can move the needle and so that you do feel confident that if you continue to tick the boxes, that you're going to get wherever it is you want to go. All right, so until next week, I would love to hear any feedback or takeaways from this episode. If you have any questions, I would love to do more episodes on viewer questions. And I'm going to be bringing on some more guests. I'm going to be bringing on some clients that I've interviewed because I think their stories are so powerful. And I'm going to be bringing on some more friends and colleagues who I believe have a very powerful message to share that is going to be of service to you. So, until next week, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to have me in your ears.

Lisa [00:22:02]:
I hope it was time well spent and that you got a nugget, something that is very powerful for you, that is going to help you embrace being the best you you can be and creating that vision that you have of yourself that includes more peace and ease and fun and freedom. Until next week, listener, thank you again for tuning in, and I will see you on the next episode. Until then, take great care of you because you matter most. Bye.